- [first lines]
- Emily Locke: Guess who just got her first place?
- Van Wayne: Me, although you can't really call a tiger a place and it's not my first one.
- [inviting her co-workers to a condo-warming party]
- Emily Locke: Well, no excuses, 'cause it's super close. In fact you can see it from here. It's right there - that tall black building right where that weird thing is flying.
- Jackie: The thing that's shooting space rays?
- Emily Locke: Yeah.
- [the spaceships blast Emily's condo building with their ray guns]
- Emily Locke, Jackie, Ron, Wendy: OH!
- Wendy: That's why I rent.
- [Emily is wearing a borrowed sweater covered with pictures of cats]
- Van Wayne: Emily, this is Chairman West.
- Chairman Dean West: Nice to meet you... Catwoman.
- Ron: What's going to happen to our jobs?
- Chairman Dean West: [breaking the fourth wall] Will this ragtag collection of plucky performers keep their positions or will they be thrown to the wolves? Find out next week.
- Teddy: What's next week?
- Chairman Dean West: Oh, that's when the head of HR gets back from vacation.
- [Emily's division has been purchased by LexCorp]
- Van Wayne: I don't know about you, but I'm making a play to stay.
- Emily Locke: Oh my god, Van! Did you shave your head just to suck up to Lex Luthor?
- Van Wayne: Emily, this is a fresh start for me. I got a new ass to kiss, a new nose to brown. If anyone asks, I've always been bald.
- [the gang accidentally enter the wrong room in the basement of LexCorp]
- Emily Locke: Oh my god! This is a wormhole!
- Wendy: This place has everything!
- [using her newly acquired super-speed, Jackie rescues the gang from Lex Luthor's henchmen]
- Emily Locke: Oh my god! Jackie, are you the Flash?
- Jackie: No! These dummies gave me super powers.
- Teddy: It worked!
- Emily Locke: How did you find us?
- Jackie: I saw on Emily's Twitter account that you were at LexCorp, so I searched all the rooms at super-speed, got a Froyo, went to California, learned ju-jitsu - which is how I knocked out these guys - and then I found you.
- [last lines]
- Chairman Dean West: [apparently speaking to the camera] What will become of our little gang of scrappy underdogs? Will Bruce Wayne bail out our heroes or will the treacherous Lex Luthor seek revenge?
- [the gang slowly reacts to Chairman West's speech as the camera reveals he's speaking to a potted plant]
- Chairman Dean West: What do you think, tree? You always tell me the truth.
- Van Wayne: Why is he talking to a plant?
- Teddy: Are we even sure he works here?
- Emily Locke: You know, we might still have our jobs.
- Van Wayne: I'm going to call Bruce.