Happy! (TV Series)

Saint Nick (2017)

Christopher Meloni: Nick Sax

Photos 

Quotes 

• Happy : We got company, Nick.

  Nick Sax : And he's back!

  Happy : Some real creepazoids!

  Nick Sax : Hey, if you want to be useful, why don't you tell me how many I'm dealing with?

  Happy : [counting on his hooves]  Okay, it's one, two, three, four, uh...

  [using his tail] 

  Happy : Five.

  Nick Sax : Are you sure about that?

  Happy : Uh-huh.

  Nick Sax : So, five. I've done five. I can do five.

• Nick Sax : [exiting the bar bathroom]  What just happened in there is what you young people refer to as epic.

  Terrance : God damn, Sax. You wreck my porcelain again?

  Nick Sax : Maybe. You want to guess from which end?

• Terrance : You're costing me business, Sax.

  Nick Sax : Costing you business? I'm single-handedly keeping this shithole in the black. You're gonna miss me when I'm gone, Terrance.

  [downing a shot and groaning in disgust] 

  Nick Sax : Not vodka. I give up. What is it?

  Terrance : Quit your bitching.

  Nick Sax : I could dissolve a body in this shit.

• Pal Scaramucci : Who's this?

  Nick Sax : Pal "Swipes" Scaramucci?

  Pal Scaramucci : No, you ain't, that's me.

  Nick Sax : Oh, boy. And they told me you were the smart one. All right, then, genius, see if you can follow this. Right now you're talking to the man who was hired to kill the Scaramucci brothers. Now, full confession, I am one lazy bastard. So the problem is, how do I get all you squirrely assholes together in one place? Solution, I call in a hit on that handsome son of a bitch Nick Sax.

  Pal Scaramucci : Oh, shit.

  Nick Sax : I gather all you together in one place, lined up.

  [entering from another room] 

  Nick Sax : Like a turkey shoot.

  [he kills the three brothers, then notices Mikey cowering nearby] 

  Nick Sax : That's funny. I contracted for three. Wait a minute. You're the baby brother, right? Look at you, all grown up, hands shaking, asshole flapping.

• Prostitute : You're shot.

  Nick Sax : Yeah, but it's the heart attack I just had that's really got my attention.

• Happy : Lucky for me she opened that window. I was about to turn into a blueberry horse-icle.

  [he sneezes] 

  Happy : Excuse me.

  Nick Sax : I'm pretty sure I told you to fuck off.

  Det. Meredith McCarthy : Oh, you did. A few times.

  Nick Sax : Not you.

• Happy : Where are we going, Nick, huh? Where are we going, huh?

  Nick Sax : We? We ain't going nowhere. You heard that nice lady back there. I signed my own death warrant when I iced Disco Mikey. Every scumbag in the city will be looking for me if they're not already.

  Happy : Eh, I mean, yeah, but...

  Nick Sax : Yeah, but nothing. I'm getting the hell out of Dodge.

  [Happy taps his hoof nervously] 

  Nick Sax : Quit your tap dancing. You're ruining the dashboard.

• Mikey Scaramucci : You...

  Nick Sax : Yeah, I killed your brothers, that's right. It's awkward.

  [Mikey shoots him] 

  Nick Sax : [groaning in pain]  Oh, that sucked.

• Mikey Scaramucci : Whatever you're getting paid, I've got something that's worth more.

  Nick Sax : I'm listening.

  Mikey Scaramucci : It's, uh... it's a password.

  Nick Sax : I just stopped listening.

  Mikey Scaramucci : From the old Don in Sicily. Before he died, he gave me a password to an encrypted file. It's, uh, it's a list of names. It's priceless.

  Nick Sax : Yeah, I don't do priceless. I'm more of a "cash and carry" kind of guy. Besides, it sounds like I'd be tortured and killed for it by any number of interested parties, so... I mean, while you're at it, why don't you just offer me ass cancer?

• Smoothie : Drug-induced dementia is a luxury that you will no longer get to enjoy. I am going to need your complete focus and attention.

  Nick Sax : Smoothie?

  Smoothie : Clearly, my reputation precedes me.

  Nick Sax : Well, I heard you like to get pee-peed on, if that's what you mean.

  [one of Smoothie's goons stifles a laugh] 

  Nick Sax : Thanks for the cosign. Hey, there's nothing wrong with it, no shame. I hear a lot of people are into that thing.

  [Smoothie stabs him] 

  Nick Sax : [groaning in pain]  Cat video!

• Nick Sax : [seeing Happy for the first time]  I'm hallucinating. Nitro. Go away. Ah...

  [a paramedic puts a pill in his mouth] 

  Happy : But-but-but-but... I-I got stuff to tell you! Mucho important stuff!

  Nick Sax : Shh. I don't talk to pink elephants.

  Happy : What... what, are you color blind? I ain't pink, pal. And elephants have trunks! Do you see any luggage?

• Det. Meredith McCarthy : You know, I know what Disco Mikey told you. You're in deep shit.

  Happy : You're in deep Bandini, Nick. That means a bad word.

  Nick Sax : I have no idea what you're talking about.

  Det. Meredith McCarthy : Mikey gave you a password meant for Blue. Dumb kid ran into you before he had a chance to deliver it. I think you know what they'll do to get it out of you. Unless you tell me first.

  Nick Sax : Password?

  Happy : Oh! Oh, I know! Open sesame!

  Nick Sax : Seriously?

• Det. Meredith McCarthy : I think Blue hired you to kill his nephews. Mikey just ended up in the wrong place at the wrong time. I think there is a god damn underworld civil war brewing, and you've managed to land your sorry ass right in the middle of it. I think I can still get you out, but you have to tell me what you know.

  Nick Sax : What I know? People suck, I don't pay my income tax, and I no longer feel dirty when I touch myself, but beyond that, it just seems pretty clear that whoever knows this alleged password is as good as dead or worse. That's about it. Oh, Meredith, you're such a pain in the ass. Ah, look, you deserve better than that. Thanks for coming. I appreciate that. And I will tell you this... get the hell out of here. Comprendo?

  Happy : It's "comprende". It's Spanish.

  Nick Sax : I know it's Spanish!