Roseanne (TV Series)
Roseanne Gets the Chair (2018)
Sara Gilbert: Darlene Conner
Photos
Quotes
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Harris Conner-Healy : Who leaves security tags on stolen clothes?
Darlene Conner : Well I'm sorry your henchmen are stupid, Riddler. God!
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Darlene Conner : I'll make you a deal, if you're still miserable in 3 years, you can move back to Chicago.
Harris Conner-Healy : You mean it? Wait a minute, in 3 years I'll be 18 and can do whatever I want anyway.
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Darlene Conner : This didn't come from a thrift store, Harris. They don't put security tags on clothes that cost less than security tags.
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Roseanne Conner : Did she just call you 'Darlene'?
Darlene Conner : Yeah, so what? I don't have a problem with that.
Jackie Harris : It's very modern, Roseanne. It allows the parents and the kids to communicate as equals.
Harris Conner-Healy : See you, Jackie.
Harris Conner-Healy : Call me 'Aunt Jackie', it's the only title I have.
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Dan Conner : There's no book on how to raise kids.
Darlene Conner : Yes there is, and there are literally thousands of them.
Roseanne Conner : Well yeah but it's not like they're just laying around somewhere that you can read them all for free.
Darlene Conner : Yes it is, there's a library 2 blocks from this house.
Dan Conner : There's a li-bary?
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Darlene Conner : What is your problem? I'd think you'd be thrilled, you're grandparents now, you're *free*, now would be a great time for you to learn how to use your phones!
Roseanne Conner : [smiling] THAT'S the old Darlene shining through.
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Becky Conner-Healy : Wait, you're going to wait until she's out of the shower to yell at her? Mom used to yell at us IN the shower.
Darlene Conner : Yeah, you were like that movie 'Psycho'. "Take out the trash!"
[makes stabbing noise]
Darlene Conner : Ree-ree-ree!
Roseanne Conner : Well at least Norman Bates respected his mother. Ree!
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Darlene Conner : Those 'stupid old hillbillies' will climb in a pickup and pull you out of any well you fall down.
Harris Conner-Healy : I didn't fall in a well, Grandma sprayed me with the hose.
Darlene Conner : Now you know why you want her on *your* side.
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Darlene Conner : You're taking back all the stuff you stole, you're shutting down the Itzy store, and you're giving me all your passwords to all your accounts.
Harris Conner-Healy : How about I don't do any of that, and I just lose your trust?
Darlene Conner : [firmly] The passwords.