- Alastor: And what can you do, my effeminate fellow?
- Angel Dust: I can suck your dick.
- [radio feedback squeal]
- Alastor: Ha, no.
- Angel Dust: Your loss.
- Angel Dust: [Angel seen sitting inside a limousine playing with the powered window switch that rises up and down, he then notices an annoyed yet furious looking Vaggie glaring at him, also sitting inside the limousine] What?
- Vaggie: What? What? What were you doing?
- Angel Dust: [sighs] I owed my girl buddy a solid, isn't that a redeeming quality? Helping friends with stuff?
- Vaggie: Not with turf wars that results in territorial genocide!
- Angel Dust: Eh, you win some, you lose a few hundred.
- [laughs]
- Angel Dust: It wasn't that bad anyway.
- [Angel continues to play with the powered window switch until Vaggie throws a dagger directly into the switch]
- Angel Dust: Aw come on! I had to! My credibility was on the line.
- [sighs]
- Angel Dust: What kind of reputation would I have if people thought I was going clean. It just throws out my entire personal.
- Vaggie: Your credibilty? What about the hotel? Your little stunt made us look like a fucking joke!
- Angel Dust: No, no, no babe. Jokes are funny. I made you look... eh... Sad! And pathetic. Like an orphan with no arms... or legs, eh... oh with progeria! Great! Now I'm bummed thinking about it! This thing got any liquor?
- Vaggie: Can you please try to take this seriously?
- Angel Dust: Fine, I'll try, just don't get your taco into a twist babe.
- Vaggie: Was that you trying to be sexist? Or racist?
- Angel Dust: [sighs] Whatever pisses you off more. Is there seriously no liquor in here?
- Husk: [Playing cards] Ha! Read'em and weep, boys! Full-
- [Husk is suddenly transported to the Happy Hotel]
- Husk: Woah, the hell? Where the fuck is this? YOU!
- Alastor: Ah, Husker my good friend, glad you could make it!
- Husk: Don't you 'Husker' me, you son of a bitch! I was about to win the whole damn pot!
- Alastor: Good to see you too.
- Husk: What the hell do you want with me this time?
- Alastor: My friend, I am doing some charity work so I took it upon myself to volunteer your services. I hope that's okay?
- Husk: Are you shittin' me?
- Alastor: Hmm, no I don't think so!
- Husk: You thought it would be some kind of big fucking riot just to pull me out of nowhere? You think I'm some kind of fucking clown?
- Alastor: ...Maybe!
- Husk: I ain't doing no fucking charity job!
- Alastor: Well I figured you'd be the perfect face to man the front desk of this fine establishment. With your charming smile and welcoming energy, this job was made for you! Don't worry my friend, I can make this more welcoming!
- [Alastor manifests a bottle of alcohol on the counter]
- Alastor: If you wish?
- Husk: What, you think you can buy me with a wink and some cheap booze?... Well you can!
- Angel Dust: He looks like a strawberry pimp.
- Vaggie: Well I don't trust him!
- Angel Dust: To be fair, do you trust any man? Any men? Men?
- Sir Pentious: You whores have no class! In war, the side remembered is the side with the most *style*.
- Cherri Bomb: Or the side that ain't dead!
- Angel Dust: Speaking of style, is your hat like... alive or something?
- Sir Pentious: Oh, well that's none of your goddamn business, now is it?
- Angel Dust: Would that make your hat the top and you the bottom?
- Egg Bois: Ooh!
- [Sir Pentious chucks a rock at Egg Bois]
- Sir Pentious: I'm going to blow you to bits!
- Angel Dust: Mmm, kinky.
- Sir Pentious: Oh, not like that! Pervert!
- [Charlie investigates a knock on the hotel door, opening to her shock to see Alastor]
- Alastor: Hel-
- [Charlie slams the door. Processes for a moment then reopens]
- Alastor: -lo!
- Charlie: [Charlie slams the door again] Hey Vaggie?
- Vaggie: Whaat?
- Charlie: The Radio Demon is at the door!
- Vaggie: WHAT?
- Angel Dust: Uh, who?
- Charlie: What should I do?
- Vaggie: [scoffs] Well, don't let him in!
- Alastor: [Charlie hesitates, but ends up opening the door] May I speak now?
- Charlie: You may.
- Alastor: Alastor! Pleasure to be meeting you, sweetheart! Quite a pleasure! Excuse my sudden visit but I saw your fiasco on the picture show, and I just couldn't resist! What the performance! Why I haven't been that entertained since the stock market crash of 1929!
- [entertained laugh]
- Alastor: So many orphans...
- Vaggie: [Holds up Alastor with a spear] Stop right there! Cabrón hijo de perra! I know your game, and I'm not gonna let you hurt anyone here! You pompous, cheesy, talk show shitlord!
- Alastor: [lowering Vaggie's spear] Dear, if I wanted to hurt anyone here...
- [turns demonic]
- Alastor: ... I would had done so already.
- [returns to normal]
- Alastor: No! I'm here because I want to help!
- Charlie: ...Say what now?
- Alastor: Help!
- [laughs]
- Alastor: Hello? Is this thing on? Testing! Testing!
- [Alastor nudges his microphone staff]
- The Microphone: Well I heard you loud and clear!
- Travis: Thanks for the fun time, hot stuff!
- Angel Dust: Yeah, yeah. Listen, keep this discreet, ya hear me? I can't let it get out I'm offering my services to randos on the street! It was a quick cash grab, ya got it?
- Travis: [scoffs] Whatever you say, slut!
- [laughs]
- Angel Dust: [mockingly] Ouch, Ooh! Such an insult! Let me know when you come up with something creative to call me, you sack of poorly packaged horse shit! tell the missus I said 'Hi'.
- [kisses Travis on the lips]
- Angel Dust: Schnookums!
- Sir Pentious: Hell will be mine! And everyone will know the name of Sir Pe...
- Cherri Bomb: EDGE LORD!
- Sir Pentious: Pardon? Who said that?
- [confronts to Egg Bois]
- Sir Pentious: What did you just say to me, you fried chicken fetuses? Speak up!
- Egg Bois: That wasn't us, Mr. Bossman!
- [a red bomb flies through the window of Sir Pentious machine and explodes]
- Cherri Bomb: You looking for a fight, old man? Why don't you get that tinker toy bullshit off my turf before I SMASH IT...
- [a large pipe falls from the ceiling]
- Cherri Bomb: ... More.
- Sir Pentious: Oh, you want to *go*, missy? Well I'm happy to oblige!
- [laughs evilly and he's backed up by armed Egg Bois]
- Katie Killjoy: Good afternoon, I'm Katie Killjoy.
- Tom Trench: And I'm Tom Trench. Chaos out of pentagram city today as a turf war is raging on the west side. Between notable kingpin Sir Pentious and self-proclaimed spunky powerhouse Cherry Bomb.
- Katie Killjoy: That's right, Tom. After the recent extermination, many areas are now up for grabs. Demons all over Hell are already duking it out to gain new territory.
- Tom Trench: Those two seem to be really be going at it, huh?
- Katie Killjoy: Looks like their fighting tooth and nail for that hot spot.
- Tom Trench: And I'd sure like to nail her hot spot. Hoo hoo~
- Katie Killjoy: You are a limp dick jackass Tom. Or should I say...
- [Pours her hot coffee on his crotch]
- Katie Killjoy: No dick?
- Tom Trench: [wincing in pain] Not again!
- Katie Killjoy: Coming up next, we have an exclusive interview with the daughter of Hell's own head honcho, who's here to discuss her new passion project. All that and more, after the break!
- [turns to Tom, still writhing in pain]
- Katie Killjoy: Suck it up, you little bi-
- [transmission lost]
- Vaggie: Okay, you remember what to say?
- Charlie: [breaths in] Yes! Let's do this!
- Vaggie: Just look at me, and I'll mouth it to you.
- Charlie: Come on, Vaggie. I know what to say! I just feel like we need to... I dunno, make things sound more exciting. Ooh, what if I si...
- Vaggie: Sing a song about it?
- Charlie: You knew I was gonna say that.
- Vaggie: Because I know you. But *please* don't sing. This is serious.
- Charlie: Well, you know... I'm better at expressing myself and goals through song!
- Vaggie: But, life isn't a musical, hon.
- Charlie: Fine. But, I have these other ideas of what to say.
- [excited and giddy]
- Charlie: The highlighted bits are the best parts!
- Vaggie: Uh, it's *ALL* highlighted... Is this a drawing?
- Charlie: Yes! That's the happy ending, see? Everyone smiling and happy in Heaven!
- Vaggie: I don't think it's that simple. Just *please* follow the talking points we went over.
- [pulls Charlie close]
- Vaggie: And DO. NOT. SING.
- Katie Killjoy: Tell us. How does it feel to be such a total failure?
- [She bursts out laughing]
- Charlie: Yeah? Well... How does it feel that I got your pen? Huh... BITCH?
- Alastor: Do you like blood, violence and depravity of a sexual nature? Of course you do. That's why you're in Hell!
- Vaggie: Alright, um, maybe we can try to fix it in post.
- Angel Dust: Do you even know what that means?
- Vaggie: I'll figure it out.
- Niffty: [Talking to females Charlie and Vaggy, and effeminate Angel Dust] Oh man! This place is filthy! It really needs a lady's touch, which is weird because you're all ladies, no offence.