The Bad Guys (2022)
Sam Rockwell: Wolf
Photos
Quotes
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Mr. Wolf : Do I wish people didn't see us as monsters? Sure, I do. But these are the cards we've been dealt, so we might as well play 'em.
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Police Chief Misty Luggins : They've stolen the Golden Dolphin!
Mr. Wolf : C'mon, you can't prove that.
[the Golden Dolphin falls out of Mr. Shark's dress]
Mr. Shark : My baby!
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Diane Foxington : I gave you an opportunity! A chance to show the world that you're more that just a scary stereotype! But you're too proud or too gutless to take advantage of it!
Mr. Wolf : Gutless? I'm gutless? I'm sorry, have we met? I'm the villain of every story! Guilty until proven innocent! Even if by some miracle we did change, who's gonna believe us? Huh? Of course you wouldn't know anything about that, with your little Miss Perfect power suits!
Diane Foxington : Is that so?
[holds up the ring Mr. Wolf stole from her]
Mr. Wolf : Wait a second, what did... How did you...?
Diane Foxington : A wolf and a fox are not so different. Maybe they will believe you, maybe they won't. But it doesn't matter. Don't do it for them. Do it for you. This is a chance to write your own story. To find a better life for you and your friends. Come on, what have you got to lose?
Mr. Wolf : I don't know, my dignity?
Diane Foxington : Yeah, well, that ship has already sailed.
[walks off]
Diane Foxington : Believe it or not, I'm rooting for you, Wolf.
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Mr. Wolf : We may be bad, but we're so good at it!
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Mr. Wolf : Now let's huff and puff and blow this little piggy's heist down.
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Mr. Wolf : [to the cat stuck in the tree] I think we got off to a bad start. The name's Wolf.
[He starts to climb the tree; the cat cowers on their branch]
Mr. Wolf : Yep.
[sighs]
Mr. Wolf : I get that a lot. First impressions and all.
[He continues to climb up the tree. The cat panics and tries to escape onto a different branch. However, the branch is too weak and starts to wobble]
Mr. Wolf : No, no, no, no!
[the branch the cat is on breaks. Luckily, Wolf manages to catch the cat before they can fall too far. Wolf smiles at himself but, knowing he still needs to gain the cat's trust properly, puts them back in the tree on a stronger branch]
Mr. Wolf : It's okay. It's okay. I'm not gonna hurt ya. I know you're scared; I would be too if I were you.
[smiles kindly]
Mr. Wolf : Just give me a chance.
[the cat gives a frightened mew]
Mr. Wolf : Truth is, we... actually have a lot in common.
[whispers]
Mr. Wolf : Don't tell anyone... but I LOVE... a little scratch on the spot behind my ears.
[scratches himself behind the ears]
Mr. Wolf : Ya know, right there? The best.
[He reaches out to touch the cat. They still seem a little hesitant]
Mr. Wolf : C'mon, kitty.
[the cat sniffs Wolf's fingers, then rubs against them. They purr as Wolf softly pets them and finally jumps into his open arms. Wolf's fur puffs up and his tail wags as he gets both of them safely to the ground]
Mr. Wolf : Yeah. Who's a good kitty? Who's a good kitty?
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Mr. Wolf : Don't mind us. Just robbing this place.
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Professor Marmalade : You're going to have to choose between your friends, and the good life.
Mr. Wolf : They're the only friends I've ever had.
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[Mr. Shark sniggers in schadenfreude]
Mr. Snake : Oh, no! No way!
Mr. Wolf : Snake.
Mr. Snake : [goes to sit with Mr. Shark] Oh, alright, alright...
Mr. Shark : This is going to taste extra sweet, 'cause I know how bad you want it
[Mr. Snake struggles, clearly reluctant to share the push pop]
Mr. Shark : Pop me, please.
[opens wide his mouth]
Mr. Snake : [struggles even more, quivering and sweating under the superhuman effort he's doing] Nope!
[slurps the push pop in one gulp]
Mr. Snake : Sucker!
Mr. Shark : THAT'S IT!
[grabs Mr. Snake]
Mr. Shark : I'LL TEACH YOU TO SHARE!
[proceeds to swallow Mr. Snake whole, much to everyone's surprise]
Mr. Shark : I like sharing, he's yummy.
Mr. Snake : [from inside Mr. Shark's stomach] Totally worth it!
Professor Marmalade : [understandably petrified] Well, that's terrifying.
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Professor Marmalade : Wait!
Police Chief Misty Luggins : Uh, beg... beg pardon?
Professor Marmalade : Mr. Wolf may be a savage beast. Basically walking garbage. Sorry, I'm making a point.
Mr. Wolf : Do what you need to do, pal.
Professor Marmalade : But how can we say they're hopeless if they've never been given a chance? What if... what if we tried a little experiment, Diane? As you know, my Gala for Goodness, the "hashtag charity event of the year," is coming up. If I can prove to everyone at that gala that the Bad Guys have changed, will you set them free and give them a clean start?
[Crowd Gasps]
Police Chief Misty Luggins : What? Professor Marmalade!
Mr. Wolf : [Falls on the ground] Ow!
Police Chief Misty Luggins : No, no, no, no, no. Do you see what he's doing? He's playing you!
Professor Marmalade : But it was my idea.
Mr. Wolf : It WAS his idea.
Police Chief Misty Luggins : But only because you made him have it! Madam Governor, you can't just let them go.
Diane Foxington : Professor, I'm not about to put the safety of the city on the line for an experiment.
Mr. Wolf : Excuse me, Madam Governor. I seem to remember that a wise person once said, "Even trash can be recycled into something beautiful."
Diane Foxington : [sighs] Ok, I'm game. But only because it's you, Professor.
Police Chief Misty Luggins : No!
Diane Foxington : We'll hold on to the Dolphin until the gala. Just to remove any unnecessary temptation.
Professor Marmalade : Of Course. Good thinking. That's why you're governor.
Professor Marmalade : [Hands the Golden Dolphin to Diane] Now that everyone's happy...
Police Chief Misty Luggins : Not happy!
Professor Marmalade : ...I, Rupert Marmalade the Fourth, will turn the Bad Guys into... the Good Guys!
[Crowd gasps]
Mr. Wolf : [Tosses handcuffs to Police Chief] I think these belong to you.
Police Chief Misty Luggins : Hey!
Diane Foxington : Not everyone gets a second chance. Make the most of it, Mr. Poodleton.
Mr. Wolf : [Closes door]
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Diane Foxington : [as The Crimson Paw, uncovers hoodie]
Mr. Wolf : [all] Diane?
Piranha : But how do you know how to do all that kick kick punch punch?
Mr. Wolf : Wait a sec, you're The Crimson Paw? The queen of cons, acrobatic swiss army knife; stole the Zumpango diamond, twice, once for profit second time just for fun. Never identified, never caught.
Diane Foxington : [Chuckles] Guess I'm still the best bad guys the world has ever seen.
Diane Foxington : [Looks at rip on suit] Ugh. At least I used to be
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[first lines]
Mr. Snake : Stop.
Mr. Wolf : I'll stop if you just explain it to me, because I don't...
Mr. Snake : Would you please just drop it?
Mr. Wolf : All right, all right, fine, fine, fine, fine. Consider it dropped. It's dropped. It's on the ground.
Mr. Snake : Good.
Mr. Wolf : But, I mean, come on, everybody loves birthdays. You got decorations. You got balloons. You got parties and cake.
Mr. Snake : Look, I don't need presents, I don't want decorations, and I'm-I'm not a cake guy.
Mr. Wolf : Seriously, though, you don't like cake? Name one food better than cake.
Mr. Snake : Guinea pig.
Mr. Wolf : Oh, again with the guinea pig. I bet if I blindfolded you, you wouldn't be able to tell the difference between a skunk and a guinea pig.
Mr. Snake : Wrong. Snakes have impeccable taste buds. I can taste air.
Mr. Wolf : Air?
Mr. Snake : Yes, air.
[slurps]
Mr. Snake : Nice.
Mr. Wolf : I don't know. They're a little, uh... a little cute for my taste.
Mr. Snake : That's what makes them so delicious. You're not just eating food. You're eating pure goodness. It's not about the pig. It's about what it symbolizes on a deeper level.
Mr. Wolf : So, you can... you can taste air? What else you got?
Mr. Snake : Forget about it.
Mr. Wolf : Wait. Can you also hear color? Can you see sound?
Mr. Snake : All right, all right. Okay.
Mr. Wolf : 'Cause we should really be capitalizing on these skills.
Mr. Snake : Okay, all right, fine. Get it all out. Get it all out now.
Mr. Wolf : Okay, okay.
[He then retches out the alarm clock]
Mr. Snake : Look at that. 4:00 p.m. Now I know the exact moment our friendship died.
Mr. Wolf : [laughs] Let's bounce.
Mr. Snake : Yep.
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Piranha : A giant butt!
Professor Marmalade : Huh? Uh, it's-- it's not a butt. It's a lamp! In the shape of the Love Crater Meteorite, my greatest-...
Piranha : I wonder whose butt it is.
Mr. Wolf : Uh...
Professor Marmalade : Once again, it's not a butt, thank you. It's a heart. Now, as I was saying...
Piranha : Then why does it have cheeks?
Mr. Shark : Shut it!
Piranha : What? I've never seen a heart with cheeks.
Professor Marmalade : It's not a...
Piranha : Booty!
Professor Marmalade : It's not a butt! Not a butt!
Piranha : Does he know what a butt is?
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Mr. Wolf : You gotta be kidding me.
Diane Foxington : What? I'm sentimental.
