DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV Series)

The Virgin Gary (2018)

Nick Zano: Nate Heywood

Photos 

Quotes 

• Sara Lance : [following the Beatles' arrival in New York]  Hey, Z, if you had to sleep with one, which one would it be?

  Zari Tomaz : How can you even tell them apart?

  Ray Palmer : Well, Paul's the cute one, George is the quiet one, there's Ringo...

  Mick Rory : Never met an Englishman I haven't wanted to punch in the face.

  Nate Heywood : Relax, Mick. If it wasn't for the British Invasion, there'd be no Rolling Stones, no Led Zep. No Black Sabbath.

  Mick Rory : Black Sabbath.

  Nate Heywood : Yep.

  Mick Rory : Well, then we... we need to protect these mopheads from whatever's screwing up history.

• Sara Lance : Jeez, who died?

  [seeing Nate's look] 

  Sara Lance : Oh, come on. We just met the Beatles and saved Fourth of July.

  Nate Heywood : No, it's cool; it's just all becoming... I don't know. Old hat.

  Ray Palmer : Yeah, we did spend all of last year returning displaced people to their proper place in history.

  Mick Rory : Four years doing the same old crap.

  Zari Tomaz : Yeah, I'm beginning to think Wally had the right idea; taking time off, clearing his head, traveling the world. Speaking of the same old crap, isn't that what he did last year?

• Nate Heywood : Look, all I know is Constantine promised us new, mysterious monsters, so where are they all hiding?

  Sara Lance : I'm confused. We are all happy that there was only one dragon, right? We don't want to be fighting werewolves in the Alamo.

  Nate Heywood : Eh.

  Ray Palmer : Well, it would be good for our ratings.

  Zari Tomaz : What ratings?

  Ray Palmer : Oh, you don't know? The Time Bureau rates all their employees. But don't worry. We-we have a few dedicated fans.

  Zari Tomaz : Yeah, Gary doesn't count.

  Mick Rory : Who gives a damn about Time Pig ratings? I want dragons.

  Sara Lance : What is wrong with you guys? Don't you get it? Constantine was wrong. Our crazy plan to let Mallus out worked. Finally, we're not screw-ups forced to clean up our own mess. For once in our lives, we are actual heroes.

• Ava Sharpe : On behalf of the Time Bureau, I would like to recognize Captain Lance and her crew for fixing the final anachronism. Congratulations.

  Sara Lance : What does that even mean?

  Ava Sharpe : Well, it means that...

  [ushering Gary out of the way] 

  Ava Sharpe : ...Paul Revere was the final crack in the timeline. You, my friends, fixed history.

  Nate Heywood : The same history we broke.

  Sara Lance : [through gritted teeth]  Just take the win.

  Mick Rory : I don't want your stinking medal.

  Ava Sharpe : There's an open bar.

  Mick Rory : Where?

• Nate Heywood : Mick, what are you still doing here?

  Mick Rory : Machine's still spinning, and I'm still standing.

  Nate Heywood : You know what? Hook me up with one of those.

  [pouring a margarita] 

  Nate Heywood : Now that we fixed our last anachronism, it's only a matter of time before the Bureau puts us out to pasture, which blows, because being a Legend was the only thing I was good at.

  Mick Rory : Well, speak for yourself. I was a great criminal.

• Nate Heywood : [Mick breaks into a car]  I could have just called us an Uber.

  Mick Rory : You ready to steal something, Pretty?

  Nate Heywood : Um...

  [blowing a raspberry] 

  Nate Heywood : Yeah. I could do some light theft.

  Mick Rory : What is this, spring break? I'm talking about a felony. Now get in!

  Nate Heywood : You know what, Mick? If we're gonna rob a house, we really should make sure there's stuff in there worth stealing. And I think I know just the neighborhood.

• Nate Heywood : [Mick prepares to use a garden gnome to break into a house]  Whoa, Mick, wait, wait, wait! You are so aggressive.

  [taking out a hidden key] 

  Nate Heywood : Why don't you look for a spare key?

  Mick Rory : Good spotting, Pretty.

  Nate Heywood : [sarcastic]  Yeah. I'm a real criminal mastermind.

• Nate Heywood : We didn't mean to scare you, mom. I thought you'd be up at Martha's Vineyard this time of year.

  Dorothy Heywood : Oh, we were! But your father just took a very exciting job at the Pentagon.

  Nate Heywood : We'll... we'll get going, right, Mick?

  Mick Rory : Good idea.

  Dorothy Heywood : Don't be ridiculous. Um, Mr... Rory, do you like, uh, sandwiches?

  Mick Rory : Bet your ass I do, ma'am.

• Henry Heywood : So you just drop in on us in the middle of the night, after barely a phone call for the past two years?

  Nate Heywood : I know, dad, I'm sorry. I've just been... busy.

  Henry Heywood : Busy doing what?

  Nate Heywood : History stuff. You know, the same stuff you never took seriously.

  Henry Heywood : Maybe that's because deductive historical reconstruction isn't an actual profession! That... I'm sorry. So should I have your mother just grab her checkbook now, or would you prefer your friend here swipe it out of her purse on the way out?

  Mick Rory : It would be easy either way.

• Nate Heywood : I don't want your money, dad.

  Henry Heywood : Then why are you here?

  Nate Heywood : Honestly, I don't know.

  Henry Heywood : You don't... we had a name for people like you, back in my day.

  Nate Heywood : Oh, here comes the big rant about hippies. Go ahead.

  Henry Heywood : To tell the truth, I have nothing but pity for those people.

  Nate Heywood : Yeah, since when?

  Henry Heywood : Since they were slaughtered like lambs back in '69. Look, I'm not saying the Woodstock massacre was their fault, but it wasn't not their fault, either.

  Nate Heywood : [sharing a look with Mick]  Mom, thanks for the sandwiches!

  [they stand to leave] 

  Nate Heywood : There's something wrong with history.

• Sara Lance : Nora Darhk is here?

  Ray Palmer : Sara?

  Zari Tomaz : Hey, what are you doing at Woodstock?

  Sara Lance : Probably the same thing as you are, looking for whatever is messing with history. Huh. I think I just saw Joan Baez talking to Carlos Santana. Woodstock...

  Nate Heywood : Turns into a massacre.

  Ray Palmer : Nate! You're here, too?

• Sara Lance : Okay, what is going on?

  Nate Heywood : Woodstock is no longer remembered as three days of peace and love, but instead, the end of the hippie movement. Reports from survivors are sketchy, at best. But what they all could agree upon was that there was a series of grisly murders that ultimately lead to a deadly stampede when 400,000 kids try to escape the festival at once.

  Zari Tomaz : Yeah, Ray and I just saw a body in the woods with a gaping hole in its chest. We think that Nora did it.

  Sara Lance : Well, that's a relief.

  Ray Palmer : It is?

  Sara Lance : Yeah, it means we're in the clear. Look, it's not our fault the Time Bureau let Nora escape.

  Nate Heywood : [hearing a call to check something out]  Don't panic, I left Mick alone here. He's itching to punch a hippie.

• Ray Palmer : [seeing a unicorn]  Is that what I think it is?

  Nate Heywood : Twilight Sparkle come to life.

  Ray Palmer : You're a brony?

  Nate Heywood : Dude, we're brony bros.

• Nate Heywood : [after a unicorn gores a hippie]  Oh, my god. Is it...

  Zari Tomaz : Yup, yup. It's eating her heart. I'm gonna be sick.

• Nate Heywood : Man, I wish my dad could see us now, hunting a bloodthirsty creature through Woodstock.

  Mick Rory : What's the beef between you and your old man, anyway? He hit you?

  Nate Heywood : No.

  Mick Rory : Burn you?

  Nate Heywood : Nope.

  Mick Rory : He dress up like a clown and scare the hell out of you?

  Nate Heywood : What the hell, Mick? No. He was emotionally unavailable to me when I was growing up.

  Mick Rory : Are you serious?

  Nate Heywood : Yeah. To the whole world, my dad was this great larger-than-life guy, but to me, he was just cold.

• Nate Heywood : Hank?

  Henry Heywood : [with Mick's voice]  What? I'm not your dad!

  Nate Heywood : Oh, so you're ashamed of me? Well, I'm sorry I didn't follow in your footsteps and enlist. But for your information, I had a medal pinned to my chest, only you don't have the clearance to see it!

  Mick Rory : What's happening?

  Nate Heywood : What?

  Mick Rory : [seeing him as his late pet rat]  Axl?

  Nate Heywood : I'm getting something off my chest. And you know what, Hank? It feels pretty good. I just wish for once, you would tell me you're proud of me no matter what I do with my life. You know what I'd say?

  [Mick shakes his head] 

  Nate Heywood : [Mick still sees him as Axl]  I love you.

  Mick Rory : I love you, too.

  Nate Heywood : Really?

  Mick Rory : I thought you were dead.

  Nate Heywood : I thought you were dead on the inside.

• Nate Heywood : As every Deadhead knows, Jerry Garcia was missing most of his middle finger on his right hand from a wood chopping accident.

  Zari Tomaz : Cool, so how do we get his saliva?

• Nate Heywood : Jerry, my man! Can I get a hit of that?

  Jerry Garcia : [offering his joint]  This doobie will make you fly.

  Nate Heywood : Cool, cool.

  [taking the joint and sprinting away] 

  Nate Heywood : Spin move!

  Jerry Garcia : Hey!

  [his friends chase after Nate] 

  Jerry Garcia : Not cool.

• Henry Heywood : Nathaniel. I assumed you would have left town by now.

  Nate Heywood : Yeah, I decided to stay a couple extra days.

  Henry Heywood : Let me guess, you got fired from whatever online college you conned into hiring you.

  Nate Heywood : Sweet burn, Hank, but, um... I was just... wondering if you wanted to have a beer with me?

  Henry Heywood : We don't do that.

  Nate Heywood : Maybe we should start.

• Sara Lance : You sure that you can't tell us what all this is about?

  Gary Green : Oh, I'd love to, but the boss lady will kill me.

  Sara Lance : Mick.

  Mick Rory : [pushing him up against the wall]  Talk.

  Gary Green : I can't. Director Sharpe said...

  Sara Lance : Whatever Ava threatened is nothing compared to what I'm about to do to you.

  Ray Palmer : You told her about the dragon head, didn't you, Gary?

  Gary Green : What? No!

  Nate Heywood : Did Constantine get you to squeal?

  Gary Green : I wish.