Green Eggs and Ham (TV Series)
Rain (2019)
Ilana Glazer: E.B.
Quotes
-
[Guy and EB are fleeing the giroosters]
E.B. : You must have done something cool in your really long life.
Guy : Not me! My inventions always blow up, your mom hates me, and I'm an aspiring Paint Watcher!
[He slips, stumbles and continues running]
Guy : See? They are better than me!
E.B. : You're never gonna impress them with that attitu-
[a girooster grabs her from behind]
E.B. : Help!
[the other giroosters stop chasing Guy and head over to EB]
Guy : No, here, here! Over here!
[the giroosters don't listen]
Guy : Chew me! Chew me! I'm the least impressive!
[the other giroosters snap at EB, but the one holding her makes it known that she's his alone]
Guy : Oh-h-h, what gives you the right to judge us anyways? I mean, look at you!
[the girooster holding EB turns his attention to Guy]
Guy : You haven't even evolved as a species, and you think you're better than us?
[the other giroosters start looking at Guy as well]
Guy : You still live in a shabby nest made of mud and leaves and, phew, who knows what else. And I mean, you seem to have a... a remedial semblance of a social order, but you're hardly civilized. I mean, have you even developed an alphabet?
[the middle girooster's mohawk flops back into a shaggy mane]
E.B. : Keep doing that!
[the giroosters growl at her to shut up]
Guy : [perplexed] Keep doing what?
E.B. : Whatever that is, keep doing it!
[Guy ponders what EB just said. The giroosters, holding EB's arms, close in on her slowly. Finally it dawns on Guy that she wants him to complain more]
Guy : [to the giroosters] Seriously, what have you done with your lives?
[the giroosters flanking the one holding EB turn away suddenly]
Guy : I mean, I hear you're decent bubble blowers... But honestly, guys... blowing bubbles is no big whoop.
[the giroosters all cringe]
Guy : I'd treat her nicely if I were you.
[the giroosters cringe further]
E.B. : [to the giroosters] Hi.
Guy : [to the giroosters] She's the smartest kid I know. A wizard of manipulation.
[EB, flattered by Guy's comment, gives the giroosters a knowing smirk]
Guy : And completely self motivated. All the ingredients for a bright, successful future, if channeled properly.
E.B. : Boom! That was a status bomb, suckers!
[the giroosters let go of EB]
Guy : Hand over the beans.
-
E.B. : If you want my mom to like you, you have to do what I say. I'm the gatekeeper.
Guy : [sighing] Fine. You're the gatekeeper.
E.B. : Now how about a piggyback?
[the ground suddenly gives way beneath EB, to a twisting cascade of water, which the girl slides down]
Guy : Oh, no.
[the ground gives way beneath Guy as well. EB zooms down as if on a water slide, while Guy tumbles from rock to rock, until they land in a puddle at the base of the slope]
