Ah! My Goddess: Bad Goddess The Anime Video Comic (TV Series)

Evangelion Must Die & The Girl Meets World Sequel (2017)

Skolde Nornir: Skuld

Quotes 

• Narrator : One ordinary day in May, three magical Goddesses of Fate, found themselves on the doorstep of a loveable college student named Keiichi Morisato. They had joy and laughter and many adventures together. And everyone was happy. Soon after their college days had ended, the Goddesses sold out and became an Anime Pop Culture Phenomenon that was shortly killed off two seasons later by those fucking Evangelion movies. This led to some hard feelings between the Goddesses and the Animation Staff on the original television show. But now the Goddesses were due to make a comeback, with a brand new satirical show called Bad Goddess. And with new fame and fortune on the horizons, they secretly plotted their revenge on the Evangelion series, which had been seeding in the back of their minds for decades. This is that story.

  Urd : Doctor What... we've thought long and hard about this. We know that there's been some tension among the cast with you going from a one off episode to a full time cast member. And if you are truly going to be inducted into the Oh My Goddess family, we would like to put you through a special initiation.

  Doctor What : What kind of initiation?

  Skuld : If you pull this off, you will forever be our hero.

  Doctor What : Pull what off? What do you want me to do?

  Belldandy : We want you to take us back in time so we can sabotage those fucking Evangelion movies before they have a chance to steal our animation staff away from us.

  Urd : And then maybe we can finally have a Third Season of Oh My Goddess!

  Doctor What : Well, yeah but, if I do that, then Bad Goddess will never exist. And I wasn't in the original manga or anime shows.

  Skuld : If you do this for us, we promise to put in a good word for you with Fujishima. We will not rest until he writes you into the original show.

  Doctor What : But in order to be canon to the series, I would have to be written into the manga.

  Belldandy : We'll worry about the details later.

  Doctor What : But aren't you worried that my presence in the manga might once again hijack your series?

  Urd : Doctor What, for the sake of both our series... EVANGELION MUST DIE!

• Doctor What : Forgive me for saying this, but, this sounds suspiciously like you want me to assassinate somebody.

  Skuld : Doctor What... we know... Lind told us about the Steve Urkel hit you did for her... Absolutely brilliant work. You saved the world from the most horrible sitcom on television.

  Belldandy : We just need you to do it one more time. Do it for me. Everybody Loves Belldandy.

  Doctor What : You know, I'm not too fond of the idea of spending the rest of my days on Nekomi Tech Campus, waiting around for Keiichi to man up and fuck his girlfriend. I mean, at least with this post apocalyptic sci fi setting, I can lend myself just a little towards Doctor Who, while maintatining the setting and spirit of Oh My Goddess.

  Urd : OH COME ON!

  Doctor What : Well, do you really want to go back to being a censored children's show?

  Belldandy : Yes. Kevin is a total fucking pervert who doesn't know how to write women. This is supposed to be my series, yet he's so inexperienced, he doesn't know how to write me as a lead character. He just passes me to the side as a couple of one liner comic relief moments. Unless he can squeeze a funny sex scene out of it.

  Urd : Yeah, and outside of the first story, since when has he actually completed a full screenplay beyond a half written rough draft.

  Skuld : I feel very obligated to complain to the producers right now. Now, don't get me wrong... Kevin had some really crazy ideas for where to take this series and some funny memorable dialogue, but I say it's time we ditched him.

  Doctor What : Look, I know Kevin is a little crass, but if you just hold out a little longer, he's got some really grand designs on where to take this series.

  Belldandy : And I'd bet my bottom dollar it centers around a Doctor Who episode.

• Doctor What : Okay... you didn't hear this from me, but you know Urd's girlfriend, Natsumi?

  Urd : What about her?

  Doctor What : Well, from what I hear, she's actually a cop from another one of Fujishima's manga series called You're Under Arrest.

  Belldandy : That doesn't impress me. Everybody does You're Under Arrest crossovers.

  Doctor What : Yeah, but check this out. When the Nuclear Holocaust happened, Natsumi and all of her partners were disbanded, and lost and spread out amongst the Five Goddess Planets with no way to contact and find each other.

  Urd : And let me guess, we're supposed to go planet hopping around finding them? Seriously, why would I want to go to all of that trouble just to help my own girlfriend hook up with one of her old exes again?

  Doctor What : You don't want to see this series go in that direction?

  Belldandy : No, Kevin can't even handle completing the simplest of stories. What the fuck makes you think he can handle a five part serial?

  Doctor What : You really want me to kill off the Evangelion series that badly?

  Skuld : Kill off? No, I want you to murder them in cold blood. They stole our animation staff. How would you like if if you had a wife, and she left you for David Tennant because Doctor Who is more legitimate?

  Belldandy : We truly love our animation staff. It broke our hearts deeply when they abandoned us.

  Urd : Please help us, Doctor What. You're the only one who can.

  Doctor What : Okay... I'm in.

  Belldandy : We knew we could count on you.

  Doctor What : So, who do I have to murder to stop Evangelion from happening?

  Urd : That's funny, I don't remember.

• Doctor What : Forgive me for asking, but have any of you ever actually sat down and watched Evangelion?

  Belldandy : No, why would we ever watch that piece of shit, that would turn us into the creepy, stalker ex-girlfriends.

  Doctor What : Well, surely you've done some kind of research on ths series.

  Skuld : Can't you just Wikipedia it?

  Doctor What : No, the Nuclear Holocaust killed Wikipedia.

  Urd : Can't you just travel back in time to a place when Wikipedia was still operational?

  Doctor What : Dude, that's like wasting gas on multiple unnecessary trips to the grocery store.

  Belldandy : Well, can't Kevin Neece just get off his lazy ass and look it up for us? He's from the other dimension.

  Doctor What : What? You mean, the guy that you just now said you wanted to fire off of his own series?

  Belldandy : For crying out loud, whose dick do I have to suck to get Oh My Goddess Season Three back on the air?

• Doctor What : Well, maybe you're thinking about this the wrong way. Maybe sending me back in time to bump off the creators of Evangelion is a little too extreme. Surely there must be another way to get Oh My Goddess Season Three back on the air.

  Urd : Doctor What may be right. Instead of blaming this on the Evangelion movies, maybe we should be asking ourselves where the Flights of Fancy series went wrong.

  Doctor What : Well, from what I can tell, the producers only had a limited number of episodes that were allowed to make and in order to condense all of the best episodes into the series, they had to skip over certain characters introductions that would've later come into Season Three.

  Belldandy : You're thinking about my housecat, Welsper, aren't you? His introduction story was when that whole stupid subplot about the Doublet System got started. I mean, can you believe that? Fujishima repeatedly created continuity problems in his own series by abandoning his own rules whenever they began to bore him, and what is the one thing he sticks with... the dumbass Eye for an Eye law.

  Skuld : As if that would ever stop people from killing each other in real life. I mean, the one likeable thing about Bad Goddess is that while Fujishima's depictions live in a world where everyone plays nice, Kevin's depictions understand that life just doesn't work that way. Fujishima's Oh My Goddess is a Beautiful Lie, and Kevin's Bad Goddess is the Ugly Hilarious Truth. Fujishima is the Optimist. Kevin lives in the Grey Area.

  Urd : The one thing that bugged me the most about Flights of Fancy is if you look up what issues happen in the manga, right around where they ended that season, you suddenly realize that they skipped over Keiichi being forced to drop out of college because he failed to get that last credit in German before the tuition money ran out. That's a real life consequence, and slightly more interesting is it represents an alternate reality in Fujishima's life. Fujishima graduated and went on to work in the manga industry. Keiichi dropped out and worked in the automotive industry. Fujishima chose to have Keiichi represent a real life problem that happens to a lot of people. And what did the creators of Flights of Fancy skip this episode for... The Song of Love That Shakes the Heart.

  Doctor What : You mean the one where Peorth's booster enhancement pill causes all of the Goddesses to suffer intense orgasms whenever Keiichi said, "I Love You"... that was a great episode.

  Belldandy : Please don't describe it like that.

  Doctor What : Like what?

  Belldandy : Kevin seems to be obsessed with people trying to make us die from orgasms for comedic purposes. And when you describe The Song of Love That Shakes the Heart in that manner, it almost lowers the original series down to his sick perverted level.

  Doctor What : How else am I supposed to describe it? That's exactly what it is.

• Urd : You know who else would've been introduced in Season Three... Sigel the Store Mannequin Robot. I always liked that nice little love/hate story between her and Mr Banpei.

  Skuld : Yeah, Sigel almost stole the series for a while there.

  Doctor What : The last story in the series that I enjoyed before it got caught up in the Neverending Niflheim Cliffhanger, was the one where you girls were having a Kiki for Megumi because her boyfriend broke up with her, and Skuld invented a Kaibo gun to erase her bad relationship memories like Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, but it backfired and gave the entire house amnesia.

  Belldandy : And then we spent the next few issues playing a detective game trying to figure out our own identities. That was a wonderful episode.

  Doctor What : Look, I've got to be honest with you. I'm glad that you all have fond memories of the original series. But sooner or later, you're just going to have to come to terms with the fact, that the series is over. You can like it. You can read it. But in the end, because Fujishima chose to move on with his life and cancel the manga, that's all that there is ever going to be. If you want to see new episodes of Oh My Goddess, the only option is to write them yourselves. And while we're on the subject, why would anyone want to go out and simply do the same things that Fujishima did? He's already done them. He did them for thirty years. One has to wonder if he wrote himself into a corner and felt trapped by the mechanisms of his own story. Don't you want to expand your horizons? Don't you want to do something new? Bad Goddess is all about that.

  Urd : You are absolutely right.

  Doctor What : Thank you.

  Urd : And now all we're asking you to do, is something that's never been seen in an Oh My Goddess series before.

  Doctor What : Hit me with it, I'm open for it.

  Urd : I want you to travel back in time and kill the creators of Evangelion so we can get our animation staff back.

  Doctor What : Oy Vey. Well, here we go again. The things I do for this tv series.

• Belldandy : Keiichi... who is this?

  Urd : Is this who you've been looking for? Is this Doctor What?

  Keiichi Morisato : You're goddamn fucking right he is.

  Belldandy : Who is Doctor What?

  Keiichi Morisato : He's everybody's favorite Public Access Time Lord.

  Belldandy : That's not a very high goal to set for one's self.

  Skuld : Doctor What doesn't fight the Daleks. Doctor What fights real life, and believe me, that's enough... Wait... Where did I get that from?

  Doctor What : From the heart, Skuld. You remembered it from the heart. Only you are beautiful enough to never forget it.

  Skuld : What happened? Where are we?

  Doctor What : We're not on Planet Earth anymore. We're on Planet Belldandy. By jumpstarting the Goddesses' subconscious memory of the Bad Goddess universe, my contract with the Goddesses became null and void. Which also means... We can now watch the entire series of Evangelion on Netflix.

  Urd : Well, back to the old drawing board.

  Titles : THE FUTURE IS NOW. SO LET'S ALL LIVE IN IT.