Ah! My Goddess: Bad Goddess The Anime Video Comic (TV Series)

The Dragon Eye Serial: A Ghostly Village Story (2017)

Mara Buddhist Demon of Nightmares: Mara Marller

Quotes 

• Sayoko Mishima : Doctor What, I'm starting to wonder if this place is really medieval times, of it we've fallen into some place of purgatory?

  Mara Marller : We've been following Mr Nilbog for hours, and the night still hasn't fallen. What the fuck is this place? It can't be another dimension, because Welsper lives here...

  Doctor What : What if it is another dimension, and Welsper from the past somehow managed to escape it? I can't help but wonder if we're here for a reason.

  Sayoko Mishima : But you've repeatedly said that you don't have adventures like these. You said that these kind of situations don't exist in your world. This is way too much like Doctor Who for it's own good.

  Doctor What : Well, there's a first time for everything. Even if my adventures didn't use to resemble the BBC show, that doesn't mean shit couldn't escalate.

  Mara Marller : Maybe you're just playing it safe and landing in all of the safe places. Hanging out in Nekomi Japan, or Planet Belldandy isn't going to give you Alien Sci Fi Adventures or Major Conflicts, but landing in the middle of a war zone just might.

  Doctor What : That is a very good question. If someone were to time travel in real life, would such conflict exist if they went out of their way to not interact with people?

  Sayoko Mishima : We would basically be fish out of water, such as we are in this time period. There's still the possibility that we might get lynched as witches. I wonder if Mr Nilbog is actually trying to talking to us when he does that, like when Rocket Racoon understands what Groot is saying when all he ever says is "I am Groot".

  Mara Marller : I think you're digging a little too deep there. That's like when Belldandy talks to cats.

  Sayoko Mishima : Oh please, anybody can talk to cats.

  Doctor What : Yes, but when Belldandy talks to cats, the cats respond back. Wait, do you guys hear that? It sounds like music, but it doesn't fit the time period...

  Sayoko Mishima : It sounds like the 1970s band Heart... you think there's another time traveller that left his ipod shuffle here.

  Mara Marller : How would they be powering an ipod shuffly in this century?

  Doctor What : Well, we needed civilization, let's follow the music.

• Sayoko Mishima : My Nilbog! Come back! Don't Run! Don't Run Away! WHY DOES EVERYTHING I TRY TO ADOPT LEAVE ME?

  Doctor What : Excuse me, sir? But what is this celebration about?

  Richard O'Brien : A visitor? We don't get too many of those around here. Why today we celebrate The Goblin Feast!

  Warwick Davis : YES... YES... THE GOBLIN FEAST! THE GREATEST FUCKING CELEBRATION OF EVERY YEAR!

  Doctor What : The Goblin Feast? Could you elaborate?

  Richard O'Brien : Every year, the Goblins come out of their homes and hold a great feast, which puts it's blessing down upon our village.

  Warwick Davis : YES... YES... THE GREATEST FEAST OF THEM ALL!

  Richard O'Brien : If the Goblins are properly appeased, then nothing befoul will fall upon us.

  Warwick Davis : I FUCKED JENNIFER ANNISTON IN THE ASS ONCE ON THE SET OF LEPRECHAUN...

  Mara Marller : Oh, I get it, it's kind of like that fucking Groundhog Day celebration they do every year.

  Sayoko Mishima : In more ways than one. If the night time never comes, then it's like the day keeps repeating itself over and over again like the Bill Murray time warp scenario.

• Richard O'Brien : Pardon my ignorance, but... who's Bill Murray?

  Sayoko Mishima : He's a movie star.

  Richard O'Brien : Riiiiiiiiiiiiiight... and what's a movie?

  Doctor What : Sayoko, this is the Middle Ages... these people don't understand the concept of movies. Have fun explaining this one...

  Sayoko Mishima : Okay... okay... I think I can explain it. You have plays with actors, right? You perform stories?

  Richard O'Brien : Yes. We put on plays all the time.

  Sayoko Mishima : And you understand the concept of a painting... Imagine if the painting moved, and talked, and told a story that looked like it was happening on location in real time.

  Richard O'Brien : Oh... you must mean witchcraft... is that right?

  Warwick Davis : Yes... yes... we dig through the ditches and burn through the witches all the time.

  Sayoko Mishima : No, it's not witchcraft. Look, you're playing Heart's Magic Man off a stereo of some sort... so you have to understand the concept of a voice recording.

  Richard O'Brien : Oh, you mean the magic box that traps peoples souls and plays music? We got that from the First Doctor What. He travels around in a magical blue box with a fat man. Says he works for Troma.

  Mara Marller : Give it up, Sayoko, before they burn you at the stake.

  Sayoko Mishima : It sounds like the First Doctor What has already been here. Belldandy and Otaki told me about him.

  Richard O'Brien : Oh, he's around... somewhere... The Dragon Eye was very interested in that Blue Box of his. We haven't seen him since.

  Sayoko Mishima : The Dragon Eye? What the Fuck is The Dragon Eye?

  Doctor What : Deja vu... Belldandy asked me the same thing right before I took the Nekomi Gang to a Pizza Hut in the Ralph Bakshi universe.

  Warwick Davis : Look... nobody's getting burned at the stake. Today is a day for celebrating. Eat, Drink, and Be Merry. You can enjoy our Tavern over there.

  Mara Marller : What Tavern? All I see are a bunch of peasant huts covered in shit...

  Warwick Davis : That Tavern... The one right behind you...

  Sayoko Mishima : But there's nothing behind us... We walked in here that way...

• Mara Marller : DOCTOR WHAT! THEY CHANGED THE SCENERY! WHAT KIND OF BEFOUL SORCERY IS THIS?

  The Dragon Eye : You're not thinking interdimensionally, Marller. This is no mere feeble sorcery... This is Kevin from the Other Dimension ripping off a Daffy Duck cartoon titled Duck Amuck...

  Mara Marller : WHO THE-? HOW THE-? WHAT THE-?

  The Dragon Eye : What can I say, babe... I'm a Magic Man... OH, COME ON HOME GIRL... THEY SAID WITH A SMILE... YOU DON'T HAVE TO LOVE ME... AND LET'S GET HIGH AWHILE... BUT TRY TO UNDERSTAND... TRY TO UNDERSTAND... TRY TRY TRY TO UNDERSTAND... I'M A MAGIC MAN...

  Mara Marller : WHAT... THE FUCK... JUST HAPPENED!

  Doctor What : Sayoko... don't eat or drink anything here. Just don't.

  Mara Marller : You heard the man. This fucking place will give you something worse than any disease you can imagine.

  Sayoko Mishima : Worse than the movie Cabin Fever?

  Doctor What : Eli Roth's imagination doesn't even half compare to the sick shit from this century.

• Mara Marller : Hey Kids, here's a Fun Medieval Fact. Have you ever wondered where the terminology of witches flying on their broomsticks came from?

  Doctor What : Oh, can I tell this one, can I?

  Mara Marller : But sick jokes are my territory.

  Doctor What : Yeah, but my dialogue kind of sucks this episode. Throw me a bone here.

  Mara Marller : Hit it Doctor.

  Doctor What : Back during the old medieval days, hallucinogenic drugs were all the rage... but ingesting them was poisonous, so they had to be soaked in through the skin. The witches found the best place to do this was their vaginal openings. And the best way to apply the drugs was using their broomsticks. Hence the witches were "Flying" on their broomsticks. And now we cut to centuries later where the term has been taken quite literally and we now have Witches literally flying broomsticks in movies like Kiki's Delivery Service and Hocus Pocus.

  Mara Marller : Hey, Belldandy flies a broomstick in Ah My Goddess... and she lived through the Middle Ages... does that mean?

  Doctor What : Uh, Oh... it sounds like I may have just opened Pandora's Box...

  Sayoko Mishima : Oh, you are such a gentleman. Thank you for that enlightening history lesson.

• Richard O'Brien : Ladies and Gentlemen. Folks of all ages. Gather around my good neighbors... for I will spin for you the horrifying Ghostly Tale of Keiichi the Spineless.

  Sayoko Mishima : Excuse me? Did you just say, Keiichi the Spineless?

  Richard O'Brien : Yes, he's the Japanese Immigrant Douchebag with the Oh So Punchable Face sleeping in the corner over there.

  Mara Marller : Wow, the resemblance is uncanny. We have a spineless coward back home just like him.

  Doctor What : Well, during his college days, anyways.

  Richard O'Brien : Well, during his college days, anyways.

  Sayoko Mishima : Oh whoa, that's a little too much information.

  Mara Marller : Quiet! I want to hear this!

  Richard O'Brien : Despite his sexual talents as a high class man whore... Keiichi was very poor and forced to live out of a religious temple.

  Doctor What : Are we sure this guy isn't related to...

  Sayoko Mishima : SHHHHH!

  Richard O'Brien : As the story goes, late one night, Keiichi was approached by a valkyrie, who demanded he eat the pussy of her mistress in bed, a beautiful and powerful Goddess of Fate. She led him into the Goddesses' home, and his sexual prowess was met with high praise, and it moved the Goddess to tears, in more orgasmic ways than one. She demanded his return the next evening for a follow-up fucking. Before the valkyrie returned him to his home temple, however, Keiichi was told that the Goddess for whom he had been performing intended for their meetings to be a secret... and warned him not to speak of their evening events.

  Doctor What : That dirty dog. This guy's a player.

  Sayoko Mishima : I never knew he had it in him. He usually needs motivation to work his way up to that.

  Richard O'Brien : I'm sorry, do you know this guy?

  Mara Marller : No, but we know someone just like him.

• Richard O'Brien : The following evening, the valkyrie returned to Keiichi's room, and led him back to the Goddess. However, this time, Keiichi's absence was discovered by his friends, who grew very suspicious and instructed their servant girls to look after Keiichi the next night. When they saw him leaving the temple, the two servant girls gave chase and eventually found Keiichi convulsing in the middle of a cemetary, unaware of his surroundings. When they dragged him back to the temple, he explained all of his nightly encounters to his most trusted friend, the First Doctor What.

  Doctor What : Oh man, I feel like someone just walked over my grave.

  Sayoko Mishima : Dude! He was having sexual encounters in a cemetary! What was he humping the graves or something!

  Mara Marller : Oh man! This story keeps getting better and better! Don't stop! For the love of God, Don't Stop!

  Richard O'Brien : Realizing that Keiichi had been fucked by ghosts, the First Doctor What vowed to save his friend from further trickery. He painted up Keiichi's entire body with Kanji Tattoos of the Heart Sutra for his spiritual protection, and instructed him to remain silent and motionless when he was to be called upon by his ghostly lovers.

  Mara Marller : I knew it! It's those stupid Fucking Kanji Tattoos again! Those fucking things are living proof that stupid cunts exist in all generations!

  Richard O'Brien : That evening, the Valkyrie called for Keiichi as before, and was angered when she received no response. After all, a valkyrie does not like to have her time wasted. The valkyrie approached Keiichi but was unable to see anything but his cock. The Kanji tattoos had left the rest of Keiichi's body invisible. Attempting to comply with her orders, the valkyrie tried to rip Keiichi's dick off but to no avail. So she put a curse on him instead. She took the spirit of his sexuality from his body, cursing him to be a spineless coward in his sexual advances toward women. A curse that would not only haunt him, but his future offspring for generations. An entire bloodline of nothing but cowards too afraid to fuck for their own good. So, what did you think, was it ghostly enough for you?

  Sayoko Mishima : Well... that explains a lot.

  Mara Marller : An entire generation of cowards.

• Doctor What : Well kids, that's enough ghost stories for today. Time to split this town and get going.

  Richard O'Brien : Going? But you can't leave. Not now.

  Doctor What : What is this? What's going on with this village? What is the Goblin Feast?

  Richard O'Brien : We have a curse on this village that prevents any of us from leaving. You and your friends are going to be stuck here for a very long time.

  Doctor What : What curse are we talking about here? We've had dealings with curses before.

  Richard O'Brien : Many centuries ago, we were in the habit of burning witches at the stake.

  Mara Marller : Let me guess, you repeatedly burned innocent women for refusing to confess, so you could legally steal their property, and you let the guilty ones that did confess go because they found Jesus? I love you fucking satanic hypocrites. All of you high and mighty zealots make me want to puke.

  Richard O'Brien : You may be right. Our action drew the attention of a Warlock who lives up on the hill in the Castle of Mirrors. A Warlock who called himself The Dragone Eye... you met him just earlier before my story. Though his physical form remains trapped in the Castle of Mirrors, his illusionary spirit roams free to bend us to his will. There are very few who can resist it. The Dragon Eye put a curse on our village that causes us to disappear for centuries. Our village only re-appears every 100 years, unchanged for the celebration of the Goblin Feast. If any of us attempt to leave town, we will all disappear forever. If we do not appease the Goblins with a sacrifice on the day of the Goblin Feast. Our village will disappear, along with all of us within it.

  Warwick Davis : For whosoever eats the food at the Goblin Feast will become the final dinner course for the Goblins.

  Sayoko Mishima : Oh My God...

  Doctor What : It makes sense now. If Keiichi the Spineless is an ancestor to our Keiichi Morisato, then the only way Keiichi will exist in the future is if his ancestor escapes the time warp. Him and Welsper. Welsper being trapped here by this curse could eventually lead to both him and Belldandy being erased from existence.

  Warwick Davis : Nobody escapes the time loop. We are stuck here indefinately. There's only one way in... AND NO WAY OUT...

  Doctor What : Has anybody ever come forward to challenge The Dragon Eye?

  Warwick Davis : To do so would mean they'd leave the village, and we can't very well allow that, now can we?

• Sayoko Mishima : Mr Nilbog brought us here to be sacrificed.

  Mara Marller : And you thought that little fucker was cute! Wait till you end up his dinner, like in that movie Troll 2.

  Sayoko Mishima : Somebody get me a Double Decker Bologna Sandwich please?

  Warwick Davis : HAPPY DAY! I THINK WE JUST FOUND OUR VOLUNTEER FOR THE GOBLIN FEAST!

  Sayoko Mishima : WHAT? I'M NOT VOLUNTEERING FOR THE GOBLIN FEAST! FUCK YOU, YOU LITTLE CREEP!

  Doctor What : MARLLER! I THINK WE COULD USE A LITTLE MAGICAL HELP HERE, PLEASE!

  Mara Marller : Are you kidding? You didn't really believe I'd help you after stealing my CEO position from Fry's Electronics, did you? I've just been waiting for the perfect chance to escape! It's been loads of laughs, Doctor What... but I believe it's not time for us to part ways... catch you on the flip side, you motherfucker!

  Richard O'Brien : Lock him up and get the girl ready!

  Sayoko Mishima : YOU'LL NEVER GET AWAY WITH THIS! Sayoko... just remember... no matter what happens... DON'T EAT THE FOOD...