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Reviews
Equilibrium (2002)
A masterful blending of things we've seen...and a few we haven't
The best part about this movie - aside from the fighting style "gun kata" it introduces - is how well it blends multiple ideas we've seen before in so many other facets and makes them all part of one seamless whole. There are elements of 'Brave New World' and 'Farenheit 451' to be sure, and while some would argue 'The Matrix,' others would argue '20 John Woo movies that came before that.' Equilibrium takes the idea of our increasingly drug-reliant culture and multiplies it to an extreme. It doesn't matter if this future is plausible, its that director/write Wimmer MAKES IT WORK. He filters these other ideas through his own sensibilities and delivers a film with style AND substance.
Special mention has to be made for the editing of the fight sequences. They are, without argument, some of the best action sequences ever committed to film. They are excruciatingly fast-paced and exceedingly cleverly staged, especially since not one instance in them is ripped from any other movie. You can spot moments of inspiration perhaps, but nothing blatantly stolen.
And that is how the entire movie plays. The story is nothing we haven't seen before, but it is the execution of this story that makes it so compelling here. Bale is once again in top form and Taye Diggs continues to command respect as an actor who makes the absolute most of every character he plays.
Watch it for the action sequences and you wont be disappointed. You might even notice that the story is pretty cool too.
Soul Survivors (2001)
A summary written by someone who paid attention to the movie
Okay, let's get things straight here, the movie is bad. Why is it bad? Because in it's journey from serious thriller to teen slasher, someone had the very bad idea of editing the hell out of it. This movie got pushed back a year from its original release date, the actual date of release changing twice before it finally got ditched into limited run in a few theaters and only played for a week by my house before vanishing.
But then the dvd promised a 'killer cut' so of course everyone who checked it out expected a violent and disturbing new movie. And here's what the problem is. After following the development of this movie for approximately a year and a half, I think i can safely say that Neil Moritz and Steve Carpenter now hate each other. This movie was not only marketed as just another teen flick, it was cut up to get a pg-13 and almost everything in it was destroyed. I own the soundtrack album and even a not so careful comparison of the music to the image shows that the movie was edited down from what it was originally intended to be. Even the so-called 'killer cut' is more than likely not how the movie was supposed to turn out. All over, there are music edits and scenes altered to make everything make sense. The masked killer in the movie no longer becomes a mental presence, he's intended to be a stalker ala Michael Myers, or for those of you new to this, Ghostface.
The entire movie falls apart because the drifting in between reality and the subconscious is tackled in a much too expressionistic and serious tone for the audience who wanted to see it. How many teens would look at 'Jacobs Ladder' and be dying to see that? Thats more what 'Soul Survivors' was trying to be. On the dvd, gwenyth paltrow lookalike melissa sagemiller has an audio commentary over only a select few scenes. the director, who also wrote it, doesnt get mentioned anywhere, in any of the info on the movie. a pointless feature on the band whose song is used on the opening is included, to focus more on the music of the movie than the story. all this points to someone not being happy with someone else and kicking them out of the movie in as many aspects as possible, even to the point of editing down the commentary. if you dont believe that this happens, rent 'monkeybone,' which though didnt't enjoy, features one of the best commentaries i've ever heard, purely because at one point henry selick starts talking about a difference he had with chris columbus and they blatantly just turn down the volume for a few minutes and the track is silent. on 'soul survivors' steve carpenter got royally screwed over when his movie was taken away from him, because there is no way in hell i'd ever believe he could go from making decent movies to making this INTENTIONALLY.
the bottom line is that this poor movie got ripped to shreds. with a different ending tacked on that confuses far too many viewers (SPOILER: for all of those out there confused, she's only waking up from the dream attack, she did still go through the car crash in the movie and almost die), and a poorly devised marketing campaign (i especially loathe the 'lets stand al the actors in a row' cover). i tried very hard to watch it and figure out not only whats happening to the lead character, but how it was INTENDED to be shown in the first place before someone's heavy hand edited the hell out of it.
i suggest that if you have watched it, or decided to, that instead of blanketly stating that it is the worst movie ever (and at 17 thats quite a statement to make...you must be watching movies round the clock to come up with that analysis - ever see 'plan 9 from outer space'?), remember that the movie was never intended - killer cut or otherwise - to end up the way you're seeing it. it's someone's ideas all chopped up and reorganized by someone else who chose to exclude them in the process. through the haze, you can spot great camerawork, decently written and well-acted characters, good music and an intriguing storyline. its not enough to save it as is, but imagine how good this would have been if someone had just kept his hands off of it...
Godzilla Versus Disco Lando (1998)
They blew up Yoda!
If that part didn't have me laughing so hard tears were streaming down my cheeks. There's something very, very funny about "Girl from Ipanema" playing while something dumb is happening. This sort of thing is just great. It's good to see a small-time little movie done for fun getting the laughs it deserves.
Caddyshack II (1988)
One of the worst movies of all time
This movie is so God-awful that it was literally a chore to watch. I wanted to eject it from my vcr and throw it across the room, but kept thinking (foolishly) that it would eventually get funny and then everything would be all right. "You lose, we win, yay!" This movie should be required viewing for anyone who even once entertained the thought that Jackie Mason was funny. After that, beat them ove the head with this movie until the tape cracks. And if you're even considering renting this turd (or worse yet, have!) I have one thing to ask of you: didn't you even look at the cover? I mean, with crap like this you can tell with just a glance how bad it is! "Oy vey!" This movie sucked.
Deep Impact (1998)
Who cares if it was better or worse than ARMEGGEDON? It was a bad movie!!!
I expected this to be the more intellectual of the two asteriod movies and boy was I in for a shock. This movie was god-awful! The characters in this movie are so lame they DESERVE to be wiped out by the stupid comet.
The ACTING: Stinks. Tea Leoni does a decent job. Morgan Freeman is okay, but he seems sort of vapid. In every movie recently he hasn't really been all that amazing, just consistently a good actor. Here he does a decent job. Elijah Wood had no business being in this movie, nor did his character, which was totally pointless. As for Robert Duvall and the rest of the crew on the spaceship, way to go Mimi for making me neither care one iota about them nor even be able to recognize their easily forgettable faces.
THE FX: Well, seeing as it is a disaster movie, these should have figured prominently into the plot, but no, they decided to make it an emotional movie. Unfortunately, Mimi had no idea how to handle emotion. So instead we are left with a three minute tidal wave destruction sequence that is totally awesome, because it was directed by the SPECIAL EFFECTS SUPERVISOR, not her. This sequence comes too late in the movie, though, as most people will have already fallen asleep. Special mention also goes out to the flying wad of questionable white goo that is the comet - one of the worst, flattest looking CGI renderings I have ever seen that had my brother screaming praises of its fakeness.
ELIJAH WOOD: In a category all by himself because he is THAT BAD. His character has no point, his acting is poor, and the scene where he kisses his wife (God...the mere fact that idea even made it past the first draft boggles the mind) is soooo ridiculous and poorly done that it's almost worth the price of rental just to see how bad it is. "THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO FRENCH KISS YET AND THEY'RE MARRIED!" I shouted, enraged, when I saw it in theaters.
Eight dollars to see it in the theaters was an outrage. I will not pay the three to see it on video. If it was on HBO I would not watch it. This film sucked, plain and simple. I don't care what anyone thinks about ARMEGGEDON in relation to this movie, DEEP IMPACT was completely ATTROCIOUS.
Jack Frost (1997)
Quite possibly the worst movie ever made. Whose idea was this?!
From the very start of this movie you will know you are in for one hell of a bad time. A grandfather (whose voice is obviously faked)recounts the laughable tale of a psychotic killer snowman to his young granddaughter (whose voice is even worse - it sounds like Lacey Chabert sucking helium). We the unfortunate viewers must then sit through the visual representation of what he tells. This movie is so bad it defies the mind. Why does the bad guy even turn into a snowman in the first place? Why are people willing to believe that this large foam-rubber snowman which has mysteriously appeared on their front lawn is the real deal when there is not even an inch of snow on the ground? Why did actors even sign on for this? Did they need the money that badly? At one point, a kid involved in a "snowman making competition" (held in the middle of the street - where is all this snow coming from?) pats snow onto his snowman and the damn thing rocks back and forth. Yet another excellent special effect involves an explosion. All the characters are seen running from a building which is about to blow up. Then there is a shot of JUST THE ACTORS as they stand still and cover there eyes and a loud "Boom" is heard on the soundtrack as a few lights flash on them and a little smoke drifts up. Then they say something to the effect of "Wow, that was a really big explosion." The destroyed building is never shown. What the hell were these people on when they made this piece of trash?! Be a good samaritan: rent it and tape over it. Anything's better.
Terminal Rush (1996)
Interesting concept for a "Die Hard" rip-off that is basically handled poorly in all departments.
The premise of taking over a dam and threatening to blow it up if the terrorist's demands are not met is interesting enough, yet I doubt you'll ever get that far into the movie. From the very beginning of the opening credits, you can tell it's yet another lame movie HBO will probably use to fill up dead air time at three in the morning. The acting is laughable, the camera shots off-center, out of focus and they constantly wobble all over the place, and the music is just some guy tapping on the lower end of his keyboard continually. And it is more than obvious no one ever came into physical contact with anyone else while throwing a punch. Gunshots are barely heard and sound like popcorn popping and there is no blood - even when people are shot in the face at point blank range. At one point some guy gets blown up by a grenade and one moment later you see him just lying there, no damage done. Maybe it knocked him out? Also, another hysterical point of interest is how the bad guy kills like six of his own men just because they ask him a question. Pretty lame, even as a "bad movie night" entry.