chucko-3 Reviews

Women of the Prehistoric Planet (1966)

I have problems with this film's title!

[1/10 · 7 April 1999]

There's only one woman featured prominently in this movie...and she isn't from the prehistoric planet. What a rip-off!

There are a couple of hokey effects but you'll want to hit the fast-forward button to see them. The majority of this film, like so many bad sci-fi movies of the 50's and 60's, is extended walking sequences! No one ever imagined that a prehistoric planet would be this boring. Never did a film need process shots of alligators and lizards more. Or women, for that matter!

However, it is worth noting that this is the movie that started the popular "Hi-Keeba!!" catch phrase on MST3K.

There's also twist ending in this movie that the average viewer will be able to spot about 2 minutes into the film. John Agar's in this film, too. 'Nuff said.

Fire Maidens of Outer Space (1956)

Unimaginably bad.

[1/10 · 24 March 1999]

This is one of the most boring movies I've ever seen. The plot looks like it was made up as it goes along. The sets are cheap, the monster is lame, the acting is bad, and there's tons of stock footage and sceans of people sitting around used to pad it out. Everything you've come to expect out of a cheap 50's Sci-Fi movie and more.

There's lots of unexplained stuff, too. Like some poison wine that one of the astronauts is given (which makes absolutely no sense once you've seen how the movie ends).

Also, this movie plays "Stranger in Paradise" constantly! I cannot listen to "Stranger in Paradise" anymore without thinking of this horrible, horrible movie. It's like something out of "A Clockwork Orange".

Dementia 13 (1963)

A violent but interesting movie.

[5/10 · 22 February 1999]

This is definitely the most violent film I've seen that was made before 1970. It's basically a simple horror/mystery movie about an axe murderer who has been chopping up people. This film moves kinda slow (not as slow as some more famous horror movies like "Texas Chainsaw Massacre", though) and is sometimes hard to follow but the music is creepy and the atmosphere is very uncomfortable. This is a Roger Corman film, though, so the budget is non-existent. But if you are a horror fan I would recommend checking out this movie.

The Undead (1957)

Not a good movie.

[1/10 · 22 February 1999]

Whew! I've heard some rather positive reviews of this movie but it is not a good movie.

The plot concerns a hypnotist (or psychical researcher according to the movie) who hypnotizes a woman into reliving a past life which involves knights, imps, and witches. That screws up stuff in the past for some reason so somehow he follows her back in time to fix things. How exactly this happens is beyond my knowledge.

This movie has mistakes, incredibly stupid dialog, and one of the most illogical plots of all time. Worst of all...no zombies or undead creatures of any kind!

Still, it's a campy, goofy movie good for a laugh or two. Look for the Mystery Science Theater 3000 version.

Laserblast (1978)

What a depressing movie!

[15 February 1999]

I really don't like this movie!

Some cheap stop-motion aliens that look about two inches tall and are unconvincingly enlarged lose a laser. A pie-faced blonde-kid is pretty happy until he finds that LASER. The LASER makes him go insane and just BLAST people for no reason. Hence the title "Laserblast". After he's killed a bunch of people he gets shot by the aliens and dies.

This movie really has a bad outlook on life. Stay clear of it!

Santa Claus (1959)

Not really a good movie, but still kinda fun.

[1/10 · 15 February 1999]

This is kind of a weird movie, given that Santa Claus lives on a cloud in outer space and fights against Satan and his minions...but it's still kinda fun.

It has some genuine laughs...whether all of them were intentional is certainly debatable, though. This movie is not good, but I can say I really enjoyed watching it.

I would recommend this movie over "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians", "Santa Claus" with Dudley Moore and John Lithgow, or "The Santa Clause" with Tim Allen.

The Hellcats (1968)

So bad it hurts.

[1/10 · 2 February 1999]

This is quite a terrible movie. I had no idea what was going on throughout the entire thing. All I saw that I could understand were some disturbing scenes of the drugged-up Hellcats, the bikers of this movie, partying in their own sort of way. I can't believe someone was able to pick out the plot of this thing.

Not only that but the music is made completely of stock music and some crappy 60's band called "The Dolphins" so it changes styles every minute.

This movie is really wretched. There are a couple of laughs because of this, but still, it has a lot of pain as well. Ross Hagan (Sidehackers) and Tony Cardoza (Red Zone Cuba) are in it so I guess that figures.

The Wizard of Mars (1965)

The most boring movie ever!

[1 February 1999]

This movie is terrible!! A few astronauts crash on Mars, and wander around for about an hour (with very little dialog). After watching these guys wander around they follow a yellow brick road to a castle full of cheap frozen martians. There they meet The Wizard of Mars, played convincingly by John Carradine's dissembodied head. Then John Carradine starts talking for about 5 hours and helps these astronauts get home with some weird clock-thing. Other than that, I can think of absolutely nothing to say about this movie other than don't watch it.

But, on the other hand, if you've only got 80 minutes to live...watch this movie. It will feel like an eternity.

Robot Holocaust (1987)

This movie stinks out loud!

[1/10 · 30 January 1999]

This movie is really bad. Most of it looks like it was filmed either in a park or a basement. There's a giant spider but all we see of it is one leg. There are some worms that live in a cave that are just cheap sock puppets with cardboard teeth. And the plot is a bunch of post-apocalyptic mumbo jumbo that makes no sense at all. The whole thing is just laughable.

King Dinosaur (1955)

One of the worst sci-fi films.

[1/10 · 6 December 1998]

This has one of the worst plots I have ever seen. A group of incredibly stupid scientists (two male and two female to allow for some silly romance) travel to a newly discovered planet called Nova that is a LOT like Earth. They walk around the planet for a long time, which is as boring as it sounds. They encounter a lot of stock footage and then an island containing plenty of process shots of iguanas and stolen footage from "40 Million B.C." One iguana, named King Dinosaur, is even said to look exactly like an Tyrannosaurus Rex. Some scientists get trapped on this island and manage to escape, but not before rigging an atomic bomb to kill all the dinosaurs. After nuking all the creatures on the island one of the scientists brags about bringing "civilization to planet Nova".

This movie is stupid, boring, incompetent, and implausible. It was directed by Bert I. Gordon, who went on to direct such movies as "Amazing Colossal Man", "Attack of the Puppet People" and "Beginning of the End". Those movies look like "Citizen Kane" compared to "King Dinosaur".