carbonbit Reviews

Monkey Business (1952)

the most disappointing screwball comedy of the entire Golden Age

[5/10 · 19 January 2019]

I love screwball comedies so I get suckered into re-watching this one over again every few years because EVERYONE INVOLVED, on both sides of the camera, has contributed more than their fair share to many of the best of comedies ever made. I mean, a Hecht/Lederer/Diamond script directed by Howard Hawks? starring Cary Grant & Ginger Rogers with Charles Coburn & Marilyn Monroe thrown in for good measure?? On paper, this looks like the definition of, "can't miss." But the script is just flat and lame (and stupid) from first to last, I think that's the main problem, and none of the other participants seem able to rise above that primal sin. This is nobody's best work; it's not even anybody's very good work. (Re-reading that last line made me feel defensive on behalf of both Marilyn & Coburn, who do manage to maintain their usual high standards in support. Rogers & Grant, however, suffer from an almost unimaginable charisma brownout, both individually and as a team.)

Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets (2017)

modestly entertaining, but Dane DeHaan kinda kills it

[5/10 · 9 April 2018]

LOTS of quirky casting in this one, with enjoyable cameos (Ethan Hawke, Rutger Hauer, RIHANNA!!, Clive Owen) throughout, and Cara Delevingne (better known as a model) was a very pleasant surprise, successfully delivering tough and funny as the moment dictated. But the main guy, this Dane DeHaan dude, was a total cipher; he did not have to be a brilliant actor to pull this off, but he did have to have SOMEthing going on, some spark, some pizzazz, and he is not up to anything like that, unfortunately. (Also, despite IMDB alleging he is in fact over 30, he looks about 16, which did not play at all either.)

The movie is visually lots of fun, the writing is somewhat banal, I guess, but did manage to provide moments for the cast to enliven, and they did; all except for the leading man. Did Besson cast him on a bet? He usually has pretty good instincts in this regard (witness Ms. Delevingne...), but going with the ultrabland DeHaan for this swashbuckling role was a film-crushing error in judgment. (It happens. Bye bye, $177,200,000!)

The Orville (2017–2022)

cringe-inducing Star Trek fan fiction

[6/10 · 29 September 2017]

stick figure characters, recycled (from Star Trek, natch) plots & uniforms and... EVerything (how have they not yet been sued??), pedestrian writing (meaning even the stick figure characters don't get anything interesting to say or do). I suffered through the first three episodes, hoping, and then... the premiere of the ACTUAL new Star Trek show (Discovery) aired, emphatically underscoring that The Orville is just one too many light years and a thousand galaxies behind; it just flat stinks. I actually went on to watch episode 4 anyway (hoping...), but this is me beaming off The Orville's cheesy, wooden bridge for the last time.

oh, & Seth MacFarlane: NEVER cast yourself in anything, ever again; to the degree you have any talent whatsoever, semi-dramatic acting ain't it. this is a darn shame -- what could the world use more than a fun, interesting mold-breaking (eventually, maybe) Star Trek-modeled franchise? the head's in the right place here; just, from set design to the top, the creative talent seems to be somewhere else altogether.

Breaking Bad (2008–2013)

a meh, dreary show about uninteresting "people"

[5/10 · 29 September 2013]

Lots of bad acting (Bryan Cranston is a MUCH better comedic actor than he is a dramatic actor, and the wife just flat stinks), replete with preposterous plot twists and character evolutions ... I didn't buy into this turkey for a second, try as I might (and I tried!). And this show proudly sports the two most heinous "protagonists" in the history of long form drama. I love Tony Soprano! I love Dexter! Walter White and his scummy little sidekick are relentlessly abhorrent from episode 1. I watched the whole thing, god help me. Thanks for NOTHING, zeitgeist! How something this unpleasant and not-well-done could be so popular is... well I guess it's not really that uncommon, is it? But it never ceases to amaze me. (Saul was great, though!)

Being Human (2011–2014)

most pointless show EVER?

[6/10 · 21 February 2011]

This mirror of the British show is not unenjoyable -- I mean... it's a fine show! But what ever was the motivation to remake a show so precisely? EsPECIALly while the original is still on the air and readily available on North American TV? It seems that SyFy just bought the BBC scripts and used "find and replace" to change the characters' names. I mean... did they think it was too hard for Americans to read the British subtitles? And the British cast is truly brilliant, while the American cast is... just okay.

SyFy has done some great stuff (most notably, of course, Battlestar Galactica) but this one is a real head-scratcher. In sum: watch the REAL (original) show on BBC America, it's wonderful, and on NOW. I suppose if English accents truly give you a bee up the bum you could turn this one on; but that would be really really silly.

Deadwood (2004–2006)

maybe the best TV show ever

[10/10 · 5 September 2006]

Like "Six Feet Under" and "The Sopranos" before it, Deadwood is emblematic of the fact that long form, done "right," provides a far broader palette for art than dinky old "cinema" ever could. (Sorry, cinema, you were my first love, but... that was before I knew!) The depths of character, the unremitting beauty and profundity of the dialogue... This show is Shakespeare/Dickens on TV, week after week. People will CLEARly still be watching Deadwood in a hundred years -- probably still in a THOUSAND, if the species lasts that long. They will be teaching it in high school. This show never ceases to explore and challenge its vast interpersonal landscape. It shines constant and ever brightening light into the murky depths of the human soul. Watching it, the jaw drops and only continues to plummet as the seasons roll all too quickly by.

Gideon's Crossing (2000–2001)

best of a bumper crop

[11 April 2002]

There were three truly breathtaking dramas on American primetime TV during the 2000 season. This one was the best of them. The other two -- The West Wing and The Sopranos -- were (and ARE, as of April 2002) justly celebrated. Gideon's Crossing sadly and inexplicably never found an audience during its brief lifespan, in the press or apparently around the water cooler either. The writing was just as inspired as the other two, the acting just as superb, the content even more profound, and... I just don't get it. And I miss the show sorely, still. R.I.P. And curses to A.B.C., so often the most short-sighted and faithless of the television networks (ask Claire Danes, ask Ted Koppel, ask Sela Ward), for not supporting and nurturing it. In the last couple of episodes the Buddha-like Dr. Gideon's character was besmirched in a way I found incongruous with the earlier, more brilliant episodes. I don't know if this was some last ditch (misguided) effort to invoke better ratings or just an unprovoked lapse on the part of the creators but, whichever, all in all Gideon's Crossing remains -- will ALways remain -- a towering television drama.

The Best Doctors Show Ever, in fact.

Miss Julie (1999)

Best Performance by an Actress in a Leading Role in 1999

[26 March 2000]

This is a very intense Strindberg play, and a well-executed cinematic rendering by "Leaving Las Vegas" director Figgis.

But this project is "made" by the casting of Saffron Burrows, who gives an extraordinary, harrowing performance as Miss Julie.   Hilary Swank was very good in "Boys Don't Cry" but, if there was a god in Hollywood, Saffron would have taken home a statue for this one. She clearly earned it.

Exception to the Rule (1997)

Not bad -- but Eric McCormack is NO leading man

[14 January 1999]

Kim Cattrall, Sean Young & William Devane are all very enjoyable in this movie, and the story is generic but not too bad. Now if only Eric McCormack could act his way out of a paper bag or had half the charm of a dishrag... Any decent actor in the male lead and this movie could have been truly "okay."