Every once in a while, a film comes along that doesn't seek to enlighten, doesn't seek to make us feel anything, doesn't even seek to really entertain. Instead, it only seeks to give Owen Wilson something to do between Ben Stiller movies. This is such a movie. I actually feel dumber for having watched it. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb.
Reviews
13 Reviews
Poor White Trash
(2000)
Had potential, but oh! so awful
4 August 2001
Any movie centered around the inhabitants of a trailer park has both the potential for incredible comedy and the potential for intense boredom. This falls into the latter. The script seemed pretty good as did the acting, despite some godawful attempts at goober accents (I'm looking at you, London & DeVane). Sadly, where this pic bit the dust had nothing to do with the people in it, but with the editing. It was pieced together so poorly that most comedic moments were ruined by misplaced and mistimed shots. And that's just sad.
Scary Movie 2
(2001)
The Wayans Brothers owe me $
16 July 2001
They Wayans Brothers owe me $16.05! That's $7.00 each for two tickets and $2.05 for the popcorn I was forced to fling at the screen. It would appear that the only reason they made a sequel, aside from lots of cash from a slow-witted studio, was to include whatever lame jokes might have been left out of the first one. I spent the first hour telling myself that, at least, the last half would be funny. Little did I know that the "last half" was fifteen minutes long and, no, it only got more inane. I should have known we were in trouble when the opening gag --- no pun intended ---ripped off "The Exorcist", quite possible the most-spoofed-to-death movie ever. This turkey would have been funnier if they had slapped the credits on "I'm Gonna Get You Sucka" and played that instead.
The Legend of Bagger Vance
(2000)
ugh
26 April 2001
This movie, with its agonizingly drawn-out 60's-style camerawork and storyline, is apparently out to, singlehandedly, undo all of Tiger Wood's work to bring golf into the mainstream of young America. Personally, I love golf, but this film made me want to clone myself so that we could both not see this movie. While Will Smith did an admirable job of filling a role that was obviously written for someone twenty to thirty years his senior, Matt Damon once again proves himself to be a magnificently overrated actor. Robert Redford? Please, no more directing! I don't know how many more of those long closeups of the main character's "soulful eyes" I can take. Charlize Theron, while an incredibly talented person, has yet to land another role since "The Devil's Advocate" that proves it. Unfortunately, this is no exception.
Hannibal
(2001)
ripping
16 April 2001
Easily, easily, EASILY the most grossly disappointing movie of 2000. For anyone who went to this movie hoping to see anything remotely resembling the beauty of "Silence of the Lambs", I feel your revolted pain. From start to the point at which I walked out 2 hours in, the script was as predictable as if I had written it myself, and as is all too common, the makers of this debacle vainly tried to drown the shortcomings of the script in gallon after gallon of fake blood. This was NOT "Silence of the Lambs 2". This was "I Know What You Did Last Summer 3" with half the silicone, eight times the salary and a little opera music thrown in to make it seem "cultured". It is no surprise whatsoever to me that Jodie Foster was unavailable. If I had been part of "Silence" and then seen what was coming with "Hannibal", I would have made myself "unavailable", too. Three incredibly talented actors (by which I mean Gary Oldman, Giancarlo Giannini and, in particular, Anthony Hopkins) must have received sizeable paychecks to be willing to sell their thespian souls for this turkey.
Charlie's Angels
(2000)
short, sweet & sarcastic
16 April 2001
Move over, "Spice World"! Your sacred and delicate spot in the psuedo-loyal hearts and minds of thirteen year-old girls everywhere has officially been handed over to another, eerily similar, batch of boob-flouting babes from Brain-Dead Land. And, as usual, I'm sure the women's movement in America could not be happier about it.
Me, Myself & Irene
(2000)
disappointed
24 January 2001
This was soooooo disappointing. If you were expecting laugh-out-loud funny, watch "Something About Mary" again. This movie had such potential (a great cast and a great premise) and threw it all out the window to become nothing more than a wasted 2 hours. The script just did not deliver. Renee Zellwegger was reduced to little more than a pouty-face (which she does well, but is capable of so much more) and Jim Carrey's character Hank/Clint Eastwood impression was flat-out boring. With the Farrelly Brothers track record, I would have expected to be rolling in the aisle. Instead, all I ended up with was a bemused nose-whistle chuckle.
Random Hearts
(1999)
An insomniac's best friend
15 January 2001
I would have been more entertained by watching my toenails grow. This movie told its whole story in the first fifteen minutes and then rode out the last 2 hours reveling in some sort of pseudo-cathartic angst painted up to look like sorrow and passion but, underneath, was nothing but an excuse for Kristin Scott Thomas to look pained and Harrison Ford to mumble a lot. I wish I could call this just a chick flick, but it's not even that. This was "Hanover Street", but without the plot. This was every movie you never wanted to see wrapped up and thrown at you all at once.
The Green Mile
(1999)
wonderful, but....
14 December 1999
After reading the book, I was expecting a great movie and that's exactly what I saw. Although The Green Mile is 3 hours long, I never noticed. The entire audience was caught up in it and I could hear people around me just bawling. That said, this movie was 5 minutes too long. Right at the end, it seemed like Darabont suddenly felt the need to explain what needed no explanation. Rather than let the story and images speak for themselves, he crammed way too much into the end. As a result, the last few scenes with Dabbs Greer nearly completely ruin the incredible movie that had been built to that point.
The Blair Witch Project
(1999)
duuuuuuuuh
8 November 1999
I feel sorry for anyone who genuinely felt creeped out by this movie. For me, it was like watching America's Funniest Home Videos. Halfway through, I was just waiting for it to end. Quickly. These were 3 of the stupidest people I've ever seen in real life or on screen and, since they were playing themselves, I can only assume that they're not particularly bright in real life. In conclusion, the concept could have worked. The product, thanks to the dummies, didn't.
Beloved
(1998)
clean
2 July 1999
Simply a bizarre film. And not in a good way! As good as the book might have been, the movie completely ripped away any inclination I might have had to read it. The sequencing and imagery in this movie was just inexplicable, particularly those scenes which seemed to serve no purpose other than to interrupt the flow of the story.
8MM
(1999)
Astoundingly mediocre
10 May 1999
I really expected better from the writer of "Se7en". I thought the dialogue was written rather well, but was not helped by the complete ineptitude of Nicholas Cage and Catherine Keener. Cage's constant grimacing didn't help either. I was impressed with Joel Schumacher's ability to switch gears from the now-juvenile "Batman" series to this. But not that impressed. The only redeeming factor seemed to be James Gandolfini. After this, I would gladly plop down money to see him in just about anything else. All in all though, this movie went a long way to get nowhere.
Pleasantville
(1998)
Beautiful Crap
9 November 1998
This is a great movie to watch with the sound all the way down. The visual effects are stunning and it's very pleasant to watch as long as no one's talking. Don Knotts is entertaining but, otherwise, this is a grotesquely shallow movie with absolutely none of the redeeming social value that it obviously is trying to find.
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