Joe 25 Reviews

Carnival of Souls (1998)

What A Slap In The Face To The Original This One Is!!

[1/10 · 2 April 2008]

WARNING! CONTAINS A SPOILER!! I'll admit, being a huge fan of the original, I was actually interested to see this one. I think I borrowed it from my uncle or saw it on some movie channel. I don't remember.

Anyhow, I sat down and began watching, ready to go. I don't remember at what point, but I knew I had been taken for a ride. My god, where do I even begin? The movie is incoherent, makes no sense, and is a whole host of other descriptions I can't repeat here. How it got made is beyond me. Why it was even green lighted is a mystery even Sherlock Holmes couldn't solve.

The one good sequence in the movie is the car wash sequence. It's creepy, and I'll give it that, but the movie still stinks. And what's up with a certain part towards the end. I think the lead actress sees some weird people moving really fast, like in the ballroom sequence in the original, but, at one point, they look like pink bubble gum fetuses! I wish I were making this stuff up folks, but sadly, I am not. Please avoid this one at all costs. It's a slap in the face to the original. It really is.

ECW December to Dismember (2006 TV Special)

What A Piece Of Garbage.....

[1/10 · 7 January 2007]

Sure, this may have had maybe two decent matches. The Hardys defeating MNM was cool, but it does NOT belong on an ECW ppv. The elimination chamber match had to have been better than that crappy one at Survivor Series '03.

Sure, I think Ariel is ultra hot, but does she make me want to go out and actually buy this garbage? I think even if I got it for free, I'd give it away to someone else. The two ECW One Night Stand ppvs were awesome, with '05 being the better of the two, even though the DVD version is a total abomination.

If you're a real fan of ECW, not this lame and tired WWECW garbage, then you'll avoid this like the plague.

Satan's Touch (1984)

God, I Hate This Movie!

[1/10 · 29 April 2006]

This isn't even worth a free rental. I have no idea how I even finished this turd. Anyone who finishes it, deserves not only a medal of honor, but a medal for bravery/courage! I read somewhere this one's actually directed by Bill Rebane, director of several crapfests. I rented this one from a video store that wasn't exactly in the best part of town. I was fooled by the box art into thinking this was a horror movie. The only horror about this, is the fact it was made!! I swear it polluted my VCR. I want those minutes of my life back! All it is, is about a guy who turns to Satan for help in winning at gambling.

Satan touched this movie alright. Satan touched it and turned it into one of the biggest piles of crap I've ever seen!

Grand Theft Auto: Vice City (2002 Video Game)

Great Game!!

[10/10 · 29 October 2002]

Contains minor spoilers!

This highly addictive and truly awesome game is yet another fine addition to the GTA series. Following up on last year's smash hit GTA 3, this one not only takes it a step further, but goes above and beyond. This one features new characters, tons of great music, much more interactive environments and buildings, and tons of other great features, choices and options.

Lip Service (1995 Video)

This Is Some Great Service!

[10/10 · 13 October 2002]

This is simply one of the best adult movies I've ever seen. The lovely and very beautiful Jenna Jameson plays a woman who is drawn into a web of mystery and intrigue, who ends up being chased by some very unsavory individuals and fighting to survive. Every sex scene is great and the women are just beautiful. I'd rush out and buy this as soon as possible!

The Necro Files (1997)

100% Pure Quality Grade-A Entertainment!

[10/10 · 20 September 2000]

Now, many would think to stay away from this movie just because of the title. If you do not have the stomach for gory movies, then what are you doing reading this review? Anyhow, I borrowed the video from a friend of mine and fell in love with this movie immediately. This movie is chock full of wonderful gore, plus the usual other ingredients that make up a b-movie add up to one hell of a viewing experience! If you're a lover of good quality experiences, then by all means, watch this great flick!

The People Who Own the Dark (1976)

All About This Movie............

[19 September 2000]

Well, don't get me wrong, this has a nice plot, the acting is better than most films of its type and the direction is nice. But that can't disguise the fact while the movie was good, the ending was just atrocious. I definetely would have given this movie three and a half stars, but due to the lame ending, gave this one only two.

Hard Rock Zombies (1984)

This Movie's A Stinker!

[1/10 · 17 September 2000]

(Contains super minor spoilers, but this movie stinks anyway)

Anyhow, the cover art looks good on the video box, but a warning bell should've gone off inside my head telling me to stay away, but oh well. I sat down to watch this movie with some popcorn and soda. When the lead singer opened his mouth and started singing, I spit out the popcorn and soda in my mouth then choked on what was left. The acting is horribly atrocious, the plot is goofy, and lots of things make no sense. Walking hands, Hitler, and other assorted weird things all add up to one miserable film experience. This film must have led to the downfall of Cannon Pictures for sure. This movie can make a bad night even worse and isn't even fit for animals. My advice: Stay as far away from this movie as possible!

Gone in 60 Seconds (2000)

What A Great Movie!!!!

[10/10 · 12 June 2000]

This movie is so great!! I loved the action, script and performances by the whole cast including Nicolas Cage, Robert Duvall, and the very beautiful Angelina Jolie. Even though this is a remake of the original classic, you should check it out anyways. But first rent the original classic before you see this version. If you didn't like it, you don't have much taste in movies.

The Alien Dead (1980)

Now This Movie.........

[3 June 2000]

Sure, this movie may not have the biggest budget, the greatest acting or the best direction, but it has a charm to it as all low budget flicks do. I'm a huge fan of z-grade films and this movie entertains me perfectly! But one thing I will say is why did Buster Crabbe choose to do this for his last role? I wouldn't have cared about it, but if it was his next to last, it may have been better. But putting that aside, if you're a bad movie fan or you're a Fred Olen Ray fan, even if you love cheesy z-grade movies that just beg for the guys in MST 3000 to riff it, then give it a whirl!

Dragonwyck (1946)

What A Classic!!

[3 June 2000]

Well, if you have the rare chance to catch this flick, by all means go see it! Even if it's on a channel like TNT, TBS, or AMC, tape it! It is currently not available on video, and that's a real shame because this is such a great classic. I happened to catch it playing late one night on a movie channel, and taped it. I watched it and loved it immediately. One of Price's best. I'd describe it and the plot. And how everything works well for the movie, but the earlier comment says it all better than I ever could!

I Still Know What You Did Last Summer (1998)

What a piece of garbage.........

[1/10 · 22 December 1999]

This movie is a crock of garbage, folks. It's movies like this that give true horror films a bad name. Nothing is good about this movie except the highly attractive and extremely beautiful Jennifer Love Hewitt. Other than her, you wish this movie would take a long walk off of a short pier. Nothing except JLH could save this sorry excuse of a movie, and it's also a waste of your time and a waste of film to make the movie with. Get this for a FREE rental only. DO NOT buy it. I guarantee that you will be sorry

Video Violence (1987 Video)

This movie is very cool.........

[10/10 · 22 December 1999]

The earlier review says it all. This movie is creepy, eerie, and disturbing all at once, which is one of the things that make this movie great. If you love low budget, indie, and rare/hard to find films, then this is the flick for you! Also, be sure to check out Video Violence Part 2, the sequel to the original classic

End of Days (1999)

WoW!!!

[10/10 · 27 November 1999]

What a great movie!! I just absolutely loved it! Arnold makes one cool comeback in this awesome flick! Everything about this movie rocks!! A must see!! And the new Guns N Roses song for this movie is extremely awesome, too!! Please do yourself a favor and go see it soon! And more than once!!!! I know I'm gonna!!

The Thing That Couldn't Die (1958)

What A Stinker!

[1/10 · 25 November 1999]

Boy Oh Boy, does this movie stink. This movie is one of the worst pieces of trash I have ever seen in my whole entire life. Please, even if your life depends on it, DO NOT, and I repeat: DO NOT under any circumstances, view this horrid piece of garbage. Only watch this thing when it comes on as a MST 3000 Episode. That was the only way I could sit through the whole thing. If I had to watch it without that show, I would've stopped watching it before it was over. It does have one use: A Cure For Insomniacs!!!!!

Spice World (1997)

I LOVE this movie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[10/10 · 21 October 1998]

I LOVE this flick! The Spice Girls are very talented, and in this movie, they prove that again. The movie is cool, and the songs are great. The soundtrack is just incredible! I could go on and on raving about this movie, but It would take much more space to do so. Spice Girls fans will dig this movie, especially me!!!!!

Bride of Chucky (1998)

This movie is cool!

[10/10 · 18 October 1998]

I love this movie! Chucky is his old self again, and this time has a female partner in crime named Tiffany. They make a cool team. The funny parts in this movie with Chucky and his bride are HILARIOUS! I would highly recommend this movie to anyone who loves the Chucky movies like me! This movie rocks! And so does the soundtrack

Monster Dog (1984)

I love this flick!

[10/10 · 18 October 1998]

I LOVE this movie! It ROCKS! Alice Cooper turns in what I think is an EXCELLENT performance for a low budget flick. I especially love the music video in the first few minutes. That rules as well. I have seen this movie a lot, and immensely enjoy it. A favorite in my video collection! If you love Alice Cooper, this film is a must!!!!!!!!!

Motel Hell (1980)

What a great masterpiece!

[10/10 · 17 October 1998]

Rory Calhoun gives one of the best performances in his career in this masterpiece of a movie as Farmer Vincent, a man who makes meat products with "Special" ingredients. Helping him out is his sister, in a good acting job, Nancy Parsons as his sister Ida. Also rounding out the supporting cast is Bruce Linke as Cousin Bruce, and Nina Axelrod as a woman who Vincent takes in after a motorcycle accident. It also has the famous Wolfman Jack in a small role as Rev. Billy

This is a great comedic horror, and has the obviously famous line "It takes all kinds of critters to make Farmer Vincent's fritters"