seltzer Reviews

Armageddon (1998)

Is it unique or horrible or both?

[5/10 · 22 February 2007]

As a film, a piece of art, this film leaves so much to be desired that I have to hate it. I hate movies that are better than this. As a series of images that flicker at me faster than any other film or even music video I've ever seen, it is a unique experience. This may be the only film where any 2 minute sequence taken right out of the film could be used as a trailer for the film itself. I don't think any of the main characters are absent from the film for longer than a minute. The acting is b-movie standard. The special effects are pretty good for 1998. Whenever I see this movie on TV, I watch it to the end, bitter and disgusted, but fascinated. A car wreck fails as an analogy because they are not quite as entertaining and nowhere near as fascinating. As an example of the Bay and Bruckheimer excess style of film-making, it might be the best, because it is science fiction and action combined in a manipulatively effective way. When all is said and done, there were a few lines that made me chuckle, so I had to give it a higher score because I was technically entertained.

Hellboy Animated: Sword of Storms (2006 TV Movie)

Great adaptation of comic and movie

[10/10 · 28 October 2006]

I was looking forward to this, and yet was still surprised to see it on TV so soon. I love the Hellboy comics and associated spin offs. I thought the movie was great, too. This cartoon version did a great job of bringing the feel of the comic to life, and as a bonus, Ron Perlman and Selma Blair from the movie version do the vocal work of their characters, respectively Hellboy and Liz Sherman. I was also pleasantly surprised to see that Doug Jones, who played Abe Sapien in the film but did not get to voice his character, which was done nicely by David Hyde Pierce, actually provides the voice for Abe Sapien here, and does a great job, too. The story is good, and much like the comic, focuses on the paranormal aspects of myth and folktale, in this case involving a Japanese sword. The animation was great, reminding me both of the comic art by Mike Mignola and the Batman, Superman, and Justice League animated series. I was very entertained. If you like either the comics or the movie, you should check it out, and if you like stories involving the paranormal a la the X-Files, you may very well love Hellboy, who brings a neat twist to investigating the paranormal.

The Prestige (2006)

Many twists and turns in this intelligent enjoyable film

[10/10 · 21 October 2006]

I can't wait to say that I loved this film! It was gripping, engaging, and surprised me a few times. I mean genuinely surprised me. The film is about rival stage magicians, rife with their lingo and culture, but more importantly, the film works much like a magic trick or illusion, offering its own misdirections while showing you everything. Hugh Jackman and Christian Bale were both superb as the obsessed magicians. Scarlett Johansson and Piper Perabo were very good as supporting female leads, though one of the best performances in the film was from Rebecca Hall. She made me want to look up her filmography. Michael Caine and the few others in immediate supporting roles were all good. I've heard mixed things about David Bowie's appearance in this film, but I think he was just fine; his appearance is more an extended cameo than anything else. The sets are authentic looking for the period, the writing is excellent, and even the music was excellent, if a bit subtle. The direction was superb, as was the editing. This is the rare film that gets everything right while telling a compelling story. It combines solid drama with an intriguing mystery and more than a hint of the fantastic I am hesitant to say anything about the plot, other than it concerns rival stage magicians in late nineteenth century London. Even the trailers for the film show precious little, probably for the same reason. Well worth the price of admission, I urge those interested to see it while its on the big screen.

Superman Returns (2006)

Very Entertaining Superhero Action Movie With Heart

[10/10 · 2 July 2006]

I saw it, and I loved it. I heard a little too much from naysayers before finally getting myself to the theater to see it, so I was apprehensive, but I had no reason to be. Bryan Singer is a fine director, good at pacing things, alternating the bullet bouncing off the superhero with the lump in the throat. He fills the two and a half hour running time with enough action to please action fans, prodigious and frequent use of Superman's many powers, a love story, and some genuine emotions from all the characters, including anonymous bystanders and Lex Luthor, the bad guy! I'm no Superman ignoramus, nor novice, having read about him with much gusto since about the time I learned to read at all. There is nothing in this movie that would be out of place in the Superman comics of the last few decades, and many an element you probably wouldn't see in the comics. Brandon Routh is a great Superman, fills the red boots with ease, and makes the role his own. I never thought anyone could follow Christopher Reeve; after all, I saw his version when I was nine years old, and he made quite an impression on me. Brandon does great things with the role, and I'd love to see him in many more Superman movies. Kate Bosworth was the biggest surprise, as I really expected her to be too young to pull it off, but I forgot about that as soon as the movie got underway. Her first scenes as Lois Lane are just bitchy enough to evoke the sassy star reporter even hardcore fans demand. Kevin Spacey was perfect as Lex Luthor, playing it a lot less wacky and more seriously. The effect was chillingly evil at times. The rest of the cast were great, with special credit going to Sam Huntington for being as realistically dorky as one could be without spoiling the Jimmy Olson character. He even wore a bow-tie. The special effects are phenomenal. The action is just as larger than life as it should be for Superman. The film is peppered with many references, including some very small subtle ones, to not only Supes' history but the DC Universe as well. All in all, a fun film that joins the ranks of superhero movies that get it right. Naysayers and nitpickers beware, even you may find yourself liking it. For a modern film at ten bucks for two and a half hours, you can't do better.

Shaun of the Dead (2004)

The funniest zombie movie, hands down!

[10/10 · 20 July 2005]

I loved this movie! Zombie movies are fun enough when they are serious and scary, but this was laugh out loud funny. It is, however, not just a parody of zombie movies, but a funny romantic comedy that gets many of its laughs from the relationships between characters. If every instance of walking dead people were excised from the film, it would still be a fine film. The main character, Shaun, experiences much that is familiar to young people who have gotten too old for school but have yet to settle down. He has a girlfriend who wants more out of life, a couple of roommates who alternate between slovenly and uptight, and a boring dead end job. His girl doesn't get on with his best friend, and he isn't exactly fond of her friends. He is determined to resolve all of these differences, and still tries, even when it seems that the dead have risen and start to terrorize the living. If you've ever had a dysfunctional family or a fight with your girlfriend or boyfriend, you will relate to the characters. If you like zombie movies, look for the constant, though sometimes very subtle, references to every zombie movie that has ever come before. Highly recommended for fans of British comedy, romantic comedy nuts, and devotees of zombie cinema!

Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith (2005)

Empire Strikes For the First Time

[9/10 · 25 May 2005]

Okay, it was good, and if your a Star Wars devotee, there are parts that are great. Some of the acting was no better than before, like Natalie Portman, some was really well done to the point of admiration, like Ian McDarmid and Ewan McGregor, and some acting was sort of in between, ie Hayden Christensen, whose acting ability increases with the evilness of his character. Yoda is the best actor here, and his performance makes you understand or appreciate his appearance in the original trilogy better. The special effects are without equal. There are enough references and in-jokes for fans to warrant the price of a ticket. If you have kids who are easily scared, then wait for the DVD so you can skip over parts, but if your kids are into gross stuff and explosions and well choreographed violence, then they may enjoy it without harm. Overall, I'd say that if you've seen all of the other Star Wars movies, then you must see it. Personally, I've been waiting 25 years or so for a scene near hot lava, and I wasn't disappointed.

The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003)

Epic with emotional and dramatic payoff

[10/10 · 22 December 2003]

Magnificent and beautiful, the final film of The Lord Of The Rings is an astounding achievement in filmmaking. The hours spent with each character, including the two previous films, is used to bring you so much closer to people in horrible mortal danger. Peter Jackson and his amazing company of players and technicians have brought this huge storytelling to a nice and perfect ending, wrapping up loose ends and combining all the elements in a cinematic shot to the head. Probably not for anyone who hasn't seen the first two, and it's a good idea to refresh your memory by watching those films again. This is by no means a standalone movie, but as the final third of really huge movie, it has never been equalled. The direction is great, with many close up shots of the people and creatures we have gotten to know, offset by landscape sized shots that almost show entire nations in one shot. The effects are, of course, extremely cool, and the fights are fantastic. A must see.

The Tuxedo (2002)

Could have been cool.

[6/10 · 9 October 2003]

This is a great sketch for a film, but seems unpolished. After the incredible setup that centers around an amazing tuxedo with essentially nanotechnological elements, a first for mainstream cinema, it completely fails to be the really cool science fiction film it could have been. Instead, they made a movie that is run of the mill spy spoof fodder, with dialogue dumbed down and some flashes of Jackie Chan's kung fu genius, but he isn't allowed to really show his chops, and the fight scenes are almost hilariously short. Jennifer Love Hewitt is tolerable if a bit weirdly cast as an agent of the CSA, a parallel intelligence organization that also fails to be all that it could be. She is awfully cute, though even this aspect of her talent is wasted here, reduced to juvenile humor about peeping toms and groping. When a film like this is relying on the hot actress to buddy up with the kung fu legend and the hotness and kung fu are crippled, you get this movie. Probably a great rental if a bunch of people are watching.

Oxygen (1999)

Great B Thriller

[8/10 · 31 May 2003]

Good performances, especially from Adrien Brody as a psychotic sadistic killer with a Houdini obsession and Maura Tierney as a cop, make this film stand out. The story is good, but would have suffered in the hands of a less competent director and cast. This is a movie that depends a lot on performance to deliver, and it does. Some of the supporting cast could have been played by better actors, but they are serviceable and are mostly meant to occasionally prod the story along another notch. On the whole, the cast stays out of the way of Brody and Tierney, who are the whole show. It's definitely worth seeing, and another one of those films that seemingly came out of nowhere, as I never heard of it before. I like solid B movies, and this stands out as one of the best. Its obscurity helps to conceal its surprises, and it helps to be surprised with this movie. I gave it an 8 out of 10.

X2 (2003)

Great sequel advances the idea and gets right to business

[9/10 · 2 May 2003]

This film doesn't let up. It gets right into things, builds off of just about every element from the first movie, and has a more meatier plot than the first. The performances are great, and Alan Cumming is more than perfect as Nightcrawler and really stands out. All the returning characters have a lot more to do than just chat. My only complaint is that Kelly Hu as Yuriko Oryama is hardly used at all in what is clearly a supporting role but is reduced to an extended cameo. There are lots of little bits of x-trivia peppered throughout and I was glad to see that so many of the children at the school were given characters to play from the comic series that fans like myself would appreciate. It's great fun and a lot of action. Nightcrawler's combination of teleporting and martial arts has to be seen to be believed. Lots of fun.

Spirited Away (2001)

Delightful story

[10/10 · 18 April 2003]

A sheer delight! Great story, interesting characters that get less weird as you survey the landscape, and you never know what is coming up next. The animation is not just sumptuous, it's perfect. An astounding film from a great imagination, and great fun for all ages. this is the kind of movie an intelligent child should see rather than the cranked out treacle which so pervades the usual kids fare. The first film since the original Star Wars that made me want all the action figures for all of the characters.

Joe Somebody (2001)

Second rate comedy with a great message

[7/10 · 5 March 2003]

This is not a great movie by a long shot. The script seems like it was put through a committee of unfunny people trying to see what would make it funny. This movie needed one very good writer to punch it up and throw in some smart dialogue, but it only seems to go halfway.

(POSSIBLE SPOILERS AHEAD AND SOME DEFINITE SPOILERS AS WELL) Tim Allen does a nice turn as a timid guy who becomes the most popular guy at work when everyone anticipates his rematch with the office bully who hit him in front of his daughter, on Take Your Daughter To Work Day, no less. Julie Bowen is adorable in this, but then again she could be adorable reading a math textbook in Norwegian for five hours. The whole movie seems to be about the time leading up to the big rematch, and some have complained that they were disappointed that the 'big fight' never happens, but I think they miss the point. Joe is really caught up in the idea that he will fight to redeem himself, and his enthusiasm for finally becoming confrontational seems to change his life for the better all around. It doesn't give him what he really wants or needs, though, and in the end he has to walk away from the fight in order to get what he really needs. Anyone who's a pacifist or has been picked on by bullies at school should probably see this movie, and it wouldn't be a bad film for bullies or potential future bullies to watch as well. Adults may be disappointed by the overall flatness of the film, but it has its moments, and I think kids in their early teens might really like it. They should have made it more of an adult or children's film. As it is, it seems to blandly smear itself in both directions.

A few things I liked about the characters: the ex-wife is not portrayed as a cold hearted bitch as in most two dimensional Hollywood garbage, and even the bully is, in the end, not reduced to a stereotype and was given more depth than most movie bullies. Some surprisingly real human actions and reactions in there if you look. I think it's at least worth watching if any of these redeeming qualities appeal to you. Rent it if you're getting more than one flick.

Attraction (2000)

Great B Movie

[7/10 · 26 February 2003]

It's a sleeper, a B movie, a thriller about relationships, obsession, and a million other things you should never do in your own life. Saw it on HBO, and it came out of nowhere; never heard of it before. It's a pretty good watch, good for renting. While not the best written film out there, it's got good performances and enough plot changes to keep you guessing. I thought Samantha Mathis stood out in this, as did Everett Scott. The rest of the cast were okay. I wanted to tune away, thinking it was going to really suck, but it kept my interest and by the end, I was terribly interested. Nice movie to see accidentally, especially, as others have noted, if you know nothing about it.

Signs (2002)

Great intimate science fiction

[10/10 · 20 January 2003]

I thought this movie was great. I've never seen such a film that looks at global events entirely through the eyes of a single family. You really get a better sense of just how afraid someone can be when their world turns upside down, and in the case of the Hess family, the main characters, it turns upside down again. As with all of Mr. Shyamalan's movies, you end up realizing that you've been watching a different movie than what you thought you were watching when the end arrives, and he always pulls it off with great skill and a different twist. The man clearly loves to tell a good story, and Signs is as good a movie as they make with a great story. The performances are spectacular, even from the kids, and the effects are simple and understated, but they pay off. I won't provide any spoilers here, but the film deals with the possibility of alien invasion and takes off from there into philosophy and faith and a whole bunch of other stuff. A great movie, maybe even the exact opposite of films like Armageddon.

Monsters, Inc. (2001)

Great story for all ages

[10/10 · 21 December 2002]

It seems that most of the great cartoons have tons of visual gags to go with their scripts, and Monsters, Inc is no exception. I loved the look of the film, and it was great adventure rendered with great comic sense. The people at Pixar must really love what they do, they haven't sucked yet. The monsters themselves may be a bit scary for really little kids or the more fraidy-cat prone kids, but the characters are superb. Great fun all around and very worth seeing.

Star Trek: Generations (1994)

Usual suspects, better than expected outcome.

[8/10 · 19 November 2002]

If you're a fan of the Star Trek milieu, then this movie is for you. As much as any product of the Star Trek universe and history will have its groaning moments, it has its moments of charm as well. The Next Generation cast obviously have a great love for their characters and bring all their skills to the fore, and the classic cast ham it up as only Star Trek fans can appreciate. You might have to love Star Trek, though, to love and understand this film, but if you don't it's still a nice space adventure sci fi film with heroics, strange sights, and good action. ST:TNG always had great science fiction plots, but were sometimes restrained by their budget and the technology available to them, so its good to see them with some real money behind them. All in all, nice transition from the old series' movies to the new.

The X Files (1998)

Great X-Files Episode

[8/10 · 18 October 2002]

If you aren't a fan of the X-Files television series or are unfamiliar with the run of the show, this will be an okay action movie with heavy science fiction elements. For diehard fans of the series like myself, this is one of the coolest possible installments in the adventures of the main characters, and it fits perfectly into the overall story arc of the series. With a bigger budget and more time to pace the story, director Rob Bowman was able to bring more characterization, even for some of the smaller parts, including a decent minor role for Martin Landau and what amounts to cameo appearances by Blythe Danner and Armin Mueller-Stahl. The scope of the conspiracy is better seen, and everything just seems bigger and more real all at once. For a fan, this is essential. For everyone else, it's a great introduction to the world of the X-Files and a good popcorn movie. If I had one complaint, it's the underutilization of the Cigarette Smoking Man and the Lone Gunmen, but then I love those characters.

The Wizard of Oz (1939)

Fun for everyone, still looks extravagant and beautiful.

[10/10 · 7 July 2002]

It's hard to judge a film like this, having grown up with it. I can't tell where sentiment ends and my critical eye begins. Suffice it to say that it is a wonderful rendition of Baum's story, with clever and amusing songs, and people of all ages can watch it. There are the occasional scary scenes of intense suspense and music that may frighten someone under three, but even these pass and are only part of what the screen presents you. The casting is perfect, the set design still amazes me. Dedicated and simple renditions of great ideas will trump the highest technological achievements if that technology serves a flat story or a poor imagination. The Wizard of Oz certainly qualifies as one of the more imaginative movies of all time, and the skill the players and the technical aspects only further its quality. In short, one of the finest films ever made.

Metropolis (2001)

Great adventure, classic themes given new life.

[10/10 · 2 July 2002]

This movie is one of those rare finds where everything about it seems stolen from other things, but they mesh together so successfully as to establish an original story. The characters are the main reason this film works for me. Too often, films establish characters through endless bouts of dialogue. Here, every word spoken by the characters fits their personalities, including the silences. As in life, some people are garrulous and some are laconic. More films should adhere so artfully to such an idea.

******SPOILER WARNING******* When Tima is writing Kenichi's name over and over again, it says more than any expository dialogue. ******END SPOILER***********

The plot is a neat blend of class struggle, political intrigue, and a few different kinds of love story. It's amazing what love can make us do, and some of the characters prove this in wildly different ways with different kinds of love. Even the greedy and selfish villains of the piece evoke some sort of sympathy.

Many have commented on the climactic scenes of the movie; all I will say is that it stays with you like one of your own memories.

Great science fiction, adventure, some politics, a few love stories and universal themes make this a great story. The retrofuturistic backgrounds have to be seen to be believed, and the animation is top notch all the way.

From Hell (2001)

Stylish and suspenseful

[10/10 · 25 May 2002]

I loved it. I thought it was a great mix of Victorian era whodunnit, horror, and a little bit of the paranormal. The time and place are presented more convincingly than many other films set in the same era. The mystery is well-plotted and paced, and matches the real life events with a more than plausible explanation for their occurrence. There is a paranormal aspect to this interpretation, but it does not detract from the plot or stray off needlessly into either laborious exposition or lala-land new agey stoner mysticism. I was on the edge of my seat the whole film, and the payoff was worth it. Highly recommended!

Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones (2002)

Fun adventure movie with lots of action

[9/10 · 18 May 2002]

I was one of many who were a little underwhelmed with Episode One, and I have no complaints about Episode Two. There is great action peppered throughout the film, and paced nicely, interspersed with moments that are slower but more plot intensive. Hayden Christiansen is cast well as an arrogant young snot of a Jedi who still has some redeeming qualities. The Jedi as a whole come off as all being a little bit flawed in some way, but this helps with some plot points vital to the series of films as well as this one. Everyone seems a bit more human and vulnerable in Episode Two, and it reminds me in some ways of the Empire Strikes Back; the characters are under the gun and their weaknesses show. Even when things look temporarily better, there are people who point out that it's far from over. The special effects are far beyond amazing, and the all-digital filming is completely unnoticeable; it all looks real, and like it was shot on film. George Lucas seems to be getting back into the swing of things as a director; there was some cool tricky "camera" work, and the actors seem more comfortable when talking to characters who could not possibly have been there when they were shooting it, a quality not always present in the previous film. Coruscant is beautiful here, with a nice amalgam of visual styles in the architecture and what seemed to be one brief nod to Blade Runner. The other worlds fare well. Fans of the films will be happy to see that the Skywalker/Lars homestead where Luke will someday grow up on Tatooine is done perfectly. Tons of fun!

The Dish (2000)

Charming film, and not just for space buffs.

[10/10 · 6 May 2002]

A beautiful little film where nothing explodes and nobody goes through horrible extremes, the Dish gives us a glimpse at an important footnote to history that might otherwise go overlooked. The portrayal of the team that brought us live pictures from the first moon landing is wonderfully cast and you find yourself rooting for people doing things that have little or nothing to do with the moon landing or space. It's so nice to see a film be so funny and endearing without being loud or forcing its emotion. That being said, space buffs like me will find it a fascinating piece of history. This is the exact opposite of films like Armageddon.

Spider-Man (2002)

Great rendition of one of my fave heroes

[10/10 · 4 May 2002]

The effects are amazing, mostly because they look so real and blend in seamlessly with the real world. You really do get the sense that this is happening in the real New York City, not some half-hearted rip-off of it. The story is right out of the comic books, but plays well. The cast were excellent. Tobey Maguire nails the part of Peter Parker, Willem Dafoe brings great depth and a little sympathy to the confused Norman Osborn/Green Goblin, and Kirsten Dunst brings Mary Jane to life much better than I thought she would. Some of the supporting players are also great, especially J.K. Simmons' J. Jonah Jameson. Perfect casting. They waste no time getting right into the story, and the origin sequence is as good as any you'll find in a comic book. The only changes made to the various minutiae of the comic world are for the better or hardly noticeable. Sam Raimi is not only a huge Spider-man fan, but a smart one as well. This is clearly a labor of love for him, and he makes it look cool, too. If he directs the sequels, I can't wait for more! This ranks up there as the best superhero movie yet. Nuff said.

The Match Factory Girl (1990)

Horrible tragedy with great comic timing.

[10/10 · 13 March 2002]

I saw this film many years ago at a local university-run cinema, and I thought it was the most brilliant comedy I had ever seen. The timing of the actors and the pacing of the scenes lent a weird feel to the movie. It was like the elements of a tragedy were being presented with a certain comic flair. Of course, I was the only one in the theater laughing, so I could be wrong, but it struck me as a completely flat comedy, with the story itself not giving out the usual comic clues. I claim either total admiration for Aki Kaurismaki or ignorance. In either case, it was very compelling.

Wet Hot American Summer (2001)

Hilarious parody of the dreckiest film genre

[10/10 · 7 February 2002]

They don't get any worse than summer camp movies, but nothing is funnier than this satire aimed at that very genre. People who came of age in the early eighties ( like me ) may get more of the jokes, but the movie is great all the way through. The cast is impeccable, the writing is spot on, and a much neglected era is brought to life convincingly. Many jokes start out as the same old predictable stuff but get turned on their heads. Watch until the very end of the credits for one of the funniest jokes I have ever seen on film; it's worth the price of admission for that alone. Fans of the State, the most brilliant sketch comedy show of the past 187 years, will go absolutely crazy over this. A must see film that puts to shame many a period piece.