Herald Reviews

Loverboy (2003 TV Movie)

not the real problem

[21 August 2004]

This film is about loverboys, men who seduce young girls/women and force them in to prostitution. They're not very friendly people, usually using violence so that their victim is too afraid to do anything about their situation. So what do you do when you make a movie about loverboys? You make the loverboy a nice guy, someone who falls in love with his victim, awww isn't that romantic? Yes it is and that's the whole problem about this movie. It totally underrates the problem. Never is there a real threat, Denise the victim never seems to be stuck in her situation, she isn't forced to become a prostitute, she isn't forced to stay one. At the end she finds out that the loverboy has other girlfriends and then she just quits with the guy. Just like that.

One can argue that it wasn't the intention of the makers to make a film about the real problem, the actor portraying the loverboy did acknowledge that in real life the loverboy situation is far more violent. However since this film is about the only one about loverboys it's regarded as a good source and a good representation about it. And that's the real disturbing part since the film more or less promotes the good side of loverboys more than emphasize the negatives. At least the previous commenter also knows better.

In the Dutch show 'Cut (2003)' there was an episode about loverboys as well, but handled so much better. Especially since it didn't have a happy ending, and the girl that was the victim disappeared just like many do in real life.

Aphrodisia (1995– )

As far as erotic tv-shows go, this one is the best.

[2 January 2003]

What makes this show better than the American counterparts is the execution. First the women look gorgeous and real. Second they usually wear nice lingere, and with that I mean stockings and garterbelts, something that's very rare in American shows. I like stockings so I like this show. Third the photography is way better, like using filters to create a sultry atmosphere.

Every story is told from a woman's point of view by voice over. And besides looking good, French women actually sound erotic too. Usually each episode has two stories with basic plots like girl meets boy, boss meets secretary, voyeur meets voyeuree, stuff like that.

Most women, and it's not unlikely most men too, also starred in hardcore movies like those from Private.

Terminal Virus (1995 TV Movie)

Stupid

[31 December 2002]

Well stupid sums this sucker up. It's not bad, it's just stupid. Men and women fighting each other because it's lethal to have sexual intercourse. While normal thinking people would try to find a cure these people wage war. And instead of living platonic besides each other, or even ignore each other since no sex means no death, they rather wipe the other gender out. Luckily our hero Joe Knight (Bryan Genesse) has a cure, and has to convince men and women to stop fighting, take a drug and have sex. Yes convince them, male prisoners of war have to make a choice, be prisoner or have sex after 23 years with women, what a hard choice!

The worst part is that I saw this flick on a German channel (RTL television) who cut this flick, even though it was aired at 4:30 in the morning. So I missed the nudity, which is a shame because the women, and especially Kehli O'Byrne, are goodlooking. A good thing that in this apocalyptic future not only cars, weapons and ammo are abundant but the razors to shave legs and armpits are there too. So I don't know if I missed a lot of nudity, but I know it was there and that was actually the reason I kept watching this ;)

The film is very short, only 75 minutes and my guess is that they only had a hour real film, because there's at least 15 minutes of two different groups of men fighting each other for no apparent reason. (maybe it was explained but I can't understand German that well).

Bryan Genesse shows he knows some martial arts skills, and it's a shame they didn't use that more. Plus there's a whole camp full of scantily clad women so why not show them some more. I don't need to see Joe and his friend McCabe (James Brolin) sleeping with their shirts off. Show some boobs!

From the pre-credit sequence you know it's going to be a stupid movie, and it's not going to be any better than that. It's not the worst movie ever (Xtro3: Watch the Skies and Mutant Species to name a few are worse), Bryan Genesse, Kehli Brand and the few boobshots make this one at least a bit enjoyable. I don't recommend it though, but if you're lying in bed (like I was) there's no harm seeing it. It probably will help you fall in sleep faster too.

Xtro 3: Watch the Skies (1995)

Really really bad and I don't say that a lot

[2 February 2001]

I haven't commented on a film here for three years, but now I've returned to warn you for this piece of crap. It baffles me that people say Godzilla 1998 is the worst film they ever saw. They obviously never saw this one. I can't believe some people actually like this and there is a DVD of this film.

I never expected a good movie, but sometimes cheap cheesy sf-films can be enjoyable. But this flick sucks big time. The general that gives Major Kints (Sal Landi) his orders has his office in a shed. The marines are plain stupid. The alien isn't scary or impressive at all. The explosions aren't even real.

There are many continuity errors. Backpacks and guns appearing and disappearing. An alien with small fragile hands that seems to have medical instruments to dissect his victims. On broad daylight, you can see the alien in a dark background. Kint and Fetterman (Andrew Divoff) fight on a boat and seem to be the only two people on the rather large looking ship. And after 40 years, the alien decides to take off and breaks his ship out of the concrete bunker he was trapped in. Doh.

Here's another example of the bad script: When everybody is walking towards a bunker to hide, private Banta stops for a moment because the batteries of her flashlight are dead. She's left behind by the other soldiers and soon she's stuck in the alien's slime web. Kint wants to look for her but private O'Reilly thinks she's dead because she stopped screaming. This all happens in the dark, and when it's daytime again, the alien comes to dissect Banta. The following night Kint decides to look for Banta after all, and when it's daylight again O' Reilly (with backpack) joins him. They look and look, but can't seem to find her. Luckily the Major climbs in a tree and spots the alien still dissecting Banta. He aims (with a sniperrifle he didn't bring) for the alien but misses and then ends Banta's misery by shooting her. Then they go back to the bunker, however Kint no longer has the rifle and O' Reilly no longer has his backpack. And this is just a small sample of the stupidity of this film.

When the remaining people are building a raft, two of them, O' Reilly and Watkins (Karen Moncrieff) go for a swim. However not in the brook where they are building the raft, but they walk a mile to the beach. I was hoping that the woman would show her breasts but alas, nudity is not an option in this flick.

believe me, this movie stinks. It's crap. It's a waste of celluloid. With worthless movies like this, it's uncanny that people are bashing fun movies like Anaconda or Godzilla 98. Hell, even Deep Star Six is even better than this junk. I'd rather watch the dumb Tammy and the T-rex again than Xtro 3 (at least Tammy had a nice striptease in the end).

Don't buy, rent or watch this one (unless you want to spot all the goofs).

Beverly Hills Family Robinson (1997 TV Movie)

The Robinsons learn on a remote island family values

[11 September 1999]

This isn't the best adaption of the Swiss Family Robinson story you'll ever see. And while I almost fell asleep during the film, I managed to stay awake and finish it.

The story is about the family Robinson, Marscha, Doug and their children Roger and Jane Robinson. Their yacht gets hijacked by three pirates. After the family dispatches the pirates they get stuck in a storm. The next thing they know they're trapped on an island. The family has no trouble at all with surviving on the island, they make a very fancy treehouse and even use electricity. The story is especially focused on Mrs Robinson who never paid any attention to her family at home, Beverly Hills. The whole event brings the family closer to each other. Another inhabitant of the island, Digger, tells Mr and Mrs Robinson that their kids are capable of so much more than they realize. On the island the family really learn what a loving family is all about.

The story is very predictable and the pirates are a bit annoying, the fun part of the movie is the house of the Robinsons. Whatever they want, they manage to make it. It's uncanny. Even MacGuyver would see green if he saw the Robinson's house on the island.

So why did I watch it? Sarah Michelle Gellar, how's that for a reason? Not that her role is so big. While this film will never be on of my favorites, it's very entertaining in the traditional Disney style. Just don't take this movie seriously.

Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery (1997)

Dr Evil was good

[26 August 1999]

This movie is incredibly corny, but a great spoof of the James Bond films. I thought that Dr Evil with his cliche plans was the funniest part of the movie. It took a while but he made me laugh. The only thing it lacks is action, I know it's a comedy but if you're going to spoof James Bond movies, it could need some more action. Also the scene in Alotta Fagina's penthouse seemed a bit forced and unnecessary.

Overall it's a good movie and maybe it will take some time but eventually you will laugh.

New Nightmare (1994)

Fred Krueger looks great

[3 August 1999]

I'm not so impressed by this film. It's impossible to say that this film omits the Nightmare on Elmstreet sequels, this film needs the countless sequels, it couldn't be part 2. In New Nightmare Fred Krueger isn't the villain, but Evil is. And Evil has personified itself as Fred Krueger. I have to admit, Freddy never looked better (I believe I said the same thing about Jason in his latest film).

Here and there the movie is a bit confusing, but what I really disliked about it was the predictable end. And besides the cliche end, it has some other cliches and that's why the movie didn't impress me as much.

Jason Goes to Hell (1993)

Jason looks badder than ever

[2 May 1999]

Jason looks very, very mean in this movie. Sadly, he only appears in 10 minutes of it. That was my biggest disappointment, the lack of Jason in Jason goes to hell. Luckily the cameo of the Necronomicon Ex Mortis was great. As a very big Evil Dead fan , I immediately recognized the necronomicon as the one Sam Raimi used in Evil Dead 2. Even the cellar reminded me of the cellar from Evil Dead 2. (And the crate with 'Arctic' on it, was that a reference to The Thing from another world?)

Further the movie had the basic formula, A lot of deaths, some nudity, and a police force who doesn't believe Jason is still alive.

It didn't even bother me that Jason was back at Crystal Lake, after part 8 where we was a little boy again, dead in the New York sewer. It didn't even bother me that they have Jason a sister. What bothered me is that they never explained how Creighton Duke knew all that information. Maybe they tried to make the bounty hunter more mysterious, it didn't work.

And after killing people with ease trough the whole film, it's a mystery why Jason didn't kill Steven instead of throwing him around so much. It was a bit of an anti-climax. The film could've use an extra 15 minutes WITH Jason.

But if you want to know Jason's origin, be sure to check this one out.

Godzilla (I) (1998)

forget what the critics say, make up your own mind, and enjoy the film

[18 April 1999]

I don't know what everybody expected from this movie. I guess a whole lot. Most people probably don't know that most Godzilla movies have a plot of one sentence, mostly: Godzilla versus [insert your own monster here], while destroying stuff. For me, this movie was a whole lot better than Monster Zero. I guess most people never saw another Godzilla movie. The video of the film lies in front of me now. And I'll enjoy watching it again.

I'll tell you how to watch Godzilla '98. Forget what the American press wrote about it. Please for once be someone who can make up his own mind. Try to act like an individual for once. It's not like everybody still writes that Godzilla was a rip-off from The Beast from 20.000 Fathoms. If you have forgotten about the bad publicity, then watch the movie.

I'm a big monster fan myself, and most monster movies were made a long time ago. So I was thrilled with this one. For once the monster was not a slow animal walking on 2 feet. For once the animal didn't have a grudge against the human race. I heard a lot of complaints, including that Godzilla looked like a big iguana (duh, Godzilla IS a big iguana, but due the radioactive radiation he became Godzilla) and that Godzilla looked like the T-rex from Jurassic Park. I don't see the slightest resemblance with the T-rex from Jurassic Park. First the T-rex doesn't have scales on his back, his arms aren't as big as Godzilla's. And I don't think the T-rex moves as swift and agile as Godzilla.

Next people complained about the story, or better the lack of a story. What the hell did they expect? A movie that tells the world the dangers about nuclear power? It's Godzilla for crying out loud, the only thing he has to do is destroy a city, fight other big monsters.

And who cares that the actors didn't act so good. Did I want to see very good acting? Nope I'm sorry, I watched the movie because of a big a** monster. Maybe the biggest mistake of Roland and Dean was to name the film Godzilla.

The Lost World: Jurassic Park (1997)

The book is better

[18 April 1999]

The book is better, much better. It's like David Koepp read the first 10 pages and then thought "I can make up the rest by myself"

But The Lost World is fun to watch. And the opposite of Jurassic Park. The Lost World is a darker movie, the 'nightmare' of John Hammond, while Jurassic Park was the 'dream' of John Hammond. It's not as great as Jurassic Park, but still worth to watch.

The T-rex in the city wasn't in the original script. Instead the helicopters would've been attacked by Pterodayctyles. I guess they changed it when they heard about Godzilla.

I Know What You Did Last Summer (1997)

Sarah Michelle Gellar is always fun to watch

[18 April 1999]

I'll confess. The only reason why I watched this movie was because of Sarah Michelle Gellar. So the movie is a success for me. On the other hand some people wanted to see a good movie, with great acting and a superb plot. Those people are probably the same ones who loved Scream. And they probably thought 'I know' sucked. When I went to the theaters I expected a Scream-look-a-like. But this time with Sarah Michelle Gellar. *drool*

'I know' has all the obvious scenes. The four teens are the only ones who know there is a killer, and the rest of the town doesn't believe them. The death scenes are disappointing. No real gore. The first death scene (in the harbor) was the best. Funny how nobody noticed the blood.

The movie is fun to watch. Just a typical slasher movie. They'll never bore me. I'm one of the few people who watch those kind of movies for the death scenes and not for the plot. And this movie has even a cliche ending...

If you want to see horror, watch Evil Dead 2 (you primitives probably didn't even heard of that one) and if you want an entertaining slasher flick, watch this one. The big difference with slasher movies from the eighties are that now big names want to star in them. Now where's my copy of Friday the 13th part 6...

Jurassic Park (1993)

Dinosaurs combined with great music

[10/10 · 17 April 1999]

I must admit, I'm a big dinosaur fan. As all kids I liked dinosaurs and movies with big lizards like Godzilla and Gorgo. The first thing I heard about Jurassic Park were the toys. I thought: 'what a lame idea, people trying to catch dinosaurs' but then I heard it was about a movie.

The movie is great. When I first saw it I was really convinced that the dinosaurs were for real. The movie made a big impression to me. After viewing to movie a couple of times, I noticed how John Williams soundtrack added so much to the movie. The acting isn't as horrible as some say. Jeff Goldblum is great as Ian Malcolm, Laura Dern is as usual... good looking. The jokes are funny, I still laugh about them (not the Timmy jokes).

The movie is a definite must see. It meant a turning point in special fx, and it started the debate of cloning. But it's just a very entertaining movie. Nothing more, nothing less. This movie is one of my favorites.

My condolences for the family and friends of actor Bob Peck (who portrayed Robert Muldoon) who died recently

Evil Dead II (1987)

The greatest horror film ever made

[10/10 · 17 April 1999]

This movie is never boring. From the begin to the end this movie is exciting. Bruce Campbell is great, and it's the best film he ever starred. He carries the whole movie with his hyper acting.

The plot seems unoriginal but how Sam Raimi has worked it out is terrific. His exaggerating style makes the viewer and Ash go mad. You'll laugh, you'll cry. But mostly you will love this movie. For many fans of the genre this is the best movie.

The Evil Dead trilogy is one of its kind, the sequels are not based on the box office success of its predecessor like the Nightmare on Elmstreet series, Friday the 13th or Scream. The Evil Dead trilogy tells the story about a man, and his endless battle against the evil.