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From Dusk Till Dawn 3: The Hangman's Daughter (1999)
More pandemonium
The Hangman's Daughter follows the same path the original film when it is split in half between mexican gunslingers and takes a big switch over to gory vampire horror. It is set after the Civil War where Ambrose Bierce along with mexican gunslingers, religious fanatics, the hangman and his daughter, etc. take a rest at the place they coincidentally bumped into each other. It is the same old Titty Twister bar/stripclub/brothel and you know what happens. This is actually above average as most movie goes and it sure is better than part 2, but can't beat 1 due to the low budget and campiness. It was a nice effort to show us how Santanica Pandemonium was created, but it never goes further back. And its just more of what you saw in the earlier film other than a different time period. The DVD has a deleted scene that many FDTD 3-haters would love, it has Ambrose Bierce and the film director in a bar - check it out if you can.
The Last Broadcast (1998)
Yuck
The guy committed the murder so he could have a good documentary to be made out of, but this film has so many plot holes like a swiss cheese: How did the blood get on Jim Seurd's clothes if he didn't commit the murder. What ever happened to Steven "Johnny" Avkast? His body was never found. How did Jim Seurd die in prison?
It's obvious that this psychopath is the one who sent them the message on the IRC and Jim Seurd was probably a real psychic.
It was all a great idea for a mysterious documentary, but the film makers failed to explain several reasons. If the Jersey Devil did exist and this was not a murder piece for some psychopath trying to gain the spotlight, it would make sense if Jim got blood on his clothes, if Steven did disappear, and Jim died in prison mysteriously. They could have explained it all.
Rather than a switch from doc to regular film (why the heck is the picture still the same - in bad quality?) they could have the psychopath just leave his documentary camera running as he killed the woman. But we know this "Last Broadcast" documentary is a finished piece so he would have cut that part out.
I have a better ending - how about that woman tries to make out the picture and she sees red eyes and a row of sharp teeth? Yeah, let's leave the Jersey devil thing intact because their "clever" idea failed - it just doesn't fix with the rest of the film.
Or another way could be a doc within a doc within a film (like Scream 3) where the special effects could be cut out and the psycho would be filming a "Blair Witch Project" type of documentary and the film part would be the police finding the pre-produced doc in the possession of a man they just arrested. And at the end they could have shown the same man in the holding cell.
All this stuff could have been a better way instead of what these film makers just made. My preference would be that the Jersey Devil did exist in this film. The documentary had me glued on the screen because I was anxious to see what would happen (like a real documentary) and I got deeply disappointed anyway.
3 out of 10
Inspector Gadget (1999)
One of the worst high-grossing film since Blair Witch Project
The 80s cartoon series is given a god-awful big screen live-action treatment with Broderick as a heroic security guard badly injured that a scientist gives him a new body (RoboCop anyone?) - a machine that shoots out a variety of gadgets so he can fight a villain named Claw who has stolen a computer generated foot....whatever. Broderick is an unconvincing Inspector Gadget, Everett shows a different side of him which we don't want to see (Claw really should have been masked) and that nasty little Tratchenberg should have been replaced with Kirsten Dunst or someone BETTER...Miscasts, hideous performances, lack of humor and an atrocious screenplay just kills this incoherent, irritating and mind-numbingly awful film that provides plenty of product placements. It's hard to believe that this one made $90 million...and only lasted 78 minutes!
House on Haunted Hill (1999)
It just comes and goes
Visually stunning, surreal and fun freaky horror film about five strangers strangely recruited to a mansion - looking like a chrome building from the atomic age or something out of a Batman cartoon series - where they are offered a million bucks each if they survive the night. Sounds easy huh? Not until you find out that the mansion was originally a mental asylum where a horrible mass murder occured when the inmates broke free. It's now haunted by the evil of the many dead psychos and victims who give these poor folkes a thrashing of a lifetime. The rich man providing the fun is Geoffrey Rush, who suprisingly took on this role, was probably going to pay each of them after all he didn't know that his lovely abode was the palace of pure, absolute evil. The story isn't much, the ending is awkward and the film is forgettable, but the SFX is acceptable. and this remake has its "moments" of sheer terror. But don't expect much explanations.
Bats (1999)
"Bats" Bites
Fake-looking bats with an attitude starts wiping out stupid Texas hicks before zoologist Meyer and Sheriff Phillips gets into action and end this dreadful cross of "Outbreak" and "Jurassic Park." Definitely one of the worst films of 1999 that should've been tossed on video release instead. The CGI was fairly impressive, but the little model bats are laughably ridiculous - as well as the rest of this clunker. Don't bother watching this movie if your I.Q. is above 75 otherwise you'll enjoy it.
The Blair Witch Project (1999)
A good example of overhype
The Blair Witch Project is not a true story and nothing in the film proved that the Blair Witch existed so I have come to a conclusion that all the horrors, the panic, the sounds and things these three filmmakers were experiencing was all in their heads because they were lost in a forest for days and nights losing their heads from thirst, hunger and hopelessness. Now that's what makes it a horror, but it's just not scary. It's more an overhyped, overrated drama than a true horror.
Warlock III: The End of Innocence (1999)
Ugh
This dreadful third installment is more like the TV series Friends than the previous entries and has replaced the wonderful Julian Sands with a horribly miscast Bruce Payne in this pointless bore. A group of 30-year-old actors posing as college kids stay at a mansion once owned by the evil warlock. OOOOHHHH I'm so scared already. This direct-to-video joke has very few moments that we'll enjoy and 99 percents just stinks. Ditch this clunker and re-watch the first two (preferably #1) or wait till they get it right next time.
SLC Punk! (1998)
SLC Punk! - Should've gotten the best picture Oscar!
You may have noticed that 19 people gave positive reviews and only one gave a negative. SLC Punk! is really a great film that proves to be rare because punks are usually caught on film very little and not as big as since Sid & Nancy. Now we get to see an actual portrayal of punks and the best thing is they're from Salt Lake City - the bible belt! - mormon land! SLC is a hysterical film that picks on everything from mormons to posers. But don't worry, there's even a moral dilemma - a reason for all this - that even a genius would find a better film than that stupid movie that won for best picture at the Oscars.
Festen (1998)
Great idea that Hollywood can borrow a little
Most of the reviews in the IMDb for "The Celebration" are very positive mainly for the focused story, great performances, unusual camera techniques and powerful screenplay. You'll have to understand this was filmed by the DOGME 95 contract that prevents whoever director that signs it from making a Hollywood-ized type film. That sounds like a lovely idea bringing back the same old films we have seen over the years by famed directors, but do we have to crap on Hollywood? They have been giving out some good movies and those that stinks - they're just a movie! Some people actually enjoy these terrible movies. Now for "Celebration" - it was a good movie because of its acting, script, dialogue, suspense and mainly the focused story which is unoriginal and cliched. But for the camera style - who said that Hollywood have been doing that poorly? It adds a nice touch, but I would kill myself if I see Chucky the doll discussing his family secrets on a hand held camera! The Dogme films just add to a great list of movies, but please don't expect Hollywood to magically turn all movies into Dogme-type films because I'm sure that there are so many people that would not like "Celebration" because they expect better. Overall this movie was really good I give it SEVEN out of 10 - yessss.
Entre tinieblas (1983)
Confusing, incoherent and extremely bizarre.
Maybe the one line summary is wrong, that's the problem with Pedro Almodovar's flick, you don't know what its supposed to be: ironic, satire, parody, black comedy or a serious drama. It's got a lounge singer hiding out in a convent (remember this is a 1983 movie, made way before Sister Act) after her lover ODs. The nuns are former losers, street trash, etc. who are given punishable names like Sister Rat-in-the-Sewer or Sister-Damned and their Mother Superior shoots up heroin. Are they making fun of Catholics or what? Nevertheless, this is a bit funny, while being a little boring. Recommended to the Almodovar/Spanish/foreign fans who shouldn't expect this one to be better than his usual films.
Shakespeare in Love (1998)
Didn't deserve the academy award for best picture...
a bit funny...a bit romantic, but didn't deserve the academy award for the best picture... History buffs would hiss at this softened up, dumb insult to what could be a real life person or a fake (for example, Shakey didn't make up that Romeo and Juliet story, he stole it from a much older one.) otherwise, it's a witty, well written story that is one of the best films this year.
King Cobra (1999)
Anaconda may be bad, but this is worse.
Low-budget horror with giant, genetically altered/accidentally mutated king cobra/rattlesnake named Seth who munch on a bunch of rednecks and horny teenagers. There are some scares, a nice soundtrack reminiscent to Jaws and the Choidio Brothers FX looks real good, but it looks fake anyway. Weak, predictable and laugh-inducing direct-to-video flick has an embarrassing cameo by Erik Estrada as the town homosexual snapping his finger in the air. Lousy cast that you would enjoy seeing them as snake dinner and the only guy you'll care for (if not enough) is Pat Morita.
Tale of the Mummy (1998)
Take it from an American
Don't listen to the other reviewers - they're foreigners... Talos the Mummy (or Tale of the Mummy as the video says) was an awesome special-effects horror film that is in fact opposite of Stephen Sommers' excellent Mummy remake because it is a horror not an adventure as the box art claims it is. Sad story that Russel Mulcahy's best film to date has been tossed on the video shelf half a year too early from its supposed theater release just so Miramax/Dimension can shamefully cash in the success of the big-budgeted smash hit. All the other foreigner critics complained that this was boring its really interesting, dark, and an all new different story. They were so logic-driven, it's just a movie! Abandon all logics just to enjoy the few bucks you loose in an awesome film. So what if the cast ain't worth it...the mummy is. I give this sucker 7 out of 10 because its GOOD! The opening is awesome and if you expect the film to get worse - it actually just stays the same throughout - until the unexpected, yet disappointing ending with a last frame that will scare even the strongest of wills like me! Never had a film do that since the remade versions of Haunting or The Thing!
Shark Attack (1999)
Good for standard fare mystery-thriller
More a mystery-thriller than a horror, Shark Attack is about a marine biologist who is lured to Africa to investigate a string of gruesome shark attacks that leads to sharks on steriods, sharks curing cancer and a little conspiracy that'll fall together at the end. This is pretty good for a standard fare mystery-thriller which isn't big screen material.
The Haunting (1999)
Everybody's a Critic
The original may have gotten better reviews, but it was merely a boring rip-off. There was NO haunting, just loosely adapted from Shirley Jackson's novel which got more faith in the remake and was much more interesting. The casting choices may stink, but Lili Taylor was great. The ending is wonderful and better than the original and the special effects don't interfere with the film. Everybody's a critic. This film is a great film on its own and is very different from the original which i would like to forget - infact i don't remember anything good happening in that one - bleech. 8 out of 10 :-)
Baby Geniuses (1999)
Huh?
Is this movie supposed to be a joke? Or just a mean trick on the unsuspecting audience? But believe me, i have seen worse than this moronic combination of Look Who's Talking and Baby's Day Out. Like we needed another one.
Virus (1999)
Ok for something we already saw
Event Horizon, Relic, Terminator 2, Aliens, Deep Rising were all the films mentioned in the other reviews that were so similar to VIRUS that it makes this movie look like a big dumb rip-off. The dialogue was lame, the direction was uninspired, the script was poor, the plot was dead and the characters were worthless and the performances were not helping you care at all. This film left no impact. Otherwise...VIRUS had great special effects despite what the other critics said. The idea what this unknown entity does by living in electricity and using us for spare parts and wiping us out because we are the virus to it is pretty much original. Forgettable horror/sci-fi with some awesome moments was actually produced by Gale Anne Hurd, female producer of power-women films such as Terminator 2, Aliens and Relic...strange that VIRUS seem to rip these off huh? Unlike these three, Jamie Lee Curtis' role was pathetic and weak - she wasn't this Sigourney Weaver type bad-ass babe kicking some monster gluteus maximus. Sad that even a film with great special effects would sink so low...it could have been better - these morons at Universal should have hired some ghostwriters to adjust the script (that's what Hollywood do to make the script better) one writer does the action, one does the character development, one does the plot...all comes together in a three or plus time better movie than VIRUS.
Storm of the Century (1999)
Bore of the Century
Pointless four-hour bore-a-thon with completely uninteresting characters babbling and babbling (they never learn when to shut up) along saying the full names of characters over and over as well calling three old people Old Mrs. _____(fill blank here) as well as young people as Young ___ _____(fill blank here). Typical Stephen King dialogue is getting tired after 8, 9 or 10 times! There's no big lesson to be learned at the end, yes non-predictable, but who would want to spend four hours for a stupid ending to one of Stephen King's worst films. No thanks! Whatever happened to the star ratings because i was going to give it 3 points out of 10.
Funny Games (1997)
The director's way of playing funny games on us.
Whoever finds this shocking story of torture and murder that can happen to anyone, even a perfectly normal family (of bad actors) to be any funny have got to be sick (I've read some of the reviews) Funny Games is not funny...it's a dull, tedious film with stupid characters you just want to slap in the face (that's not just the bad guys!). The results kinda gave me a surprise and the ending was very strange. But this film is just too non-existent and irritating. Very few people will like this movie, but MANY other people will not. So i do not recommend this film to anyone but indie buffs who understands a filmmaker's goal (even if its a disturbing one) to explain what this movie is about (or maybe this director is one sick puppy.) As for the trickery thrown at us, that's the director's way of playing funny games on us....get it?
The Return of the Pink Panther (1975)
BOOORRRRRRRINNNNGGG
This was one of the most boring films i have ever seen. There was only five or six things that made me laugh and i had to stop the tape a few times because i was falling asleep. This was not a funny "belly-laughs" guaranteed movie. It was a big bore. This whole series isn't even that great.
Orgazmo (1997)
NC-17 my butt...
The story of a Utah mormon who is discovered by a pornographer during his door-to-door mission and given a role in a porno as "Orgazmo" the superhero who gives orgasms is not that explict. The sex scenes are normal as other films and there's only karate violence, but a lot of sexuality. I saw the UNRATED version which is more longer than the NC-17 version (it had not been sent through the MPAA for a rating). I had high hopes for this film until i saw it...found it to be pretty bad. There surely was a few funny moments and actor/writer/director Trey Parker tried his best...he tried.