lemasque Reviews

A Woman's Secret (1949)

An Imperfect Why Done It?

[5/10 · 20 August 2009]

I'm not going to bother with the silly story behind this farce. There are several other reviews with that info. The film is full of great actors and Maureen O'Hara is stunningly beautiful. Although there's enough talent to keep you entertained up to the end, my main concern is what this film is not.

It is not a whodunit, although Jay C. Flippen as police inspector Jim Fowler at one point says it is. It is not Film Noir, although one flashback scene looks very noirish. Finally, it is certainly not an "All About Eve" as the film is actually all about nobody. In fact, it was impossible for me to figure out why most of the characters do what they do -- but, maybe you can.

Why does the police inspector sit and listen to Melvyn Douglas drone on for hours about what a great gal the Maureen O'Hara character is? Why does Maureen O'Hara insist that she is guilty? Why does Gloria Grahame have a German Luger in her purse? Why does the police inspector's wife suddenly turn into a detective? Why is Bill Williams even in the movie?

There are many more inexplicable questions that I felt were never answered, but I guess it's just A Woman's Secret.

Burn After Reading (2008)

Okay After Viewing

[6/10 · 22 July 2009]

Burn has a lot going for it. As with most Coen Brothers' movies, this spy spoof has a brilliantly quirky story that is full of interestingly flawed characters. The plot moves along with enough action never to be boring.

The performances and direction make the movie well worth your time. Unfortunately, there's a missed opportunity here. Nothing ever really takes off like you would expect or want.

This movie is not near as bad, nor near as good as some reviewers contend. Maybe it's because people have certain expectations of any Coen Brothers movie. As for me, some of their movies I love, and others I hate. Then there are a few, like Burn, that are just okay. Burn delivers light entertainment, with an occasional flash of great dialog and dark humor. If that's okay with you, you won't be disappointed.

Phantom Lady (1944)

Phantom Lady: A Film Noir Visual Feast

[18 November 2008]

Phantom Lady is quintessential Film Noir and a must-see for anyone who appreciates the genre. The film is not, nor does it aspire to be, a whodunit with an airtight plot, or a mystery-thriller that ends with an inconceivable twist as in the original novel. If that is what you want or expect, this is probably not your cup of tea. Although many great films considered part of the noir genre may include some of these elements, that's not what film noir is all about.

Film Noir is almost synonymous with Cornell Woolrich (William Irish), the author of the novel Phantom Lady. His novels and short stories are the source of an amazing number of screenplays and teleplays, including several noir and non-noir classics such as Hitchcock's Rear Window.

As a writer and persona, Woolrich was a uniquely noirish sort of guy. In fact, he wrote a series of six "Black" novels, all have been adapted to the screen or TV at least once, and some multiple times. Obviously, noir means black, and these black novels inspire great noir films.

Many Woolrich stories, Phantom Lady is one, revolve around impossible crimes. As sinister forces close in, his protagonists are powerless do anything but follow some diabolical labyrinth that defies understanding. No wonder his work is a perfect fit for film noir, which takes place in its own dark universe, where characters struggle against powerful and malevolent forces. Unfortunately, the nightmare scenarios created by Woolrich, enhanced by his own inimitable style of description, often seem to get lost in translation when brought to the silver screen. Although most of the films are very good, these adaptations tend to be very different from their literary source.

Not so with Phantom Lady – up to a point. Although details may vary, director Robert Siodmak cleverly and adroitly uses dazzling Expressionist visuals and quirky character performances to emulate the dreamlike quality of a Woolrich story. A good example is the incredible scene where Elisha Cook Jr. drums up the sexual overtones for Ella Raines.

Since our psychotic mastermind is revealed early on, there is no who-done-it mystery to distract the audience. The revelation allows a brilliant means of reworking the story into a tight and infinitely more interesting screenplay. Woolrich's original story follows a different approach, not confirming the killer until the end. Obviously, some treatments work better as a novel than a movie.

Often over-shadowed in the movies which he appears, this time Franchot Tone fits so perfectly into the role of Jack Marlow that we are captivated by his machinations, wondering where it will all end. All of the other characters are great and true to form as well. Raines is exceptionally strong in her portrayal of the somewhat naive love-struck secretary who won't give up.

True to a Woolrich novel, the genius of the film is in the telling of the story; more important than structure or even the ending. Although the outcome is the same, the ending is much different in the novel. Also, after the killer is revealed in the original story, there are 16 long pages, explaining every detail of every plot twist. Unfortunately, this approach is anticlimactic, and would never work as a film. Nevertheless, Siodmak is able to present a more convincing story with almost no explanation.

Any screen adaptation of a Woolrich story is always in jeopardy of being swallowed up by massive plot holes. After all, part of the charm of a Cornell Woolrich story is that you never really know if you dealing with reality, or trapped in a drug and alcohol induced nightmare.

In Phantom Lady, a character reveals, "… I'd been blazing a reefer already before it happened, and you know what that does to you." Woolrich certainly did know, and much of his literature is obviously inspired by mind-bending experiences. If a screenwriter and director can artfully breach the massive plot chasms of an original Woolrich story, yet still preserve the beauty as in Phantom Lady, the film becomes a feast for any Film Noir fanatic.

The Darjeeling Limited (2007)

Even More Exasperating Than "The Life Aquatic"

[6/10 · 5 April 2008]

If narcissistic self-indulgence is the cardinal sin of good film-making, then Wes Anderson is the Antichrist--except he's so darn quirky. Let's face it, when you walk into a Wes Anderson film (or anything involving Owen Wilson) you have to expect magnificent squirreliness. Whether they admit it or not, that's what die-hard Anderson acolytes truly crave.

Unlike Tarantino's Death Proof, which is a ridiculous mess that doesn't work, The Darjeeling Limited is a ridiculous mess that does work, at least in the quirky world of Wes Anderson. Thus, it's somewhat silly for people of Indian descent, or anyone else for that matter, to be offended by this weird travel-romp epic. After all, this is not supposed to be the real India; this is Wes Anderson's quirky-world India. So you either avoid it or wallow in it. I chose the latter, and I am better for it.

Okay, I admit I'm not the biggest Wes Anderson fan, although, I kinda liked those early, yet unpretentious, quirky little films Bottle Rocket and Rushmore. And the classic mockumentary about the making of The Royal Tenenbaums was a real hoot (included as an extra disc with the DVD package). That pseudo-documentary, ostensibly a behind-the-scenes look at film-making through the quirky eyes of Anderson, actually imparts great insight for those wondering: "What happened to Wes Anderson?"

It's by far my favorite Wes Anderson movie, and should be listed on IMDb instead of Hotel Chevalier.

In reality, I think both Anderson and Tarantino are geniuses. They are able to lead fantastic lifestyles because early in their careers they established themselves as auteurs capable of attracting a certain level of guaranteed box office and critical acclaim. As a result, the quirky director needs no clothes to acquire train-loads money, millions of quirky fans, and adoring starlets ready and willing to take off their clothes (see the luscious Natalie Portman in the Hotel Chevalier opus).

The Master of Ballantrae (1953)

A swashbuckling adventure of great unfulfilled promise

[5/10 · 9 December 2007]

The Master of Ballantrae starts out as a great swashbuckling adventure film with lots of promise. It has the comfortable feel of the best Disney films of that era, plus an even better look. Although not in his prime, Errol Flynn seems perfect for the role. His performance exudes a certain edge and sardonic quality that make his character very compelling. All the supporting characters do a fine job, but Roger Livesey as Colonel Burke is especially intriguing as Flynn's comrade and sidekick. Unfortunately, shortly after the story setup, the film starts to unravel. Nevertheless, I was still on board until the pirate section of the film. I found that whole business silly and unbelievable. The two pirate captains, a French dandy named Arnaud (Jacques Berthier) and another known as Mendoza (Charles Goldner) are both completely ridiculous. The film never recovers and is only mildly amusing for the duration. Except for one stirring speech by Flynn, the ending and resolution to the story fall short on credibility and excitement. Although The Master of Ballantrae is somewhat disappointing, I still would recommend the movie to film buffs and Errol Flynn fans. The DVD version is beautiful and worth watching. Just six short years after this film was released, Flynn would be dead, having successfully destroyed his own life. Surprisingly, The Master of Ballantrae demonstrates he was still capable of a first-rate performance at this time. It's a pity that William Tell, Flynn's next project, failed and was a personal financial disaster as well. Yes, he delivered a couple more notable performances in forgettable movies, but it's obvious that there could have been one more great Flynn epic before the final curtain.

The Black Bird (1975)

To Spoof a Classic

[1/10 · 30 September 2007]

The Black Bird is not the worst movie I have ever seen - that would be Matrix Revolutions. I must confess, I did not make it all the way through to the end. However, I was able to get farther than my first attempt when I walked out of the movie theater around 1976. If you are going to spoof a CLASSIC, and one of the best movies ever made, you have to do a first class job or else the film looks like a low-budget mess. Three movies immediately come to mind as examples of great spoofs: Young Frankenstein, Abbott & Costello Meet Frankenstein and Play It Again Sam. Each of these fine films are excellent spoofs that capture the magic of the originals. The Black Bird violates the most important rule of any film, including comedies and spoofs. A film must take itself seriously, no matter how ridiculous the subject matter. I am never able to take George Segal seriously in this film, or any other character for that matter, including Effie, who was splendid in her small and effective part in the original. Segal's hat and cigar are totally ridiculous and out of place then (1975) and now. The rest of the movie and supporting characters are not really worth discussing, except to say the quality wavers from low-budget bad to just unwatchale. If you're looking for a film spoof, rent anything other than this mess, such as Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid or many others.

Four Star Playhouse: The Witness (1953) Season 2, Episode 5

Okay, if enjoy these old TV shows as I do

[5/10 · 28 July 2007]

Amusing nostalgia and interesting talent, but not much else is going on here. I enjoyed seeing a young Charles Bronson, but Dick Powell was not up to his usual performance. He was much better in The Bad and the Beautiful (1952). He probably was just going through the motions on this one. After all, this was just television, but Powell was pretty big in TV. I still remember the Dick Powell Show. As an Aldrich TV directorial effort, there were some interesting shots, but I would really like to see some of his China Smith work. I wonder if it is available anywhere? Of course, the appearance of Strother Martin was a pleasant surprise. You can see a Film Noir influence in the some of the cinematography, but not the story. Overall worth a watch, but the plot is weaker than your average Perry Mason.

Ultraviolet (2006)

Tantalizing DVD Cover Art is the only thing this silly movie has going for it!

[1/10 · 12 January 2007]

After months of seeing the tantalizing DVD Cover Art, I finally broke down and rented the damn thing. All right, some of those scenes of Milla doing her Kung Fu Fighting, with multiple costume and hair color changes, are kinda stimulating. At the most, it's worth one star. But be careful, you are risking extreme boredom to expose yourself to the rest of this ridiculous mess. Of course the plot is meaningless, the dialog is gibberish, and the acting is amateur hour. And I almost forgot, the directing is... well, better left forgotten.

But who cares? Anyway, I was just looking for some cartoon level titillation. Unfortunately, this stinker failed to deliver even that! After about 20 minutes, I was forced to watch the rest of this farce on 8X speed. Yeah, I stopped a couple times hoping for some provocative Milla action, but it was pretty much all redundant. I don't think I missed much, do you?

Munich (2005)

Spielberg Dupes You Sheepeople Again!

[1/10 · 12 January 2006]

Like Saving Private Ryan, the masses will realize the true meaning of Munich only on a subliminal level. In reality, Ryan was an allegorical representation of the Vietnam War. In other words, no matter the sacrifice, all wars are meaningless – even WWII. Likewise, Munich is a sick, defeatist, self-loathing reaction to the War On Terror.

-----------------------SPOILERS FOLLOW---------------------------------

For that reason, the first Arab mercilessly assassinated by the Israeli hit squad seems as harmless as Harpo Marx. Yet, the most sickening point in this travesty is the mythical arms dealing, information swapping Frenchy family that "does not deal with governments." GIVE ME A BREAK! Is this the same totally ridiculous group that appeared in Apocalypse Now Redux?

Finally, Spielberg tacks on what I am sure he thinks is a truly artistic ending, which by the way, seemed like it would never come (no pun intended). He depicts our hapless protagonist pumping his wife while flashing back to the massacre of Israeli athletes, ending in an orgasmic finale as Arab Terrorist are riddled with machine gun bullets. Eisenstein - this is NOT.

Spielberg wants us to appreciate Avner as some kinda antihero character who does the dirty deeds, but feels so guilty about it. His character arc climaxes with the realization that both sides are equally evil or misguided. AND ALL WAR (INCLUDING IRAQ) IS WRONG – OH MY GOD!

Unless you are a Michael Moore acolyte, please spare yourself this moralistic equivocating tripe. I could say a lot more, but why bother?

Hollywood Ending (2002)

I still enjoyed this little farce!

[5/10 · 30 October 2002]

I know Hollywood Ending is a far cry from Woody at his best -- or even his mediocre stuff, for that matter. Yet reluctantly, I still enjoyed this little farce. Even the shadow of the Woody of old is far better than most of the current releases at your local video store.

That said, I hate seeing Allen reduced to just coasting on his past glories, especially since he is still capable of great things. I wish someone would convince him to move himself (the actor, not the writer) into the supporting cast, and let new talent (such as Penn or Cusack as he's used in the past) take over his persona as the central character. And like everyone else in the world, I think he needs to get over the young girlfriend thing. It's starting to look like a bad joke.

(5/10)

The Royal Tenenbaums (2001)

Might be a little too cute, but who cares?

[5/10 · 30 October 2002]

Wes Anderson deserves high marks for originality, tremendous art direction, and all and all a very well crafted film. Unfortunately, there are too many characters for any real depth. With the exception of perhaps Gene Hackman, all the actors in this film come off as caricatures. And needless to say, there is only a hint of a plot, and little or no character development.

In another age, some might say that many layers of fascinating atmosphere and detail are not adequate compensation for an embryonic story. Of course, those days are long gone. There are no real standards anymore. In fact, most of the Hollywood product has no more substance than the cartoons they are based on.

Nevertheless, Anderson is able to capture his quirky vision on film. I came away with the same feeling I get from the typical Woody Allen effort. Maybe the overall result is a little too cute, but who cares?

(6/10)

Insomnia (2002)

Everything was wrapped up nicely - maybe too nicely!

[7/10 · 24 October 2002]

Although I'm one of the few people who didn't like "Memento," surprisingly, I really enjoyed "Insomnia". Although the film has no serious flaws, it could have been a little better. First, the film seemed to slow down in the third Act, almost curing my insomnia. Fortunately, the action picked up toward the end, and everything was wrapped up nicely - maybe too nicely. Regardless, this is a very good film, well worth screening.

***Spoiler Alert***

What if Will Dormer (Al Pacino) somehow had missed his partner, and had tried to cover-up a crime he didn't commit?

Dancing at the Blue Iguana (2000)

A collection of very compelling scenes...

[24 October 2002]

Not a perfect movie by any means, yet still worth the investment in time to experience it. This is a collection of very compelling scenes with fascinating characters that almost anyone should be able to appreciate on several levels.

Exotica (1994)

Exotica may seem like a masterpiece

[5/10 · 24 October 2002]

Although this film has great atmosphere, fascinating characters, and interesting situations, it is unfortunately limited by a silly story. There is a lot unrealized potential here, yet the film is still intriguing and worth screening.

How much you like it will depend on two things. First, if you are entertained by depressing subject matter, as it seems a majority of serious film fanatics are, you will certainly appreciate this film. In addition, if you are not that bothered by giant plot holes, as the case with most people nowadays, Exotica may seem like a masterpiece.

On the other hand, even if you have an upbeat story-driven perspective on film, you still might enjoy this titillating little tale.

Naked (1993)

Feed your depression!

[4/10 · 24 October 2002]

The naked truth about our existence, as depicted in Mike Leigh's "Naked," is summed up by the main character Johnny (David Thewlis): "Have you ever thought, right, that you might have already had the happiest moment in your whole f***in' existence, and all you've got to look forward to is sickness and purgatory and death."

Rather depressing isn't it? But if you, like most high-profile movie reviewers, are easily impressed by simplistic nihilism, and need to feed your depression, this movie is a sumptuous feast. Yet, I admit I was somewhat impressed by the skill these actors demonstrated in taking this pointless adventure seriously. Also, I can't overlook a couple of invigorating scenes that break the dreariness.

Truthfully, I think it would be impossible to SPOIL this movie, as it's famous for not having a plot, and being beyond conventional story-telling. That said, BE WARNED some of the rest might be considered a SPOILER!

My favorite scene was Johnny's encounter with a laconic poster hanger and his reaction to the non-stop fatalistic rant. He pretty much summed up my feelings about the bombastard. I only regretted not being allowed to participate. By this time, I was so sick of his post-1960s cultural gibberish, all I wanted was for someone to SHUT HIM UP!

L.A. Confidential (1997)

Only half GREAT!

[5/10 · 7 October 2002]

Reviewers have been far too generous in praise of La Confidential. The script is a perfect example of Hollywood once again dropping the ball. The first half of the film is GREAT, as good or better than I wanted it to be: a juicy plot (plus various sub plots) of just the right complexity, a seductively delicious milieu, and fascinating characters.

WARNING: SOME OF WHAT FOLLOWS MIGHT BE CONSIDERED SPOILERS!

Suddenly without warning, the story switches to the favorite action movie plot used by every other Hollywood hack – THE BIG CHEESE VILLAIN. You know this one, the evil authority figure symbolizing the corrupt establishment (such as a CEO, superior military officer, high government official, football coach, etc.) that no one would ever suspect turns out to be the criminal mastermind behind all the movie's mischief and mayhem. That worked in This Gun For Hire with Alan Ladd, but has been beat to death since Viet Nam and Watergate.

From the moment that Kevin Spacey is killed, the movie runs on automatic scriptwriter. As always the case with THE BIG CHEESE VILLAIN FORMULA, the major plot conflict and all sub plots can be conveniently resolved with an action packed ending where the hero (or heroes in this case) confront the villain and an army of evil henchmen in a setting reminiscent of the OK Corral. In the end, countless bad guys are blown away, yet THE BIG CHEESE is left to kill. As we've seen many times before, the crafty arch villain almost kills our heroes. And just when you've given up all hope, those physically and emotionally wounded good guys manage some last minute gunplay neatly dispatching old Mr. Corruption. And the world is right again.

As a bonus, the filmmakers of LA Confidential tacked on a schmaltzy epilogue with some cornball lines and long pathetic stares. This is a painfully obvious attempt to dupe us into thinking we experienced something profound. Oh yes, our heroes are a little more cynical, but they are much wiser, caring men, and their tarnished honor is still intact. Reminds me of Nancy Olson's line in Sunset Boulevard, `...just a rehash of something that wasn't very good to begin with.'

If you award flawed films like LA Confidential a top rating, what about noir classics like The Big Sleep, Out Of The Past, and Chinatown -- twenty stars at least? Personally, I would have enjoyed seeing more of Kevin Spacey and the ‘50s TV angle – as that's something different. I guess the filmmakers were constrained by the book, which I haven't read. But that doesn't excuse throwing out creative license, taking the easy way out, and opting for THE BIG CHEESE VILLAIN FORMULA, even if it's in the book.

Signs (2002)

Just like War of the Worlds

[1/10 · 5 October 2002]

In the movie Signs a character says, `Just like War of the Worlds.' Although he is talking about the unfolding events of the story, he might as well have been referring to the whole movie. Everything from Night of the Living Dead to The Wizard of OZ is fair game for M. Night Shyamalan's larceny. The whole ridiculously over-dramatized mess has no more substance than an episode of The Outer Limits.

And then there is Mr. Shyamalan's acting. Although not quite as embarrassing or self-serving as your typical Quentin Tarantino cameo, the performance is even less credible. Of course, this might be the result of poor direction, which is undoubtedly the case with Mel Gibson. His super stoic portrayal of the protagonist is really a boredom endurance test. And Rory Culkin as his son Morgan is simply just a weak incarnation of another Sixth Sense youngster, but infinitely more nauseating.

WARNING: SOME OF THE FOLLOWING MIGHT BE CONSIDERED A SPOILER!

Yet, nothing compares to the limp-wrist, semi-naked aliens. These obviously computer-generated bogeymen are not even smart enough to wear protective clothing, control inferior beings, or even escape from a blocked kitchen pantry. They seem to have no weapons. Nor do their intended victims, the inhabitants of a lone farmhouse in the middle of a cornfield, in the middle of nowhere. Maybe they all are just trying to be politically correct. How did these aliens ever manage to travel several light years through space and arrive at Earth?

And I'm not even going to touch the advice giving, clairvoyant wife crushed against a tree. I'm amazed that such pabulum impresses so many people. If you need a hokum fix, save your money, stay home, and watch The X-Files.

The Boondock Saints (1999)

Boondoggle

[1/10 · 9 September 2002]

WARNING: SOME OF THE FOLLOWING MIGHT BE CONSIDERED A SPOILER!

Unfortunately, I recommended the DVD version of this overlooked gem (according to the video store clerk) for a group screening on a friend's mega-screen TV no less! Otherwise, I would have pushed the ejector switch in the first 20 minutes.

All the talk about Columbine, and it being the reason this cult classic wannabe was not theatrically released is pure B.S. Although I admit the production is technically fairly well done, Boondock Saints makes even the most fatuous Hollywood offering look like Citizen Kane. Any comparison to Tarantino's work is simply a sham. Actually, what we have here is a horribly failed and misguided attempt to surpass some of the unpleasant elements found in Tarantino films.

That would explain the ludicrous overuse of bullets shattering, blood splattering, and F-bomb chattering. Forget any attempt at character development, or anything approaching a coherent story. Instead we are presented with an awkward array of soggy cardboard characters that stumble through meaningless action. There is no need for resolution, no need for redemption, no need even for an ENDING. All we end up with is hope - HOPE THAT THE SEQUEL WILL NEVER BE MADE!

As for Willem Dafoe, he should be grateful that this travesty was never released. His goofball performance as a creepy, campy FBI agent rivals Tim Curry in Rocky Horror. Unless you're the sick sort of person who enjoys endless gratuitous violence, an F-bomb in every line, and a splattered cat thrown in for good measure, skip this monstrosity, and screen Jackie Brown again.