marlenrf Reviews

Lo que la gente cuenta (2005– )

You have GOT to be kidding me!

[1/10 · 1 September 2008]

This series is plain awful. I actually saw two episodes of this crap. The only reason I didn't stop watching after a couple of minutes is because I was laughing so hard at the supposedly scary scenes.

The stories are so dumb and illogical. I mean, there's no common sense, non whatsoever. Nothing scares you, maybe just the lack of talent of the people involved in this. You can never get involved with the story, because you're constantly asking yourself questions like: "How can those guys believe they found an expensive necklace in that old creepy house? (The so-called necklace is made of cheap plastic and it shows!) Why those guys can walk for hours to get to a relatives' house without knowing where it really is and give up a few blocks (or so) away? Why are they SO dumb? Why do people that go on vacation NEVER leave their dusty hotel for sightseeing at all for days (and stay there just walking through the corridors)? etc., etc."

The camera movements and the attempt of lighting are ludicrous. Just one example (of too many): in one scene of an episode about a haunted hotel you can actually see for over a minute a clear reflection of the camera man…doing a traveling!

The acting is appalling. Evangelina Sosa gives the worst performance of her career in the episode "Callejón…" something. Seriously, she should apologize to her audience.

I truly believe any film student can produce (even on his or her first semester at school) a much better product than this mediocre and pathetic excuse for a show.

Cloverfield (2008)

Terrible storytelling, horrible cinematography, poor CGI: Cloverfield is over-hyped and overdone

[1/10 · 3 February 2008]

I went to see this yesterday. I actually regret doing it. The moment it ended there was general booing and disappointment in the theater. Not a single applause. Throughout this film, I got to see more than 10 people walking out of the theater. I left after the credits ended with a terrible headache and the nausea of a lifetime. It got so bad that I actually had to take a Dramamine pill when I was back at my place.

I didn't like this clichéd film. I believe it is a flawed exercise about character perspective and documented realism. However, the special effects were poor but some of them passable; the editing kept an appropriate rhythm; the performances were regular, with the clear exception of T.J. Miller who played the obnoxious camera man, Hud. He did an awful job.

My main dislikes with this film were the camera movement and the argument overall.

First, the camera moves excessively all time. Even during the party sequence, all the scenes are horribly captured. Hud wasn't running from a monster then, was he? I get the filmmaker's intention, but I felt more nauseated than afraid because they went too far with their movement. The moment I dissociated myself from the movie and started feeling trapped inside a really expensive handy-cam, I knew the original intention had gotten lost. In that respect, the Blair Witch Project (which I also didn't like, but for other reasons) is superior by far. Its technical proposal does help convey a profound emotional impact; whereas Cloverfield's camera trembling doesn't. Consequently, the characters on Cloverfield remain mostly aloof, which really makes some silly elements in the plot to stand out.

SPOILERS START NOW: That brings me to my second main dislike: the argument. Were they joking? I don't even mean the monster. It's a monster movie, so I won't even go there. Everyone goes to save Beth, the romantic interest of Rob, who is beyond logical salvation. Sure, Rob's friends try to stop him from going to his certain death, but they all end up joining him anyway (!) Consequently, "Beth" becomes more of a cheap plot device than a character.

But I mean Marlena joined them? From what we know of her, she wouldn't. That's character inconsistency right there. So, let's assume she had her psychological reasons to do it. She's after all supposedly human and complex. But throughout her time on the screen nothing happens to shed any light as to why she is with them. So, there's no depth to her. No need for her, expect to save Hud's life once.

Also, the love story between Rob and Beth rests so much in what some people say of them and a few lines between the wretched lovers, that it becomes shallow and boring. Sure, some say he's been in love with her forever and they do share a wonderful day at Columbus Circle and Coney Island. Of course, she has got to be the love of his life. I'm not cynical, and I actually enjoy romantic themes, but this was an insult. I mean, the whole story rests so much on this supposed doomed love that it ought to have been better explored. The performances were so flat in this category, that they didn't help either. Again, the love story turned into yet another sort of plot device.

When the friends "rescue" Beth from her building, she is severely injured, and yet she can walk and even run. At the end, when they arrive to the evacuation area, despite her bleeding injury, Beth is not the first one to climb into the helicopter. In fact, she has to wait for another helicopter to take her out because the soldiers offer the only seat to Lily, who is physically well. It is ridiculous. Obviously, the real reason the filmmakers did that is so that the lovers, Rob and Beth, could remain together until the end. Have I said plot device before? Cheap and trashy plot device? And there's more, much more rubbish like that throughout the film.

SPOILERS HAVE ENDED.

Also, the fact that Hud was filming everything -even in the party- almost every private moment, is ludicrous. The filmmaker's choice of the handy-cam as the true narrator is too limited, so he naturally had to use it to an unbelievable degree. The consequence is that the purpose of capturing a sense of realism is defeated, and Cloverfield ends up being an absurdly unrealistic movie –in its own monster-destroying-New-York-movie context-.

In Cloverfield, the filmmakers ask you to accept too many things just as they tell you they are. However, the movie consistently fails to provide you with valid reasons for doing so. They keep forcing on you a story of the poorest quality. It's almost offensive.

Weak screenplays do that. And when they do, one at least expects something in return, whether a feeling or a memorable moment. Something that would justify the torture. Unfortunately, with Cloverfield one ends up empty-handed, jerky camera movements aside.

I don't recommend this film at all, especially if you value the use of a tripod or the meaning of storytelling. In any case, if you're going to see it, please don't expect anything great and try not to eat or drink liquids for a couple of hours before and while watching it. In all honesty, it can make you feel physically (as well as mentally) nauseated.

Comic Relief 2003: The Big Hair Do (2003 TV Special)

Harry Potter and the Secret Chamberpot of Azerbaijan

[10/10 · 29 October 2005]

I only watched this episode. And it was incredible funny, I laughed from beginning to end.

This episode is supposed to be a behind the scenes special of the next Harry Potter film entitled, of course, "Harry Potter and the Secret Chamberpot of Azerbaijan". I'm not revealing you "the secret" in this one -you get to know it from the first minute, anyway-. I'll only say that it explains perfectly well why Dawn French is playing Harry.

The episode features scenes from the actual Harry Potter second film (that is, Chamber of Secrets) but with a twist. So, we get to see Dawn French as Harry (brilliant performance), Jennifer Saunders as Ron (doing what "movie-Ron" does best: screaming) and Miranda Richardson as Hermione (you can only wish she had more lines). You can imagine the result!

The episode also includes interviews with the "actors". They're hilarious. Specially the ones given by the older characters. They actually complain about how they only get a few lines in the movie and so on. Jeremy Irons is specially amazing as the actor playing Snape. It even got me thinking he could've been a good choice for that role in the real films.

There's even an interview with Jennifer Saunders as J.K. Rowling. She imitated her so well…It was perfect! In conclusion, if you have the chance to watch it, do it. It's worth your time.