acs_joel Reviews

My Sister's Keeper (2009)

Just See It

[10/10 · 4 May 2009]

When I entered the theater for the test screening, I thought I was about to see the world's biggest chick flick. From the first few moments the film rolled, I was entranced. My Sister's Keeper is one of the greatest films I have ever seen. It is poignant and powerful. Cameron Diaz will no longer be considered for romantic comedies. She is now on par with any great actress of any era. I have found a new respect for her talent.

Sofia Vassilieva shall be nominated for best actress across the board. The SAGs, Golden Globes, the Academy . . . and she deserves to win. Her portrayal is magnificent.

Each individual acting performance throughout the film is superb.

Zack and Miri Make a Porno (2008)

A Real C***sucker of a Film

[5/10 · 19 November 2008]

Zack & Miri has the potential to be very f***ing funny, but it is f***ing droll, at best. The script shows f****ing brief flashes of brilliance, but is overall f***ing weak, relying far too much on c***sucking and ass pounding dialog. Smith took the motherf***ing easy way out, driving the low, sh**-stained road. It would have been much more challenging as f***ing writer to dance around the dialog, avoiding the f***ing obvious. The film appears to have been written in about two f***ing weeks.

That f***ing ass pirate, Seth F***ing Rogan, is just getting on my f***ing nerves. He's f***ing annoying, playing the same lame-ass motherf***er in every f***ing movie. Thank God that fat f***, Jonah Hill, wasn't in this f***ing movie.

Poor Elizabeth Banks. She will always be remembered as a c***hound, no matter what she does in the f***ing future.

I spent twenty f***ing dollars to see a f***ing B grade movie. I'd have been better off renting some real porn, it would have been more f***ing entertaining.

The Express (2008)

Zerocuse

[5/10 · 16 October 2008]

I grew up following Syracuse sports. I remember Ben Schwartzwalder being interviewed on Sunday mornings on channel 3 in Syracuse.

The film was a disappointment for me.

Have the director or cinematographer actually ever played football? The football scenes were very contrived and not realistic. As football movies go, The Express looks like girls' field hockey.

The writing was corny. This story needed more of an edge, dealing with racial tensions and sports glory. It comes off as a made-for-TV movie of the week.

Dennis Quaid, although one of my favorite actors, is miscast. Ben was a hard-nosed guy, Dennis is just can't pull off the scowl.

As much as I thought I would like this film, that's how much I dislike it. By the way, how did the film end? I left early.

Eagle Eye (2008)

Tylenol

[5/10 · 30 September 2008]

Eagle Eye is visual. The lighting is well done. Lots of lights, pretty, colored lights. I couldn't count them all. And those sparks - lots of sparks. Sparkly, one could say. It gave me a headache.

If any aspect of the film is worthy of recognition, it is the edit. It is fast, downright snappy, epileptic. It gave me a headache.

The computer generated graphics looked a little cheaper than that last Die Hard movie, whatever it was titled. They gave me a headache.

I believe I will screen my cell phone calls for a few days. My computer has been acting a little suspiciously. I am now distrustful of female radio personalities.

Maybe it is just me, but I totally don't get the Shia La Boooof thing. He has the charisma of an empty milk carton. There had to be a dozen other actors who could have pulled off Jerry Shaw better. However, he didn't give me a headache.

Michelle Monaghan is the cutest little thing I have ever seen in my entire life.

Throughout the film, I found myself feeling sorry for Billy Bob Thornton. He was forced to say that horrible dialog aloud, over and over, take after take. I wish I could have heard what he was muttering under his breath after each idiotic scene.

The most compelling acting performance was turned in by the guy at the State of the Union Address scenes, "Madam Speaker, . . . ." In summary, I paid $10.75 for my ticket. It was only worth $8.50 or $9.75, if not for the headache.

I am about to take 8 Tylenol caplets and go to bed.

Atonement (2007)

Note to Self: Don't . . .

[7/10 · 17 December 2007]

Note to self: Don't get cute with events in history.

Atonement is a very good film with superb individual performances and lovely cinematography. When writing about an event as well recorded in history as the Dunkirk evacuation, why try to stylize it with absurd surreality? The ferris wheel, circus horses and singing choir did nothing for the story. A grittier, more realistic depiction would have been more appropriate. When writing about and filming war, regardless of the romance, the end product's realism will always be held up against true war movies like Band of Brothers of Saving Private Ryan.

The story is conceptually great, but with a few holes. The viewer is expected to believe a sensitive, 13 year-old, aspiring writer can be such a wicked bad seed as to send an innocent man, whom she loves, to prison by maintaining a fabrication through a trial. A trial that glaringly doesn't exist in the story.

Fred Claus (2007)

The Message

[7/10 · 30 November 2007]

There is seems to be a number of negative comments regarding Fred Claus. Last night, my date said, "I hated it, it sucked." There were only six people in the theater and two of them left early.

I found myself looking more deeply into the messages of the film. It is more profound than it appears on the surface. What is so bad about it? There was not enough graphic sex? Not enough violence? No explosions? The special effects weren't spectacular enough? Bruce Willis didn't kill anyone? The characters grew. They faced their flaws and learned lessons in life. There were messages of forgiveness and unconditional love. Maybe people dislike the film because they see themselves in the characters.

The film is fantasy. We all know reindeer can't fly and there is no Santa Claus at the North Pole, don't we? So, what's the problem?

Dan in Real Life (I) (2007)

I Actually Liked It

[7/10 · 14 November 2007]

When my date said, "Dan In Real Life", I winced. It was a capitulation to attend. Once the movie started, I was drawn in. Its a nice movie, a nice escape into the world of make believe. The tone of the film is light and fluffy, with a wry grin. Don't expect it to change your life. Just let it make you feel good. Accept it for what it is, light entertainment and you will come away satisfied. Carell is very good. Bichette is like a fairy angel. The impromptu singing scene is very funny and human. The story is human in itself. It doesn't need special effects or a narrator to explain. The children steal a few scenes. Just go, see it. Take your girl, take the chick you met online, let her think its her idea. You will score some major brownie points. Eat some popcorn.

Gone Baby Gone (2007)

Not a Four Star Film

[5/10 · 28 October 2007]

I like everyone involved with this film, but it just doesn't work.

Casey Affleck is an excellent actor, but too young and too white to portray his character believably. He looked like a tenth grader hanging around with tough cops, dealers and coke heads. He didn't sell it, he couldn't sell it.

Michelle Monaghan's character lacked any depth. She is one cute chick and I think she is a great actor, but I found myself feeling sorry for her as she was forced to recite such uninspired lines.

Ed Harris overacted. I love Ed Harris, but in this case, it is almost as if he approached the role as film noir. He looked more like a dying AIDS patient than a cop. There was not a drop Cajun in his characterization.

Amy Ryan turned in a superb individual acting performance as the coke whore mother. If any one actor deserves nomination for award, she does.

Morgan Freeman just uttered his lines in his Morgan Freeman voice without any great effort or emotion. It was the easiest money the guy ever made.

The film is cliché, not particularly well done or exceptional in any way.

Zodiac (2007)

Zodiac vs. Breach... A Match Race

[8/10 · 5 March 2007]

Zodiac vs. Breach: Zodiac wins by a length and a half.

Zodiac is far more suspenseful, more intricate and entertaining than Breach.

Individual acting performances are much closer in comparison, but the overall package goes to Zodiac.

Mark Ruffalo steals the show. His character is far superior to the Ryann Phillippe character in Breach, more intense and believable.

Jake Gyllenhal's character is so shy, if leaves little room for acting.

Robert Downey Jr.'s character is the only weak link in the chain. I found him a little too caricature-like. Although, it is more likely a direction flaw as opposed to acting.

In the first twenty minutes, I was a little concerned that it was just a mere blood and gore flick, but the movie moved forward smoothly, jumping forward in time in big chunks with ease and became an engaging story. There were a few moments of dark humor as well.

Go spend the ten bucks, its worth it.

Breach (2007)

Two Problems

[6/10 · 19 February 2007]

Breach isn't nearly suspenseful as one would hope. The biggest problem with this is film is the fact everyone who has ever read a newspaper or watched the news knows the outcome well before entering the theater. The ending is truly anti-climactic. Chris Cooper's portrayal is engrossing.

The film's second problem is a very distracting lump on Ryan Phillippe's forehead above his left eye. I found myself focusing on this little Adirondack mountain. It is larger than a quarter, but smaller than a 50 cent piece. (Was he wounded on Iwo Jima?) It was much more noticeable in dramatic lighting. When he furrowed his brow, it took on a ghastly life of its own.

Its one of those "wait for the DVD" films.

The War at Home (2005–2007)

Saw it Taped Last Night

[6/10 · 13 January 2007]

Before last night, I'd only seen The War at Home a few times. Now that I've seen it taped, I intend to tune in more frequently. It was a funny show with a cast that obviously has a great time.

In last night's episode, George Segal, Anita Gillette and Jamie Farr guest starred. It was great to see those veterans.

The younger actors, particularly Rami Malek, are exceptional. Kyle Sullivan is a major force on the show as well, despite his tender years. Both young men have great careers ahead.

The warm up man, Robert, was about as funny as a grain of sand beneath your eyelid.

There is a lack of good sitcoms right now. I'd say, if you want to see a show taped, The War at Home is a good bet.

Little Children (2006)

Jackie Earle Does It Again

[7/10 · 25 December 2006]

Once gain, Jackie Earle Haley, effortlessly, dominates a film. Any number of actors could portray Sarah or Brad adequately. What would Little Children be without Jackie Earle Haley? The guy acts with every molecule of every cell in his being. I found myself biding time between his scenes, waiting for him to carry a torch.

Overall, I can't say I was entirely enthralled by the story. It was very human and believable, but not compelling. There was no reaction by my fellow theater-goers at the film's conclusion. The ending was, for me, anti-climactic. It was as if the story had been written with plenty of passion, but an ending had to be engineered. So, what happened between Brad and his wife, between Sarah and her husband? And the little children, what became of them? Happiness ever after, I suppose.

The rapid transformation of Larry from screaming maniac to nice guy was just too abrupt. Ronnie was the only character who had any kind of closure at the film's conclusion.

My advice is to see the film simply for the Jackie Earle Haley influence.

The Sterile Cuckoo (1969)

They Shot it Close to Home

[30 November 2006]

I was in junior high when the film crew came to town. They actually shot in the next town down the road and a few other communities in the area. When I saw the film, I was too busy looking at the locations, matching them up with my knowledge of local geography. The VW in the film belonged to the older brother of a classmate. All the kids were buzzing about the romantic scene shot in the Vernon Center Cemetery. My classmate, Gene, used to mow the grass. Years later, well after the film was shot, I went drinking in the bar, The Golden Horseshoe, where some scenes were filmed. Someday I must rent the DVD to actually watch the film for something more than just the locations.

Flags of Our Fathers (2006)

A Masterpiece

[10/10 · 19 October 2006]

Clint Eastwood has created a masterpiece of film. Flags of Our Fathers is poignant and moving; awesome in the literal sense of the word and awe inspiring.

At the conclusion of the story, there was a long silence among the audience, then one person began to applaud. It grew into a soft, respectful applause of acknowledgement. A handful rose from their seats and stepped into the aisle, but stood frozen in their tracks as archival photographic images from Iwo Jima flashed on the screen during the credits. Each and every person in the theater was in a state of enrapture. It was a moment I will never forget.

The portrayal of Ira Hayes by Adam Beach deserves particular recognition. Hayes is a tragic, tormented figure. Adam Beach carries it off with tender sincerity.

Special effects technology has evolved to a new level in the recreation of war. The battle scenes, sometimes gruesome, were realistic.

It deserves Oscar nominations across the board.

All the King's Men (2006)

A Fair Trade

[7/10 · 23 September 2006]

Before seeing All the King's Men, I had read some negative commentary regarding the weak southern accents in the portrayals of Jude Law, Kate Winslet and Anthony Hopkins. The accents are weak, but the acting is superb. That is a fair trade.

The writing is superlative.

Sean Penn, once again, gives a riveting performance. Is there any role he can't master? Jackie Earle Haley is the only person I have ever seen discharge a firearm on screen without flinching. He is a profound Sugar Boy.

It is worthy of nomination for award.

Flyboys (2006)

As War Movies Go . . .

[1/10 · 20 September 2006]

As war movies go, Flyboys is a chick flick with aeroplanes. It is no where near the caliber of a Saving Private Ryan, Enemy at the Gates or The Blue Max.

The scenarios portrayed are ridiculous, absurd and/or far fetched. The dialog is corny and the characters lack depth.

The film has more holes than a downed Sopwith Camel. There are periodic subtitles. A French girl miraculously learns to speak English. Copper jacketed, lead bullets shower sparks when they pass through aircraft fabric.

The actors did what they could, with the writing they had to work with.

The set design was outstanding. The cinematography was beautiful. The computer generated aerial combat scenes were interesting, however redundant.

I couldn't wait for it to end.

The Black Dahlia (2006)

Save Your Time & Money

[1/10 · 16 September 2006]

The Black Dahlia turned out to be even worse than I imagined it could be. Had it not been for the lovely date I had, I would have been angry.

The Black Dahlia is twenty-first century film noir. It is miraculous all the actors made it through the filming without lung cancer. I've never seen more people smoke in one film.

Josh Hartnett is just too boyish looking to pull of the role he played. He is miscast.

Aaron Eckhart is guilty of over acting and over acting, over and over.

Scarlet Johanson seemed to act very little and I feel she was miscast as well.

The brightest spot, in a long, tedious trudge, is Hilary Swank. She is cast to perfection and portrays the nefarious Madeleine, deliciously.

Alas, the poor Mia Kirshner. Her performance of Elizabeth Short is so forgettable, it may work in her favor.

According to IMDb, the budget was $50,000,000. If I had my druthers, I would have rather seen 10 $5,000,000 independent art house movies.

The Black Dahlia appears to be another example of the Hollywood suits' inability to invest huge sums of money intelligently. I suppose next it will be "The Return of the Black Dahlia".

Fishing with John (1991)

Genius

[9/10 · 10 September 2006]

Fishing With John was pure genius, miles ahead of any other fishing show ever conceived. The show lampoons the old American Sportsman with a dynamic, deep voiced narration, testing the viewer's ability to pay attention with over-your-head little gems. Gadabout Gaddis would be turning 3000 rpm in his grave, if he saw John and Jim Jarmusch. Its too bad the show didn't catch on with ESPN2, I'd watch it every Saturday morning. It would be more entertaining than that obnoxious Shaw Grigsby. One would think a show featuring Dennis Hopper fishing would be something ESPN would bite on. Maybe Ted Nugent could have pushed it over the edge to mainstream America. It is destined to remain cult classic.

Thank You for Smoking (2005)

Finally, Something Original

[7/10 · 14 March 2006]

At long, long last, a movie for which I can write a positive commentary. And to think I wouldn't have even gone out of my way to see this film, had it not been for the good luck of winning tickets on the radio.

Nick Naylor's omnipresent smirk is symbolic of this film's wry wit. Now, its not the vile, "George W. Bush smirk". Its a "kid playing a joke smirk".

The writing is clever and human. Except for an absurd kidnapping, the story is very human, as well are the characters. The acting is superb.

I found myself laughing out loud. The theater erupted in applause at the conclusion. The American film-going public needs more films like Thank You for Smoking. We need fewer remakes of old classics. We need fewer copfilms, chases, special effects, heists and super heroes and more good writing and original ideas.

My hat is off to Jason Reitmann.

The Pink Panther (2006)

The Stink Panther

[1/10 · 21 February 2006]

Hollywood decision-makers have either no brains or no b#%*s -- or both. The Stink Panther is yet another example of a remake gone south. It takes such gall to defile a classic like The Pink Panther.

Who does Steve Martin think he is? Why didn't they just dig up Peter Sellers' corpse and urinate on it? It would have been funnier and Peter Sellers would have thought it more dignified.

I'm told 3000 scripts come to Hollywood every month. It is not conceivable so many are so horrible that The Stink Panther must prevail. What a waste of money. Steve Martin should give his salary back. I wish I could get back the money I paid for the tickets.

Hey, Hollywood Bigwigs, get your heads out of your a%&*s and show some b#%*s. Showcase some new talent and get out of this horrid trend of insulting the intelligence of the American people with s*^%#y remakes.

One can only hope The Return of the Stink Panther 2 is not on some storyboard, surrounded by idiots who have never ventured east of the San Diego Freeway.

Crumbs (2006)

Saw It Taped

[21 January 2006]

Last night I saw Crumbs taped. It was an enjoyable evening. There was quite a large number of extras involved, who appeared to be playing the role of extras even when the cameras weren't rolling. The kitchen help was stirring and mixing almost constantly. It also looks like a real stove on the set. The acting was quite good, however the writing seemed a little less than it could be. There were some good jokes and a few weak moments as well.

Ms. Teri Garr showed great class in her guest appearance. Mr. Elliot Gould was on hand and he didn't miss a beat, but appeared distracted and uninterested between takes. Jane Curtain is - well - Jane Curtain. Fred Savage is, of course, a real pro. The cast is good, they just need some better lines to recite and better story concepts for this be a really great show. As it stands, I see it as a journeyman sitcom, lacking the edge, the magic of a Frasier, Friends or Seinfeld.

Rumor Has It... (2005)

Waste of Money

[2/10 · 2 January 2006]

Kevin Costner is one of my favorite actors. Jennifer Aniston is one of my favorite actors. I feel sorry for them that they have their names on this film. Rumor Has It does not do them justice. It appears to be a chick flick, written by a dude. It is a cliché, a series of expected dialog. What is funny about a bitchy, old, chain smoking broad? It was a waste of money. I wasted money on the tickets and they wasted money making a terrible film.

With all the original writing going into Hollywood, why do we have to keep seeing remakes, sequels and other crap? I'm sick of it. What are Hollywood decision makers using for brains? I'd much rather see Hollywood show some balls and put money into something creative, provocative and entertaining.

Jarhead (2005)

A good movie, but...

[8/10 · 4 November 2005]

Thank God the Marines of Desert Shield weren't overseas during World War II, lest they would have all gone mad. From viewing the film, Jarhead, one would gather the poor blighters of Desert Shield were suffering Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from simply camping out in the desert for a few months. I had no idea a soldier could be so psychologically harmed from not killing. Peter Sarsgaard's character literally bangs his head against a wall, in a fit of rage, because he wasn't allowed to kill anyone, but he was only the spotter, anyway.

My father was a soldier in the Pacific Theater of World War II. I'm sure he would have been very happy not to kill anyone and hang out in a desert for a few months, given a choice.

The film is very engrossing and shows the human side of the anti-event. The acting is quite good, but for a few moments of unbelievable suffering from not killing.

The Squid and the Whale (2005)

It has a mercifully short run time.

[2/10 · 30 October 2005]

The full page ad in the local arts & entertainment weekly exalted The Squid and the Whale as, "Marvelous...Fresh & Fierce...Exhilarating...Sharply Comical", but it is none of those things. My date and I saw the film last night, in a theater filled with sophisticated film buffs. There was an occasional chuckle and an isolated laugh, here and there, but there was mostly an uncomfortable silence throughout the film.

We all collectively squirmed in our seats, looked at one another and winced when the preteen Frank masturbated in the school library, then wiped his semen on some books on the shelf. Who would find this humorous?? It is a badly conceived scene and done in bad taste, only to be touched upon again later in the film. The homosexual, pedophile market will find this film exhilarating.

The Squid and the Whale looks as if it was written in two weeks, while high on coke or something turned in by a college sophomore, who pulled an all-nighter on the last day to write an assignment. The term, "assman" was used repeatedly, each time reminding me of a classic episode of Seinfeld. If writing is to be original, you can't go around lifting catch phrases from sitcoms.

The acting is understated throughout, with the exception of Laura Linney's occasional shriek and raised eyebrows.

The film's sudden ending was a relief.

Joey (2004–2006)

Yes, by George, I think he's got it.

[15 September 2005]

Joey, old friend, Joey, you came out struttin'. The first episode was good. I started feeling the warmth of another show, you know what I mean, the F-show.

I'll tell ya, I gotta tip my cap to the writing. When Bobbi offered Gina a job, I screeched like a spider monkey. That was genius. I love the heat between Bobbi and Michael. Howie rounds out the ensemble beautifully. I'd like to see more of him.

Furthermore, it was perfect timing for the first kiss between Joey and that blond broad, Axle or Axis or something.

Joey, my old friend, I believe Thursday night is taking on new meaning, once again.