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The Lost City (2022)
Lost Idenity
The best things about this movie
Sandra and Brad
Yeah, that's about it. The budget seems there, the film itself has a great look and feel. But the story is a total rip off of Romancing the Stone, and a bad one at that. I'm not even sure what this movie is trying to be. Is it a parody? A comedy? A love story? An action movie? It seems to fail being any of those movie types, and also fails to blend any of them together. I can't put my finger on it, but most of this movie just feels off. During the viewing I kept thinking about how I wanted to watch Romancing the Stone instead.
That all being said, it's still worth a casual viewing if it's on your streaming service FOR FREE. You'll get entertained, but it's cringe worthy. You'll need liquor.
Swearnet (2014)
Negative reviews because this movie is trash
I tried to like this movie.
I watched it twice. Once shortly after it came out, then again last night.
I almost didn't remember any of the movie. Why? Because I apparently wanted to forget it. Rated NC-17 because of it's disgusting crude humor. It's just not funny. This movie has the most male full front nudity and dick jokes I have ever seen. And well, it's just not funny. It's simply nasty. However, that's not the most disgusting humor in the film. I gotta admit I couldn't handle the ants on Pat's stomach. It's was just too much. This movie isn't funny.
If you are going to make a movie rated NC-17 why not try to put some actual adult humor in there? Instead this movie seems more of a 13 year old boys story. A shame really, the potential is there. This movie doesn't make me want to subscribe to Swearnet at all.
Funny thing is, I swear all the time, but for some reason this movie makes me want to stop swearing. It simply doesn't seem cool at all anymore to me after watching this film. Best part of the film is in the credits.
Don't waste your time unless you like dicks and raunchy humor. Watch ANYTHING Trailer Park Boys instead.
Angry Video Game Nerd: The Movie (2014)
Not everything works, but more works than fails.
Some spoilers ahead...
What can I say about the AVGN movie? First off I should say, I am a fan and I get the concept here. Low budget, corny fun. In that regard it delivered.
The good: The nerd finally got his movie out, and it's a lot of fun. Some fun characters, cute/sexy girls, and monsters! The movie had a lot of nostalgic like feeling in it for me as well. I think the best character in the movie was Dr. Zandor played by Time Winters. Actually, I think the best part of the movie was when they were at his house. The funniest scene in the movie also took place at that same location when the Nerd and Mandi played games. The cameo by Howard Scott Warshaw was great, and the other familiar faces were a welcome plus. Really, everything for the AVGN fan was here. A lot of people complained about the new characters, but thought they were just fine. None of the acting in the movie bothered me really either.
The bad: Some of the dialogue was so damn stupid it actually took me out of the movie. I also don't like when the characters talk about being in the actual movie, and being aware that they are in one. When the area 51 alien was released, we had to see his god awful design. Low budget is one thing, but he just looked SO BAD it made it me hard to enjoy the movie from that point on. I really think they could have done better... ANYONE could have done better. Another minor gripe would be how Cooper hooked up with Mandi at the end. Why that bothered me, I am not sure.
Overall: This movie was a major accomplishment. Not everything works, but more works than fails. The movie gets so crazy and off the wall, I feel it's actually affected my brain in such a way I can't gather my thoughts for a proper review, so I guess the nerd did his job. I guess I must watch it again!
7 out of 10 from me.
American Wedding (2003)
M.I.A. characters, and eating of what you should not.
First off, I must say that I loved the first two films. I had high hopes for American Wedding when I went to see it. However, I am afraid it was a let down.
The problem(s) with the film is simple. Many characters have not returned this time around, and the gags went past what I call, the "comfort zone."
I still enjoyed the film, but not like I did the first two.
Hell Rats of the Living Dead (2002)
Great little Documentry/Making of
This was included on the "Hell of the living dead" Dvd. I knew nothing about Bruno Mattei, so I found this quite informative. Would have been nice if it was longer than 9 min.
I think it's funny that he does not like any of his films, this would explain why he uses a different name than his own as a credit in all his films.
Die Another Day (2002)
It's Golden Eye but not really
First off, I would like to say that have been a big fan of the Bond films since the first one I saw (living daylights). I have now just about seen them all.
I have mixed feelings about Die another Day. I enjoyed the film, however there are some things wrong with it. I will take a moment to give some examples. (may contain spoilers)
I know bond films are known for high tech gadgets, but this film goes into science fiction. Invisible car? No.
Iceland was cool, but there are parts that just don't seem right. Like when bond cuts through the ice, and dives in. Water under 5 feet of ice is cold. Very cold. No. I don't even think I need to mention the surfing on title wave part. "look it's a cgi bond and wave"
After you put those things behind you, there is a solid movie left. However it's not very original. Die another Day is very similar to Golden Eye, too simular. Think about it.
Over all, I give Die another Day a GENEROUS 8 out of 10.
Dak mo mai sing (2001)
Forget the tux, watch this
So last week I caught the Tuxedo. It was very disappointing.
I then really wanted to see a good Jackie Chan film, I remembered reading about this on IMDB, and was happy to see it at my local video store.
I don't understand why they did not release this movie in Theatres here in the US. (it is a good film, unlike some of that other direct to video crap) I enjoyed it, and think it's one of Jackie Chans best. Sure, Kung Fu hungry fans will want more fighting. But overall this movie hits the mark. Everyone should watch this one if your a fan of Jackie Chan.
9 out of 10 for me.
The Tuxedo (2002)
Not sure what to say
I was really excited for this movie, I am always excited to see any new Jackie Chan movie. When I heard Jenifer Love was in it, I thought. "Hummm." We all know what she is good for now don't we?
When the Tuxedo came out, I figured we would be treated with some great old Jackie Chan action stunts/Kung Fu action. With a little bouncy Love added in for a bonus. Needless to say, I found my self a little board durring the film. I kept waiting for it to end. If this is not a bad sign I don't know what is.
Without having to get into to much detail. Let me say that dispite that fancy "Tuxedo." This movie just seemed dull and uniteresting. Chan really did not do anything, and the movie plot was very cliche. (and not in a good way). If you like to watch Love bounce arround. (and what guy wouldn't) rent hartbreakers insted. If you want to see Chan in a good action/comedy, watch the Rush Hour series...
given a generous 5 out of 10
Virus (1980)
it's bad, but good too!
Took me forever to track this movie down on the IMDB. I have no idea why it has so many different names. I rented an old vhs copy of Virus titled "Night of the Zombies" from a local video store.
I got to say right off the bat, that this is not "quality cinema" it's "bad cinema" that delivers. I have watched films that promise zombie gore action, and fail. Sure Virus uses the same music as "Dawn of the Dead," but hey... It's cool music. This movie has just all the zombies and gore I could ask for, it's even got a chick that takes off her top. How's that for fun? Sure the characters are stupid, there is stock footage of monkeys, and the story is almost "ripped off." I don't care, I for one love zombie flicks, and wish there were more of them.
Lets be honest, this movie is crap. But, I was highly entertained. I would watch it again, and consider purchasing the dvd that is now avail. If your a fan of zombie films, then check this one out.
7 out of 10. (if your a zombie fan)
Paura nella città dei morti viventi (1980)
Where are the Zombies?
I got this one because I was in the mood for some zombie action and gore. Hey, look at the cover! It's got zombies on it, and all the reviews here claim it's a gory show.
<possible spoilers ahead>
This movie just plain sucks. I waited and waited, "where are the Zombies?!" I kept saying to myself. Where is all this gore everyone is talking about? Someone pukes up their guts, because they are given an evil look by a ghost? An angry father drills a perverts head. And we are treated to a random zombie that appears (literally) and grabs the back of someones head to rip their scalp out and expose some of their brain. That is really it... (trust me, not much happens) Where is the "living dead?"
This movie actually has a cool story, but nothing cool was done with it. I waited and waited... last 5 min... I got a handful of cool looking zombies that didn't do anything. Don't waste your time, if you want to see zombies watch a George Romero film. If you have seen all. Watch them again.
3 out of 10
Blade II (2002)
It's good, but missing something?
I loved the first Blade, and was excited to see Blade 2 when I heard they were going to make it (after I saw the first one years ago).
Blade 2 delivers, but on my way out of the cinema I could not rid my mind of emptiness. Maybe it's just the type of mood I was in. Don't get me wrong, I am a big action fan. But, lets stop for a moment and see where it's going. Much like Resident Evil (which is also out at the time of this review) The action and effects deliver, but it just feels empty. Perhaps I could have missed this void if I had watched Blade 1 a few days, maybe even hours before the viewing of the second film. So everything and the characters would be fresh in my mind. Guess I won't know now. I do know one thing however... Blade 2 still kicked some serious butt. Those looking for a good time will not be let down. Just don't expect much, plot/character development.
I think Ill give it and 8 out of 10.
The Time Machine (2002)
Can't make everyone happy
I was very excited and worried about this movie from the first day I heard about it. I thought to myself. "I sure hope it does not suck." On the other hand, I just could not wait to see what they did with it.
I found out. I must say, I think this version of "The Time Machine" is a great one. Everyone has to wine about remakes all the time. Why?! I think it's cool. You get to watch one of your favorite movies again, but it's reborn! I find I enjoy both 2002 and 1960 versions equally. I like some things better in one version than the other and so on, but really they stand alone as different movies. The 1960 version was what I like to call "documentary style." It has narration, it moves a little slower and it's all about discovery. The 2002 version is about a problem, and the characters quest to fix it.
The 2002 version is a SOLID film. I have little complaints, but I will share. I think the movie was too short, I would have not minded if the movie was 15+ min longer. Maybe a stop in the 1900's would have been nice. Or maybe I am mistaken? Did he stop in the 1900's? Heh, I guess I will have to watch it again! Call me crazy, but I liked the way the future people lived in the 1960 version, it was creepy. Plus Weena kicked ass man!
One could go on and on about each version, but you can just see it for yourself. In ending I would just like to say, I love this version as well is the 1960 version. Have fun with it.
I gave both versions 9 out of 10.
Frogs (1972)
Sure there are frogs in it, but...
Ok, so I picked this up at a local video store because I was in the mood for the classic cheesey old school horror, and I sure got it. But lets me honest here, "Frogs" may have had frogs in it, but the frogs don't really do anything at all except hop around and look silly. When I see a frog on the cover of the box with a arm coming out if its mouth, well... that is was I was expecting, or at least some angry frogs ripping flesh from men in a silly way. I got none of that.
This film follows the classic "when will this idiot die" or "I hope that guy gets it next." Which can be fun in it's own right, but the deaths that take place are not at all interesting or the least bit convincing. It reminds me of when my brother and I made movies in JR. High school. Show a shot of something scary then the result of it in another shot, yet you never see the same thing in each shot... so silly.
If your looking for an hour or two to kill and/or want to joke with some friends, give it a go. This is about as low budget as you get, and no there is no T&A either.
Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within (2001)
Great CG, voice acting etc.... but seen this movie before.
I was excited as hell for this movie... How long did we wait? Like 2+ years? (after everyone first heard about it)
I like any other male on the planet, wish Aki was real and mine to... ok, enough of that. Thats not what this review is about, he he. I was amazed by Final Fantasy. The CG and Voice acting was top of it's class and beyond. But this is one of the most Empty, Dark films I have ever seen. A dry SCI-FI film. I have said it once, and Ill say it again. YOU HAVE ALL SEEN THIS MOVIE BEFORE. Don't get me wrong, if a formula works, there is no harm in doing it over and over again. (thats the way it works in movie land right?) but Final Fantasy just was not "FUN." Still worth seeing, because of it's CG magic, but I just wish they would have developed a better script.
Jurassic Park III (2001)
entertaining.... but not much more.
I am one of those people who thought the first Jarassic Park was one of the best movies I have ever seen when it came out, and the special effects were not just iceing on the cake. That formula just can't work over and over again.
JP 2 was so bad, I was angery. So I am not getting into it.
Really, when I went to see Jarassic Park 3, all I wanted to see was a film that was better than JP 2. That is what I got. In the end though, it just feels empty. You don't care about any of the characters except for Dr. Green, because they are so stupid. Not sure what else to say... many of the summer movies are lacking like this one. I guess we have all seen this movie before. Lets run away from monsters again.
If you Liked JP1, you'll have fun with this, but I think in the end... You will just want to watch JP1 again.
The Mummy Returns (2001)
Lots of fun, but a rushed sequal.
*Warning Possible Spoilers*
The original Mummy is one of my favorite movies. So naturally nothing made my more excited when I heard of Mummy Returns. When It came out however, I can't help but feel a little let down. In my opinion, the first film was PERFECT in every way. Special Effects were carefully done, and a lot of time was spent. It just seemed like there was a perfect blend of Special Effects, Comedy, and Action.
The Mummy Returns however Suffers from being a rushed project. They tried to do way to much, it to small of a time period. Mummy Returns has twice, maybe three/four times as many special effects shots as the Original film. Which is great and everything, but there just was not enough time to make them look perfect. And they were not nessary to make the film good. Don't get me wrong, I love special effects, but they just tried to do WAY TO MUCH. For example, the very end when you see the The Scorpion King... he just looks like crap. Why couldn't they just use the Rocks face? Ill tell you why, because the movie was not finished yet! I heard that they were working on Special Effects shots for the movie up till a few weeks before it was released!
So I guess what I am trying to say is I wish "The Mummy Returns" was more like "The Mummy." But I still enjoyed it. I am afraid of what the "The Scorpion King" (next Mummy film) is going to be like....
The Mummy Returns gets a 7 out of 10 and The Original Mummy gets a 10 out of 10 from me.
The Corruptor (1999)
Two cool actors in a crap movie.
I rented this movie tonight, and had to turn it off. I waited and waited for the movie to make sense. That just never happened. Chow Yun-Fat and Mark Wahlberg are great actors... it's a damn shame they are in this awful movie with no direction.
Have you ever watched a movie that never seemed to make any sense? That's this movie.
Gets a big 3 out of 10 in my book.
Windaria (1986)
Make fun of me if you want... but I cried.
Windaria is one of the most depressing films I have just about ever seen, but I was moved by it as well.
I really, really like this film despite its small plot holes. The Art and Character designs are just wonderful. If you think that Characters Eyes are too big, then I guess you just don't get it. The soundtrack is outstanding as well.
Some things about Windaria still haunt me today... you'll find yourself doing a lot of thinking after you watch this film. I first saw it back in like 1991, I paid $30 for a copy of it because I thought the box art was good, and the story sounded interesting. I scored big; I must have watched this movie about 10+ times. Fairly recently I was able to get a hold of the original Japanese version Subtitled in English. I was very interesting to finally see the movie as it originally intended. I thought it would answer all my questions. It did answer some, but also created some new ones. The difference between versions is quite interesting. For example, I can remember at least one occasion that dialogue existed in the US version, where the Japanese version was silent. Then of course there is some dialogue in the Japanese version that was changed into something completely different in the US version. I must admit, after watching both versions I think I still like the US version best, probably just because it is what I am used to, and is what I saw first.
This film is a unique Romeo and Juliet style story, but it goes much deeper than that. It is also not just about one couple, but two. Who struggle because of foolish war, seduction, temptation, and decite.
I personally loved this film and give it a 10, as long as you're not anti anime and have an open mind you'll enjoy it as well.
Cast Away (2000)
Words cannot convey the greatness of this film.
I knew from the very first preview I saw for this film that I was going to enjoy it. I just saw it tonight and I can't stop thinking about it. So how can I summarize this film in a matter that does not spoil it? I just don't think it can be spoiled... there is a lot to take in, and no one can explain it all to you.
I found that this movie brought me back to reality. There really is not anything you can simply point at and say "that could never be because..." to me Cast Away is almost like a documentary, except it's not boring and has good Actors in it. I am not even going to try to explain any of the plot of this film, just watch it for yourself.
Movie gets a 10 from me, hope you enjoy it as much as I did.
Dellamorte dellamore (1994)
It just don't get much more fun than this.
This has got to be one of my all time favorite movies. It's perfect blend of Horror, Decite, Comedy, and Sex. It's really quite hard to explain what this movie is like. If your a fan of the Evil Dead movies, your sure to like this. It also reminds me of a Clockwork orange for some reason.
Ohh, this movie has the best acting you will ever see in a film of this type, period. Outstanding.
The story is quite unique. Seems simple at first, but it's not. You really have to think to make sure you understand what is going on. After people are berried in a specific cemetery, they come back to life. The caretaker of the cemetery has to take care of "business." But, this is only half of the story. The rest of the movie best left unsaid.
I know this movie is not for everyone, but if you like Horror/Zombie movies, and your in the mood to be surprised by how much more this movie has to offer than just it's Horror content. You are in for a treat.
El buque maldito (1974)
Tombs of the Blind dead on a boat, but nothing cool happens at all.
This is the worst Zombie/Horror film I have seen so far. Could be one of the worst movies I have ever seen, period. Bad acting, no gore, not so special effects = no fun. Ohh and it is Cheesy too.
Could be some spoilers below, even though there just is not anything to spoil.
For some reason two girls are in a boat. Then a old ship appears. Zombies are on it. They kill some people, but somehow it's just stupid. Not cool at all.
Movie includes amazing wide angle shots of ultra cheesy model boat.
This movie could be fun to watch with some friends simply to make fun of it, but I don't even know if it's good for that.
Little Nicky (2000)
What was Adam Sandler thinking?
I am a fan of Adam Sandler, but I just don't understand what he was thinking when he decided to make this film. Billy Madison for example, ok... its downright ridiculous, but it's also downright funny. Same goes for Happy Gilmore. Then came the Wedding Signer, it was what I like to call a movie that everyone can enjoy. Yet it still sneaks in great Adam Sandler humor. I true high quality film that most people should recognize. Waterboy came next; it sort of went back to the Madison format again. After that, Big Daddy came and went. I was happy to see Adam Sandler trying new things, but still packing in his good old humor... ok, now that I have rambled on lets get to my point.
Little Nicky... Whenever I hear that a new Adam Sandler movie is coming out I get excited because I hope it is going to make me roll on the floor, like Happy Gilmore did, but when I saw the preview for Little Nicky, I did not want to see it at all. It just seemed way too strange to be funny. Well, I went to see it anyway. I wanted to prove myself wrong.
This movie just was not funny. (ok it had a few moments) But it was generally just stupid. It was so bad I have almost lost all my respect for Mr. Sandler. I am sorry. This movie is not believable in any way. I just don't understand how a movie like this could have even been made. I would like to give some more specific examples, but it would just take too much out of me. Just Do yourself a favor, and forget about seeing this one.
Fire on the Amazon (1993)
Your time is more important than this film
There is a reason this movie was shelved for, how long? 7 years? This should be the first hint.
At any rate, I watched this movie with an open mind. I wanted to like it, and enjoy myself, but there just was not much to it. An Idiot reporter runs around p***ing off the locals and Sandra Bullock meets up with him. I guess there is some environmental activist named santos that meets and unfortunate end, and they are sort of involved. The plot of this movie is so really hard to follow. Maybe because there really is not much of a plot at all. The last 15min are sort of exciting, only because you know it's almost over so you can do something else.
Yes, Sandra has a love scene. No it's exciting enough to watch this movie.
Ever watched a movie that made you keep looking at the VCR to see how long you had been watching it? That is This Movie!
Movie gets a nice big 2 out of 10 from me.
Gojira ni-sen mireniamu (1999)
It's Godzilla... and it feels like a Godzilla Movie this time.
When the 1998 version of Godzilla came out, I was so excited. A childhood joy, brought back to life for everyone. I of course like many others was let down by it's.... well, not feeling like Godzilla.
So when I learned of Godzilla 2000 and how it was Japan made, I was pleased as can be. Last Weekend when I saw this film I was expecting to get a nice treatment of old fashioned Godzilla Fun. Sure enough, it was done right.
It's got everything you would want in a Godzilla movie. The People who want him dead, and the people who want to learn more about him. You got lots of explosions and screaming people. You got funny translation/dubbing and Godzilla burns stuff. What more could you want really?
Only thing that really bothered me about the film is I really would like to see Godzilla become a High Budget film. Don't get me wrong the old way of making Godzilla never looked so good. And the DID utilize some nice CG effects, however I can't help thinking out much cooler the movie could look is made like the Silly 1998 US release... Some will argue that the guy in suit and the Chessy FX is part of the fun, But I would love to see a Japan made Godzilla move with the Budget of the US film. Just think of how cool out (oddly cute looking) pal Godzilla would look all rendered? Think of what he could do.... Food for thought for all you Godzilla fans.
Anyway... I enjoyed this film. and if you like Godzilla at all, your going to love it. Those who are not fans of it... still could have a lot of fun with it's comedy value.