msalkin-46677 Reviews

The Nun II (2023)

Soporific and entirely predictable

[3/10 · 1 April 2024]

Perhaps I'm just jaded but I saw nothing in the screenplay that hadn't already been made into a movie including the good guy being possessed and the bad girl being impaled.

Couple this with filming almost entirely in the dark, endlessly going into the one room that no one was ever, ever supposed to go into, was a recipe for this reviewer to fight falling asleep.

Actors didn't embarrass themselves bringing the turgid screenplay to life. The nun is a creepy gal but creepy from too far a distance. It would be interesting to see her interact more intimately - more cat and mouse with her prospective victims.

Showing Up (2022)

a dud

[3/10 · 29 June 2023]

Reading the professional reviews for this film would normally reveal a modicum of truth but, instead, the reviewers convince us that they're making a silk purse out of a pig's ear.

I'll watch Michelle Williams in anything but why spend the money for her talents when any aspiring actor could frown her way through this dud?

Waiting for something - anything - meaningful to happen is a fool's errand. When waiting to see if a water heater finally arrived is a main focus of the film, I realized that I blundered into the wrong film.

In the final scene. Lizzy and Jo "walk off into the sunset". We couldn't hear them but I suspect that they were whispering "Thank god we're getting paid."

Bird Box (2018)

senseless but entertaining

[7/10 · 1 May 2022]

Senseless behavior throughout the film and ridiculous but perhaps crowd pleasing events on their trip.

Spoiler alert: Their boat capsizes in raging rapids, two 4 year olds are thrown into the water and not one but both emerge unscathed with the young girl found sitting on a large boulder 20 feet above the river. Similarly, 3 birds kept in a box are thrown into the river but somehow miraculously appear in the protagonist's hands and then released by her to be with other birds in the aviary of the compound to which they were headed.

Nevertheless, the idea was novel and kept my attention.

So Cold the River (2022)

well done!

[10/10 · 31 March 2022]

Contrary to many of the reviews, a little thought is all it takes to understand why it enfolded as it did. I don't want to leave a spoiler but do consider the omnipotence of the antagonist in the film.

All of the qualities of an excellent film were present...a difficult story told nicely by the script writer, excellent cinematography, believable acting, and never a dull moment.

A horror fan shouldn't be disappointed. The film is one of the best of its type in recent months during which it seems every studio is pushing out mediocre readily forgotten horror flicks.

The Sleep (2022)

crap

[1/10 · 28 March 2022]

There are all kinds of crap. Enjoyable crap, not so enjoyable crap, entertaining crap, memorable crap, forgettable crap, bearable crap, intolerable crap, and excrement. This embarrassment is the latter.

Woman in Car (2021)

shoot me now

[2/10 · 24 March 2022]

"Written AND directed by" is always a warning shot for me. This turgid disaster is comprised of close up face shot, being in a car, close up face shot, close up face shot, being in a car, close up face shot, miserable people, close up face shot...

I made it halfway through and said enough was enough.

Infinite (2021)

truly awful

[2/10 · 20 March 2022]

The hyper-action, hyper-violence was mind-numbing. I admit that I fell asleep during the 107th fight scene separating what modicum of story there was. Regrettably, this type of flick will continue to be made as long as there are 11-year olds.

After Yang (2021)

somnolent

[3/10 · 5 March 2022]

When I check to see how much time is left in a movie, I know it's a stinker. "Profound, sincere, beautiful, meaningful, contemplative, etc." lose their meaning when one's asleep.

Caveat (2020)

a sleeper

[3/10 · 12 November 2021]

A sleeper but not in the good way. A horror flick that put me to sleep a few times during the film isn't my cup of tea. There are a number of creepy devices but they don't cohere into a meaningful thread. Perhaps nothing is as it seems to be - a morbidly haunted house and both Ben Caplan's and Leila Syke's misdirection and a healthy dog tied up outside who apparently is never fed are the writer's idea of keeping us guessing.

That's not a bad idea it's difficult to guess when asleep.

Halloween Kills (2021)

stale yawner

[2/10 · 6 November 2021]

If there were ever a time to end this franchise, it was just before somebody decided another buck was to be made on this film. There are crappy horror flicks, not so crappy horror flicks, and many genuinely good ones in which a modicum of thought was put into the screenplay. Halloween Kills is that genre of people doing stupid things horror flicks.

No one thought of vaporizing Mike's head with a shotgun blast? What about hiring a samurai to neatly slice off Mike's head? That at least would have have added a touch of humor to this flick that badly needed to redeem itself and making fun of itself could have salvaged whatever point there was in making it.

The Night House (2020)

almost perfect

[9/10 · 25 October 2021]

Beautifully crafted psychologic horror thriller with non-gratuitous jump scares. Watch if only for Rebecca Hall's performance. My almost perfect score was prompted by a denouement unworthy of the movie as a whole. It felt contrived and unworthy of the rest of the film.

Prisoners of the Ghostland (2021)

Classic Nicholas Cage crap

[3/10 · 16 September 2021]

"The Wildest Movie I've Ever Made" is quite possibly the worst movie the director had ever made. Three stars for the creative visual absurdity of a movie best described as Alice in Wonderland on LSD. Sword fighting fill added to my displeasure.

Witches of Blackwood (2020)

sleeper

[3/10 · 7 September 2021]

Thriller? Sleeper, perhaps. One shot from a drone showing the protagonist driving is more than enough. One scene of the protagonist and the young man who wanted out of his life (and perhaps this film) would have sufficed in a screenplay that needed to move at more than a snail's pace. I suspect that the redundancy provided "fill" for what was an empty film.

Perhaps the worst sin was the final scene of happiness and glee when having the protagonist's daughter's eyed cloud would have at least given us a chill, however fleeting.

Don't Breathe 2 (2021)

classic in the genre

[10/10 · 5 September 2021]

A classic in the genre of depravity., degeneracy, and perversion of humanity. No need for CGI monsters here. Cohesive screenplay tied loose ends together well obviating the need to to see Don't Breathe 1 for the 4 people who didn't prior to watching Don't Breathe 2.

Meander (2020)

nicely incoherent

[7/10 · 29 August 2021]

Stylish and interesting to watch with clarity coming to the viewer as the protagonist meanders through her private hell to a satisfying denouement.

The Forever Room (2021)

stale, hackneyed, cliche'd

[1/10 · 26 August 2021]

The credits reveal a family affair which never bodes well. The money saved by not hiring a competent screenwriter is matched by the respect lost by subjecting us to a flick in which a 3rd grader could discern the backstory within 15 minutes and a denouement that was telegraphed over and over throughout the (yawn) film.

The Night (II) (2020)

Well crafted creepo

[10/10 · 20 August 2021]

There's no gore nor monsters to see but the creepo moments are well-contrived and integral to the film. Highly recommended for aficionados of film regardless if this type isn't their cup of tea.

At Night Comes Wolves (2021)

a mess

[1/10 · 24 April 2021]

Incoherent, no amount of excuse as an "art film" can save this mess of a screenplay. Instead of bantering what this or that meant, we're left wondering how this dreck ever made it this far.

Picture of Beauty (2017)

almost hardcore

[3/10 · 4 April 2021]

Better than average - which isn't saying much - screenplay for an almost hardcore flick. If flat-chested women with Hungarian music in the background is your thing, go for it. Special mention to the Polish actors who memorized the few lines they had in English.

Phobias (2021)

Rubbish

[1/10 · 21 March 2021]

Incoherent screenplay leaving anyone with a modicum of intelligence wondering how one portion of the movie relates to another. Hampersnow-28905 was kind in his/her review. This is rubbish that would make a purposeful hallucinatory experience unpleasant.

60 Seconds to Di3 (2021)

embarrassing

[1/10 · 16 March 2021]

Embarrassingly awful "filmmaking". Perhaps a good alternative to waterboarding. Unimaginative, thoughtless, pseudo "arty" cinematography, ideas, leaving much to the imagination because the writers had next to none of their own.

Underwater (2020)

crap

[2/10 · 29 March 2020]

This is simply crap. I'm not going to waste your time comparing it to other movies, filmakers, or actors. Anytime an interminable amount of time in a movie is spent crawling through tunnels in the dark, you know to turn off the video and find something else to do. As has been stated elsewhere, Stewart picked up a check for enticing her cult to watch this dreck. We all get to watch her toned self run around in her underwear because, uh, there's nothing else of interest going on..if you find even that of interest.

Muse (IV) (2019)

stylish nothing

[3/10 · 22 March 2019]

All the gorgeous classical music and director's shots can't save this turkey. The denouement shouldn't surprise anyone with a modicum of knowledge of well-worn script plots. Filming in the pitch dark (Harry could afford a chateau in France but not the electricity?) didn't provide an air of foreboding as much as it frustrated this viewer who had to squint to see what was going on: at most time, stylish nothing.