Change Your Image
liminalone
Reviews
Nosferatu, eine Symphonie des Grauens (1922)
Buffy who?
The legendary vampire film, over three quarters of a century old and still worth watching. Say that about yourself when seventy-seven you are, as Yoda would put it. It's also hosted by David Carradine, he provides a short opening piece which seems blue screened for some reason.
For those of you who were raised by wolves and haven't seen this film before, the plot follows. Knock receives a letter from Orlok. The Count wishes to buy a home in Bremen, he quickly dispatches his assistant Hutter with the necessary contracts. Thomas arrives in Transylvannia to find the Count is a frightening visage, though he first chalks up the strange happenings as bad dreams. Too late he realizes that Orlok is a vampire and the monster wants Ellen (after seeing her picture in a locket).
The vampire's earth filled coffins are loaded on the ship Demeter; en route across the seas crew die one by one as he drains their life. Meanwhile, Thomas struggles to reach Ellen by land, arriving after the crewless Demeter docks. With Nosferatu's coming a plague falls upon the city, it is only when Ellen sacrifices herself that evil is banished.
This version is remastered and includes the most enjoyable soundtrack I've seen it put to yet. Type O Negative's metal/Gothic songs rarely seem out of place and then only for moments. The film itself is a masterpiece, with a tidy plot and excellent makeup for Nosferatu.
Piranha Part Two: The Spawning (1982)
Flying fish! Like flying condoms in a gay bar!
It is a crying shame that this movie is at the opposite end of James Cameron's directing career from Leonardo DieCrappo, I would pay good money to watch him run screaming from a flock of fish suspended on wires. Oops, I have upset the herd of Leonardo worshipping females - shut up, sit down. I loved the last thirty minutes of "Titanic." That would be the section where he is slowly dying of hypothermia.
On this quiet tropical island, we will just call it Jamaica, horror is about to unfold. A navy ship containing experimental Piranha eggs sank several months ago and now a new breed of terror will menace the beaches. Flying carnivorous fish, baby! (Hehehe!) Prepare to watch as meaningless people have their necks ripped out; every time the piranha attack it is right in the jugular. These things are not the most graceful flyers, mind you. Somebody needed to grab a bat or tennis racket and do some serious fish thumping.
Not much else to say about this mess. The plot is a serious muddle. I was just overjoyed with Gabby as a character. Point of fact: here is a imposing, but cheerful, Jamaican dynamite fisherman who builds a time bomb with his quartz desk clock and then gets killed after he attacks the Piranha with a torch. Whew...
Pulse (1988)
It's okay...
The idea of a malevolent force living inside the local power lines (and thus, inside your home) is not a bad one. We can probably live with the plot, but what about the movie? The fact that we are treated to multiple shots of stuff like, oh I don't know, the thermostat (accompanied by tense music) to heighten our fear should give you the answer.
Apparently an electrical storm causes something to happen at a substation. Exactly what happens we will never know, because we pretty much see the lightning strike, then spend some time watching different film angles of power lines and equipment overlaid with the opening credits. I think that the lightning strike created "The Pulse," allowing it to travel over the wires finding a safe place to kill people, but do not quote me on that.
Enter Bill, Ellen, and David, the standard (fissionable) elements of a nuclear family. His dad's house might be in a well to do neighborhood, but Bill has installed all sorts of bars on the windows to prevent forced entry. Since the chances of a burglary in this film are probably nil, we can bet they will be unable to leave the cursed house at some point due to Bill's paranoid security measures.
Demonic forces (even ones with polarity) love to torment young children and the little wuss makes a perfect target, so how does it screw with David? By cracking gas mains, making the television go freaky, and eventually turning the home into a flaming death trap. It is all very silly to me, including the grass dying around the house. The current usually stays inside the wires or various appliances, why would plant matter start dying? Guess it just seemed like a "horrific" thing to happen.
If there was ever a movie the Amish would enjoy this is it ("See Jeremiah! Machines are the Devil's work! Now go outside and round up your six brothers for supper."), perhaps that was the audience targeted when it was produced? If so then someone in marketing got fired, probably beat up and then fired now that I think about it.
Them Damn Zombies (2002)
ummm...
"Zombie Dawn" is based on the idea that global war, along with destroying much of civilization, unleashed some sort of biological agent that turns people into zombies. Special teams are sent into the ruins of man's cities (and suburbs) to find and rescue survivors. Unfortunately, the areas are infested with zombies. Sounds impressive, like a cross between Newt's saga in "Aliens" and "Day of the Dead." Well, the truth is that three men in black clothing run through a dark building, yelling, "Go, go, go!" and shooting zombies. Two of them expend what must be over two hundred rounds from their carbines to bring down just one walking dead. Three soldiers - with no night vision, effective weapons, or radios. Not even a reaction force to help bail them out of a jam. Anybody want to name three things that the military knows about small unit tactics? Firepower. Communications. Teamwork. I could go on, but writing an essay is probably unnecessary.
By the way, if the world is ever overrun with zombies and you need advice, come see me.
"Them Damn Zombies" opens with Cleatus looking for his dog. He wanders through the dark woods, calling to the hound. One of the things he says is something to the effect of, "You had better not be in those chickens again." Since he is in the middle of nowhere, I suspect the word "chickens" was added to make him seem even more redneck. Anyway, Cleatus finally spots his dog, though it is being eaten by three zombies. To make a short story even shorter, Dan and Billy meet Cleatus in time to hear him gurgle out his last breath. They bundle him up in some old linen and go back to hunting.
Elsewhere, the three girls (Jessica, Tiffany, and Heather) are driving, uh, somewhere. Briefly they hear Peter's newscast on the radio, but the obvious mayhem going on is less interesting than gossip. The girls serenely continue their trip while we are suddenly subjected to Peter and Red. Exactly what Peter is reporting on is never explained; unless, "People are running around and screaming. Scientists have some theories." counts. Thankfully, Red pulls up in his van and drags the news crew along with him on a zombie hunt.
I am intrigued by the idea of hunting zombies. To be specific, the idea of using lures or decoys. No need to paint wooden people when you could take an individual that you do not like and tie them to a post. The half-wit starts screaming, the zombies stagger toward him, and I get some target practice. If I run out of ammo or take too long reloading and the zombies eat my bait... ...well, there are a number of people I dislike. Time to be more careful when I get down to the last schmuck.
Eventually, the girls are driving along a seriously rural road (as in two tire ruts with weeds growing up between). A man staggers along in the middle of the track, angering Jessica. Things happen quickly; literally within seconds the following occurs: zombies attack the car, Heather is bitten, night falls, and it starts raining. A little later Heather attacks Tiffany, which prompts a whole new round of screaming before Red arrives and starts shooting zombies. The assemblage makes a run for Red's hunting shack, though a stray zombie encounter deprives the redneck of his firearm.
The remaining cast, including Dan and Billy, gathers in the plywood shelter. This is partially to allow for some Peter bashing (nobody likes him), but it also provides for a sudden awakening in the morning. Dan, Billy, Red, and Peter all become a balanced part of the zombies' breakfast. Larry completely disappears (he pops up again at the end), leaving Jessica and Tiffany to run scared through the woods. Ultimately, the girls get fed up and have a "girls kick butt" scene. Then the movie ends and yes, the conclusion feels as abrupt as I make it sound.
My number one complaint is that the script is held together by the thinnest of threads in several places. Peter has no idea about what he is reporting on, besides people screaming while running back and forth across an empty field. Two of the rednecks find their brother dying of severe trauma to the neck and go back to hunting. And the group of girls... ...they have absolutely no purpose. They do not know why they are here. I do not know why they are here. I will not even get into the characters discussion about not knowing what is going on. Mind you, this was after they arrived at the shack. Red had already used the word "zombies" about twenty times and Larry had taped Red shooting zombies when they rescued the girls. It was as if this scene was the first shot during filming and nobody had read the script beforehand. Another explanation is mass, simultaneous amnesia.
Time to stop thinking about this. The best analogy would be if you told me that two plus two was five and here I am, trying to prove the theorem.
The Abominable Dr. Phibes (1971)
A helluva good time!
Readers may have noticed, usually I do not like "artsy" films. This is due to the fact that often they are little more than "grand and visionary images" repeated over and over. So, keeping that in mind, some friends are surprised I regard this title as a nearly perfect black comedy. Look at the cast though, everyone plays their roles with deadly serious poise and the hero is a murderous genius! Not so much that we are intended to love Phibes as a character (and we are), but he is far too charismatic and inventive not to like.
Trout is investigating the curious deaths of a few doctors around London when he comes to the conclusion that something is amiss. The first two really do not peak his interest, even though one man was stung to death by a swarm of bees (boils) in his room and another ripped to shreds by bats. Might I remind you, these deaths occurred in the middle of London. Not precisely the sort of locale that supports populations of killer bees or genetically engineered bats. Work with me here, Flying Foxes are really too cute for the bloodthirsty part they play, but something scratched that man to death. Anyway, Pike - I mean Trout, realizes that foul business is afoot when one man has his skull crushed by a mechanical frog mask.
Victoria Phibes died during an operation (exactly what is not explained) and her grieving husband was presumed dead after his car drove off a cliff and burned. Unfortunately for the doctors, the man either has the greatest immune system ever known or is an undead avenger (I'm partial to the latter explanation myself). Biding his time, he devised a fiendish plan to kill anyone involved with Victoria's death. Nothing simple like a knife or bullet either. Phibes will visit a deadly plague, derived from what Moses called down upon the Pharaoh, on each and every person.
We, the audience, are privy to the extraordinary lengths Dr. Phibes is going to for revenge. Whether he is intensely playing the pipe organ that dominates the grand ballroom of his hideout or gracefully dancing with Vulnavia, the man has style. Nobody else is there to see, save the incredible clockwork musicians playing music, so the performances solely gratify Phibes' strange tastes.
Probably the most chilling end is that of Dr. Longstreet. Lulled into a dreamy state by Vulnavia, he allows himself to be bound to a chair. Then Phibes walks in and fixes the old horny coot with a reproachful stare (I love the look he gives the victims) before inserting a large needle into the man's arm. Attached to the tube is a pint jar and the glass container begins to fill as Phibes slowly works the pump. He artfully drains every single drop of blood from the poor man, leaving him a gray husk and placing all eight pints on the mantel. I've watched hundreds of slasher flicks and few scenes have ever really deserved a second thought. Watching a man's blood being leisurely pumped from his body made my hair stand on end.
Gruesome as it may be, the last victim's end provides Trout with a much-needed clue. Phibes had a set of pendants specially made; each has a Hebrew symbol representing one of the plagues. He wears the respective pendant when executing each sentence and lost the one for blood during Longstreet's initial thrashing. Between visiting a jeweler and a Rabbi, the inspector is able to start piecing things together. Fat lot of good it will do.
Impressive powers of deduction (actually he or one of his servants spent hours sorting through folders) enable Vesalius to volunteer that all the deceased were involved in the failed surgery on Victoria Phibes. Despite knowing this, two more are killed before the authorities get the remainder under police protection. Still no good; Trout and another inspector actually open the door for number seven when a brass unicorn head (beasts) is catapulted across the street, skewering him. Then there's the problem of removing the victim from the wall, resulting in a scene that really cracks me up.
The Abandoned (2006)
terrifyingly excellent
Cerda's 'The Abandoned' is a welcome throwback to a time where special effects and huge budgets were not needed to create a downright chilly horror movie. Quite frankly, my generation (we are in our mid-20's) has never had such an affective, major studio released, haunted house movie thus far: what? "The Haunting" (dismal); "House on Haunted Hill"? (brain-less fun). Finally, a fresh, frightening and genuinely scary movie for those (like myself) reared on big "event" movies that never delivered the goods. I mean, Hollywood was in such a horror movie funk after "Scream" and its various , less entertaining knock-offs, that they had to re-package a classic like "The Exorcist" in not one, but two prequel efforts (Renny Harlin's version and the aborted Paul Schrader one) and dress it up with new sound design to make us think they still knew how to make horror movies!! Thankfully, here we are treated to a truly scary movie, one without bloody deaths and stupid teenagers being hacked to pieces. Let there be no mistake, I am always up for a good slice-em-up movie, but this is an intelligent and well-crafted fright-fest, fashioned to shock the hell out of young and old alike. See it in a dark theater or in your living room with all of the lights off, and those creaks you hear in the middle of the night will certainly make you pull the covers up tight. Break out those night-lights, you're gonna need them!!
Hard Candy (2005)
spinning for days...a ferocious film!
I saw this film for the first time this eve at the DGA in Hollywood. The excited and sincere David slade was a man of many words as he took the podium after the chair of lionsgate. Instead of the in-your-face director/auteurs one usually encounters in los angeles, David's enthusiasm for fimmaking shined through. the clever title sequence alone kept me chained to my seat and after the opening montage, I knew exactly what was in store for the audience.
This film has left me spinning. Not since Gasper Noe's "Irreversible" have I squirmed so much in my seat. This is indie film-making at its finest and most clever. With a less than million dollar budget and 18 days of shooting, the film succeeded on multiple threads of the darker side of society.
I simply loved it. From the extremely awkward and uncomfortable beginning to the terrific end. The sympathy one feels for the characters is terrific and the pacing along with dialogue is pitch perfect. I don't want to spoil this film for anyone by revealing the subtext, but the poster says it all. A girl in a red hoodie (ala...don't look now) standing in a bear-trap.
Walking up the aisle at the end and passing mr. slade himself, all I could muster is 'outstanding job.' This is a brilliant filmmaker. Next up, Steve Niles' "30 Days of Night" with sam raimi producing. I will be the first in line for this.
An American Haunting (2005)
Anticipating the 'Haunting'...
First and foremost, this in not a re-envisioning of Emily Rose or The Blair Witch. The Blair Witch was in fact inspired by the Bell Witch and they completely butchered an intelligent story into a one act note that whimpered 'i'm so scared.' 'Emily' is based on an account of possession that had no relevance to the Bell Witch.
After viewing this trailer several times and researching the legend of the Bell Witch and what happened to John Bell's family, I believe this is going to be one of the better scarefests of the year. This film has an incredible cast, donald sutherland (Klute, Body Snatchers) and Sissy Spacek (Carrie) and featuring the up and coming Rachel Hurd-Wood (Peter Pan) and James D'arcy (Everyone must see his film "Dot the I").
Addressing the intelligently designed trailer, the film seems to span from past to the present and back again...which is a clever trick to keep an audience intellectually stimulated and entertained in this day and age of in-your-face gore.
After reviewing some of the posts below, I am becoming frustrated with some of the comments. Why must people criticize what they have not seen and compare this film to others? I believe that director Courtney Solomon has exercised his creative license and thread an imaginative narrative and kept in tune with the Bell Witch's history in lore.
With that said, what constitutes a decent dramatic horror/thriller? Little Japanese children with black eyes chasing Buffy the Vampire Slayer? Leatherface perusing the aisles of Home Depot? Michael Myers crashing a wedding? Jason going to a sorority house? Hannibal Lecter becoming Vegan? Story before visuals. Watching the plethora of fx-fests as of late, I have special effects draining from my ass. I'm tired of them. How many more dinosaurs can King Kong beat down? Films with mammoth special effects are annoying. As an unnamed special effects house in Hollywood once asked their director "You want us to Sommer-size this scene (in reference to the outlandish 'Van Helsing' and 'Mummy' films from Stephen Sommers) Hollywood seems to be in a funk. How can we out-perform War of the Worlds? And they continue to sink money into so-so films with lavish special effects.
This film seems to have gone back to the basics as far as effects go. For me, I am not going to see this film for its effects but rather its story. The trailer shows a brooding, dark atmospheric tale of the supernatural. The sequence with the carriage looks spectacular and not overdone. All in all, I think this film will stand the test of time and will become a classic within the genre.
"Cinema is not a slice of life but a piece of cake."
--Alfred Hitchcock