bobconstans Reviews

Hardwired (2009)

Juvenile attempt at Cyberpunk

[3/10 · 26 August 2017]

Hardwired is like a (bad) Max Headroom fanfic RoboCop ripoff - including trying to make it look like it was made back then, except the production values don't look as good. It might have worked as a parody sketch if they'd kept it under 10 minutes. The special effects are particularly unbelievable. Throughout I kept feeling it was more like a Made-For-TV Movie, and with the ending more appropriate to a TV Pilot, it makes me wonder. It's not even so-bad-it's-funny, merely pathetic, so avoid this even for Schlock B-Movie nights.

I'm fairly generous with my Ratings, so 3 might be high.

Zonbi jieitai (2006)

Funniest Horror Movie Ever Seen

[10/10 · 16 February 2010]

I laughed til I cried. I paused it so I wouldn't miss anything while laughing so hard. I wasn't sure at first if it was deliberately bad, but now I'm undecided whether it's deliberately awesomely bad or awesomely deliberately bad. EVERY horror movie cliché is included and indelicately skewered, and no detail is missed in showing the love the filmmakers have for bad horror movies. Their craft is evident, particularly in the most over-the-top, seemingly careless bits. They say that they were inspired by George Romero, but if Ed Wood was making films today, THIS would be the ultimate spoof tribute of them. *** Spoilers *** The best bits all (to my mind) come under the heading of Spoilers - not that I think they'll hurt your enjoyment, but if you've already decided to watch it, then skip this. Otherwise, hopefully these will convince you. My favorite part was when the Zombie Fetus (4 months along, incredibly cheesy... with teeth) uses it's attached umbilical cord like a lariat. Then the dichotomy throughout between top-of-the-genre effects and ones that belonged in Godzilla or an Ed Wood film. I loved the fact that they deliberately showed the plastic sheeting covering the floor in the house rented as a set and how every stereotype was milked. There's the self-obsessed Pop-Star ("If you help me, I'll let you do me."), her sycophantic attendants, the Yakuza, the adulterer and his pregnant blackmailing girlfriend, the ineffective military, the UFO and the Tamagotchie alien, the ancient Samurai warrior, the secret Cyborg, and Mt. Fuji. There's even a tip-of-the-hat to MJ's Thriller. But wait! There's more! Too much to list - this movie, from start to finish is not just funny, it's F^%#$ing Funny.

6ix (1999)

My hands-down single favourite short-film of all time

[10/10 · 7 February 2010]

The very first time I caught this film (on Space)I knew I wanted a copy so I could watch it over and over and share it with friends and family. I was able to record it on video (between showings of the two American Werewolf movies), but not exactly convenient. Since then, I've been looking for a copy online and it took me more than 5 years - partly due to not knowing the exact title. Ha. 6ix is a brilliantly written and executed film, that also has great acting - and not just because Frewer plays all the parts, which is an achievement by itself. Never has so short a film provided so many great lines with such simple precision. It takes a lot of viewings before you get everything out of it and it still requires one to pause the film in order to quit laughing so you don't miss anything. And the details! The stuff in the background alone is enough to impress, and the bit with credits and the radio over-track are icing on the cake. I wish I could write half as well.

Zero Effect (1998)

surprised enjoyment

[9/10 · 26 January 2001]

By the time I finished watching this movie, I was surprised to find that I had enjoyed it enough to want to keep a copy. At first, I thought it was kind of silly, but the quality of the acting and the cleverness of the script ensured that I came away affected by the movie. How nice, especially when unexpected - not that I hadn't thought I would enjoy it, just not how much. The story reminded me somewhat of The January Man - quirky, likable characters and complex storyline and deduction - and I felt that there was a parallel with Nero Wolfe (Zero/Nero, doesn't like to leave his home, his aide-de-camp is Archie/Arlo). How could it miss with Bill Pullman and Ben Stiller (anyone else notice that while Ben's characters are always odd, there's always someone odder?). I felt good after this movie - what else can be said?