Jjfilmeyfilm Reviews

The Green Knight (2021)

Not Good

[4/10 · 1 November 2021]

Originally posted on Letterboxd on 26 October 2021.

You know you're doing something wrong when you make a fantasy film that is neither epic, intelligent, nor captivating. This is my definition of a pretty but meh film.

Pan's Labyrinth (2006)

Dark and Eerie

[7/10 · 1 November 2021]

Originally posted on Letterboxd on 26 October 2021.

I watched this fairly tragic tale once before, about 7 years ago in about a 5 pixel torrent. I remember being blown away, I simply couldn't stop thinking how masterful this flick was. The costumes! The story! That evil sod of a captain... But of course, did it hold up on this watch? Well...

I was disappointed. Not too severely (don't expect seething hatred), but still, I was underwhelmed.

The one thing I remembered so clearly, the costume and set design, did hold up though. Of note: Faun and his odd movements, as well as the hand-eyed thing that had one too many kid kebabs. I was relieved I remembered correctly, in this case.

Captain Vidal.... That villainous bastard. Franco's re-incarnation, it seems. He was played in an uncompromisingly ruthless manner that didn't feel too extreme. Although, I would have like to have seen him involved more in what Ofelia is doing, or trying to do.

Now for the major thing that keeps this flick from greatness: the entire fascist vs communist thing.

Yes, I understand that the film was set in 1930s Spain; a time of extreme political violence. But there's so many scenes featuring this conflict that it makes the main plotline of the film seem more like a sub-plot. That's quite an incredible thing to accomplish. These scenes take up a good half-hour that could be cut or re-written with (relative) ease.

It's a 7 from me. This is definetly essential viewing if you're wanting to get into Spanish cinema, or just really enjoy twisted fairytales.

Knives Out (2019)

Well...

[2/10 · 1 November 2021]

Originally Posted on Letterboxd on 25 October 2021.

What's up with Daniel Craig's accent? It sounds like a Londoner visited Boston and tried to put on an accent to make merry with "the boys".

Young Sherlock Holmes (1985)

Overrated, But What Did I Expect?

[3/10 · 1 November 2021]

Originally posted on Letterboxd on 24th October 2021

Oh would you look, yet another soulless Steven Spielburg film with a budget that seems to have gone on everything other than the things that matter. Plus, to my knowledge, it spawned that odious "hey look at me I can tell your life story by looking at your toenails" thing that has haunted subsequent Holmes adaptations. I'm sorry, but it just wasn't for me.

Oh well... At least it had one or two laughs I guess.

It's a 3 from me. Watch if you like Spielburg.

The Last King of Scotland (2006)

Your Typical Biopic

[5/10 · 1 November 2021]

Originally posted on Letterboxd on October 21st 2021

It's a half-decent biopic with cool cinematography and pretty good acting, which is what one expects from these kind of films. Sadly, there's not much else that really brings the film together. Again, as expected from these kind of films.

For starters, how on earth are we supposed to believe a "true story" from the viewpoint of a made up character? It makes you wonder whether any of the film is real or not; did Amin even exist? Did he really impose such a horrible rule on this once unkown nation? You can never tell.

The aforementioned cinematography was pretty enjoyable, if slightly overbearing in parts. Like I understand it was set in the 70s, but you really don't need to go about using every camera trick from Starsky and Hutch just because of "muh authenticity".

It's a 5 from me. Watch if it's a rainy day and if you're a fan of stale biopics.

Django Unchained (2012)

Good Ol' Tarantino

[8/10 · 1 November 2021]

Originally poster on Letterboxd on 20 October 2021.

A good, but very loose remake of one of the best westerns ever made. Though despite the heavy creative liberties, it doesn't feel sacreligious in any way. They defintely kept the bloodshed in taste and THEN some, though.

Keep an eye out for Leonardo DiCaprio, playing the utterly contemptuous yet endearing Calvin Candle. In my opinion, this is one of his best roles. He's your typical haughty Southern bastard you want to punch in the face for being total scum, yet also want to have a drink or two with.

The only thing stopping this from being a perfect 10 is that it feels over-long, even for a Tarantino film. Plus in parts it feels like it's trying too hard to be "retro chic", or whatever it's called.

It's an eight from me. A MUST for lovers of spaghetti western, and ESSENTIAL viewing for those who are getting into revisionist westerns.

Gosford Park (2001)

What Is This Trying to Be?

[4/10 · 1 November 2021]

Posted on Letterboxd on 24th September 2021

An unfunny comedy/drama that later turns into an unenthusing mystery film. It's almost like it doesn't know how to blend the two genres together in any convincing way. But on the plus side, the cast was god-tier, and the acting wasn't too bad.

4/10.

Malignant (I) (2021)

Plain

[4/10 · 1 November 2021]

Posted on Letterboxd on 23 September 2021.

This is your typical slasher-type horror, boring cardboard-cutout characters, no scares other than "muh goarey jumpscare" and a kind of derpy killer. For people who are into that kind of thing, the kills are alright, but some of the later ones feel more action than horror.

It does have one major redeeming quality that makes it stand out from all of the other gorey, tropey crap (and in consequence, stopped it from getting 2/10); that is the aforementioned "twist", which I won't talk about here. Experience it yourself, nerds.

To add: this film kind of reminded me of 'Upgrade', for some reason. Does anyone else have these vibes? Am I just going crazy?

4/10.

Ever After: A Cinderella Story (1998)

Slightly Disappointed, But Oh Well

[7/10 · 1 November 2021]

Posted on Letterboxd on August 25 2021.

To be completely honest, I was expecting better from this film

A historically accurate revision of a classic fairytale without any edgyness? Sign me right up, please; that sounds like a welcome change to the grimdark "wurh make everything edgy and evil" thing you normally see from revisions.

Well... This film delivered on that QUITE well. I'd take it any day over the average Diseaseney live action revision, adaptation etc. That's not to say it's without it's errors...

For starters, in a realistic point of view, how does a noble end up being demoted to "commoner" just because of the untimely death of a parent? Unless her title was relinquished or abdicated in some way, she'd still be a noble, the heir to the estate and it's servants at that. That didn't feel well thought out, to me. But who knows? Maybe I'm wrong in every single way and it is permissable for an unrelated stepfamily to gain the estate, but just unlikely. Thankfully, there's nothing supernatural rammed into the story.

Historical nitpicking aside, Drew Barrymore's accent, particularly in parts where her character got a bit shouty, fell apart quicker than a jenga game with polar bears. One moment she goes from speaking like the queen's goddaughter and within a femtosecond she sounds like a character from a highschool Shakespeare production. But oh well, she wouldn't have been my number one pick for this role anyway; I wasn't expecting The Godfather from her, but she did do the job surprisingly well. Dougray Scott's prince made up for the majority of my issues with her, in my opinion.

One of the movies huge redeeming factors is the costume design, particularly of Cinders and her wicked step-mother, played by the brilliant if slightly typecast Anjelica Huston. Every seam of every section of every item of clothing just manages to slide across the fine line between infectious Hollywood brilliance, and being within *relative* historic tastfulness. My particular favourite is, quite predictably, the dress that is actually worn to the ball. I won't spoil anything here, but it is quite extravagant.

So, how is it? I'd give this film a solid 6/10. I appreciate the non-edgyness of this revision, but if the choice in main role was swapped, the acting a little less hammed, plus the odd inconsistency at the start which I won't address again rewritten, I'd bump it up to 8/10. Anjelica Huston is a great and odious villain as usual, the costume design is sublime (in my opinion), plus the film doesn't overextend itself into a snore-catagory borefest; it does what it needs to do, and leaves you with a fairly enjoyable experience in mind.

Watch this if you're a romance enjoyer who wants something new, yet familiar.

Stay the hell away if you don't like soppy acting and inordinate amounts of 90s cheese.

That is all.

Midsommar (2019)

Horror?

[9/10 · 1 November 2021]

Posted on Letterboxd on 31 July 2021.

For goddamn once, a film about a cult/isolated society/tribe/whatever that doesn't portray them as evil or good, a refreshing change from the norm. Everything feels and looks well shot, almost like everything is a dream that is being force-fed into your waking mind by an evil machine. Despite all of this, I think the film was just a tad bit too long.

9/10 from me.

The Devil, Probably (1977)

Pretty Cringe-worthy

[3/10 · 1 November 2021]

Posted on Letterboxd 30 July 2021.

Maybe I'm just really stupid and biased, but this film was kinda cringey. Admittedly, the dialog was actually pretty enthusing for a short while, plus I can kind of see why people of a certain philosophical persuasion would enjoy it. It's a 3/10 from me. Apologies, film buffs.