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Reviews
Move Over, Darling (1963)
Irritating remake.
This movie is a remake of the superior 1940 film "My Favorite Wife"
starring Cary Grant and Irene Dunne as his recently un-deceased
wife.
Unfortunately, I'm not particularly fond of the 1940 version. Either.
It's one of those screwball movies that would have wrapped up in
the first 30 minutes if the male lead had a backbone and could spit
out the truth (that premise holds for many Flintstones episodes
too). However, "My Favorite Wife" had the benefit of screwball
veterans Grant and especially Dunne, who knew how to have a fit
without making the audience hate her. Even though the original
took place in the late 30's/early 40's, you believed that Dunne was
completely capable of taking care of herself and was having a bit
of fun torturing her remarried husband even though she was still
completely smitten with him.
That said, "Move Over" does nothing but copy scenes from the
original with a few tweaks here and there. I know that's how a
remake works, but in this case, you're left with the feeling of "why
bother?" The courtroom scene, while funny in the original, didn't
elicit one chuckle in the remake. The added car chase was absurd
and only served to reinforce the stereotype of "women drivers." I
can't begin to tell you about the awful car wash scene and Doris
Day's irritating shrieking. The remade final reunion lacked the
feeling of anticipation or joy as in the original, but did include Day's
hoarse shrieks. She was hoarse, no doubt, from all the
screaming, shrieking and yelling she'd done in the previous 2
hours of the film.
Day's portrayal of her character as basically helpless but with
righteous indignation, screaming outbursts, stamping feet and
near sobbing would have been better suited for a 2-year-old. When
I was 2, if I had acted like that I would have been spanked and sent
to bed without any dinner.
James Garner was very bland and it wasn't clear how he could
have gotten 2 women to marry him. Actually, his character was so
boring that I barely remember him even though the movie ended
20 minutes ago, except when he was shouting in order to be
heard above Day.
The best part of this remake is watching the trampoline/diving
routine put on by Chuck Connors. Or maybe it was a stunt double.
Either way, it's not worth putting up with the rest of this mess. If the
storyline intrigues you, do yourself a favor and rent the
Grant/Dunne original. At least there won't be any shrieking.
Queen of Blood (1966)
Why did I watch this?
Why did I watch this? I blame it on the 101 degree heat and a lazy
afternoon. I was obviously not thinking straight. This movie is
another example of the lame-o sci-fi schlock cranked out during
the 50's and 60's. All shiny baggy suits, know-it-all-men and
deferential women with way too much makeup. The best part
about the whole thing is that it only lasted about 80 minutes.
I guess the movie does have a semblance of plot, which is
well-outlined in the description above. That's pretty much the
whole movie--there is nothing else. Astronauts spend a lot of
boring time prepping to go to Mars, go to a martian moon instead,
and take the ugly woman on board while leaving one of their own
on the moon to fend for himself (never did find out what happened
to him).
The alien vampire who is named in the credits as "?" has
absolutely no dialogue, which is probably just as well. She looks
like a way less sexy version of the green chick from original Star
Trek wearing a Seven-of-nine unitard.
The movie ends as abruptly as the plot description. They land on
earth and John Saxon says "Well, I tried" and that's pretty much it. I
think I'll take a cue from that and end this review the same way. No
sense wasting too much time on this movie when it's obvious that
the producers and director didn't waste much time on it either.
Max Knight: Ultra Spy (2000)
Not bad
The Max Knight character is a blend of James Bond, Derek Flint and Gadget Boy. The movie itself has plot elements similar to Knight Rider 2000. Throw in some Gibson-like speak and this combo makes for a slightly annoying (the villains) yet basically fun movie (and obviously a failed TV pilot). The affable Mr. Landes went on to play a vaguely reminiscent swaggering character in the series Special Unit 2.
This is mediocre sci-fi at its best, and I've seen a lot of mediocre and BAD sci-fi (I have Cinemax). It won't enrich your life, but it won't detract from it either. You may even think of the movie time-to-time and lament how it could have been great but just wasn't quite right.
All-in-all, worth watching if you've got extra time. I'm glad that in the US, Sci-Fi Channel occasionally takes these unpolished gems out of the closet for all to see.
Bonus shirtless scene for Michael Landes fans.
Wolf Lake: Unaired Pilot (2001)
Wrong time, wrong channel
"Wolf Lake" wasn't a bad show, but it had the misfortune of being on the wrong network (CBS) at the wrong time (right after 9/11). The promotion machine wasn't put into high gear for the program because it came at the time when everyone in the country was glued to the news, and I don't think the network had that much faith in it anyway.
WL was not a compelling piece of TV such as "The X-Files" its first few seasons, but it was enjoyable nevertheless, and I would have watched it regularly. I also don't think that CBS had the right demographic for the show. I don't see fans of "Everybody Loves Raymond" or "Judging Amy" getting all rabid (excuse the pun) over a show about sexy werewolves. Kind of the same problem that ABC's "Prey" had in the late 1990's. Perhaps Sci-Fi Channel will pick up, or at least the rest of the episodes to run on their "Inhuman Land" day.
Tale of a Vampire (1992)
Bo-ring
I love Julian Sands and will at least attempt to watch anything he's in, but this movie nearly did me in. I'm hard pressed to remember when I found any other movie to move....so......slow.........ly.....zzzzzzzzzzzz
Pop it in the VCR when you've run out of sleeping pills.
A Return to Salem's Lot (1987)
Oh, god
It's hard to put into words just how bad the acting is in this movie. I won't even get into the ridiculous psuedo plot because I can't get past the acting. I've seen more talent in a play put on by kindergarteners and cats. Watch this film if you've been really bad and your priest is not available for confession. This is good for about a thousand Hail Marys.