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Reviews
Cars on the Road (2022)
Mater is dead
Glass ceilings have been murdered with this one. The taboo subject of automotive death has been touched upon delicately and expertly in a way we've come to expect that only Pixar can pull off. The official Cars canon now includes Tow Mater's untimely demise, his afterlife conversation with a demon, and his own self-resurrection. Not only that, but the existence of seances has been established, undead ghost cars have been witnessed, and the audience was even presented a flaming hot car corpse seen freshly after a speeding incident. Some may be disturbed by this potential sequel to Coco (2017), but I personally have never been one to reject some mild gore, a bit of necromancy, or an episode of a children's show themed with Stephen King's The Shining. In my book, it's a solid 10.
Batman Forever (1995)
I only like Riddler
Riddler is the only character I liked in this film everyone else can go screw themselves.
Frozen II (2019)
I only like Olaf
Olaf is the only character I liked in this film everyone else can go screw themselves.
Ryan's Mystery Playdate (2019)
Ryan is rotting my soul.
Over the last few months, I have noticed some new things about myself. There was once I time when I would walk outside, smell the fresh air, stand in the sun, and feel good about life. But things have changed. I no longer look at the universe with the same sincere passion. I've forgotten the ways in which I used to find the untapped euphoria in the various nooks and crannies of my small world. I didn't know what was causing it. At first I blamed the cold weather, or the rainy days, or the person that looked back at me in the mirror. But it wasn't long before I realized the true culprits: That cringe infant and those disgusting old boomers from that nick show my little brother watches. I can't so much as crawl out of my bedroom without being forced to witness Ryan attempt to formulate English sentences, or the snorting of that pig he calls a father. And bro, it's not like I haven't tried to end it. I was desperate enough to try to get him hooked on frickin Team Umi Zoomi. But he always returns to this nauseating eyemelter, Ryan's Mystery Playdate. I suppose I'm doomed to an eternity of emotionlessness; a reality in which I may never again find the slightest indication of joy. Thank you, Ryan, for being the ultimate soul-rotting force that's driven my sanity off its rails.
Edit: My mom is the only human being over three years old that enjoys this show.