i_dont_even Reviews

Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny (2023)

Worst movie in the series

[5/10 · 5 July 2023]

Usually characters have a point behind their motivation, even if its stretched. Not in this movie. Every motivation and the reason why characters participate in the story is completely wrong. Nobody has a point during back and forth bickering, and basically it's written as any character could participate in that story, which exception of couple sentences.

The only substance in this movie is some bad action.

This is a good movie only if you have lapses in judgement, heat waves happening, I can see why this is still in 7 regon.

My intelligence has been offended, and I am not very intelligent.

Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse (2023)

Beautiful and incomprehensive corporate product which gives up on being itself while preaching to be yourself

[4/10 · 3 June 2023]

First act wows with action, visuals, sound and storytelling. Second act throws a lot of Spider people for us to enjoy. But it's there where story starts to look like writers are apologizing to their children for being terrible parents. And during entirety of third act I couldn't shake the feeling that cliff-hanger is coming and it did come in a most disappointing and least imaginative ways possible.

If you're hyped about Miles, it's probably 11 out of 10. If you love dramas of magical people, it's probably 10 out of 10.

If you wanted generally a great movie from start to finish, that's half there. Visually it's great, music is great holds to the last minute. But writing takes a dive after first half in a rather dramatic manner(pun intended) to reheat old jokes and known dramas.

Ultimately it's a beautifully looking and sounding half-movie which starts a lot of plots, but is so gutted compared to first one that it ends only itself.

But look, more Spider people suffering and being funny and doing action and playing out the same stories we know for 60 years, but AT THE SAME TIME.

I mean wow, a masterpiece. And there's that BWAAAAH sound in the movie so you know you should be serious about it. 10/10 is not enough, we need to invent a new scale, like out of 30 and give it generous 15 points.

Everything Everywhere All at Once (2022)

most overhyped movie of 2022

[5/10 · 4 January 2023]

Watched it and gave it a breathing room first. But instead of having a better perspective after a while, unstained by initial skewed and biased impressions, the movie was forgotten it in its entirety by my brain.

Nothing sticked, nothing remained with me, zero I can reminisce with enjoyment.

But I understand why it was hyped so much, it's slightly chaotic in which average moviegoer will get lost thinking it's deep and people with mental problems will think it's relevant to them.

Watched it because user reviews we're always an indicator of a good movie, but this one broke the system. User reviews are no longer to be trusted. You owe me two hours "reviewers".

Mythic Quest (2020– )

borderline forgettable

[5/10 · 30 December 2022]

Characters are reacting by being loud and annoyed most of the time. None of them are particularly memorable, none of the video game fluff lands, and industry references are so basic they scream "how do you do fellow children".

None of the people who wrote this show have any idea about established and emerging gaming cultures. It's basically a generic office sitcom pretending to be about certain market and subculture creators know very little about it, but decided to exploit it anyway.

It's not entertaining, not inspiring and not interesting, so basically it's made only because there's money to be made. The lack of soul and passion is apparent.

Andor (2022– )

Mixed bag

[7/10 · 12 October 2022]

It looks great, sounds great and atmosphere is top tier, acting is very good.

It relies heavily on physical sets and models which makes the show stand out in current Disney ecosystem.

But it's not all sunshine and rainbows. The story and pacing is not very interesting, especially when we know how that ends. But that comes with a territory of being a prequel to the prequel to a space fairy tale from half a century ago.

We used to joke around how ridiculous Star Wars storytelling might be with when they will grasp at story ideas but we didn't give Disney enough credit.

At the end of the day it is a show that's a prequel to the movie about a plot hole because George Lucas wanted to copy scene from Dam Busters so bad. And that in itself is tragically awful.

Top Gun: Maverick (2022)

Ace Combat the movie, and it's a good thing

[8/10 · 14 September 2022]

Top Gun: Maverick is a Top Gun movie about Maverick. I know this sounds like a bot review, but it's exactly what it is. Top Gun formula is applied to a movie centred around its main character even more than previously.

The mission which protagonists must overcome is basically Ace Combat's Cape Rainy Assault, Faceless Soldier and Bunker Buster mixed together in that sequence.

It's a well done movie, slightly dragging its feet occasionally, but entertaining till the end. CGI is mostly good with couple of uncanny moments. Shots of air-crafts flying in the distance are biggest offenders. The 24 frames per second target just makes plane movement very jagged.

The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent (2022)

It's a blast

[8/10 · 5 September 2022]

It's a basically a movie about bromance of Nick Cage and Pedro Pescal. While I'm aware that's both are acted characters, the chemistry is awesome, so there's something in it.

Writing is entertaining, amount of humour and tension just perfect.

You can really tell writers love both main actors, which makes movie give off nice, warm vibe. There are both signature Cage great and goofy moments.

The ambiguity is well played, and while it could be more subtle, it still works nicely.

I'd really like to see sequel to that, another fun adventure of Cage and Pascal, but not sure it's that kind of movie. Which is fine in itself too.

Only Murders in the Building (2021– )

Great fun

[9/10 · 3 September 2022]

It's a show about three weirdos getting hyped on a murder which happened in a building they live in.

Steve Martin and Martin Short do a great job playing those two nuts. They are vivid and memorable. It's a great duo. Selena Gomez plays their young, serious and snarky counterpart to balance it out.

The pacing is great, narration well thought-out. Every episode absorbs characters in a tiny sub-story revealing bit by bit the whole puzzle so even when things go sideways, it pins it on personality quirks.

Supporting characters are great too, played well, sell the whole story nicely.

It's a whodunnit story made properly.

Obi-Wan Kenobi (2022)

It's a freaking origin story template and I'm confused why was this used for a character we loved for close to 50 years now

[5/10 · 3 September 2022]

The story itself isn't bad, acting is alright, characters are fun. Ewan McGregor is great, as always. But watching the show I had a feeling like this should be a story of a different character.

Obi-Wan was established for decades now, even his prequel story wasn't his origin. He already was a fairly developed character. But in this show, he basically goes through the motions of becoming a Jedi. Which he already was for 22 years.

It's a terrible and disappointing idea. Basically a slap in the face to the legacy and mythology of the Star Wars universe.

I don't know what's worse, the fact that Kenobi makes the same mistakes we already seen, or the fact that show sets him up into played out territories effectively killing any bit of tension good show is supposed to have.

Man vs. Bee (2022)

Classic Rowan Atkinson

[8/10 · 2 September 2022]

In a typical British comedy fashion, Trevor is a man fighting uphill battle with life. And the reason for that are his shortcomings. He obsesses with little things and develops a tunnel vision when absorbed. This, naturally, is a ground for physical comedy when he's about to housekeep expensive residence for some rich folk.

It's a mix of well set-up and surprising events in which there are no heroes and villains. Just a lost bee and confused man.

It's similar to Mr Bean, but Trevor is more expressive and the style of comedy, while physical and over the top, is a bit different.

Give it a try, it's a 10 minute per episode miniseries, with 20 minute pilot. Worst case scenario, it's a 100 minute loss.

Black Jesus (2014–2019)

Awesome

[9/10 · 2 September 2022]

The cast does a great job selling characters, acting is good and Gerald Johnson is always a joy to watch. Show is funny and memorable.

Story follows Jesus who currently lives in Compton, LA, and tries his best, or not, to make sense of his divine purpose. The comedy is over the top and story is outrageous. In my opinion, that's how it should be.

I'd like to see more miracles like those in opening of season 3, but I doubt there was a budget for that.

Would love to see more of that show, but again, wouldn't count on it. Which is a shame, because this show is genuinely funny.

Have a smoke with Jesus and have some fun for a couple of evenings.

Day Shift (2022)

Very fancy stuntwork

[8/10 · 2 September 2022]

Watch it if you like great stunts, because story is just an excuse for another action sequence. Action is fun, sometimes even pretty fresh. Camera work during some scenes is actually impressive.

Characters don't really change, their evolution is basically one step from the base-line. But it's not really about that. It's a simple one-off playing out across like two evenings, so it's hard to expect massive personality changes.

Writing is fun, very simple but entertaining. The whole California vampire thing is a decent setting for good ol' monster hunting.

I would watch a sequel if it's as good as this one.

Samaritan (I) (2022)

Basically Infamous(video game) x Demolition Man

[8/10 · 1 September 2022]

If you could take some story beats from video game titled Infamous and put it in a blender with Demolition Man, you would end up with this movie.

Dialogs aren't great, characters aren't great either. Actually it's a pretty generic super hero, but the twists are fun. Everything I want to praise in this movie would be a spoiler which would make the review basically pointless.

Stallone is doing great for a 76 year old, and I think they could play it more stoically, but they wanted to have people flying off when punched, so there is a big discrepancy between Sly's movement, and the effect it produces on goons.

If you're Infamous and Demolition Man fan, watch it. It's fun.

She-Hulk: Attorney at Law (2022– )

It's toxic, it exists, even actors don't really try

[4/10 · 30 August 2022]

Character in comic books and animated series are memorable and well received by pretty much the same people who shunned the adaptation. The reason is inferiority.

The origin story of main character is changed into being infected by a super-power contagious disease. Superhero identity reveal isn't built up in any way and the decision to do so didn't even come from main character.

The character interpretations are unimaginative and are straight out toxic. Ham-fisted gender war doesn't really work in it's favour. It's unintentionally funny, and when it tries to be funny it falls short. Lead actors are good but you can clearly tell some of them are there just for the paycheck.

Bottom quality product capitalising on beloved characters. Doesn't play on strengths of source material. It's basically a counterfeit Marvel product made by Marvel.

Thor: Love and Thunder (2022)

Fun romp

[7/10 · 11 July 2022]

It was a fun ride. CGI is pretty good, story straightforward, action rather ok. Nothing especially ambitious which means it's a shame that Christian Bale was wasted on this. Won't satisfy Marvel edgelords, but if you're not one, it's not a time fully wasted. Movie doesn't treat itself seriously so the humor exists but doesn't necessarily land. It has a good pace.

Battlestar Galactica (2003)

Surprisingly good

[9/10 · 11 July 2022]

Didn't want to watch it because of its cringy name, but after giving it a try I conclude it's actually really good piece of sci-fi. Nice to see Castillo being promoted to admiral.

The Sea Beast (2022)

Amazing environment visuals

[7/10 · 11 July 2022]

It's a lighthearted kids movie about making friends, a fun and cute one. It does push the graphics real hard though and environments looks absolutely fantastic.

The Boys Presents: Diabolical (2022)

If you liked live action series, you will be confused

[7/10 · 28 June 2022]

Every episode has a different art style, inspired by something else, made by different writers/animations and follows that particular source material logic and style. For example Looney Tunes episode is just that, Looney Tunes themed episode. Or the Rick and Morty guy made sure a lot of toilet humour and awkward vagueness is included.

Garth Ennis writing one episode was a nice touch, and it was by far the most faithful, piece of The Boys media, to the source material.

Wont't appeal to edgelord fantasy of live action series commissioned by Netflix/Amazon/whatever soulless corporation made the live action.

Dragon Ball Super: Super Hero (2022)

Movie for the fans

[9/10 · 28 June 2022]

I had fun. Build up and payout was nice, animation smooth. One of the best, if not the best Dragon Ball movie to date. Was refreshing to see it focused on someone else than usual absurd beefcakes.

Altered Carbon (2018–2020)

Watch first season

[10/10 · 24 June 2022]

First season is great fun. Actors do a great job selling characters, action is fun, atmosphere and aesthetics are top notch.

Second season... Exists. Mackie didn't even bother acting.

The Orville (2017–2022)

Pretty decent Star Treck counterfeit

[6/10 · 24 June 2022]

It arrived at opportune moment when there are no good sci-fi shows available. Follows Star Trek tropes, written with half of the Star Trek wit plus a little bit of humour. You wont find here epic scale, everything still happens on a tiny sets and green screens.

The Boys (2019– )

Downgrade from a comic book

[7/10 · 24 June 2022]

Doesn't have the courage to be as grotesque and outrageous as source material. Fun to watch, but a letdown for comic book fans. Seems like a kids show in comparison.

Falling Down (1993)

There is some grotesque beauty in people going off the rails

[10/10 · 23 June 2022]

It's subjective, but I found is extremely fun. Douglas looks like he enjoys playing Foster surrounded by chaotic city he does not recognise anymore, drowning in his life which he loses control of.

Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness (2022)

Best MCU movie so far

[8/10 · 23 June 2022]

It breaks out of overplayed genre cliches and mixes Raimi-esque horror tropes with power fantasy. It's a blast. Substract one if you're not into Raimi classics.

Last Night in Soho (2021)

very fun cross genre movie

[8/10 · 12 June 2022]

It's a great looking movie. Every frame is an art piece in itself. It does enough exposition to make you wonder. The way it spirals out of control if just pure fun.