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thein433
Reviews
Superman Returns (2006)
superman returns.
At the risk of sounding like a huge nerd for just getting home after driving thirty minutes to see the ten o'clock showing of "superman returns" i would like to say a few things about myself. 1)i came into this movie not knowing anything about superman. 2)i am not now, nor have ever been interested in superman.
That said, lets move onto the review then, shall we?
Not to dis superman (i know hes like the father of all comic book superheros), but it seems as if the creator of Clark Kent pretty much sat around and thought, "hmmmm... what other power can i give him? how about LAZER EYES!" It got to the point where superman just felt a little too "super". Also, even though he has all these amazing powers, it seemed like all he did was pretty much fly around and lift stuff. In the movie, superman lifts a plane, the daily planet globe, a large metal sign, a ship, and among other things, a CONTINENT.
despite being so powerful, and this being labeled as an "action" movie, superman didn't ONCE hit anybody. I don't know if this is typical of the famous hero, but id assume he'd at least slap lex Luther around a bit.
superman slept with Lois sometime before the movie and now shes got some child running around. but the kid has asthma and is fairly well incapable of anything sport related. yet, in a moment of extreme stress, he can fling a baby-grand across the room? and also, why is it that the movie never brings up the consequences this stunning revelation would have on Lois and her new hubby's (who thinks hes the father) relationship?
everything about this movie was predictable. i never felt like i was on the edge of my seat once. Lois nearly drowns in a ship, but of course superman gets there just in time to save her. superman nearly dies, but of course Lois is there to save him. it was this way the entire movie.
the movie felt like it had about eight hours worth of plot and back-story that they had to cram into two and a half seemingly endless hours. they touched on a lot of subjects without ever really going into much detail about anything. okay, kryptonite is deadly to superman. great we all know that, but why? okay, the crystals can form into anything lex wants. fine, but how?
one commendation i have for the movie (and in fact, the ONLY thing that kept it from getting a one and instead a three) was the special effects. wow, those were pretty sweet. although, the universe in the opening credits, while cool, gets pretty boring after about twenty minutes of flying through space. and also, it gets to the point where it feels like, okay, superman can fly. good for him. maybe putting forty-five minutes of flight scenes in the movie with absolutely no dialog wasn't a good idea though. sure, metropolis looks pretty cool from a distance, but c'mon, it gets old superman.
the superman theme song. while i appreciate that they wanted to be nostalgic in playing it, i doubt as to whether they need to KEEP playing it. when the superman soundtrack is released it will only contain this song. i think all the budjet was spent on special effects and some fresh music was forgotten entirely.
its officially two a.m. and I'm starting to forget just what exactly i saw no less than three hours ago in a movie theater. thus making it difficult to write a proper review. which reinforces my belief that this was a relatively unmemorable movie.
pay for a ticket to this movie simply to see the spiderman3 trailer at the beginning. wish i could write a review about that...
Return of the Living Dead: Necropolis (2005)
high-schoolers v zombies
Wow. Where should I start. I've seen quite a few zombie movies in my lifetime, and there is always a never ending supply of worthless garbage in the genre. Not to say worthless garbage cant be fun, i happened to enjoy much of the stupidity and plot holes of "Hard-Rock Zombies" (a movie where an 80's hard rock band goes up against Hitler and his horde of zombies). They can be good for a laugh, no doubt. But THIS particular movie, this just wasn't funny, scary, or entertaining at all.
ROTLD4 plays like one of the movies i've seen actual high-schoolers tape without knowing or caring how to edit.
The makeup, granted passed as acceptable, but the super-soldiers were like a cross between a nemesis (from Resident Evil) and what happens to a squirrel while you clean it, (it gets turned inside out for all of you city-dwellers.)
If i start to talk about the ridiculous and unbelievable plot, its very possible i could rant for far longer than i'm willing to devote to this movie. It was atrocious. 'Nuff said.
Listening to this movie is about as bad as watching it. The crappy generic rock music every time the local kids hop on their dirt-bikes gets old. And when you repeat that same music for every scene a zombie bursts out of a ventilation shaft, you're only making it harder for anyone wanting to find something worthwhile about this film.
As to the dialog, wha' happened? The kid cant shoot his friend because "I lost my virginity to her man!" is not only the most ridiculous and strange thing ever to appear in a film, but its not the worst. The guy from E.T. (Peter Coyote), when asked why hes creating these zombies replies with, "For world domination! What else?" How can you explain a gigantic facility and a "nursery" for zombies as a bout for world domination? Whats more interesting is, he DOESN'T EVEN EXPLAIN how he's supposed to dominate the world with zombies.
The main character was a total wuss, and one of the supporting characters was featured using numbchuks, rappelling from a skyscraper, fighting karate style, shooting high-powered smgs with perfect aim, and hacking computers.
Please, waste your time on this movie. It'll make you appreciate competent actors.