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eminentfreak
Reviews
Eragon (2006)
Why are movie genres never as detailed and thought-provoking as their counterparts in other media?
Dragon-themed fantasy novels are a case in point. Originally dragons were the aptly named bète noir of anyone from Bilbo to Saint George; then Anne MacCaffrey wrote Dragonriders of Pern and changed fantasy forever. One author was so impressed that he actually put her into one of his (dragon-themed) fantasy novels, albeit in cringeworthy fashion. Ursula LeGuin's are people in disguise; in Dragon's Blood they fight gladiatorial combats as public entertainment. Now Eragon turns them into glorified squad cars (anyone else catch that 'protect and serve' reference?) and combines Dungeons and Dragons themes with a cheesy takeoff of The Sword of Shannara and suchlike insipid Tolkein clones. Whereas I can't help feeling that this movie is Star Wars in disguise. Without Leia in a gold string bikini, and of course no one here prefers to kiss Wookiees over Harrison Ford. But the principle is the same, although the glowing swords are more LOTR than lightsabre. And this time, Obi-Wan has fashion sense.
The Kovak Box (2006)
Dreadful pseudo-thriller should be given a negative rating.
It's possible to have a great budget, good editing, and an interesting plot, and still come up with an absolute clanger. This movie is it. It manages to be eerie without tension, creepy and repulsive without any fascination, and stylish without any substance whatsoever. The plot is poorly structured, frustrating the viewer with too much information too soon, and tries to reintroduce suspense through the use of music and silly plot twists. The dialogue is poorly written and badly performed by actors chosen mainly for looks and European accents; character motivations seem strange or nonexistent, and lines are delivered deadpan or with too much force. It feels like a bad play performed in a nightmare, by vaudeville actors doing melodrama. It's a Dan Brown novel without the acid, and it suffers. Beware! Idiots at Large! "They" will get you!