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Reviews
Once Upon a Girl.... (1976)
Waste of Time and Netflix Queue Space
One would hope for a little bit of tongue-in-cheek humor from a film like this. Nearly every male American can remember at least one occasion where he and his childhood friends spent an hour or an afternoon drawing (what they believed was) the female form in all it's bare beauty. But at some point, most of us grew out of that phase or at least elevated it to an art form in art classes with nude models. This film however, is a return to those inane, dunderheaded attempts to self-stimulate with poorly-sketched, explicit naughtiness. From the atrocious live-action moments that closely mirror the stiffness of early John Waters movies' "stars", to the lackluster animation, this film is a complete waste of celluloid. The vignettes are obscene, which isn't a deal-breaker, in and of itself, but they are also absolutely incoherent and moronic faux-narratives. Any letter printed in Penthouse is more structured and inspired. Avoid at all costs!
Children of Men (2006)
Digital Hack Job
This is a very good film... not as good as the reviews would lead one to believe, but nevertheless, much better than a great deal of major studio releases and far better then most major studio science-fiction offerings. The attack in the woods, the escape from the farmhouse and the battle scene at the end have got to be three of the best film scenes of the year, by far. My major qualm however is with the CGI atrocity the filmmakers have decided to use in lieu of an actual human baby. I understand the difficulties (and possible illegalities) of using a baby during violent action scenes with squibs and pyrotechnics flying. I also understand the scene where the baby is born could not be shown as is with a live baby. But there are plenty of other ways around these problems without resorting to a grotesque abomination masquerading as a child. Whenever the infant was on screen, I found myself mesmerized in a sort of repulsed and nauseated trance. And when the old "foogie" lady at the end is reaching for it's foot... *ugh*, the baby's foot looks like a stillborn baby Hobbit foot, gray, and lumpily malformed...