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Reviews
Any Given Sunday (1999)
So long
The only good part is when Lawrence Taylor cuts the SUV in half with the saw. That was cool. The rest was schlock. Ok, maybe the part where the guy throws the alligator into the shower was cool too. but the rest was schlock. Stone should seek employment as a camera maintance specialist, because he seems to feel its necissary to bust out a new camera every 13.7 seconds. I think he's doing it to see if all these cameras he has lying around still work, and thus the recommendation in the previous sentance. For my money, the non-stop parade of NFL films ESPN shows during dead air rather than replay Jai-alai World Championships from 1974 are just as good, though they lack the gratuitous nudity and cool music. I think cool music is cool. Unlike this movie. The implication there is that I do not think this movie was cool.
Re-Elect Gore 2004!
Creme de la Face 37: Power to the Penis (1999)
Simply Amazing
The depth of character development in this fine piece of cinema is astounding. The acting is superb, and is highlighted by the outstanding direction, reminiscent of Alain Resnais. Though many of the scene have little or no dialogue, the camera work, musical selections and motions of the actors make viewing a heady, visceral experience. Not to be missed.
Cruel Intentions (1999)
Gellar ruins an otherwise solid adaptation
Its not like its any surprise, really. We've seen her on TV, but the gaping abyss that exists where acting talent should be in Sarah Michelle Gellar is much more pronounced on the big screen. For an idea of the cut, candy-corn style of delivery she uses for what should by a sly, dry delivery role (e.g. Anne Bancroft as Mrs. Robinson), see Denise Richards "acting" in "The World is Not Enough."
And it's truly a shame that Sarah Michelle stinks up her part so badly, because unlike this film's Abercrombie-exploitation bretheren, it's got some nice substance to it. Phillipe is dazzling in this Manhattan Island remake of the classic "Dangerous Liaisons," as Sebastian Valmont, the wry player who falls for the endearing virgin (Witherspoon). He plays the part almost as well as Malkovich did, and, I must admit, has a far nicer backside.
Liv Tyler (who is for some reason not credited in the IMBb database) is perfect as the clueless novice, who Valmont "educates" in the ways of love. Christine Baranski plays the same part she always seems to play, but as always, she plays it well. Joshua Jackson, replacing a maid in the 1984 version, plays a homosexual well enough to satiate the rage of all the Pacey-hating adolescent males, forced to stay in every Wednsday night so their girlfriends can watch "Dawson's Creek"
As a film, Dangerous Liaisons has been done better, but the 1988 version is so unbelievably good (Keanu Reeves is especially solid in his role) that basically everything else will pale by comparison. Go out and see this film at a foreign language theater, and cover your ears and stick to the subtitles when Gellar comes on. Then go see the period piece with Close and Malkovich to see how its REALLY done.
Cop & ½ (1993)
It could be worse...but not easily
I have trouble thinking of a worse film. Somehow, this strip of celluloid manages to be both less interesting and more mundane than a poorly videotaped, second grade production of "The Pilgrims First Thanksgiving." And the Pilgrims may have even had better writing. The jokes are flat and can be seen coming from miles away, allowing the viewer to both not laugh and prepare not to laugh at the same time. The movie seems to pin all its hope on the cute factor of the "1/2" in the title (Norman D. Golden II).
Golden's performance is lackluster and painfully unfunny, but it puts the rest of the cast's performances to shame. In Golden's defence, I have a hard time seeing Macaulay Culkin, the Olsen twins and Shirley Temple (in their respective primes) combined, mustering enough endearing "awwws" to make this dog successful. The ending accomplishes absolutely nothing, and at the same time shatters any attempt the film had at considering serious issues, reminding us all why Key Grips should not write screenplays. I hope that all original prints of this film have been burned, save for two copies: one to be shown at a mandatory lecture on the first day of classes at NYU Film School, with the same deterrent intent as such Driver's Ed classics as "Blood on the Highway," and the second to be saved as a record of just how low The Bandit (Burt Reynolds) and The Fonz (Henry Winkler) sank before their eventual semi-resurrections in "Boogie Nights" (1997) and "The Water Boy" (1998), respectively.