shawshank86 Reviews

She's Out of My League (2010)

Amusing

[6/10 · 13 March 2010]

She's out of my league is amusing, and had a few moments that were quite original and funny. Overall, it was derivative and predictable. There were not many moments of shock and twenty minutes in you know how the movie will end. Though there are a few plot twists, anyone who has seen an eighties comedy knows how they will be resolved. I am glad I went to see it, but wouldn't pay to see it again. This is the kind of movie you either wanna see once in a group, take someone out on a date to see or rent when you have nothing to do on a Thursday night. If you enjoy the comedy of films like American Pie, The Wedding Singer and Breakfast Club then you'll enjoy this one, but don't expect anything groundbreaking.

Masters of Horror: Homecoming (2005) Season 1, Episode 6

difficult to watch

[7/10 · 25 August 2007]

i have a hard time with this film because it treads the line between what is OK to show now and what should be allowed now. if i want to see a flip-side opinion of the iraqi war i'll read something by michael moore, or watch certain cable news shows but i don't in particularly want to see it in my horror movies.

this movie is a satire on the iraqi war that is very anti-republican. i'm pretty open minded, but this one made me really upset as a very patriotic citizen. i don't really fit in with republicans, but i have a hard time with any anti-war material. it's just a little too specific in my opinion. but as twain (i believe) once said "patriotism is loving your country when it's wrong and speaking up when it's wrong".

over all, it was a good zombie movie with a very different twist than normal. good character development and characters go through shifts as the movie progresses.

Masters of Horror: Dreams in the Witch-House (2005) Season 1, Episode 2

not bad at all

[7/10 · 24 August 2007]

this was a fairly well executed movie. genuinely creepy. there was a tragic flaw, which is a line that i consider to be atrocious. i added it to my list of incredibly dumb things people say. the main character is a grad student working towards his physics degree specializing in time/dimension travel. he explains how the witch is able to stay alive all these years by stating: "witches were astrologers; they knew a lot about science". horrible explanation, sir. astrology is a pseudoscience, meaning there is no scientific basis. also, knowledge of star alignment does not imply knowledge of relativity.

otherwise, fantastic movie with an ending that is not normative. one of those movies that leaves you with a feeling of "oh wow, i can't believe that just happened". an absolute must for fans of this series or horror in general.

On the Lot (2007)

entertaining

[7/10 · 24 May 2007]

i watch about twenty movies a week to get away from television because i see much of it as drivel. i saw previews of this show, and thought that fox must really be stretching for ideas because filming movies is fun, but not for an outside observer. but i left the TV on while doing dishes and found that this actually is a pretty decent show. it is probably the best reality show i've seen because it shows the process of making movies and creates instantly all of the pressures that exist when making movies. i honestly thought that they were ripping off American idol when i saw the judges, but none are as cruelly objective as simon or as sweetly fake and pc as paula. the judging seems fair and constructive, the tasks difficult as the should be. i think that viewers that want movie stardom will benefit from the mistakes of the young directors as will the young directors themselves. it is a good program.

Something Weird (1967)

exploitive, as usual

[2/10 · 15 March 2007]

hg is normally exploitive, and it's never really bothered me before--i loved "bloodfeast 2", but i really don't like pseudo sciences or playing on heuristics. the whole movie is based on a man with esp caused by an electrical accident and a witch. i'm not opposed to witches, and i liked "carrie" (the novel and the movie) but this one bothered me. i think it's because of the main character developing esp from an electric line. also the university professor wasting his time studying esp cases. i wasn't alive in the 60s to know first hand whether or not esp was a common fallacy then, but i assume that any theory of such nature would simply be discredited. what really bothered me was the way the police were describing schizophrenics as ruthless, unpredictable villains who can seem like normal people 99% of the time and then just snap. nothing could be further from the truth. i detest such concepts because they add to public idiocy. many people still think that schizophrenia is dissociative identity disorder. whoever wrote this script didn't know much about psychology.

there were some decent concepts to the movie. i liked the way the witch used men; it was a nice change. i liked how she could make herself attractive, but didn't when she was around her forced lovers. i found it interesting how her second lover also burned his face. had the script been touched up for a few weeks before production and not focused solely on making its audience dumber, this may have been a decent movie.

Blood Feast 2: All U Can Eat (2002)

we waited nearly forty years for this, folks

[7/10 · 1 March 2007]

what can i say, it's a good one. terrible dialog + horrid special effects + no morals + unbelievable plot + gore + t&a=one great, funny horror movie. this is one of the best films of the new millennium, i'm convinced. i'm pretty sure that they weren't even trying by the end. right off the bat i knew what kind of film this would be, and i couldn't wait. it's one of those movies that you don't want to end because it's sooo bad you love it, like "plan 9" or "hercules vs the moon-men" or carrot top's "chairman of the board" (even the title's a pun on that one). at times, i couldn't even believe what i was seeing, but i had to--the flesh moves on the dummy in such a way during the organ removal, that it's obviously a dummy. and all i can do is laugh. that sort of thing could be fixed in an afternoon! this is one that i will be buying soon to make my own version of "mystery science theater 3000", even though it isn't science fiction. i highly recommend this to anybody that sees beauty in strange things or that enjoys any of the the aforementioned concepts, movies or movie qualities, or of you liked "friday the 13th part ix: jason goes to hell".

Porky's Revenge (1985)

good way to end a great trilogy

[7/10 · 25 February 2007]

i am a huge fan of the porky's movies, and this was not a let down. the greatest of the series will always be the first, but 2 & 3 are still really worth seeing. the movie is clever, funny and creative. the group devises new pranks and new consequences. somehow, the whole group manages to graduate...and go out with...style. but before all that, they manage to face expulsion, blackmail for athletic eligibility and save their coach by making a deal with their arch nemesis: porky. when they don't follow through with their agreement, they have to defeat porky once and for all or else ol' meat gonna have to marry little blossom!

Freaks Uncensored! (1999)

pretty good documentary

[8/10 · 25 February 2007]

this is a pretty neat inside look at the lives of the people who make their livings as human sideshows. there is a lot of archive footage of the more famous human oddities, and there are interviews with the people that knew them. the movie also traces the roles of human oddities back through time. the film also uncovers which acts were usually real and which ones were usually fake. there is some interesting concepts, like the "tattooed man" who was at times looked down upon by the other sideshow acts because he wasn't born tattooed. but, the film also displays some of the triumphs of the freaks, like zip, the pinhead.

Jason Goes to Hell (1993)

somehow, the series gets worse

[2/10 · 24 February 2007]

i don't know how somebody got this film funded. this is by far one of the worst films ever made, and i like the other 9. if you do watch this, get the unrated version; it is significantly better for gore fans. i do still watch it for the blood and laughs. the premise is that only a vorhees can kill jason and she has to use a specific knife. so, jason has a living relative somehow...but that's not the complicated part of the story. jason is ambushed by the s.w.a.t. team (i'll never understand why a s.w.a.t. team member would pause for a shower when trying to draw a serial killer into a trap) and blown to bits. then, naturally, a mortician eats jason's heart (out)! now, the mortician has the power and mind of jason, but it wears on him, like in stephen king's "desperation" and "the regulators" (as richard bachman), so he has to pass on the heart when the body starts to wear, and then somebody else is jason. then the ending. i hate to give it away, so stop reading if it will bother you to find out this travesty of an ending. he gets stabbed, but isn't dying, so massive hands from hell burst through the ground and start to drag him into hell! you think it's over, but no! then the wind starts to blow the dust, and you see that his mask is still there...and freddy kruger's claw bursts through the ground and pulls away the mask while laughing. what an appropriate ending to that one. the good news is, i use this for an example in my class as a deaux ex machima each semester.

The Vampire Happening (1971)

sometimes once is enough

[5/10 · 24 February 2007]

i got this in a five movie set of vampire films for less than $10, if that hints at the quality. i honestly think that it's a pretty decent comedy, mocking the spaghetti flicks about vampires that were flooding the market, like don quixote is for knights...except cervantes was good and this writer had about the same effect as most twelve-year-olds would. i say this because of how bad some of the dialog is, and how sexually charged the film is. it seems like every fifteen minutes or so there's more exposed breasts. there is some obvious overdubbing, which isn't bad, it was just surprising. i did really like the incredible lisp count Dracula has the. it reminds me of cindy brady in the brady bunch movies.

Halloween III: Season of the Witch (1982)

not what i was expecting

[3/10 · 24 February 2007]

had this movie been given any other title imaginable, i may have been okay with it. this has nothing at all to do with the original halloween movies; why it is thought to be part of it, i cannot say. well, there is a scene in a hotel room where there's some halloween series related special, but the basis of the movie is something bad is happening on halloween. essentially, there's a toymaker that's creating evil masks that will do some sort of crazy thing to the people that wear them when he presses a button, which he plans to do halloween night and our protagonist has to stop him. like i said it could be the huge let-down of no michael myers, but i don't even think it was a good movie anyway.

The Tooth Fairy (2006 Video)

this is the product of making an r rated children's movie

[2/10 · 24 February 2007]

i was enjoying this movie most of the time, but i kept getting the feeling that i was watching a children's movie. i honestly think that somebody wrote a pg script and then, while filming, decided to add in some blood, nudity and language. it was a big let down. there's that believe the children magic that exists in movies like "babe" (the pig) or "angels in the outfield" that defeats the evil tooth fairy. the parents end up believing their daughter about her ability to see the ghost and utilize this skill to supernaturally defeat the tooth fairy. when i bought this movie, i thought it would be a b-film response to the dreadful darkness falls; somehow manage to make a better film with 1/4 of the money, but they don't. they made a worse film and will probably lose the same proportion of money lost on darkness falls.

Mortuary (I) (2005)

not bad, but not hooper's best work

[5/10 · 24 February 2007]

i did enjoy this movie. the characters were usually believable, and when they weren't it was for comedic effect. the idea was fairly original, in that he took a used concept and found a way to present it in a way that is not overdone, you just have to keep an open mind because it isn't believable. there are quite a few funny parts in the film, which reminds me of "dead alive", except "dead alive" was more like a funny movie with scary parts while this is a scary movie with funny parts. i definitely recommend trying this one out. there seems to be quite a few people that don't like this one, so if you try it you should probably rent first. but if you like b-film horror, i can't imagine anybody not wanting to see it once, at least.

Salem's Lot (1979)

one of the worst book adaptations i've seen

[1/10 · 24 February 2007]

i can understand why this movie was made. carrie had just come out and was a success as a film. when this happened, people start buying the book. then Hollywood wants to make more movies with king's books and successfully ruins every singly one of them until "the shawshank redemption". though that is an unpopular statement, i will say that there is bias because i am dedicated to stephen king, but the best concepts are left out, and the vital, creepy description of the vampire is totally ruined with some unrealistic, lame mask. ugh, this is almost as bad as what was done to "it", which has only one highlight: tim curry. this has no highlight. it really is an atrocity to cinematography and people who can read. if you are reading this, and you disagree with my assessment, i challenge you to go to your local library and read the book to see what i mean. it will be worth you while!

Stay Hungry (1976)

i envisioned something else when i rented it

[4/10 · 24 February 2007]

Schwarzenegger plays the role of a body builder competing in a mr. universe competition to make enough money to pay back those that paid for him to come to America--i'm sure that was a tough role for him to prepare. jeff bridges is a rich young man in love with sally field who is a maniacal, spontanious, spitfire lover. bridges character is in a business that's trying to buy a city strip to build a mall. the movie is about the development of this character into the man he wants to be. he needs to choose between being a rich working stiff, as he is born to be, or regular working man. it's worth seeing, just don't expect much out of it. i would suggest renting it; it probably isn't one anybody wants to see over and over again. the highlight for me is seeing arnold schwartzenegger play the violin. it looks like he's really playing, but there's no way to know for sure. either way, it sounded great!

The Mangler (1995)

not nearly as bad as i imagined...

[4/10 · 24 February 2007]

stephen king, tobe hooper, robert englund: three legends come together to make one scary movie. here's the problem, it is one of stephen kings weaker stories. this one was in one of his collections of short stories, and there's usually a reason that they're short; they're not designed to take ninety minutes to tell; children of the corn is a perfect example. englund gives a nearly comic performance, but pretty much anything he does is done well. the idea is that a massive machine that steam-presses and folds sheets gets possessed by a demon. i don't think they included everything that king put in his story that possesses the machine into the movie, but essentially everything that causes possession happens and it is quite difficult to get the machine cleansed. basically, they should have made a few short movies and released them all together, like creepshow. that would have eliminated quite a bit of the weak points.

Humongous (1982)

standard slasher

[3/10 · 24 February 2007]

i only give this a low rating because most of it is filmed at night with no or little lighting so it is difficult to see what is going on throughout a significant part of the film. though, that is the standard for the 70s and 80s horror. the only other problem i had was the kind of copied "Friday the 13th part 2" with the idea of the central female role pretending to be the monster's dead mother. it bothered me in ft13, so seeing it in a movie that came out a year later was not pleasing. beyond that, it wasn't so bad. nothing was more unbelievable than anything i see in other 80s slashers. if you like slashers and it's a rainy Friday eve, give it a chance; just don't expect it to be life-changing.

Thumb Wars: The Phantom Cuticle (1999 TV Movie)

a great way to start the legacy

[9/10 · 21 February 2007]

this is the first of the thumb movies i saw, and i must admit, i was quite skeptical when was first told about it. i only gave it a chance because i love the mel brooks' classic "spaceballs". this plays off weak points in the star wars trilogy, and also manages to lend some amount of creativity, for example, when loke groundrunner is being trained in the power of the thumb, the ball shooting lasers is being used as a torture device while the ship's crew laughs at him. the classic line from this movie, i think, is when loke tries to use the power of the thumb to guide the shot that will blow up the big weapon thing, and the late mentor oobi-doob scooby-dooby bonubi says to him "use the instrument panel, that's what it's there for".

Bat Thumb (2001)

"oh, he has no face!"

[10/10 · 21 February 2007]

this is by far my favorite of the thumb sexology, probably because i love the batman movies, all the way back to the classic starring adam west and up to "batman begins". most of the jokes are playing off the stereotype of the legacy, like bat thumb's interest in saving the day if women are at the scene or the forced feeling of blue jay's unnecessary presence, but there's also quite a bit of creativity, like turning alfred's character into an incredible drunkard. i also highly recommend checking out the special features, namely the cast interviews and deleted scenes--they are worth your time! i also appreciate how no face allots ample time for bat thumb and blue jay to escape his crafty dooming contraption and leaves the scene, assuming everything works out. it's very reminiscent of dr. evil of the austin powers trilogy, yet it doesn't feel overdone.

Frankenthumb (2002 Video)

"really spiced up our lives"

[7/10 · 21 February 2007]

this is one of those movies that will always be done again and again: a spin-off of frankenstein. it just seems to keep captivating our interests. because it just keeps getting done, so must the parodies. for me, this combats mel brooks' "young frankenstein" (frankensteen, if you will) for the best parody though i should also sight tim burton's early film short "frankenweenie" for being pretty great too. this film always gets me laughing no matter what mood i'm in. the big line will always be "we shall call him--pepper...he really spiced up our lives" what a great idea! if you enjoyed any of the other thumb movies, or even "kung-pow: enter the fist" i highly recommend this one, especially if you enjoyed the other films i referenced.

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning (2006)

just what i've been waiting for

[8/10 · 21 February 2007]

it has been a really long time since a good horror movie has come out. in fact, i probably haven't been amused by a horror movie since saw 2 (not dissing saw 3, i just haven't gotten around to that one yet). i don't usually like prequels because many times they're too into making inconsequential side stories and tend to have continuity problems, but this one is pretty well done. it shows why the cannibalism started and why it was suggested, where leatherface comes from and why he wears other people's skin on his face and how they can even get away with such acts. it is quite gory, though not the goriest movie out there.

this does stray somewhat, like the remake does, from the original storyline set in 1973 movie, but i don't mind that so much because tobe hooper has a hand in making these remakes. like the originals, the movie encompasses my full attention without nudity. i'm a fan of t&a, but it is admirable, and impressive on the production team's end, when it isn't necessary to captivate the audience. i also admire the low budgets and fairly unknown crew members used because that's the heart and soul of horror. i really do hope that these guys change their minds and make sequels because even the original series has no real conclusion; i'd like to see how it really ends. besides, when there's such a good franchise, why sell it short?

The Blair Thumb (2002 Video)

shark!!!

[9/10 · 20 February 2007]

i heard in a play called "counting the ways" that "if parody didn't lose some of the original meaning, was it ever worth it at all?". that applies here. this is a situation whence the farce accomplishes more than the original piece of work. how? well, the original is probably one of the worst movies ever made, somehow it got some amount of popularity, yet the farce is one of my favorite movies. "the blair thumb" tells the same basic story in half an hour, with every major event in tact. sure, it's all spoof, like a shark attack in a tent, and frankenthumb (another classic) is the blair thumb, but it still manages to capture the moment. i've seen this movie dozens of times, and i'll watched scores more, but once was too much with the blair witch project.

Thumbtanic (2000)

definitely worth seeing

[8/10 · 20 February 2007]

what can i say, it's a spoof featuring thumbs! i hated titanic with a passion, this movie made that three-hour torture worth it! this series is one of the best pieces of filmography out there, if you enjoy parodies. it takes every weak point in the original, and condenses it into a half hour. somehow, this one fits into a half hour, when it could have been the original movie. normally i would have shied away from this kind of picture, but when i saw "thumb wars" i was hooked for life. the entire six-piece series is well worth your time. my favorite is "bat thumb", mostly because batman is a huge part of my childhood experience.

The Shining (1980)

i can't be a fan, as much as i like kubrick

[3/10 · 20 February 2007]

there's just no way for me to enjoy this one, no matter how i try, but i'm a die-hard stephen king fan. if you've never read his superb novel, nor seen the made-for-TV version, you'll probably like this movie and think that i am an idiot. the movie has a few really good points, most of the credit going to jack nicholson's stellar performance which lends several images that last even today, over 25 years later, namely his 'here's johnny' impression and the expressions he has during his mania. also, the ending is close to what was intended, and it's even kind of scary but it loses the metaphor king intended. i've been told that kubrick didn't want the project, but king wanted him to do it, which makes some sense for the way that it turned out. if you want to see a movie that will probably scare you, then you should indulge but if you want to see a good adaptation of stephen kings classic novel, then rent the made-for-TV version put out in the last five years which has nothing to do with stanly kubrick.

Rubberface (1981 TV Movie)

not really sure what i just watched

[2/10 · 20 February 2007]

well, this isn't a good movie by any stretch of the imagination. i honestly think that they gave it the title of rubberface and put a picture of jim carrey on the cover with a distorted, rubber face to get people to buy it thinking it is a totally different movie. i admit, that is why i rented to movie; to see a movie about jim carrey having a funny face. but it is really about a troubled, heavy-set girl that lets people walk all over her, and has a mother that wants to help her. then she meets jim carrey's character: a failing comedian dish washer. she's a talented writer, so she helps him beef up his stand-up because he's just awful. then the climax. he fakes laryngitis so she has to take his place on stage and she kills. ooh, surprise Hollywood! yeah, not the greatest, but the cover of my box is funny.