LaverneandShirleysucks Reviews

Inside (I) (2016)

Insulting

[1/10 · 11 August 2022]

A strange woman bangs on her door in the night, specifically calls her by name and lets her know that she's aware that her husband is dead and not sleeping.....and the homeowner fails to let the police know about this very important detail?! In what universe?!

She just tells them "I don't know who the woman was" And the police is all "Oh it was just probably a drunk and they won't come back".

Um...NO....she KNEW HER NAME AND THAT HER HUSBAND WAS DEAD!!!" That's not random. That's personal!! When she failed to tell this to the police, I was out of the movie.

I love these suspense type stalker films but don't insult the viewer. Anyone would tell the police that the stranger called them specifically by name when demanding to come inside the house!! That makes the danger real and she should've gotten out of there asap. UGH. Who makes these stupid movies?!

Held (2020)

Started off good but fell apart mid way through

[5/10 · 4 August 2022]

When the husband came back to the house with the head wound I knew something was up with him since the attack happened off camera. What I found too hard to buy was the extreme lengths the husband went through after a 20+ year marriage. You'd think he'd try to convert her to 50's compliant wife years ago when he married her young.

And speaking of young, she looks a good decade or more older than him, and she's also having a side affair with a good looking 30 something boy toy....please lol! I don't like ragging on actress's looks, but she was terribly miscast because she just didn't look like the type a young 30 something stud would go nuts over.

The final scene where both were so easily bent on killing each other was hard to swallow. I could buy this happening to a couple in a young and new marriage, but not between two people who've raised children and been together for decades. If hubby really wanted a 50's style compliant wife, why didn't he just marry that in the first place?!

The wacky end scene where they're both trying to kill each other kind of reminded me of The War of the Roses, but that couple hated each others guts from the start whereas this couple wasn't shown to hate each other early in the film. They raised a family together for over 20 years, so it's not believable that either of these people would so quickly want to kill each other.

I'll still give it 5 stars for the good build up, but unfortunately the whole story implodes about midway through and becomes almost farcical in the end where they're trying to kill each other. I agree with another reviewer who noticed that the ear device was shown to be taken out of the husband's ear, yet when wifey presses the button, he goes bonkers from the sound like it's still in there when it was already shown sitting on the kitchen counter lol. Someone goofed in the editing room. It's still a decent watch overall.

The Golden Palace: Pilot (1992) Season 1, Episode 1

At least they made an effort

[4/10 · 2 August 2022]

I really don't want to hate on The Golden Girls and i'm glad they at least tried to continue the series rather than end it after Bea Arthur left. So i'm rating this pilot 4 stars solely for putting in the effort.

I just wish they didn't make such absurd and drastic changes like this. It's hard to believe Blanche would part with the home she lived in with her late husband George to become a Miami Beach hotel owner because we've heard her say in the series how much the house meant to her. I just can't believe this is something she would do. Sure she's a tramp, but with everything else, she's been shown to be pretty conservative tramp and wouldn't throw away her beloved home to run a beach hotel.

The Golden Girls could have easily gone on another few seasons by just adding a new roommate to fill the hole left by Dorothy and staying put. When Debbie Reynolds guest starred, I wondered how great it would've been with her taking Bea Arthur's place. I think she would've made a perfect replacement.

I remember they mercilessly shoved this show from it's very successful Saturday night time slot to Friday nights where moved shows go to die. I remember it moved from NBC to CBS so that was probably the reason for the schedule change, but you'd think CBS would've wanted to keep it's core Saturday night audience.

I don't recall much of this short series. I know I watched episodes here and there, but I remember nothing specific of it 30 years later, so it obviously didn't leave an impression on me.

I do recall watching when Bea Arthur made an appearance in this and i'm looking forward to seeing that again, but after watching the pilot tonight, I wish they had kept the characters in the home and just gotten a new roommate.

I'll watch the rest of these one season episodes, but mainly out of curiosity and nostalgia. Then it's back to The Golden Girls.

Head Count (2018)

Nothing happens until the last few minutes

[1/10 · 2 August 2022]

Most of this colossal bore is a bunch of uninteresting, terrible acting Gen Z kids drinking, puffing and partying for most of the movie until the last few minutes where some kind of dread happens and they all run around the set trying to act terrified in front of the camera of some unseen force.

It tries so hard to be suspenseful, but it's not. It's a huge bore where you'll either shut it off after 20 minutes or race through it on FF. I'm glad this snoozer was free on Tubi and not something I paid to watch. Zero stars. Blech!

Butchers (2020)

What's the point?!

[2/10 · 29 July 2022]

SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS!!!...............

When everyone is killed in the end, there's no point in watching because then the film is just 90 minutes of people getting murdered. You need to have a survivor, someone who fights back, someone to overcome the killers to make the viewer's time worthwhile.

Granted, I didn't care much for the 90's era foursome, but I wanted at least ONE of them to survive and make it out of there otherwise there's no point and it's 90 minutes wasted. You need to have a final girl or guy to survive these types of movies! When they all die, it's just a plot less massacre! UGH.

A Classic Horror Story (2021)

Snooze fest

[1/10 · 26 July 2022]

I couldn't believe how boring this was. After 45 minutes of nothing happening I watched the rest of this snooze fest on FF. Save yourself precious time if you're looking for a suspenseful horror film and skip over this ironically titled film because there's neither horror or suspense in it, and there's certainly nothing classic about it either. Watch this only if you have trouble sleeping. Zzzzzzzzz.

Black Summer: Human Flow (2019) Season 1, Episode 1

Boring

[2/10 · 23 July 2022]

I was surprised how boring this was. You'd think a first episode of a zombie series would be compelling and draw the viewer in to want to see more, but after this episode was over, I had no desire to go any further.

The characters are uninteresting which is a huge strike against it. I didn't care what happened to any of them and a first episode needs to make the viewer relate or care for the characters being introduced.

There's a whole lot of running around in the same 2 block radius of some cookie cutter neighborhood. The survivors were supposed to have walked a lot of miles, but you can see the same burnt out police car in the background sitting in the same position as the neighborhood they were supposedly in earlier. At least TRY and make the background scenery look different when they go to a new place!

Then there's a girl who gets hit by a car and turns into a zombie LOL. No one bit her so how did she turn all zombie just from getting hit by a minivan?! It made no sense. Everyone knows you have to be bitten by a zombie to turn into one. Not get hit by cars in the street!

There's a guy being held hostage with his hands in cuffs in front of him, yet he needs help lifting a toilet seat and his idiot captor walks over to oblige instead of saying " You can open it yourself"....or better yet, just let him pee in his pants. He's a hostage, what do you care if his pants get wet?!

Of course it's just ridiculous setup for the hostage to overcome the captor when he walks over to lift the toilet seat.

I know it's a zombie show and I shouldn't expect realism, but I expect a little common sense from the characters and not to see people turn into zombies just from getting hit by cars. Dumb dumb dumb.

I see it's been cancelled after the second season so it's already been put out of it's misery. I'll give it 2 stars for the laughs it supplied.

Revenge (II) (2017)

Need to suspend disbelief with this one

[5/10 · 19 July 2022]

In this film's universe, humans possess an unlimited supply of blood. Gallons of it can spew all over the house from one man's shotgun bullet riddled body and he's still able to run around with the help of a handy roll of saran wrap.

Then there's the wonder cure for impalement through one's torso by applying a hot beer can to the wound. Why hasn't the medical profession discovered this miracle cure? Just be sure to drink the beer first before applying the can to the wound lol.

As absurd as this was, I was able to watch till the end simply because I realized that this all had to have taken place on a planet that looked like Earth but was a totally different universe where people recycle their own blood and saran wrap and beer cans can fix up those messy shotgun and impalement wounds in a jiffy!! 5 stars for the outrageous absurdity and enough blood fill a herd of elephants.

The Stylist (I) (2020)

What does she do with all the bodies?!

[7/10 · 15 July 2022]

She rips scalps off women's heads in the beauty shop and then in a coffee shop. Then we see her basement is filled with scalps that she's yanked off from dozens of other women that she put on mannequin heads...but where did she put all the bodies? We never see.

And with so many missing women, you'd think the media would be screaming "Serial Killer on the Loose!!" The girl was definitely a creepy weirdo psycho that seemed to have the hots for the engaged woman who's hair she styles. She breaks into her home to wear her nightgown while pleasuring herself on her bed lol. Really sick stuff.

The movie kept my attention but I just kept wondering what the hell she did with all those hairless dead women's bodies. Other than that gaping plot hole it was ok.

Hounds of Love (2016)

Could've been better

[1/10 · 14 July 2022]

There's so many long pauses and lingering shots of nothing that had this been edited down better it would've been a 45 minute film. The plot is good, but it's overshadowed by all the padding with the lingering shots of scenery or characters just staring into space for minutes on end, and even random lingering shots of objects in the room or of trees or clothes blowing in the breeze. I used the FF button way too much to get past all the waste of time filler shots. Whoever directed this has no clue how to make a movie.

The Columnist (2019)

Finger stealing psycho

[4/10 · 13 July 2022]

Crazy man hating columnist gets so butt hurt by mean comments towards her on social media that she hunts the commenters down, murders them and clips off their fingers as sick souvenirs.

I call her man hating because she doesn't go after any females who talk trash about her...only the men, and this mousy woman is so unlikable that it can't be only men hating on her.

It would've been better if the protagonist was someone we could like and root for, but she was so repulsive that I just couldn't. And incredibly, none of these men ever try to fight back to this tiny little mouse when she breaks into their homes to off them. They just allow themselves to be killed without any defense lol. Please. It's so unrealistic! I'll be generous and give it 4 stars for the kills.

Tragedy Girls (2017)

25 minutes was all I could take

[1/10 · 12 July 2022]

I shut it off when they killed the guy on the motorcycle. I love horror flicks where people are killed at random by evil serial killers, but these two girls were so unlikable and repugnant to watch that I had to shut it off.

The blond chick with the bad dye job really annoyed me to the point where I just couldn't take anymore. Her acting was almost as bad as her hair. Killing people for fun like these idiot characters were doing isn't entertaining to watch. They talk all snarky and laugh with each other while they kill their victims like they're trying so hard to be cool but only come off as juvenile, try hard morons. Yawn.

When the killers mutilate their victims in slasher films, they're usually scary and evil people, which makes it entertaining. But when it's a couple of stupid, social media obsessed, high schoo girls with bad hair doing the serial killing, it's a bore.

I get that it was trying to be a comedy, but I found zero laughs in the agonizing 25 minutes I saw. I guess tween girl sociopaths would love this garbage. I prefer the more classic type of horror/slasher and with leads you don't instantly despise and want dead.

Bumperkleef (2019)

Are we supposed to root for the killer?

[8/10 · 9 July 2022]

The father was such an arrogant POS in desperate need of anger management therapy and his enabling wife only fed his warped ego. As the film progressed I despised him more and more and wanted the psycho to kill him so his innocent little girls are spared being raised by him.

He drives way over the speed limit, tail gates cars on the highway placing his family in danger. You don't drive hazardous like that, especially with children in the back seat. I felt so sorry for those little girls.

Afterwards, he acts all bravado in the gas station actually striking the other driver multiple times and refuses to apologize for his nutty, arrogant behavior.

Everything this moron did placed his family in danger. And towards the end he shows what a coward he actually is when he flees the house from the killer leaving his family and even his parents inside.

He only thinks of himself and it was pitiful seeing him running around the yards like a scared little coward while his family was trapped in the house.

I wanted to badly to see the killer get him, but the movie cuts off before showing us what we've been waiting for. WHY?!

It's all I was looking forward to and the movie deprives me of the pleasure of seeing him get his comeuppance. When the killer told the little girls "This wasn't your doing, it was your Mom and Dad's", he was right. And you could see the girls agreed with him because they didn't alert the cops of his presence when he walked away.

I think the film wants us to root for the killer here, but if we're meant to hate the idiot father, why deprive us of seeing his demise in the end? It was a great suspenseful movie but I would've given an even higher rating for that treat!

See for Me (2021)

Why didn't any back up come for the cop?

[5/10 · 8 July 2022]

I liked this film ok but this was my big annoyance with it. One lone woman cop would not come out for a home invasion check. Even if the 911 call was cancelled by Sophie, they'd still assume the 3 intruders reported could possibly be in the house and send at least 2 cops to check it out.

And when the cop called for backup, that signals an emergency to her fellow officers yet no other officers seemed to rush to the residence to give her the backup she needed. A whole hour goes by after she called for more cops and still no sign of them. Either the rest of the police force hated their fellow cop or it's just incredibly poor writing there.

I liked the lead character and didn't find her unlikable at all so i'm confused to see so many reviews saying that. I thought it was interesting that she cut a deal with the thieves to keep the cops away. I'd have done the same thing too to save my skin.

I guess stealing the wine bottle was bad, but it didn't make me hate her guts for doing it.

I do think it's a stretch that someone would hire a blind girl to house sit a huge mansion like that alone in the woods. You'd think she'd at least bring a friend to stay with her.

I give it a 5 because it was suspenseful...but the whole cop scenario mid way through and the missing backup ruined things. When a lone cop calls for backup on a home invasion check, her fellow cops would get out there asap.

What Keeps You Alive (2018)

What was wrong with the victim?!

[2/10 · 7 July 2022]

Why didn't she act like someone who's life was in grave danger?! So many chances to fight/get away and she takes none of them. My favorite was when psycho girl was upstairs stabbing the life out of someone while idiot victim just sat on the couch whimpering the whole time! What the hell?!

Your life is in danger you silly beech.... RUN, get a weapon to defend yourself, look for car keys of the homeowners and drive away.....but no, she just sits downstairs on the couch waiting for psycho to come back.

This could've been really suspenseful had the victim not been such an idiot. There was just way too many unrealistic scenarios that ruined the film. Like how the psycho miraculously caught up to the victim in 2 seconds in the row boat when she was already clear across the lake LOL....so silly!!

1BR (2019)

Creepy

[9/10 · 6 July 2022]

I turned this on not knowing the plot or seeing the trailer and as the movie unfolded I was riveted with what was going to happen next. I don't want to share much of the story because I believe films like this should be watched without knowing too much going in.

The main character was a likable young person you can relate to who signs a lease in a very unfortunate apartment community. As the film progressed I felt for her situation and the tension continued to build throughout the film leading up to a surprising and terrifying climax. 9 stars and highly recommended. I wish more suspense movies were like this one.

The Sadness (2021)

Appropriate title

[1/10 · 5 July 2022]

The film is definitely a sadness. Shock rape and shock gore.....yawn. When the zombie raped the girl's empty eye socket I laughed at the ridiculous absurdity. I'm sure they wanted me to gasp in shock and fright, but when it's so over the top silly like this you just laugh.

Then there's an orgy with naked zombies drenched in blood laughing in ecstasy as they have wild bloody sex with each other lol. I wondered at that point if it was supposed to be a comedy.

My question was answered when the girl who had her eye socket raped reappeared with her socket hole much wider than it was before. I guess that zombie was well equipped!

This was just scene after scene of over the top rape, violence and gore. I don't mind any of that, but there needs to be a riveting story somewhere in the midst of all that and there is none.

I thankfully watched this trash with a free Shudder trial so I didn't pay anything to see it....and I feel sorry for those who did. This is no horror film imo, but a poor attempt at an over the top shock fest which is almost impossible to do with audiences in 2022 because we've already seen it all before.

Try a riveting story, characters to care about, plot and character development....raped eye sockets and blood filled orgies will not become classics to stand the test of time. Trash like this will be thankfully forgotten 10 minutes after viewing.

Multiverse (II) (2019)

Great but I didn't get the ending

[8/10 · 2 July 2022]

Four friends create an opening to the multiverse where their selves from another universe to cross into their world and they now have to contend with them.

I really liked it especially the Deaf actress who played Amy. All the actors were good in fact...I just wish the two guy leads didn't look so similar because it was hard to tell their characters apart because the actors looked so much alike.

I didn't get the ending though.....(SPOILER!!!!!)......Was the whole thing a continuous never ending time loop they were caught up in that's going to keep going in circles?!

And did other Amy make it back to her world when she went into the ocean? I liked that she chose to sacrifice herself rather than interfere in the parallel universe she didn't belong in like the guy did, and in my mind she made it back home to her own world.

It's a little slow in parts but definitely worth a watch if you like parallel universe stories. Solid 8 stars.

The Stranger She Brought Home (2021 TV Movie)

Two psychos come together

[9/10 · 30 June 2022]

Creepy weirdo 911 operator who goes to the hospitals of the victims who call, to swipe their personal effects for her sick collection meets one of her 911 victims who just happens to be a serial killer.

Unaware that he's a killer and learning that he has amnesia, creepy weirdo operator tells the nurse that he's her fiance and takes him home like one would a new pet. It served her right that he was a serial killer! Couldn't she find herself a man in more conventional ways?!

Pretty much every character in this fun movie was psycho and ironically the serial killer was the most normal of the crazy bunch.

The poor guy genuinely wanted to change his murderous ways and hang up his knife when he found love with the crazy operator, but she just couldn't give her heart to him after finding out his little hobby. It's a shame because these two psychos were perfect for each other.

He collects his victims hair while she swipes the personal effects of hers....they're just two crazy peas in a pod.

I turned this on without knowing the plot and really enjoyed it. It's got good pacing, good acting and lots of suspense. Definitely recommended!!

Killer Single Dad (2018 TV Movie)

Psycho sperm donor

[8/10 · 29 June 2022]

The plot for this one is certainly weird....a crazy guy who loses his wife and kids in a car accident remembers how he donated his goop to fertility clinics back in college and then hunts down the children he's fathered so he can take them home and have his family back again.

The actor who played the psycho was really good and creepy and I kinda felt sad for the him in the end because his mind seemed to snap after losing his wife and kids and the poor guy just wanted his family back.

His pregnant target was an idiot the first half of the movie, but pieces things together about halfway through and learns of his tragic and insidious plot.

There's an overly nosy nanny who I couldn't stand because she had no reason to rifle through the psycho's office so early in the film except because she was just a nosy beech so I was happy when psycho murdered her.

The climax at the end was well done with lots of suspense and definitely one of the better Lifetime flicks i've seen recently and worth a watch.

I liked that he didn't get away with his crimes like you see in some of these films, but I still felt bad for him when he met his demise and was reunited with his dead kids in heaven.

Not My Life (2006 TV Movie)

Ok

[5/10 · 28 June 2022]

Creepy doctor is obsessed with his nurse so he kidnaps her and sticks giant needles into her brain to give her amnesia and make her believe they're a happily married loving couple.

He even goes so far as to rent a storage facility where he keeps a whole drug lab to make special pills for her that keeps her memory suppressed. He lies and tells her it's meds for her non existent heart condition.

Of course a car accident and trip to the hospital causes everything to unravel and our heroine begins to learn the truth.

It's a typical Lifetime drama of obsession, but this psycho went to such crazy lengths to obtain his object of affection. I wondered why he went through all that trouble just to get this woman because she wasn't all that special.

This film is over 15 years old so the writing is ok and characters don't do stupid things like in today's films simply to keep the plot going.

I think the older Lifetime films are much better quality than more recent ones. I'll be generous and give this a 6. Worth a watch.

Laverne & Shirley: Here Today, Hair Tomorrow (1983) Season 8, Episode 22

Only one of their dreams came true

[1/10 · 25 June 2022]

What a sad way to end the series having 30 year old spinster Laverne going to sleep alone in her apartment on her makeshift inflatable waterbed. No man, no date, no children and the only contact with the opposite sex is when the fleet comes in down by the docks. It's just so sad and tragic.

How a show that started out with 2 young girls with "High Hopes" trying to find their dreams of love ends with one of them in this state is just too sad for words.

Instead of the long string of bizarre episodes of the pathetic 8th season, they should've set up a long term romance for Laverne so she can have her dream come true too in the end and marry. This was the whole basis of the show and to only have one of the characters get it and the other don't is really sad.

I would've loved to see Shirley return for Laverne's wedding in the final episode, but instead the whole episode is focused on Carmine and his leap into the Sexual Revolution of the late 60's by joining the cast of Hair (gag)....or as Shirley would say----A one way ticket to Smut town.

It looked like they were setting things up for a spin off here and that thankfully never happened. By 1983 I don't think anyone wanted to relive the late 60's/early 70's days of sexual freedom and hippie crap again.

It's just a sad sight seeing our beloved Laverne laying on that inflatable raft all alone in the apartment at the end. The character deserved a much better send off and it's a shame they only gave it to Shirley. Laverne deserved more.

But Laverne will always have the fleet at the docks to keep her company on those long lonely nights I guess. Sad....but thank God the series is over. If I ever rewatch this series again, it will be just the Milwaukee seasons. The rest isn't worth a second viewing....and barely a first!

Laverne & Shirley: Do the Carmine (1983) Season 8, Episode 20

Jay Leno

[1/10 · 25 June 2022]

Jay Leno guest stars giving one more reason for the FF button. It's gotten so bad at this point that I can't even waste my time reviewing it except to say not even worthy of 1 star. Boy do I miss the Cindy Williams seasons.

Laverne & Shirley: How's Your Sister? (1983) Season 8, Episode 19

Squiggy in drag

[1/10 · 25 June 2022]

Squiggy plays his ugly sister who has a crush on Carmine and it's another bore fest. At least I watched half the episode before reaching for the FF button.

Laverne & Shirley: Please Don't Feed the Buzzards (1983) Season 8, Episode 18

Even Penny had enough?

[1/10 · 25 June 2022]

Penny Marshall is only in the first and last 2 minutes of this one. I guess she had enough too or just needed a break from the trash they were putting out at this point. I FF once again through most of this yawn fest...thankfully the end is getting closer.