Exploited Reviews

C*A*U*G*H*T (2023– )

Took me a while

[5/10 · 15 October 2023]

Maybe it is because I'm from Amsterdam and didn't get to know the right kind of Ozzies, but it took me three (3!!!!!) episodes before I realized this is meant to be a comedy.

I guess this is the way most Europeans have experienced Australian culture and reports since the '80s. Nobody can remember "The Sullivans" but everyone remembers Kyley Minogue (and the level of her songs).

Knowing this, it all seemed a bit stupid to expect Westerners to understand the (lackluster) humour of this series and truly thought it to be a realistic depiction of Australian (and American) "special ops" for much too long.

Guess I don't recommend it to anyone.

The Wheel of Time (2021– )

A great story butchered by an incompetent studio

[4/10 · 7 June 2023]

This series could have been a real winner. A series with a fanbase that could have made Amazon billions.

Robert Jordan's books are definitely on a much higher level than anything Tolkien ever wrote.

Why has Amazon decided to hire a group of amateurs to make this series?

The cinematography is as if a student made it. No experience whatsoever. It ruins the experience for the whole series.

The editing is off in EVERY single shot. Too early, too late, etc...

Directing is all over the place and you can't really blame the actors for the stilted scenes because of it.

Why...why...why do companies like Amazon choose morons to turn GREAT stories into complete garbage?

The Ark (2023– )

At least ChatGPT will make sure we won't have to see series as bad as this in the future

[1/10 · 10 February 2023]

Why are people who write SciFi scripts for SciFi-channel not required to have at least a BASIC knowledge of Science?

If someone had asked ChatGPT two years ago to write a bad SciFi-script with all the usual tropes and a smidge of racism and other forms of prejudice it would even have been much better than this complete crap.

The series is so badly written it should never have been allowed to be made?

Who was responsible for greenlighting so much sexism, racism, homophobia and you name it...this series is RIDDLED with it?

All the characters are 2D tropes with no depth.

You almost start to hope the whole ship just exploded, killing all characters from the first 10 minutes onwards.

Nova Zembla (2011)

Too many missed opportunities

[3/10 · 29 June 2012]

There are a lot of things that can be said about this (typically Dutch) movie. Without a doubt, the adventures of Willem Barentz during his third voyage to find a way around "the North" and his stay on Nova Zembla merited an epic movie.

Even though Reinout Oerlemans is a very inexperienced director the quality of the production is mostly "acceptable". Great camera-work in general and pretty decent acting.

The biggest problem with the movie, however, is the script.

It deviates from what really happened in so many places it defies belief. Why Reinout Oerlemans and Hugo Heinen would have strayed so far from the truth is difficult to understand as much of the real story would have added to the tension.

They completely missed the reason for Barentz to become stuck in the ice contrary to his previous two attempts in sailing through the arctic, for instance. There are many more examples of "truth is stranger than fiction" to be found in this movie.

In the end the movie is dull and not very engaging. Constantly giving the viewer the sense of missed opportunities by the script.

The true story of Willem Barentz' voyage could easily have beaten "Titanic" in terms of suspense and majesty. Instead, this attempt can only be called a mediocre, unnecessary and (in places) simpleminded distortion of reality.

Impact (2009)

Complete crap!

[2/10 · 10 July 2009]

There is absolutely no scientific coherency in this mini-series. A moon that is the same mass as the Earth will make the Earth and the Moon revolve around each other for instance. Also, a "moonlander" won't be able to lift-off from such a moon, let alone 'fly'.

This series would have benefited from some form of humor, but it lacks even the basic necessities for that. There is nothing worth laughing about here.

"Impact" is for lovers of very 'basic' SciFi or those who like crude disaster-movies. Anyone who has interest in physics or astronomy should avoid watching this complete 'disaster' of a series.

Battle Royale II (2003)

A worthy sequel...no...a MUST SEE!

[10/10 · 2 January 2004]

The intensity of emotions in this film are of such a level that I, for one, can't think of any other movie I've ever seen to match it. The only one to come close was Resevoir Dogs, but that movie lacks the constant drive this one has.

Being a sequel and having read so many different reviews beforehand, I was unsure whether it would live up to my expectations since I loved the first so much.

As it turns out, this one has so much more to offer in terms of character interaction, script, cinematography and 'message' than its predecessor that I felt obliged to rate this one 10/10. It is one of those movies that I will always remember seeing for the first time.

The Last Samurai (2003)

One sided, yet true

[8/10 · 9 December 2003]

Before watching this movie, I was afraid this to be yet another US-distortion of history. However, even though this movie uses a purely US-based view on matters in the japanese civil-war, it turns out to have a relatively pro-japanese viewpoint.

Unique in contemporary hollywood filmmaking, one might say.

To take this even further, it would be completely understandable that US viewers would hate this movie as it is anti-american. It defends the japanese culture against the american attacks at the beginning of the last century and might even be considered a justification of the Japanese attack against Pearl harbor.

Being a european, I must say that I still dislike the purely american viewpoint. In this respect films like "Shogun" portrai a more 'general western' viewpoint towards Japanese culture.

Even so, I feel the movie portrais a true emotion and standpoint of events and portrais these events in a very apt way. 8/10 by me!

Gauche the Cellist (1982)

Lovely, dreamy, funny

[8/10 · 16 January 2002]

Classic anime and as an Anime-fan I just HAD to see this one.

Really lovely scenery, velvety storyline and hugely funny bits and pieces make this one a real treat. The Disney-influences are still really noticeable, but also are many aspects of what has become known as anime a couple of years later.

As classic a movie as Disney's Snow White.

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone (2001)

The unfinished movie.

[6/10 · 18 November 2001]

I really liked reading the Harry Potter-stories, but this movie has so many shortcomings that I have given it a 3/10.

After watching it, I got the impression that this movie was a rush-job altogether. Some scenes OBVIOUSLY needed more takes and I can't imagine John Williams will like what they've done with his music. The music and the scenes look as if they are from two completely different movies.

I'm too shocked still to know where to begin expressing what is wrong with this movie. *sigh*

I can imagine that you have to leave things from a book in its conversion to the silver screen. Time constraints amongst other things are important factors. But in this adaptation they've really torn the book to shreds. For instance, the book contains a lot of 'funny bits' to give the reader some 'light relief'. Done away with in the movie. Also, there seems to be no place in the movie for some 'rest' for the viewer. No space for 'suspense to build'. BAM! BAM! BAM! and important bits of imformation sacrificed for the fast score.

All in all, my opinion of this movie is really low. A rushed through job with really horrible timing, bad editting and (probably the worst result of all this) really horrible acting in places.

The Musketeer (2001)

Great, if you're a 10-year old.

[3/10 · 9 October 2001]

Being a real fan of the period, having loved the Hornblower and Sharpe TV-series, I was really looking forward to this movie. Even though I didn't like the "Planet of the Apes" much, I had high hopes for Tim Roth's acting as I liked him in both Tarantino's "Resevoir Dogs" and "Pulp Fiction".

Alas...it was not to be. Let's keep it short, as the movie isn't worth a long review.

The storyline is predictably silly, the fight scenes are idiotic and clearly designed on the basis of Jacky Chan's success, but without the humor (leaving???), the acting is sometimes mediocre, but mainly bad.

I can go on...I can even explain in depth, but I will just say this: If you are a boy of around 10, rent the video. Go on...its really cool.

If you're anything else (grown up 10-year olds do not count), just skip this movie and read Alexandre Dumas' book - it is a LOT more enjoyable.

Planet of the Apes (2001)

Completely missing the point...

[3/10 · 3 August 2001]

OK...maybe Hollywood doesn't produce movies with deeper meanings any more. *sigh*

The original "Planet of the Apes" tried to incorporate some social criticism in the story. Things like 'beware of the bomb' and 'where is this technological World coming to?'. At the time, space-faring people were very much on everyones mind and PotA was part of what people were interested in.

Nowadays things are a little different. The cold war and the nuclear threat are all but forgotten and people travelling into space are only of interest to some people at NASA and a group of Trekkies. When this movie was announced I was very interested in the way this remake would re-actualize this movie.

Let's be short about this: They didn't.

Not only didn't they translate the original into something current audiences would relate to, they also used some lines without giving it any relevance to the rest of the new story. At some point General Thade is warned about the dangers of humans...about their inherent violent nature and such. In the original this was caused by the key-event responsible for apes-taking-over, namely the nuclear war. In this new remake this warning has NO basis in the story at all! The opposite is true.

The 2 endings to the story are even more unlikely and illogical. I'll not spoil things any further by describing them, but I was appalled at the complete senselessness of it all.

My final feelings were: "No way!" and "Who cares?"

A.I. Artificial Intelligence (2001)

Classic Stanley Kubrick !!

[10/10 · 19 July 2001]

This movie has SO many angles, so much information... I was completely blown away by it and will definitely go see it many more times in the cinema. This is one of the classic movies of all time and I was appalled by the complete lack of understanding by many of the other user-comments.

If you like Tomb Raider or Disney Movies...just don't bother. This is so far removed from the Hollywood-style of scripting that many would just be bored to death by the surrealism and impressionism Kubrick uses in all of his films.

If you are looking for a Spielberg action-flick...also stay away. Don't bother. I can only guess Spielberg finished this 'Kubrick' with the proper respect for one of the greatest directors of all time.

This is not a movie, this is pretentious art. Pretentious, but actually making GOOD on its pretense. From my point of view, not in the negative sense of the word. Questions are asked and possible answers given, letting the viewer decide for themselves. Mindbogglingly, impressive camera-action. Brilliant soundtrack. Absolutely perfect acting by all players. Superb casting.

One of the greatest movies of all time. High in the list, together with "2001, A Space Oddyssee".