jj_hansell Reviews

Can't Get Enough (1985)

Drink from Chelsea Blake's fountain

[10/10 · 26 January 2022]

Chelsea Blake secretes fluids from her portals of ecstasy and commands beautiful young women to lap it up. There's more going on here, but that's more than enough for me right there.

Doctor Desire (1984 Video)

Spectacular ladies

[8/10 · 7 December 2021]

Mid 80s porn at its finest: The ladies here are just what you want in a porn vid: big natural breasts & furry thatches of down between their legs. Heather Wayne, Susan Hart, Rikki Blake & Christy Canyon deliver the goods with plenty to spare. A special shout out to Candi Robbins, whose porn career was regrettably short. A simply spectacular body.and she makes Billy Dee bust a nut pretty quickly, which is pretty impressive, since this sure wasn't his first rodeo. She must have been a lot of fum to "work with".

Good Times: J.J.'s New Career: Part 2 (1976) Season 4, Episode 8

JJ Get the hell out of my house!

[3/10 · 29 July 2021]

I find this series fascinating: It's such a great example of bad writing, bad directing, and most of all, bad acting. This episode has Esther Rolle delivering the above line while standing with her arms spread like Moses delivering the Ten Commandments. It's got a group of cops raiding an apartment & shooting one of the occupants, then clearing out 2 minutes later, somehow failing to find JJ hiding in a closet & leaving a variety of drugs, money, & gambling evidence lying around. It's got JJ doing a lot of "uh, uh" stonewalling when asked about his lucrative new job. (As if he couldn't conceive that the question was going to be asked.) One thing this episode doesn't have, thankfully, is Janet Dubois. Her hammy ludicrous overacting, following every line delivery with facing the audience and staring off into space, would have been too much to take, although Ralph Carter does some of that in her place.

Tight Assets (1982)

Carpet queens

[10/10 · 10 May 2021]

A plethora of early 80s carpet queens: Laurie Smith, Loni Sanders, Tara Aire, Anna Ventura. The breasts are all real, the pubic regions are untrimmed nests of delight. Anna Ventura strips and asks, "Does my body turn you on?" Are you kiddin'?

I Know What Girls Like (1986 Video)

Great female cast

[3/10 · 8 May 2021]

Considering the ladies on board, this should have been a w-h-o-l-e lot better, but the only one who registers at all is Kristara Barrington, and even her scene is pretty sleazy. The action takes place in a house party, where Rhonda Jo Petty, Stacey Donovan, and Ali Moore provide some eye candy, at least. The main male character looks decidedly unwell, and the "highlight" is his being set upon & gang raped by a group of dudes. Making this doesn't look like it was a very enjoyable experience for any one here, and the viewer's not going to be having a good time watching it, either.

Undulations (1981)

Golden age porn

[7/10 · 24 April 2021]

Lots of stars from the pre-video days of porn, when folks had to go to the local X rated theater to see these kinds of movies. In fact, this was the very first porn flick I ever saw, and my local x rated theater is where I saw it. And even as a relative novice I still knew the names of some of the vintage stars in this one, like John Holmes & Jamie Gillis. Some of the ladies involved are a wigged Juliet Anderson & Brooke West, Asian star Mai Lin, Serena, and busty Holly McCall, all of whom have done better work elsewhere. For my money big breasted flash in the pan Stephanie Boyd is what makes this one worth watching. Her scene with Jon Martin in which she plays a friend of Martin's wife who helps relieve his sexual frustration, sucking on her own breasts while he's thrusting into her raven hairpie, is great stuff.

Flipside: A Backdoor Adventure (1986 Video)

Gotta love Lotta

[7/10 · 21 April 2021]

Lotta Topp was a 40 something year old porn star with huge enhanced breasts & a freakishly large clitoris, and her scene in this video where the afore mentioned love button is given extra attention by Jose Duvall is all the reason you need to check this one out. Lotta squirming with an unquestionably real orgasm , pleading, "no more, no more!", as she does so, is some real good stuff.

Body Talk (1982)

Kay at her hairiest

[9/10 · 3 April 2021]

Kay Parker's voluptuous mature body is the star attraction here. Her breasts, always massive, look even bigger that usual, sagging deliciously with the effects of forty or so years of gravity. Her pubic region is as delightful to look upon as ever. She's probably never been hairier in her carnal career than she is in this film. She's featured in three sex scenes here, with the first and third being couplings with Randy West in which the same footage is used twice, and in a lesbian scene (very rare for Kay Parker) with Angelique Pettijohn which is mostly simulated, but with two ripe lush womanly bodies on display, who cares if some of the Sapphic action isn't real?

Good Times (1974–1979)

Half & half

[5/10 · 26 March 2021]

Esther Rolle must have been the African American equivalent of Lucille Ball-a miserable person of limited abilities who was detested by everyone who ever worked with her. Notice how often her character sabotages every opportunity for the Evans family to better themselves & their circumstances, usually on purpose, for self righteous, holier than thou reasons, whether it's early in the series, with her refusal to act in a lucrative TV commercial ("James, they got me tellin' lies!"), right to the very end when her cousin Raymond's horse playing system enables him to give her a $10000 down payment on a lavish apartment, which she gives back because of her disapproval of gambling. Watch her whenever she delivers a line of dialogue which is supposed to be funny-she acts (?) as if she's about to get a double hernia from laughing so hard. And her leaving the series for a year because of her disapproval of the buffoonery of the JJ character? All well & good, but check out the mannerisms of Janet Dubois sometime. Her shufflin' and grinnin' act would have put Steppin' Fetchit to shame.

Good Times: Florida's Homecoming: Part 3 (1978) Season 6, Episode 3

Now I know I gotta get dressed

[5/10 · 24 March 2021]

Another dreadful episode, although viewers can amuse themselves by counting how many times Esther Rolle says, "Now I know I gotta get dressed." Or they can ask themselves what kind of football player Keith was going to be if he couldn't even make it out of church on his wedding day without getting injured. Or listen to Ralph Carter's dreadful rendition of Stevie Wonder's "You and I". Or watch Janet Dubois give Esther Rolle a run for the money in the "awful actress" sweepstakes with her oh-so-serious walk down the aisle as Thelma's maid of honor.

Good Times: Florida's Homecoming: Part 1 (1978) Season 6, Episode 1

Esther to the rescue

[5/10 · 24 March 2021]

Where to begin? How about with the lady with magic touch, Florida Evans, as portrayed by Esther Rolle? She returns from a season long absence and shows that she hasn't lost her touch: Her new husband, Carl, whose atheism was only mentioned in one episode, fwiw, but that was evidently enough to have him killed off & never spoken of again as a condition of Esther Rolle making a "triumphant" return to the series. Anyway, Florida marries a man who dies shortly thereafter. arrives home for Thelma's wedding and JJ loses his job immediately thereafter, and in a very short time, Thelma's husband ends up losing out on his million dollar football contract. Followers of the series will recognize this as a continuation of Florida's amazing ability to ruin every opportunity the Evans family had to better themselves and their circumstances: $5000 for a health tonic commercial, James's lucrative jobs as a pipeline worker or as an assistant to a televangelist, JJ's Black Jesus painting, James finding $30 grand from a robbery, and many more instances. Florida ruined them all. One other thing about this episode & the series in general: One of the writers must have had some kind of fetish about Kool Aid-there's a Kool Aid "joke" in just about every episode, and not a single one of them is funny. This odd trend kept going long after the "Dy-No-Mite" catch phrase had died out. In this one, Thelma's beau, Keith Anderson, is given the middle name Albert just so his initials can be "K.A.", which JJ proposes using as a marketing gimmick to sponsor Kool Aid. Yeah, really. And the build up to this tortuous "joke" goes on for quite a while. Dreadful stuff.

Dirty Letters (1985 Video)

Stellar 80s porn

[10/10 · 16 March 2021]

This one begins with 18 year old Christy Canyon soaping up her lustrous black carpet and titanic jugs in the shower. She's joined by adorable Nicole West and we're off to the races. An unknown female (either Zoe or Susan Lion) pairs up with Marc Wallice, the go-to guy for anal scenes, presumable due to his member being of fairly average size and therefore more suitable for such things, but first we cut to a pairing between Craig Roberts and delectable Josephine Carrington. Then it's back to Marc using the unknown lady's anal canal for his fornicating pleasure, as well as a french tickler (ribbed for her pleasure) to provide some frontal stimulation. On we go to a lesbian coupling with a barely legal (and maybe not even) Ali Moore & Nicole, in which Ali breaks the fourth wall in imploring her to "lick my p***y', followed by a threesome with Greg Derek. A great showcase for some vintage Golden Age stars, this is already a 10 star treat before we even get to Christy & Pam Jennings' scenes.

Satin Seduction (1986 Video)

Great vintage

[10/10 · 11 March 2021]

The word "vintage" or "retro", when used to critique X rated entertainment, usually means that the ladies on view are "all natural", that is, their breasts are real, their pubic regions are covered with resplendent luxurious down, and there might be some flab here or there, just like real women. And this video has got all that in abundance: Taija Rae, Trinity Loren are the kinds of women you might bring home from the local tavern-fleshy & voluptuous. Stacey Donovan & Bunny Bleu have the kind of beach bunny jailbait bodies that men fantasize about. And for those who enjoy a bit of race mixing, Amazon blonde goddess Chanel Price is on hand to demonstrate how she acquired the nickname, "Queen of Spades".

Toothless People (1987 Video)

Clunker

[4/10 · 9 March 2021]

It's fair to say that purveyors of pornography are much, much more interested in watching the women than the men. This cheapie actually does have some very watchable women, like Dana Dylan & long-in-the-tooth but still delectable Sue Nero, among others. But the men are such an unappealing lot-flabby, hairy & having performance issues-that watching this was a real chore. Part of a Sue Nero Triple Feature from Alpha Blue Archives, this gets a big thumbs down.

Naughty 90's (1990)

Copious

[9/10 · 4 March 2021]

Peter North is having sex with Tracey Adams' daughter, Paula Price, who is also experimenting with same sex love with Rachel Ryan. Peter & Tracey get together in a smoking hot romp where he splashes Tracey's huge breasts with copious amounts of ejaculate, moaning with pleasure all the while. Rachel also does an interracial scene.

In No Time (1984)

Darling Dorothy

[8/10 · 4 March 2021]

Dorothy Onan isn't especially pretty. She's flat chested, and her acting ability is atrocious. But all that can be put aside as she shines like a new dime in this 8mm silent loop. Her crotch is a delightful auburn nest, her sexual skills are unquestioned, and she continually breaks the fourth wall, inviting the viewer to imagine that you are the one she's looking at and that you're both experiencing the joys of sex together as she turns her seductive gaze at the camera.

Open Up Traci (1984 Video)

Don't need Nora

[8/10 · 26 February 2021]

Smoking hot video from Michael Carpenter, to whom we should all be eternally grateful for producing such high grade wall to wall pornography during the 1980s, starting with the Horny Honeys, Golden Girls & Seductress 8mm loops, and on through features like this one. All the trademarks that made Carpenter's erotica so enticing are here: beautiful well endowed, unshaven young women who often break the fourth wall, staring at the viewer & expressing their delight at the acts in which they are engaged. Plenty of lesbian action, including a marvelous scene with a teenage Nora Kuzma & a 30 something Erica Boyer, who samples the young girl's wares with a hunger & desire that doesn't seem like acting. Erica uses her patented "tit to slit" method, rubbing her majestic mammaries against Nora's genitals, as she did in nearly every lesbian scene she ever did. Unfortunately, Nora Kuzma went by another name in her porn career & all but one of her movies has been banned, but you can find this one if you look for it, and you don't need her scenes to get you off, either. Nubile young ladies like Candi Robbins, Heather Wayne & Erica Boyer will do the trick just fine.

Wicked Whispers (1985 Video)

Jennifer

[8/10 · 24 February 2021]

Jennifer Noxt is the real show stopper in this one, first in a so-so lesbian scene and then with a balls to the wall coupling with Peter North. Her mosquito bite sized breasts & down covered honeypot make her look like an underage schoolgirl, and watching her ride Peter's rod or having him munch on her hairpie is quite a turn on. Nicole West & Kristara Barrington's contributions don't really resonate, oddly enough, but lovely young Jennifer more than makes up for it.

The Awakening of Salley (1984)

Vintage vixens

[8/10 · 21 February 2021]

Mei Ling & Lynn Z, two early 80s porn stars who only did lesbian scenes, play a couple of (what else?) lesbians who watch a plethora of lesbian movies on their VCR before finally doing with each other what they've been watching. The clips feature some delectable & hairy vixens from that time period, including Kristara Barrington, Raysheena Mercado, Tiffany Clark & Shanna Evans, all of whom display furry pelts between their legs which is all any fan of retro porn will ever need. Bless the bush!

The Brady Bunch: 54-40 and Fight (1970) Season 1, Episode 15

Watch Barry Williams

[8/10 · 21 February 2021]

Not a bad episode, but watch Barry Williams (Greg) at the end when the girls reveal the television that they traded the stamps for. His acting is atrocious! Walking around the TV set & touching it as if he's never seen such a thing before.

The Brady Bunch: The Winner (1971) Season 2, Episode 21

Bobby deserves a good thrashing

[5/10 · 21 February 2021]

Bobby Brady was a complete brat and deserved a good thrashing, and this episode illustrates that fact vividly. His parents try to help him win a trophy by having their friends buy magazine subscriptions from him and he tosses all of his orders at them when he finds out. If I was his father, he wouldn't be sitting down for a week. Too bad his father wasn't James Evans of "Good Times", who beat the living daylights out of his kids for a lot less.

Lust Weekend (1980)

Lush carpeting

[5/10 · 19 February 2021]

An early 80s Gourmet shot on video release, which features some vintage ladies with quintessential early 80's "carpeting". Rhonda Jo Petty, who rose to X rated stardom due to her resemblance to Farrah Fawcett, sometimes went the "Brazilian" route insofar as her pelvic area was concerned, but here she's sporting a delightfully thick nest. Likewise the delectable Tara Aire displays an untrimmed & lovely Garden of Eden. So for those among us who like to see women's crotches in their "natural" state, this video has something to recommend it. As for the plot, well, there isn't one, which wouldn't be a bad thing if the sex were halfway decent, but this video comes a cropper there too. A handful of ladies frolic in and around the pool before pairing off with visitors or each other. All this is recorded on a couple video cameras and 50 minutes later, it's over. Personally, I love hairy vintage porn stars, but flipping through the pages of a Hustler or Swank magazine of that era would be more arousing than this.

Centerfold Celebrities (1982 Video)

Interesting enough

[7/10 · 17 February 2021]

An attempt to get "up close & personal" with the lads & ladies who have sex on camera for our viewing pleasure, some of whom became pretty well known, some of whom faded into obscurity. Certainly any opportunity to watch luscious (& ill fated) Lauren Wilde is greatly appreciated. The sex scenes, quite frankly, are a big disappointment for the most part-Tom Byron & Cody Nicole being an exception-but this is an interesting curio from the Golden Age of Porn.

Sensuous Moments (1983 Video)

Last go round

[8/10 · 15 February 2021]

Several ladies from the early 80s are featured in this one, including Danica Rhae, Gina Martell, Irene Wilson, and, in what may have been her last sex scene, legendary Loni Sanders. Unfortunately, her scene with Kevin James is a bit of a disappointment. She's as beautiful as ever, and her auburn carpet is as delightful as always, but she's wearing a whole lot of pearls, for some reason, and she spends a fair amount of time trying to get Kevin James to ejaculate. When he finally does, it doesn't sound like a very enjoyable experience: his moans of 'pleasure' sound more like cries of agony. Danica and Gina have a great lesbian scene in the sauna of the gym they belong to, and later they team up to take care of a couple horny studs. Gina coaxes her frequent partner Frank James to "cum on my ass", and he does, gladly.

Lips (1981)

Hairy Harcourt

[9/10 · 15 February 2021]

Kathy Harcourt was a wet dream come to life: Large natural breasts, a muff to die for, an adorable British accent, a toothy smile. Hell, even her pageboy hairstyle was a turn on. She is "introduced" to the raincoat crowd in this one, and she delivers the goods in a big way. She turns up the heat in a threesome with Lisa DeLeeuw & Paul Thomas, losing her inhibitions enough to do the dirty deed with Ron Jeremy in the final scene. She's also in a lesbian scene with Tigr, using a double headed dildo, but, alas, director Paul Vatteli doesn't stay with them too long, the scene keeps going back and forth to Ron Jeremy performing fellatio on himself, which I frankly could have done without. Miss Harcourt left the adult entertainment industry in 1984, and was long believed to have been murdered, but recently (2020) was found to be alive and well & living in Australia. Other starlets who make "Lips" worth watching are Brooke West & Vanessa Del Rio. Lily Rodgers also appears in the opening credits in a non-sex role.