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A Million Days (2023)
low rent floater
Filmed in one house by the look of it, or a set in a warehouse, you could see the actors breath, lot's of techy space gobbledygook, supposed to be scientists, yacking about seeding the moon or building base there..oh they have an ai program that got to big for it's binary code err its learning, due to budget constraints they use laptops, and what looks like a modded beer fridge is a 3d printer, the actress with the vinyl skirt was nice on the eyes here's a * for her effort, some old astronaut arrives the walks out, is found in the woods with a occular implant err think picard in star trek went he went borg, nothing said about that and something about a dead dog, (spoiler) dude in house gets seeded by guess.. borg nano probes trek again, ai is part of him now, he walks out to go into space to err seed europa with his nano, tool, thats it end of film.
Renfield (2023)
mixed bag comedy pathos blood boring
This film would have been better if it was a straight serious horror
i guess they went for the something for everyone, but ends up as nothingness, cage can do horror and very well, i don't like comedy horror movies persay although return of the living dead made me chuckle. And the Re-Animator films, as i said should have been a proper scary horror, if your doing a vampire flick and maybe your only one, make it a scary one, vampire lore is great done straight, this film has a few laughs in it but not many, the fight scenes are ho hum done before, here they make it look funny erm funny fight scenes oxymoron, this is a cashin to get bums on seats for a mixed audience cheezy hollywood junk films, not unlike all the superhero films that are past there sell by date.
Frank and Penelope (2022)
penelope pitstop
The only thing that saved the movie was eyeballing penelope and that dodge charger, could it be a cult classic ermm nah,i wont spoil it, the guy whatever his name was, penelope falls for, he cannot act, penelope erm does not matter if she can act, she's vava voom in a weird way, not stunning but an alluring kind of attractive, the car was the real star though, chargers in real life are not that great really, not for handling anyway, look cool though, but you better have a gas tanker behind you, it's one watch film, i hope the actress gets more roles i rather like her, and wish her the best, running out of stuff to say..
Candy Land (2022)
Witness the hand of awful
Seed of a good idea in the story, candy land truck stop hookers ie a serial killer stalker revenge themes, but no all we get a religious brain washed girl taken in by hookers at a truck stop, who feels she has to do the lords work and purge the sin of said sinners, bodies pile up and no one really notices, trucker gets it in the neck, old guy in car the same, preacher same, hooker friends same, thy will be done.. it's just a dumb flick, that could have been with a good writer a different film, but similar premise.
Could have been dark threatening edgy, who did it and why, but no we get a low rent slasher.
A Man Called Otto (2022)
instant classic
Beautifully acted film portrayal of loss and loneliness, i adored this film and wish thye would make more like it, it was a pleasure to watch it unfold, a broken man who has lost the will to carry on
and feels he has nothing to give except bitterness to all who try to help him, but there is hope, and through trust and opening up is his redemption and and revival as a human being, your not alone and you never were, living blinfdolded through choice, otto anderson finds his love and salvation through strangers, and what a beautful thing it was to watch, we have all lost family friends along out journery in this life, sometimes we forget to open up and reach out.
Ashgrove (2022)
epiphany boredom
Ahh you think a pandemic movie, people dropping like flys chaos on the streets, burning carnage etc err well no and not with ashgrove, big brain virologists aka amanda brugel is the key to saving the world ermm, people dying over drinking water or something, they don't tell us why mmm is it the rain lakes rivers or your local water board, or what about people with wells, that could have been interesting, what we get is a burned out scientist who neds a rest in order to save the world, stress ahh
goes to her country farm with hubby for a rest ordered by her boss, (spoiler) with her husband to err rest clear the mind fresh etc for monday, nothing happens, they eat, have friends over, they argue (he had a one night stand some months ago with her bestie) she walks out, psychologist stops her and asks for ten minutes to explain err, brain scientist had blacked out and
forgot she had an epiphany moment for a cure when she left, she lost two days or something, basically they had to jog her memory to save the world, so what you see happened twice. Thats it end of film, she remembered after telling her hubby she had an abortion...
1899 (2022)
amazing engrossing wow
Loved the show, binge worthy oh yea, has everything period drama scifi mind altering dreams matrix etc etc, starts slow but give it a go you will be impressed, so stick with it, actors are top class, sets are amazing right through to the cgi, imagine your in it, nothing is as it seems nothing.
Its a wild ride, but dont expect laser beams and alien fighters, this is for thinkers dreamers, erm yea the sleeper must awaken, but to what erm and where, with whom... i can see stars, hope they make a season 2, im gripped and you will be to, press play and binge, you will not be disappointed, turn the lights down and immerse.
Old Man (2022)
purgatory or senility
Lang is an excellent actor, always be remembered for avatar as the mad commander, here we have an old man living in a cabin somewhere we dont really know or is really living in a cabin, or is it all in his head.
Suffice to say he is a loner copped up for a long time, younger fellow happens along and says he's lost, old man chats to him etc, young man disappears, then shifty looking dude in a cowbouy hat appears, he's name is rascal, old man mentioned he was a dog that runs away and comes back to young guy, turns out old man topped his wife and her lover, who rascal is ? Erm wendigo mmm who comes back to remind old man he murdered his wife and her lover, he's in a self imposed purgatory where it's rinse repeat, young guy who visits is erm himself.
Zvyozdniy razum (2022)
the fuse box
Erm we must get to the fuse box err what on a spaceship, that's the sort of dialogue in the film, decent cgi terrible script, it could be improved with an an edit, onl slightly improved mind you, how it got released we will never know, its about some virus thats wiping out humanity err kills plants, so we starve i assume, they go through some time loop or black hole? To out galaxy thats err gone rottten err yea, change events of the past or future to err save humanity from a fungus virus err. Bad dub bad acting, looks good though, but tht's where it ends, should have shelved it and save the money for a better script.
Orphan: First Kill (2022)
no dna test...TURD
I liked the first film, this was just a cash in, esther makes it from estonia to russia, makes fake claim to be lost or kidnapped kid in america ermm, but no one says we need to do a dna test on child and parents, the real esther was murdered by her own mum because the son played to rough with her erm what! No autopsy apparently threw down a well, went missing etc, its was all a ruse mother wants to keep son happy and husband happy, thus fake esther is allowed stay, father is no wiser, only son and mother know esther is fake adult dwarf stupid plot, family all die esther walks free and up for adoption, no forensics on esther or crime scene THE END.
Survivors (2008)
cliff hanger co conclusion
I really liked it, i remember watching it when it first aired 2008, got hooked and watched it, but few points thats bothered me, no guns really considering all the army bases around the u.k where thye could have helped themselves to all the hardware they would need, maybe the bbc did not want to offend the anti gun lobby? Thinking dunblane, lots of farms they could have taken over to survive etc not to mention giant supermarket hubs, and they never left yorkshire..budget i expect, but still a good series, that needed a conclusion for a series 3 that never happened, i supposed they could pickup yrs after with a one off tv movie.
Homebound (2021)
Home bored it's time?
What we have is three crazy kids and possibly the dad to, it goes like dad remarried, brings new wife to house he lived in with previous wife, and the ex is not there ermm, kids see a bit off to the new wife, film meanders then it sort of ends with dead ex in basement and the dad wacked over the head dead with a shovel by his young daughter, new wife escorted to basement, we do not get to see dead wife, i was hoping for nor man bates mother in rocking chair, no we get a window with flys buzzing, ex wif run s up stairs in terror..next we hear one of the daughters say..it's time, END OF FILM, did the kids kill there real mum or was dad wacky erm, did they kill there dads new wife erm.. maybe they were spoiled pretentious brats who wacked the parents and wifey no2.
Hotel Splendide (2000)
Bowels of laughter
The hotels plays recordings of the deceased owner to guests at a spa, ofo the health benefits of a bland diet and the cure through regular colonic irrigation. The evils of fried food and spices, only boiled or blanched food
on menu, the staf play a board game called squitters (pun) watch the scene
it's a howler if you get the gist of the film, one line from daniel craig is mothers been taking advantage of the guests from both ends!
The heating system is converted from guests sewage, it's almost like a monty python film or jabberwocky.
Immanence (2022)
god devil alien borefest
Did the writers throw bits of ideas into a hat then shuffle them about and get someone to pull out the bits of napkin written ideas and script, i watched this all the way through thinking erm, perhaps it gets better, example - devil dude throttles two women to death, scientist dudes and and this other women stand there watching him murder these two women scientists, they do nothing to help let alone say hey stop it..nope, oh and there's a pig in a cage that they pull up from the ocean, yea its alive and snorting healthy..pork chops at sea perhaps...no its a metaphor or some other claptrap, fate karma choices erm i have no idea.
Day of the Dead (2021)
romero turning in his grave
Gave it a 4 because of the zombie makeup, this tragedy was made for teenagers and preteens probably, very woke so as not to upset the easly
offended, it's really a comedy and so is the acting, it's not scarey it's not serious, ruined what could have been a great series, so be warned.
Let's Dream (2021)
incoherent mess
Some films you just go erm i sort of get it, this film makes no sense, esoteric
imagination dreams, aliens who can drive cars, people in a stupor like in the film awakenings 1990, something about a dude who cannot sleep and some alien woman wants a photograph and goes on to tell him some gibberish.. you want weird watch eraserhead.