mfarmer1 Reviews

Falling Skies (2011–2015)

Renewed? Are they kidding?

[13 July 2011]

Caprica and "V" get canned but this renewed? The production value is beyond cheap. Those kids in "Super 8" had better effects and actors. I'm surprised every single scene isn't at night so they can get away with "Lost in Space" sets.

My mother used to get "Soap Opera Digest" every week. This has to be the cover story very soon I'm sure. Even my wife is laughing at me for watching it through four or five episodes. She can't believe I've stuck with this emasculative borefest for this long. No more. I'll rearrange my sock drawer before True Blood comes on at nine before I will tune this in again.

I want the aliens to win. I want the main characters dead. And not even a slow painful death because that's too kind for the viewer at this point. Anyone who sticks with this mess now must like to watch cupcakes coming out of an oven over over and over again for an hour and can still call that a "war." And I will NEVER buy a Hyundai.

Nikita (2010–2013)

Worst. Acting. Ever.

[1/10 · 22 September 2010]

Happened to catch this last night by chance and was in hysterics laughing at not only the canned plot but by the pathetic acting as well. It was as if the director was inches from the actors in some of the close-ups making faces trying to coach them to look really mean, angry, scared and such. Sure, we all have to put aside reality with most of these shows, but every second was farcical, and the over the top acting made it almost unbearable. However, it was so bad that I kept watching just out of sheer amazement. I suppose the "it's so bad that it's actually good" shtick came into my head for awhile, but only for awhile. Even the nice eye-candy can't save this mess.

Paranormal Activity (2007)

Was it real???

[3/10 · 12 January 2010]

Well, was it? No kidding. I just got back from Blockbuster after returning this flick and the guys behind the counter told me that people have been coming in and asking them if the film was real. I'm not joking here.

Wow. We truly have become a nation of morons. Maybe the first clue that it wasn't real was the title itself? I give up.

Anyway, the film was pedestrian obviously. But that's what you get for 15K. Kudos to Oren Peli for scoring such a hit nonetheless. Hope my fellow San Diegan pocketed some serious cash.

Not a big fan of these types of hand held Blair Witch sort of things. And the audio almost made me turn it off in the first few minutes. Micah in particular is really hard to understand.

With that said, I found the whole thing rather comical, particularly the predictable escalation of events. Then again, I suppose to truly be scared by a movie like this, well, maybe you're one of those people coming into your local Blockbuster asking the clerks if it was real. Good grief people.

V (2009–2011)

Wait and see

[5/10 · 4 November 2009]

Characters are cookie-cutter predictable. In one show it seems we already know exactly who's who (or what) and where they stand. Maybe I feel this way because it's a remake and I already know pretty much how this is going to go. I sense however that this is going to turn into another 4400 (especially with Joel Gretsch in the cast), a good start and downhill from there. I'll watch because I'm such a huge sci-fi fan, and hopefully I'll be proved wrong. Then again, about the only sci-fi stuff even I can't stomach are those made for Sci-fi Channel movies that look like they were cranked out in about two weeks. Hey, at least it's not another cop or hospital show!

Knowing (2009)

My ticket said "Knowing" theater 17

[2/10 · 5 April 2009]

Could have fooled me! I could have sworn by the end I was sitting in front of the screen down the hallway watching "Escape to Witch Mountain." Was there a writer's strike halfway through filming or something? The whole plot seemed to just get dropped in favor of special effects. Egads, this went from interesting to uh-oh to absurd to barf bag. The acting seemed OK for awhile but as the movie got worse and worse, so did the performances. I could almost see the director trying to get the little boy to cry at the end. And why do we always have to see New York getting wasted by some act of nature? How about Pyongyang or Riyadh next time, something we can cheer about? I'm a huge sci-fi fan, but this was garbage. I mean really now, the aliens looked like angels with wings for Pete's sake. And what's with the big tree? What's there, forbidden fruit for the kiddies?

White Noise (I) (2005)

Great advertising, mediocre movie

[4/10 · 8 January 2005]

As with so many films that seem to have that extra "buzz" and a Blitzkrieg of advertising behind them, White Noise doesn't live up to the hype, not even close. For weeks every radio break and reserved commercial time on television has been pounding out the "real life" phenomenon known as EVP. Horsefeathers. Look, I like a good horror film like the next guy and I'm more than willing to toss out rationality for enjoyment sake, but this movie was only so-so at best. A tested plot already used in The Ring and Poltergeist with only a slight twist at that. Michael Keaton is looking really odd these days, something must have went wrong in a Michael Jackson kind of way. Look, it's fine viewing if you've already checked out Buckaroo Bonzai across the 8th Dimension for the eleventh time in the last year, but other than that, try some classic horror films instead. Sorry if I've offended anyone who actually believes in EVP, but you've got bigger problems than some schmuck on the internet making fun of a movie you liked. Gotta run, a jet overhead is spraying some kind of mind-altering chemicals as part of a government conspiracy and I must post photos of these chemtrails immediately! Roger that, whiskey sub-zero green fang. Who said that?

The Day After Tomorrow (2004)

Did you know that Hong Kong zombies "hop" when they attack?

[14 June 2004]

If I want to see a bad movie for pure entertainment value, I can always rely on my wife to bring home some truly awful Hong Kong zombie/vampire flicks in Cantonese...those I can watch...this I could not. Let me see if I've got this right: I drive a SUV. Therefore, ocean currents are reversing, the ice shelf in the Antarctic just happens to split right down the middle between two tents in a US base, tornadoes just happen to devour LA and take out the Hollywood sign perfectly as if the tornado thought it was a mobile home, and the eye of a monster storm just happens to pass exactly over downtown Manhattan? How about those sub-plots? Let's see: The idiotic love story about a braniac babe too stupid to tell anyone her leg is festering, the human interest story about a cancer-ridden child and the brave nurse who stays with her as Armageddon approaches, the father/son epic about a dad crossing a couple of hundred miles in two days on snow shoes in -150 degree weather and ends up in exactly the right spot, the touching story of a homeless man and his keen insights on how to keep warm on the streets, and the lectures...oh the sanctimonious lectures from some lame actor who probably thinks he actually was doing a public service for mankind by participating in this film as he scolded the obvious let's make Dick Cheney seem like a real buffoon and mean guy shtick. The acting? Top notch. I refer back to my wife's zombie/vampire Hong Kong movies. The zombies do a better job than this cast, geesh. Just when I thought I might consider a hybrid vehicle, this comes along and changes my mind. I do have one lingering thought however...just where can I purchase one of those orange tents that apparently were manufactured on Krypton?

Roger Dodger (2002)

I'll try again with the picture off

[9 December 2003]

I tried, I really did. Look, I love rollercoasters and have never experienced air sickness, but I had to turn off an admittedly witty film with some crisp dialogue after 30 minutes. Geesh, the hand-held camera effects reminded me of those horrid tv commercials everyone rightly impugned a decade ago. Maybe I'll watch it again on a smaller screen, or better yet, just turn off the picture and listen.

The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (2002)

Almost fell asleep

[6/10 · 23 December 2002]

My wife did, and she was the one who dragged me to this thing against my wishes. Ok, I'm admittedly not a fantasy fan, and I'm probably the only person back in my high school in the 70's that didn't have any desire to read the novels, and still haven't to this day. With that said, the special effects were brilliant, and the cinematography superior. But for the life of me, I cannot understand the affection for the main Hobbit characters, they're boring, boring and more boring. The only thing I found entertaining besides the effects was Smeagol, or whatever its name is, that thing stole the show. I was also forced to see the first movie, and I thought that one would never end. Ditto for this one. Can hardly wait for the next one in a couple of years. Then again, I'm still waiting for a sequel to Killer Clowns from Outer Space.