figmar Reviews

Tacoma FD (2019–2023)

Great Except for Steve Lemme and Mustaches

[8/10 · 18 January 2024]

Highly entertaining, great characters, funny bits. The only downside is Steve Lemme cannot keep a straight face to save his life. It's so awkward and just cringe. He has a stand up comedic vibe which would work for stand up or an ensemble comedy show but he just cannot act. Or at least he doesn't show any acting chops during this show.

The other thing that is just gross is all the mustaches. They look ridiculous . The only one that has a decent looking realistic mustache is Granny. Everyone else looks terrible. I guess maybe that's part of the schtick or something but it's just dumb AF. Especially the one one that Steve Lemme has.

Heartland (II) (2007– )

Season 10 is where it lost me

[8/10 · 7 January 2024]

I marked this as having spoilers because I'm just basically typing stream of consciousness and I don't want to censor myself. This show is wonderful in its early seasons. I absolutely love seeing all all the horses and the gorgeous countryside.

The character of Lou is just ridiculous. She is selfish and so completely myopic about how her behavior affects any of her family. The character Peter should have been kicked to the curb a long time ago. I mean seriously what kind of relationship can you possibly have with some guys showing up once a month to visit the daughters. So dumb. I am surprised that they're both still on the show. The characters add absolutely nothing to the show. There's nothing redeeming about either of them. They're both just all about themselves and it's annoying.

Tim used to bother me but I got past it once I realized that he actually had a redeemable character arc. He does have a emotion for his daughters and his extended family. He has learned from his mistakes which is something that cannot be said about Lou and Peter.

Now here's the part where it lost me. Season 10 just goes completely off the rails. Amy's entire pregnancy is spent without Ty because he ran off to Mongolia with Bob. I understand that they're trying to possibly ratchet up the drama of the show. But I literally ended up fast forwarding through almost every single scene dealing with Ty and Bob in Mongolia because who cares. I already had some bad feelings for Ty due to an interaction that he had with Amy early on. After she came back from her trip through Europe with the Olympic team, they separated for a bit because the Prince kissed her and and Ty was upset about it. What I don't get is how Ty could be upset with the prince kissing Amy but he never confessed to his own kiss with a girl who he supposedly was only friends with. That happened right after he came back from the first time he bailed on Amy and decided to go see the world or whatever which turned out to just be working ranches cross country. Amy was made out to be the bad guy and it was like poor pitiful tie who just can't get over the Prince kissing her. It was so ridiculous and hypocritical and double standard. I absolutely hate when they put women in a position of suffering without acknowledging that the guy had his own bad actions that he should be dealing with instead of us being put in the position of oh my goodness let's feel sorry for this poor man. Anyway, Amy says to him after they've been apart for a while and they meet on the road, she says I miss you. And Ty responds with 'Take care of yourself.' I swear to God that man would have been in my rear view so fast but no of course they just have to show Amy pining after him and being all melancholy and wanting him back even after he just talked to her like she was a dog that needed to be taught how to heel. Terrible writing in that scene. Terrible storytelling.

This is a good show. But be prepared to fast forward through some nonsense because every once in awhile the writers lose their minds and throw something on the screen that should just never have been made. Have fun!

Anyway back to season 10. The entire storyline in Mongolia was boring and just completely hacked together. There was no through plot it was just random scenes on Amy's tablet where she would Skype with him or whatever. Completely useless why didn't they just write him out for that season if he had other things going on? I don't understand. But at that point all I could think was that the show's going downhill. The writers have no idea what the hell they're doing with Ty's character. It was just really sad to see.

The Curse of Bridge Hollow (2022)

Not terrible

[5/10 · 15 October 2023]

Sort of a fun movie. Definitely not going to win any awards. Lauren Lapkus as the mayor used the absolute worst distracting accent possible. It was like she made a conscious choice to be as annoying as possible with it. Marlon Wayans needs to step back from comedies because he can't help but overact when he's in one. You can tell there's some serious potential there for him to play a non-comedic role. I think he'd be great. Kelly Rowlands did a great job playing the mom she definitely has some chops that she's growing into. The actress that plays the little girl, was not that great. She's young. So who knows with enough experience she may be a good actress. But right now she's really not that great. Including in her previous role in Stranger Things. I hope she grows into her chin because yikes!

Nailed It! (2018– )

Fake Reactions, Attention Mongering

[3/10 · 12 August 2023]

They draw out everything so much it becomes boring. It's not scripted but you can tell the contestants are coached on giving these big attention-mongering fake reactions for screen time. (I really want to use another descriptir other than mongering but keeping it chill).

Nicole's delivery is over the top because she's trying to make everything so dramatic. It's so ridiculous and not in a good way. She makes the show all about her when it should be about these bakers, the techniques they are learning, how they are improving, and the cakes they produce.

If you watch it on mute while Nicole is talking, it becomes tolerable. Jacques is great. Any coaches they bring in are generally really good and not attention-mongers. Seriously having to listen to Nicole's screeching just ruins this show.

Captain Fall (2023)

Writers are Failing Animators

[3/10 · 31 July 2023]

I am not sure how this got greenlit. It's not even slightly funny or entertaining. If you want some noise on in the background while you do other things, this would be ideal. There's no compelling story to pay attention to. The voice acting is pretty basic with no real stellar performances. I think that's generally because the writing doesn't require it. The writing is absolutely basic but tries to be edgy and cool by throwing in a lot of raunchy scenarios and dialogue. It's really just a boring time waster. Again, decent for background noise or for something to fall asleep to. If you pay attention to it, you'll be out like a light within minutes. Three stars as it's good for background noise or a sleep inducing effect.

Alice in Borderland (2020– )

Absolutely Outstanding

[10/10 · 27 February 2023]

If you can get through season 1 episode 3 without crying your eyes out, you are dead inside. This show is so well done. I wanted it to go on forever. However they did a great job of wrapping things up so if it does end with season 2, I will be happy. They have a great cast and a great story. This is one of those shows that makes me grateful we have streaming services that allow us to peek inside other cultures. This kept me entertained through all two seasons. I binge watched it in one 3-day weekend. I absolutely did not want to stop. That is very unusual for me. This show kept my attention completely. I am amazed at how well done this was.

Extraordinary Attorney Woo (2022)

Good If You Can Look Past Obvious Flaws

[7/10 · 27 February 2023]

This is a good and entertaining show if you can ignore some of the more cheesy parts. The supporting cast is great. The side character storylines are well done. The main character is a high functioning autistic and some of the ticks and mannerisms seem dead on. It gets very repetitive and frustrating to watch at times. There is a central love story which is written with care and kindness however in general, it glosses over the more difficult aspects of dealing with a relationship with an autistic person. As someone who has immediate family members who are high functioning, I do feel like this show is not realistic in treating the particulars of the disorder. If you can look past that among other things, it can be quite entertaining and sweet.

Girl From Nowhere (2018–2021)

Does Not Live Up To The Hype

[5/10 · 27 February 2023]

This may be one of those shows that just isn't for me. It's a teen-focused episodic anthology series with no real through-plot other than the main character is the same. Some of the stories are ok. None are outstanding. The lead actress has her moments but for the most part she's pretty basic. The show feels like it just doesn't know what it wants to be. Is it a paranormal? Is it serious social commentary? Is it both? Is it more? I ended up fast forwarding through parts of almost all of the episodes because they were either terribly acted, directed, or the story was just boring. I'm really not sure what the hype was about. Supposedly, this is an award-winning show that is best-loved and most-watched in Thailand. Maybe it's a cultural thing that just doesn't resonate with me? Not sure. Either way it's a hard pass. It doesn't even rate as good background noise.

House of Anubis (2011–2023)

It's Not Terrible

[5/10 · 21 January 2023]

Much of the story plot hinges on endless Big Misunderstandings which is seriously lazy writing. It's a kids vs. Adults show with each taking turns at being completely obtuse and making very bad choices. It's a nice show to have on in the background if you're doing something else as you won't really miss much. I really hope the actor who played Eddie worked on his tendency to hang his mouth open after delivering his lines. It's unintentionally hilarious. Makes him look like a mouth-breather. All in all, it's not a terrible show. It's not amazing or breaking new ground either. Entertaining in a kids-pulling-one-over-on-the-adults kind of way.

One Piece (1999– )

Seasons 1 - 10 Are Glorious

[8/10 · 16 August 2022]

It starts going downhill fast in Season 11 where half the episodes can be fast-forwarded through because they are 90% recaps of episodes from previous seasons.

Season 12 is waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay longer than it needs to be and gets boring af the longer it takes the Strawhats to rescue Nico Robine.

I don't agree enough to research why Seasons 11 and 12 slid severely into mediocrity. Change in writers or production team? Don't really care at this point but yikes. If I weren't so invested in the series, I'd just bail. As it is, I keep it on in the background and pay attention when something interesting happens (which isn't often). Here's to hoping Season 13 recovers some of the shine.

Virgin River (2019– )

Three Stars for the Locale

[3/10 · 22 July 2022]

The locale is beautifully captured. Gorgeous mountain scenery and crystal clear waters. It's just too bad that the storyline and the script can't keep up. Just because a story is considered 'sweet' and not sexualized doesn't mean it has to be dull or feature cliched characters. The women are overly emotional, the men are rigid, and way too many conflicts are based on big misunderstandings. It's lazy storytelling at its worst. I'm very disappointed as I've heard great things about the books the series is based on.

Farzar (2022)

Rehashed Trash

[1/10 · 16 July 2022]

Terrible. Rehashed jokes from previous series. The 'villain' Baxarack is just a reskinned Roger from American Dad. Same voice. Same personality. The best thing about Farzar is Lance Reddick voicing Renzo. His delivery is pro and he does a stellar job with crap dialogue and stupid af storylines. I can't imagine anyone enjoying this without being high or drunk af because it seems like that's how it was written and directed. Nothing new to experience here. It's a complete waste of time. Maybe that's the point?

Bastard!! Heavy Metal, Dark Fantasy (2022–2023)

Fun but eyerollingly predictable horny harem anime

[3/10 · 2 July 2022]

Standard boob and crotch shots as expected of the genre. Female characters just can't help themselves. Forcefully seduced. Standard horny harem stuff. The storyline is nothing spectacular. It is nostalgically pleasing but it's hard for new viewers to take a character named 'Dark Schneider' seriously. I tried getting a friend interested in viewing it and every time a character said 'Dark Schneider' they'd practically belly laugh. After four episodes of it, I couldn't help myself and started laughing too. It really is a dumbass name. Someone should have stopped them.

Central Park (2020–2022)

Season 1 was Superb and then *fart noises*

[8/10 · 25 June 2022]

Season 1 episodes and themes and songs were great entertainment and seriously good times. Season 2 episodes started a crapslide of songs created just as filler. There's no big villain storyline in Season 2 like there was in Season 1 and I think that made a huge difference. The show now is just mediocre. I don't care about the animation being Bob's Burgers. I loved Season 1. Season 2 had me mashing the FF button like crazy.

Severance (2022– )

Interesting enough to watch

[6/10 · 16 June 2022]

Did not give it a higher score because I have some issues with stylistic choices. I mean, Adam Scott's hair? Wtf? And the boxy suits? They make him look oddly pear-shaped and dumpy. It's so visually distracting for me to see him in such disarray. Could they not afford a stylist?

The show in general is nothing spectacular or cutting edge on any front but decent enough to keep on in the background while doing something else.

Murphy's Law (2003–2007)

Solid Entertainment

[6/10 · 14 April 2022]

It shines when it stays local. When it tries to dive into international waters like with the Yakuza or the Russian mob, it fails spectacularly. It's easy enough to skip any episode that's not to your liking without missing much of the throughline. The most difficult suspension of disbelief is accepting Murphy undercover as a lounge singer. He's terrible. The show mostly holds up even almost 20 years after its debut. Worth the 2atch if you're not expecting too much from it.

Moone Boy (2012–2015)

Heartfelt and Entertaining

[10/10 · 13 April 2022]

An all around great show with unique characters and undeniably funny scripts. Some laugh out loud moments intermixed with the cringe moments of family life. Don't miss this!

The Widow (2020)

Russian style Blair Witch except terrible

[2/10 · 12 April 2022]

They spent zero dollars on the English voice acting. The story was basic and boring. Nothing new here or stand out with regard to acting or directing. Thank god it took up less than 90 minues minutes of my life. Giving two stars because they at least tried to bring a Russian folklore story to life.

Young Wallander (2020–2022)

Slow and Bland

[3/10 · 7 April 2022]

I do not know who made the unfortunate choice of having Adam Pålsson portray Wallander with a breathy simpering monotone but it's honestly borderline unwatchable. He makes every other actor in the scene stand out because of his dead emotionless delivery. He's walking talking background scenery and turned what could have been an excellent show into unappealing pablum.

Master (I) (2022)

Not Scary, Mostly Boring

[5/10 · 7 April 2022]

I'm not understanding the awards and accolades for this. Even the intended jump scares are weak. The story drags. The characters aren't compelling. Most of the actors seem to just be phoning it in. Nothing stands out at all.

Pieces of Her (2022)

Nothing special, don't expect much

[5/10 · 12 March 2022]

I have not read the book so I do not know if this is the way the characters were meant to be portrayed by the author but it seems the script writers have confused suspense with boredom.

Main characters Laura Oliver and Andy Oliver played by Toni Collette and Bella Heathcote respectively are flat and unsympathetic. There are a few memorable performances. Omari Hardwick as Gordon Oliver, Terry O'Quinn as Martin Queller, Gil Birmingham as Charlie Bass, and Jacob Scipio as Michael Vargas do their best with mediocre material. They all pop on screen which makes the series tolerable.

I can best sum up this experience by the sex scene in episode 5 where the director, only god knows why, chooses to zoom in on Joe Dempsie's nasty flat hairy ass. That's exactly what this show is like -- watching a nasty flat hairy ass going at it, constantly expecting the camera to change to a different perspective, and ultimately praying that something, anything, more interesting will happen.

If you have nothing else to do with your time, I'd say go for it otherwise you can skip this without feeling like you missed out on anything.

Five stars for the actors that tried. Zero stars for the actors that phoned it in, the script, the direction, and whoever greenlit this as an 8-episode series instead of a 90 minute made-for-streaming movie.

T@gged (2016–2018)

Pretty Little Liars Clone with Terrible Acting

[5/10 · 4 November 2021]

The show initially had a decent storyline with some good twists and turns. It was completely ruined by the addition of 'Zoe'. The actress was terrible in this role which included the least sexy erotic dance ever filmed. Her face along with her acting is mostly expressionless like plastic. I made it through two seasons and was going to skip the third but my friend wanted to watch it so we did. It was a waste of time. I would like to see some of these actors move on to better things but the actress who played Zoe is not one of them.

Hunter x Hunter (2011–2014)

Wasted Potential

[5/10 · 12 September 2021]

The premise had promise. Young boy trains to be a hunter and follows a trail of clues to find his absent father turns into an overly narrated and expository tale that will have you falling asleep. Literally two full episodes describing a volleyball game with custom rules. Really? A character with powers based on Accounting principles? Bankruptcy? APR? REALLY?

Instead of having characters DOING things, they describe their thought processes way too much of the time. If you need something to watch and relax before bedtime, give this a try. There is nothing exciting or compelling about it. The 10-star reviews make me wonder if I've even watched the same series. And, yes, I've seen all 6 seasons on Netflix because I watched it every night before bed until I felt sleepy which, I promise, did not take long because it's so freaking BORING!!

5-stars given for its sleep-inducing quality.

Charmed (2018–2022)

The Power of 3 Stars

[3/10 · 10 August 2021]

This show is incredibly basic. The actress that plays Macy is the only one worth watching. The one playing Mel is tolerable. The one playing Maggie is so incredibly bad. I'm not sure what stylist this show is using, but wow they really need to rethink some of their choices. The clothes for the most part seem to be thrift store chic. The only one that seems styled almost to perfection at times is Macy. The story is not at all compelling. It has been updated for modern times. I wasn't born when the original Charmed came out but I did catch some episodes streaming and it seemed to be a more cohesive and compelling story.

Secret Society of Second Born Royals (2020)

Terrible

[1/10 · 30 March 2021]

Terrible script with terrible acting. Boring beyond belief. Complete waste of time.