grossmusic Reviews

Dear J (2008 Video)

I can't give a half star?

[1/10 · 4 February 2014]

I'm a trooper. I've stuck with this disaster for over 27 minutes as of the start of this review.

1) There is so much setup in the opening 10+ minutes that every time we think the story's about to start, we go into more setup. And none of it is compelling. It's all a little too freaky - putting us into the loony bin with the characters.

2) By the time the story sort of gets "going" (never really does), I pretty much HATE all the characters. I did not look at credit names, but I'd be willing to bet whoever wrote this also produced & probably directed. That's the only way something so bad could get vetted.

3) I'm now at about 29 minutes - still hate it. Maybe even more than 2 minutes ago. As soon as I stop typing, I delete it from the DVR.

I can't think of anything good in it other than perhaps an intention that is never realized. If there's a BAD cliché to be found, it's in here. Bad music Bad casting Bad acting (mostly - some is actually good...gotta give up kudos where they belong) Bad editing The most annoying soundtrack (I'm not just talking music - I'm talking ticking clocks, loud crickets, noisy rooms that make it sound like a foreign dubbed film - annoying)

There is absolutely no character to identify with. Not one. There is nothing warm. Nothing human about it.

Trying too hard to be artsy. Sad. Another Christian movie failing miserably, but worse than most.

I could go on & on but I've gone a full 38 minutes & I really want to move on with my life, & I fear I'll be in the loony bin myself if I watch another second.

Keep your day job, writer/producer/director.

(I really want to give credit for the effort...but I can't.)

Walkabout (1971)

This is why '70s movies should just melt in their vaults.

[5/10 · 22 November 2012]

Had the director just told ONE story & stuck with it, & stop preaching & stop pushing unnecessary themes & images that distract, this could have been WONDERFUL.

The awful 1970s soundtrack & overt political themes just get tedious.

Making something "artistic" out of what really could have been an emotionally satisfying story ruined it.

In fact, ALL EMOTION is lacking in this highly emotional set up. So sad. Terrible movie that could/should be remade by a modern storyteller who knows how to tune into a modern audience would be great.

Whatever the political agenda, it was lost amidst the attempts to manipulate.

Anne of the Indies (1951)

non-historical romp through pirate lore

[6/10 · 10 February 2009]

The title is the only part resembling the author's original movie treatment, which was designed to hold at least a nugget of history about the very real Anne Bonny. However, the resulting movie is a fun perpetuation of pirate myth.

Historically, very few (if any) pirates would do any of the things that happen in the opening sequence: attack & sink a superior ship, make the survivors (including captain) walk the plank, meet up with an elderly Blackbeard (who in reality never lived to see 30).

It's still worthwhile, as there is anthropological value to watching anything made in the 50s, with a common knowledge approach to history. And it's fun to see a fresh-faced Louis Jourdan. Like most B movies of the era, the miscast acting is stiff & contrived, but dramatically engaging.

I can name a dozen better pirate movies, but even the worst of pirate films is fun if approached with the right attitude.

Good luck finding a watchable, legal copy, though.

Life Is Beautiful (1997)

Wow - I can't get my heart out of my throat

[10/10 · 9 December 2007]

I now must put this at the top of my all-time favorites. It is haunting me. I missed the first minutes, stumbling upon it in the wee hours during an insomniac induced channel surf. It was not subtitled - rather it was very well dubbed (by the original actors I believe). After watching it, with out-loud laughter and crying to lull me to sleep, I dreamt about the lead character & his good humor spirit, imagining that I was somehow wrapped up in a life that called upon such great human dignity.

We cry and laugh at a lot of films. We dream about them. We invite them stay in our memories for decades. But only a few impact our spirit so profoundly, leaving us wanting to improve our own lives so that we can have a measure of the quality of character we have witnessed - experienced.

Rob Roy (honor), Braveheart (freedom), and now LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL (joy) are the most impacting movies ever made.