Nen_Master357 Reviews

Bloodsport 2 (1996)

This is what happens when the focus is on ca$h, not art

[1/10 · 4 April 2023]

Seven years after the release of cult martial arts classic Bloodsport, a sequel is shown to the public called Bloodsport 2. Is it any good?

After Cannon folded up, the rights to the I. P. went to an obscure company. This unknown money starved business entity naturally wanted to make the most money out of their acquisition. To make the most return on investment, they decided to play it safe. This means that the sequel should be as close to the original as much as possible. Not in terms of quality or spirit of the original but the most shallow elements of the original should be adopted. The main reason for casting Daniel Bernhardt for the lead role is because he was the winner in a Jean Claude Van Damme look alike contest. When you think about it, he does resemble Van Damme, especially in that scene when he is shown kissing the concrete. But continuing the Bloodsport saga with a character resembling Van Damme's previous portrayal is weak. It only means this new "creative" team lack original ideas, creativity and imagination. Contrast this to what Albert Pyun did to the continuity of the Kickboxer franchise. When Van Damme refused to continue as Kurt Sloan because a bigger payday awaits him if he signs the contract for Universal Soldier, it was up to Pyun to come up with a solution. He decides to kill off Kurt's character and start with a new protagonist, David Sloan. This clever move gave the opportunity to make more sequels such as the somewhat passable Kickboxer 2 and the fun Enter The Dragon pastiche Kickboxer 4: The Aggressor (Kickboxer 3 doesn't belong here as it's a certified dud. Don't even mention the Marc Dacascos starrer Kickboxer 5 which is awful, horrible garbage). Kickboxer in the hands of director Pyun, deliberately distanced itself from the Kurt Sloan character as David is far from Kurt's personality or even look. Sasha Mitchell doesn't resemble Van Damme (the guy's kind of skinny while Jean Claude is buffed) and it's better that way and good for the continuity of the story.

But that's not what they did to the Bloodsport 2 script. If they really wanted a Van Damme look alike, they could've just hired Olivier Gruner as he also has a passing likeness to the Belgian as well as the accent to go with it. Though about the script, I don't know why they didn't get Sheldon Lettich on board to write the screenplay but the most obvious explanation is they don't want to spend too much money on a script writer. That's why they ended up with a lousy script. The story and the way it's presented is totally different from the original. In the first movie, most of the backstory is narrated through flashbacks by the protagonist. In the sequel, the exposition scenes are told through a tale recounted by the protagonist's sensei. To be honest, this intro scene is kinda cheesy and is totally not in the spirit of the original. In the original film, the flashback was pretty brisk in pace, in trying to cram as much backstory info as much as possible and it still felt fast paced and fresh, especially in the memorable training montage. In this film though, the first act felt like a total drag and sluggish. I really wanted the story to hurry up and get to the kumite already.

The movie itself feels and looks like a C minus version of the original. Donald Gibb returns but plays a different character (which is kind of pointless, to be honest). The writer of the script really did a major disservice to the fans by not being faithful to the original. Remember that in the original, the fighters would be welcomed by two "receptionists" dressed in formal oriental costumes. This is somehow duplicated for this film but the aura of oriental mystique and mystery is gone. The kumite receptionist is kind of bored and indifferent and he actually holds a written list. One wonders if it is a list of the fighters or maybe a list for a game of mahjong or maybe a list of people who are indebted to the dude.

The fighting area itself looks shabby and far from the elegance of the original venue of combat in the first movie. The score board with the names of the fighters is also missing which should have been a requirement. The film is merely a faceless tournament film like Bloodfist without the score board. Even the Filipino comedy film Smith And Wesson which parodied the original, were able to come up with a somewhat working replica of the score board (The score board is also in the David Bradley starrer American Samurai).

There's one sequence here which the director seem to get right and this is the interlude before the final fight. The scene involves a guy with a gun and that asian actor who played the former owner of the Bonsai club in Showdown In Little Tokyo. This sequence makes one wonder if somebody else directed this specific scene. The scene felt like it was directed by Mark L. Lester (one of the best action film directors).

The fighting in Bloodsport 2 is somehow okay but a bit on the mediocre side. The new stable of fighters aren't as memorable as the combatants from the original. In the first movie, the fighters each have distinct fighting styles and personalities. In the sequel, the fighters don't really stand out and are less visually appealing. There's even a female fighter but she's no Cindy Rothrock or Cynthia Luster. Compare this to the fighters in the original film: Paco, Suan Paredes, Chong Li, etc. The final boss fighter isn't as threatening or as developed a character as Chong Li. He also has a silly moniker ("Demon", duh). He is actually one dimensional and isn't scary or intimidating, at least not in the same way that Bolo Yeung's character was in the original. The other fighters are also kinda hilarious. There's a throwback character from the original, the monkey style fighter, but this time, he is of Chinese nationality. And the sound editor actually put monkey sounds over the guy. Like wtf. Maybe the filmmakers were afraid the audience would not get it so they had to add the monkey sounds. Totally bonkers.

Not only is the film plagued by uninspired characters, the music is also lame. Unlike the glorious score by Paul Hertzog, the music here doesn't do anything. The music in the original does a great job in accentuating the action but not in this film where It is just forgettable.

But the biggest offense of the film is in literally ripping off the original's third act. It plagiarizes the sequence where Chong Li kills his opponent and where all the people in the venue stood up to mourn the departed fighter. Demon also walks up to Cardo and says something like what Chong Li did in the original. This really takes the cake because with the right lead actor, writer, production company and director, the sequel had so much potential, only to be squandered by this debacle of a movie. It didn't have to rip off the original if the filmmakers behind it had any ounce of imagination.

Finally, we get to the leading man, Daniel Bernhardt. The dude looks good but it doesn't look like he should be in this kind of role. He should be in a soap opera, not a beat 'em up movie. There's just something missing in the guy's portrayal; some much needed grittiness is sorely lacking. I would have preferred Don "The Dragon" Wilson or David Bradley to be in the lead role instead because they do have that certain spunk which a lot of the eighties and nineties action stars possess in abundance. And quiet frankly, there's not enough fireworks or intensity in Bernhardt's performance, so to speak. He simply aped and copied Van Damme's moves from the original and didn't have any unique or signature moves of his own. He should have stayed in modeling or worked as a male prostitute (just kidding).

In hindsight, there were several missed opportunities with this sequel. First is the chance to potentially start a new tale about the kumite with a new protagonist and somehow connect this sequel with the original by including a few of the supporting characters from the previous film (the female reporter for example). Second, the fights should have been better executed with a more inspired choreography.

To conclude, Bloodsport 2 is simply a shameless cash grab and a complete farce. It is one of the worst direct to video garbage that came out in the mid nineties.

Mortal Kombat (2021)

Nice start to a promising new trilogy

[6/10 · 3 April 2023]

Things that I liked about the film:

1. The R rating. This is unlike the 1995 adaptation which was a tenth rate PG 13 Enter The Dragon ripoff.

2. Some characters from the PS 2 and PS 1 era of games are introduced such as Reiko and Nitara. Shang Sung is inspired from his Deadly Alliance incarnation but without the facial hair.

3. Liu Kang is thankfully devoid of bruceploitation mannerisms (Warner Brothers not wanting to give money to Shannon Lee and other members of the Lee estate. I'm a Bruce Lee fanboy but I really don't like the way Shannon and the rest of the Lee estate is treating his legacy, which to his descendants, is simply used to gain the maximum amount of dollar$$). Additionally, the guy playing Liu resembles Korean actor Jang Geun Suk and he also sounds like him (Just added this info for the ladies who normally don't watch this type of film, now you have a reason to watch it).

4. Scorpion and Subzero look cool and are certified badasses. Again, compared to the 1995 movie where they kinda looked lame. Also, cult Japanese star, Hiroyuki Sanada adds much needed gravitas to his role as the tragic figure of vengeance, Hanzo Hasashi.

Things I didn't like:

1. The lack of a tournament. The film is simply a prequel to set up the next two movies in a new trilogy. Kind of deceptive on the part of the filmmakers. Somehow, because this is a prequel, the story loses a sense of urgency.

2. The main character is a bore. Instead of choosing from an inexhaustible stable of characters from the game itself, the scriptwriters chose to invent a new character, albeit with a bland personality and the actor playing him has zero screen presence.

3. The image and mascot of the video game franchise, Goro is dispatched easily by a novice? You got to be kidding. This is one of the problems with the 1995 movie adaptation; Johnny Cage quickly defeating him with a punch to the nutsack is just absurd. This is similar to what happened to the Hulk in Avengers Infinity War. Thanos beating him was pure b.s. (Which is why script writers should first research the source material).

To conclude, this new reboot of Mortal Kombat is decent and hopefully the next two installments will be as good, if not better.

Batang Quiapo (2023– )

More of the same garbage from mister coconut

[1/10 · 31 March 2023]

Every once in a while, I'd take a break from the usual and check out the local, mainstream movies or shows to see if I'm missing out on anything. As it turns out, it's the same old in the world of local entertainment. The shows from the three networks are still dominated by noontime shows, talk shows, news shows, singing talent search shows, cooking shows and soap operas while the movies are also mostly the same, either porno, comedy or those love team oriented films for teenyboppers. This means it's the same old garbage. Lately, the local media is once again promoting the newest output from the trash heap. The latest offering from ex indie porno actor turned soap opera star, turned "action star" Coconut Martin is just another pathetic attempt to cash in on the legacy of Filipino action king Fernandez Poe Jr. All the corny elements that made the previous show, FPJ's Ang Probinsyano are in this: the stupid close ups, the soap opera style story structure, the mushy melodrama.

I never really bought into the Coconut Martin hype and this is why. It's simply sickening that mainstream media is behind this trend to further dumb down the moronic masses. It's also ludicrous and sad that Filipino entertainment has sunk to an all time low, thanks to the cutesy antics of the geny lopez and attorney gozon networks. Their dumb shows have infantilized, and significantly delayed the mental development of several generations of Filipino millennials. It's an epic tragedy that a massively idiotic tv series would spawn another pitiful and heinous show starring and directed by mister coconut.

Batang Quiapo is more of the same melodramatic, low I. Q. mush like FPJ's Ang Probinsyano but with a bigger budget. My advice: go watch something else. Buy a wifi black box and subscribe to a streaming service. There's a few like Prime Video, Disney+ and HBO Go where you can watch better shows and movies for a very cheap fee. Stop patronizing the two major networks in the country, you simply line the pockets of their executives by watching their rubbish programs.

Martial Science (2013)

Excellent Bloodsport parody

[9/10 · 30 March 2023]

This is a virtually unknown indie comedy gem which spoofs 1988's classic martial arts masterpiece Bloodsport. It's an insanely hilarious film with lots of wickedly funny gags and jokes. I was literally guffawing the entire time I was watching this (during office downtime on my cellphone). The movie hearkens back to the style of parody films such as Hotshots Part Deux and the Scary Movie franchise (though the dildo scenes are more similar to something like Deathgasm). It's the best spoof of JCVD's iconic film; the other is the Filipino movie Smith and Wesson, which also is definitely worth checking out (technically though, the latter parodies Miami Vice in the first half of the film while it spoofs Bloodsport in the second half with Steven Spielberg's Jaws also referenced in between).

The guy playing "Jean Claude Sanchez" is a skilled master of humor and he deserves to be in the league of dudes like Mike Myers or Jack Black. The one flaw of the film though is in the final fight sequence which wasn't shot very well. You could clearly see that was a double fighting, because he has lighter skin and hair color than the protagonist.

Overall though, the film is an excellent comedy flick for mature viewers and quiet similar to a movie like Kung Pao. It deserves an Oscar or a Canne for krissakes.

Hannibal (2001)

Awful movie adapted from an awful book

[1/10 · 8 March 2023]

There's only one good movie based on a Thomas Harris novel and that's Jonathan Demme's Silence Of The Lambs. Ironically, it was adapted from the writer's bland and mostly overrated novel of the same title. The other movies, the much hyped Manhunter and the Bret Ratner directed Red Dragon were based off Harris's second fictional work but both films failed in translating the source material into a decent film.

"Hannibal" is an adaptation of Harris's eponymous novel and man, just like said book, the movie blows just as much donkey balls. This is just bad on all levels. The problem is ultimately the material it's based on. The De Laurentiis couple who financed the film wanted to make money off the people who wanted to see more of Hannibal Lecter after the iconic character's escape from the mental asylum for the criminally insane. Now, Harris's book is a peculiar oddity. The one reason why the novel, and by extension, the movie version, didn't work, is because of the concept itself. The serial killer archetype is naturally that of an antagonist, not a protagonist. This is why films like Scream, Halloween and Friday The 13th work; the homicidal boogeyman is an evil force that should be stopped or vanquished. He's not supposed to be the hero. In the film, Hannibal is propped up to be a sympathetic character, albeit one who kills, cooks and eats his victims. No dice, no can do, mon ami.

For Lecter to be an effective and believable fictionalized serial killing fiend, he has to be the antagonist, not the protagonist. He can't be both. This is why the narrative in the film and book wasn't very compelling or had a sense of urgency or excitement. Harris provides a rhyme and reason for Lecter's psychopathic cannibalism, a moralistic reason, to justify his evil actions. Mason Verger is also wicked and diabolical so he becomes the villain. Doesn't work and feels forced and unnatural. A protagonist who kills with justification is not a serial killer but a vigilante. That's why Dexter from the tv series isn't really a serial killer, he's just a vigilante with a blood fetish. If Jonathan Demme's film had any flaws, it's in adopting Lecter's reason for wanting to pursue and kill psychiatrist Frederick Chilton (because Chilton was an annoying a-hole) from Harris's book. Such reasoning turned Lecter into a very petty character, far from the sophisticated and urbane madman he was portrayed as in Red Dragon.

Hannibal the movie would have worked if the scriptwriter wrote a screenplay where Lecter becomes this Jack The Ripper type who transforms a town in one of the provinces of Italy into his hunting ground. Then FBI agent Clarice Starling hunts him down. Such a story would've been more convincing than the heroic cannibal gourmand presented in Ridley Scott's film.

Manhunter (1986)

First in a series of failed attempts in adapting Red Dragon to the screen

[2/10 · 7 March 2023]

Back in 1999, I had the great pleasure reading Thomas Harris's fantastic book "Red Dragon" (which is his only good novel, Silence Of The Lambs sucked as a novel but was great as a movie. Hannibal the book also was a pile of donkey manure). Red Dragon was a mind-blowing and frightening journey into the warped and twisted mind of psychotic serial killer Francis Dolarhyde. The novel was simply Robert Bloch's Psycho on steroids and the only other work of fiction that may come close to its vision of perverted madness may be Michael Slade's Ghoul (Slade's book though isn't as memorable). Sadly, Harris was unable to write another masterpiece which leads one to suspect if someone else wrote the book for him, Silence Of The Lambs being a watered down and tenth rate rehash of Red Dragon, without the compelling narrative and substance of the latter.

More saddening is the fact that Red Dragon was adapted for the screen three times in a row and each attempt was a blundering failure. The second of those attempts was with Brett Ratner's eponymous film which was just this shallow and empty corporate cash grab to milk the hell out of the Hannibal Lecter franchise. In spite of the formidable cast led by Edward Norton and Anthony Hopkins, watching Jacky Chan jump off from the top of a highrise building was much more entertaining than watching Ratner's lame film. The adaptation incorporating it into the tv show Hannibal was also not very good.

Which brings us to the first attempt in adapting Red Dragon to the screen, Michael Mann's Manhunter. It's hailed by some at imdb as better than Jonathan Demme's Silence Of The Lambs which is simply preposterous. Mann's film is a great disappointment because it was unable to convey the essence of what made Red Dragon a remarkable specimen of the psycho horror thriller genre. Dolarhyde's backstory was simply excised in the movie, thus what made the book fascinating and an absorbing read: the nature and origins of Dolarhyde's murderous insanity are absent. Dolarhyde watching the snuff films made from his horrific crimes could also have been included just to show the enormity of his evil acts. Instead we have a fairly inoffensive and bland police procedural.

It seems that Mann was the wrong director for such a project even if he did direct classic films like Last Of The Mohicans and Heat. David Cronenberg or Clive Barker would have been better choices. The reason why Mann is an ill fit is that he approaches the material through an action film lens. The finale is an example of this. Instead of following what was in the novel, Mann turns it into this gun fight which felt out of place and doesn't jive well with the tone the filmmakers were aiming for. Also, Tom Noonan is the wrong actor to play Dolarhyde. The book portrays him as a muscular dude which Noonan isn't. Someone with the physique of Dolph Lundgren but with a screwed up face like the boss villain, Lord Humungus in The Road Warrior (ok, maybe not that screwed up).

But the most obvious reason why Manhunter got lazy with the source material is that it merely skipped and bypassed the more metaphorical and psychological elements of the book. These psychological aspects whom the movie chose to ignore are crucial and fundamental to the novel's basic premise: that psychos aren't born, they are made. In the novel, the centerpiece of Dolarhyde's grand delusion and vivid fantasies revolve around his metamorphosis into the great red dragon, aka the Becoming. He believes that in taking the lives of his victims, he gradually grows in power and will ultimately reach godhood. To digress a bit, one of the reasons why Silence Of The Lambs was an inferior book is that it mostly "told" the reader and not "shown" the reader. It made a big deal that Lecter had a rich fantasy life but didn't show any examples of said fantasies while the book's predecessor actually demonstrated, through expert storytelling, that Dolarhyde's wicked fantasies were indeed taking over his life. As such, Lecter in Silence Of The Lambs (the novel, not the movie) was a hollow shell of a character, a mere modernized caricature of Count Dracula while Dolarhyde as a character was fully fleshed out and realized.

A few people try to defend Mann's film, saying that most books made into films will tend to have a few flaws and blemishes but this is a bullsh-t excuse. Novels like Dogs Of War, Fight Club, Man On Fire translated well into the celluloid medium. Mann and his film crew simply did not respect the source material enough which is why they came up with a shoddy product.

Manhunter simply doesn't live up to the hype. Just read the book. It's a zillion times better than all the film adaptations combined.

The Texas Chain Saw Massacre (1974)

Incredibly stupid and boring

[1/10 · 5 March 2023]

This is the much talked about Texas Chainsaw Massacre by Tobe Hooper. Reading Stephen King,'s book, Danse Macabre where he hyped this movie like it was the best thing since Swiss cheese, I naturally wanted to see what all the god d-mn fuss is about. And my conclusion is that this is a highly overrated film, just as Stephen King is a highly overrated writer and novelist.

First off, the film is a major drag. The first hour or so is dominated by dialogue which only dumb Quentin Tarantino fans would appreciate. By the time Leatherface shows up, the viewer is already bored out of his wits. Which brings me to the other problem plaguing this film: the lack of gore and blood. You'd think that with "massacre" in the title, there'd be tons of decapitation, beheadings and bloodshed. Unfortunately, that too doesn't happen.

The film is just annoying with the dumb chainsaw sound in the background and the severe lack of suspense. This film is beyond moronic. Just watch the first three Hellraiser films or Cannibal Holocaust if you want authentic shock and gore.

Totoy Golem (1995)

Beyond idiotic

[1/10 · 10 February 2023]

This is one of those films that make you want to vomit because of how nauseating and bad it is. It's one of those movies capitalizing on the old gangsters of post World War II Tondo.

The film stars Rommel Padilla as the titular character and to be honest, I really don't see what's so special about his acting or performance in this film. The guy is mostly flat and wooden in a lot of his scenes, a far cry from his more popular sibling who usually commands the attention of viewers from the get go. The dragon tattoo on his arm and shoulder is also somewhat distracting as it makes him look like a yakuza thug, not a fifties era Tondo gangster.

Anyways, the action scenes are mostly unremarkable, most of it consisting of fist fights you've seen a hundred times and were better executed in other movies, specifically in the no budget films of Ace Vergel and Rudy Fernandez from the seventies. Here, they're just bland and generic, not very imaginative or original. Though the fight between Totoy and Asiong was somehow creative because they get to brawl in the mud but the rest of the fights just weren't that interesting. The sex scenes on the other hand are lousy, unrealistic and tedious. It's obvious, Padilla and his leading ladies were uncomfortable doing them.

The main problem with the film is the horrific pacing and unnecessary sequences that drag on. The syrupy sweet and sickly domestic scenes go on and on like a telenovela. Totoy talks to his father and mother, then he talks to his wife, aww, how sweet. Get the f-ck out of here. Ok, we get it, Totoy is a mama's boy and a simp, now show us the actual goods for pete's sake. When the film isn't trying to be a cute soap opera, it tries to be a sitcom. There's lots of comedy antics. Except none of these skits are even remotely funny, they just reek of t.h. (trying hard) and are annoying. One of the gags involve a dog cooked as a dish for a drinking session (aka "pulutan" in the Filipino vernacular) in which the head of the dog was actually served on a plate. Not asuzena or kilawin but the actual head of the dog (Talk about Super Saiyan levels of stupidity). Then there's the serenade scene where Totoy's butt ugly buddies (they look like rapists, to be honest) try to be all goofy for cheap laughs. Someone should have reminded the script writer that Dolphy and Vic Sotto did a better job with this gag back in the eighties and early nineties. Clearly, the director forgot he was supposed to make a gangster action film, not a comedy movie.

This movie was made basically for the mentally impaired. You'd literally lose brain cells watching this garbage.

Manila Kingpin: The Asiong Salonga Story (2011)

The gangster messiah of Tondo

[8/10 · 3 February 2023]

My first impression of this movie was not good but on a second viewing, I realized that I was too harsh with my critique. It's actually a very entertaining film if we just simply enjoy it and not get hung up or nitpick the film's minor shortcomings.

On a technical level, Tikoy Agiluz's Manila Kingpin is quite impressive. The production, cinematography, lighting, sound and music are top notch for a local film and could rival the quality of foreign entries to Canne and Sundance. The script is also commendable as it didn't drag and did not waste time on superfluous melodrama or other elements that ruin a movie's pacing. Kudos to the cast as they all turned out excellent performances, from Ronnie Lazaro (who was great as the thug Boy Zapanta), Ketchup Eusebio (who's scene in the epic gunfight finale is undoubtedly "cool" and badass) and even Amay Bisaya was highly believable and competent in his role. The late Roldan Aquino makes an appearance as a corrupt police chief and he also once played the character of Totoy Golem in Leonardo Garcia's Canary Brothers Ng Tondo. This version's Golem is gleefully acted by John Regala who easily dominates every scene he's in. Jay Manalo plays a convict and like Aquino, he once essayed the role of a Tondo gangster, and also as Asiong Salonga in that unfortunately stupid film by quack director Dante Pangilinan. Baron Geisler won a much deserved best supporting actor award because his Erning Toothpick is the best version of the character.

Asiong is played here by Jorge Estregan and I think I was too judgmental about the guy on my first viewing of the movie. I now believe that he turned out a fantastic performance as the classic uber mafioso of Tondo. There are some stuff here though that he recycled from his past films, notably his scene of angst in the isolation cell is lifted from Mr. Pangilinan's Sigue Sigue Vs. Oxo. There are some who whine about E. R. Ejercito's lack of athleticism and physical fitness in playing a 27 year old dude since the politician and actor is visibly thick on the sides but it's not really detrimental to one's enjoyment of the film. Just think that this Asiong Salonga and the events that take place here are from an alternate universe where 27 year old gang leaders look like Droopy.

Tikoy Agiluz's handling of the material is excellent; you could actually feel that this is post World War II Tondo in how every scene is meticulously shot and staged, to recreate the fifties era look. There are a few sequences that were better in Ejercito's other Asiong movie, Hari Ng Tondo, for example the fight scene in the prison infirmary is superior whereas in Agiluz's film, it was removed and replaced by a knife fight. Agiluz wanted to delete his name from the film credits because of a few restaged sequences which is somewhat understandable. The inclusion of John Woo style pistol firing is obviously one of these reshoots which made a few of the gunfights less realistic. The fight between Totoy and Asiong looked pathetic because it felt like tired, middle aged men having a fisticuff. The knife fight though between Asiong and Zapanta was actually good but the "samurai" method in which Asiong dispatches the latter is a bit on the corny side.

All in all, this is a masterful work. Too bad, it didn't usher a revival of the Filipino action genre as was hoped.

On the Job (2021)

Well intentioned but kind of bloated and pompous

[6/10 · 19 January 2023]

This is a sequel of sorts to Erik Matti's On The Job, a film about convicts working as hitmen for corrupt government officials. Though not an original idea as other action movies have exploited the concept before (Joey Del Rosario's Pretty Boy Hoodlum is an early example), Matti tried to put a "social issues" type of pretense to his film but it ended up as this muddled and cluttered corny mush. The same can be said about the second installment.

The main problem with On The Job 2 is that it takes itself too damn seriously for its own good. There's no sense of satire or irony because everything seems so glum and heavy handed. And frankly, these political expose type of film had been done better before by guys like Lino Brocka. My advice is to just watch Pretty Boy Hoodlum. While not really a good film, at least it is somewhat entertaining.

Sitio Diablo (2022)

Horny gangsters

[8/10 · 19 January 2023]

If you combine Peque Gallaga and Lore Reyes' Gangland, Jim Libiran's Tribu, Ciudades de Dios and Martin Scorsese's Gangs of New York, then amplify the sex in Libiran's film, the end product would be "Sitio Diablo". The film is a very gutsy movie that tries to push the envelope even further beyond, on what could be acceptably presented on screen.

The director of the film does a great job in presenting the gore and violence and in depicting the squalor in the slums. This is what Libiran's Tribu could have been if it had a bigger budget. What sets Perez's movie apart from the other movies mentioned though are the generous amounts of sex. One sequence specifically shows an orgy which would make the director, Roman Perez, a great porno maker along with Peque Gallaga and Lore Reyes.

A few of the action scenes could've used a little more work in the choreography department such as the rumble scene in the middle of the film but in its entirety, this is a fantastic production that may serve as a springboard in reviving the long dead Filipino hard action genre.

Asiong Salonga: Hari ng Tondo 1950 (1990)

Lost and found gangster gem

[7/10 · 18 January 2023]

This early nineties gangster classic is obviously superior to that other film about Asiong Salonga, the Tikoy Agiluz directed Manila Kingpin. While the latter movie relied heavily on flashy gimmicks like Chow Yun Fat style gunplay and the use of a black and white screen, the former had a more organic feel. Also, for a production obviously short on funds, "Hari Ng Tondo" brings more bang for the buck than Agiluz's big budget turkey.

Jorge Estregan is a stylish badass in this film, unlike in Manila Kingpin where he looked like a tired, middle aged clerk roleplaying as a street toughie. Also, in the film by Agiluz, Asiong seems almost superhuman in his abilities but in this fictionalized biopic, he is a more well rounded and realistic fellow, subject to the laws of physics such as when he suffers a bullet wound and has to recuperate. Estregan fits the role so well that it seems he was born to portray this character. Like Robert De Niro, he is in his natural element essaying the characters of various hoodlums or the so-called "noble criminal".

Still, the movie has a few flaws which hinders one's full enjoyment of it. In particular, the ending of the film is kind of ruined when the cops suddenly show up making the scene very anticlimactic.

Overall though, the movie is surprisingly good and one of the few movies about Tondo's legendary mafioso that actually get it right.

When I Grow Up, I Want to Be a Pornstar (2021)

Entertaining for the most part

[6/10 · 18 January 2023]

Part mockumentary and part nostalgia trip, Darryl Yap's "Pornstar" is a humorous tribute on the golden era of the country's local softcore porn industry. It also rejuvenates the careers of the lead actresses whose former notoriety as "bomba" stars have since unfortunately dimmed.

The movie works because it somehow demystifies the aura around these showbiz personalities. It explores their various travails as sexy entertainers and in how they cope being labelled as "laos" (has beens), usually cast as mothers in mushy soap operas or (in the case of Alma Moreno) running for public office. The film at times, is like a talk show and even a therapy session. It's also very spontaneous and impromptu; lots of ideas are presented, stream of consciousness style. The playful banter between the actresses seem unrehearsed. Yap's film also works better if the viewer is kind of, in the know about these actresses' life stories. I don't see millennials actually relating to the onscreen drama as only those who grew up watching these actresses' films would somehow connect on a more meta level.

Scorpio Nights 3 (2022)

Homage to late porno auteur

[5/10 · 16 January 2023]

I watched both the original classic Filipino adult film as well as Erik Matti's 1999 version which is why my expectations for this movie is quite high. My own conclusions on the film are kind of mixed.

The choice for the lead role is played by newcomer Gold Aceron who approaches his character as this sex obsessed nerd. The guy actually comes off as too nerdy and geeky though maybe this was the deliberate intention of the director as many horny teenagers are more like Aceron (who looks like an internet cafe dwelling incel). The simulated sex is pretty realistic and makes one ask if there was actual penetration involved like the old notorious films of George Estregan Sr.

It's definitely not a movie for the church going crowd as there's a lot of kinky activity going on. Unlike the original though, it's not a very unified movie. The band scenes for example are very out of place and doesn't match the overall tone of the film. It still doesn't touch the original film but is a passable send-off to the great maker of local indie porno, Peque Gallaga.

Reroute (2022)

Better than expected

[8/10 · 16 January 2023]

I came to watch this movie completely not knowing the synopsis or concept. It seems like the typical indie film combining sex and violence but the director of the film managed to make a decent movie from a potentially generic script.

John Arcilla does a great job as a crazed ex soldier who terrorizes a stranded couple. I actually like his role here better than the one he portrayed in Erik Matti's On The Job: The Missing 8.

This was quite difficult to watch though and is not for the squeamish. It's pretty realistic, especially in its depiction of the sex scenes. To the director's credit, he was able to build enough suspense and tension. Some viewers may be put off by the pacing but a level of patience is required.

Double Barrel (2017)

Not the action comeback fans were waiting for

[2/10 · 6 January 2023]

The Filipino action movie is an extinct genre/style of film which eventually died out in 1993. There were a few films from the mid 90s like Moises Arcanghel and Melencio Magat that tried to faithfully uphold the traditional aesthetics of the genre but most of the movies from 1993 onwards with the "action" label are dishonest and lacking in artistic integrity and most of the elements that made the genre uniquely entertaining were absent from said productions. The classic Filipino action movie is distinct in style from most western action films and also action movies from Hong Kong, because of obvious differences in culture and because the genre is made entirely for local audiences.

"Double Barrel" is an attempt by veteran director of action films, Toto Natividad to once again revisit and perhaps resurrect the long dead genre but was he successful? First off, the film can be commended for its production and choice of locales. But other than these two aspects, the movie alternates between decent and cringe with cringe outweighing the more positive merits of the film. One of the few positives of the film is local 90s action star Jeric Raval now playing a corrupt, Punisher style cop. His character here is a departure from his Ebok Ala days where he mostly played hoodlums or petty crooks. The blood effects (an integral component of action films) are mostly present in all but a few scenes which is a plus. A few stylistic clips like the scene where Raval's character is gunned down where the gunman is shown in close up with the firearm discharging bullet shells is expertly shot. Another scene is when the protagonist is told to beat the crap out of a fellow inmate; this scene was deftly handled and is reminiscent of the director's past films like Hanggang Saan Ang Tapang Mo (specifically the final stabbing scene in that movie). In its entirety though, the film is a complete and epic debacle.

For a movie funded by Vic Del Rosario Jr., you think someone would have hired bit players who could at least act. The woman shouting tagalog expletives in the first part of the film sounds very unconvincing as well as that one cop in the police station. The guy playing the protagonist (AJ Mulach) has no screen presence and doesn't command the attention of viewers like a Robin Padilla or an FPJ. He has a cool hairdo and tattoos like Wesley Snipes in Blade but that's it. The most glaring flaw of the movie though are the badly choreographed fight sequences. Dindo Arroyo's fight with the protagonist is the most embarrassing along with the other fight sequence with Raval later in the film. The fight with Arroyo's character is the worst as it felt like an ill rehearsed routine than a spontaneous and organic flow of movement. Which leads me to another drawback of the movie: lack of editing and improper staging of scenes. Many scenes have a very rough cut feel to them which makes the filmmakers seem like amateurs. Contrast this to a film with a similar theme (Mikhail Red's Neomanila) but is a million times more technically competent. Natividad's film also at times feel like an episode of the stupid Ang Probinsyano (now thankfully over) with the overly pompous staging which is only natural because Natividad is one of the directors of that dumb show.

Even the song used for the ending sucked. It's a religious song so maybe that helps explain why the film is sh-t on many levels.

The film is only one of the few movies that tried to revive the Filipino action movie but eventually failed. The other films include the vanity projects of one E. R. Ejercito. Honestly, just watch the old classics. Those classics should be digitally restored for them to be fully appreciated by a new audience.

Afuang: Bounty Hunter (1988)

Above average 80's Filipino action/cop drama

[9/10 · 23 December 2022]

If you fused Lino Brocka's Bayan Ko, Kapit Sa Patalim with the Clint Eastwood starrer Dirty Harry, the end product would be Afuang: Bounty Hunter. Such a blending of styles might seem difficult to pull of because the aforementioned movies feature clashing philosophies and ideologies. Brocka's movie is quasi Marxist and anti-authority while Dirty Harry glamorizes the policeman who is a symbol of authority. Mike Relon Makiling's masterful handling of the script though ensures that the film doesn't end up as low brow, profane melodramatic tripe.

While admittedly, the film does have elements of politics and social awareness issues such as exposing systemic corruption in institutions such as law enforcement, it gravitates more towards the action side of things. There's enough squibs, gore and offensive language (pu@#$&na mo!!) here to satisfy the rabid action fan.

Philip Salvador is at the top of his game here and carries the weight of the film with much aplomb. In the movie's final set piece, he bears more than a passing resemblance to Al Pacino. Which is quite fitting as both actors are excellent thespians and masters of their craft.

In the movie, he plays a policeman who is also a family man. As a cop, he's what many may call a "boy scout". Like the mythical George Washington, he can never lie except when he's in bed with a woman other than his wife. This makes him similar to Russell Crowe's character in Ridley Scott's American Gangster.

To conclude, this is a fantastic classic Filipino police action film from the 80s which would put to shame some of today's local modern productions.

Lords of Chaos (2018)

De Mysteriis Dom Teenybopper

[1/10 · 20 April 2022]

Aeons ago, I've read the book from which this movie takes its source material and was fairly entertained by its fervent though surface level narrative. The film version is a different matter as it focuses more on the iconic celebrities of the Norwegian black metal scene. This motion picture is more of a parody of sorts ; imagine if the book was written by a soap opera scribe or those who wrote for disney movies Mulan and Frozen. The finished product would be this steaming pile of horse dung.

The melodrama showcased in the film is reminiscent of mushy american teen oriented flicks like the Twilight series of movies. Sure there are sequences showing drinking, sex and debauchery to differentiate it from your average power rangers type show but this is basically Twilight with the backdrop of Norwegian black metal as added window dressing. It's a very shallow and insipid adaptation of the book considering the book itself wasn't all that good.

The actors chosen to play the roles of Euronymous and Varg are both miscast. Macaulay Culkin's brother is good looking but kind of frail (like a gust of wind would push the guy over) while the dude playing Varg doesn't resemble him in any way. The one actor who somehow rises above this farce is the guy playing Mayhem's vocalist Per "Dead" Yngve Ohlin. That dude's portrayal is spot on.

Anyways, this movie really sucked. I think that other film combining black metal and zombies (Deathgasm) is a better alternative to this hollywood tripe.

The Diary of a Big Man (1988)

A fine comedy from Hong Kong

[10/10 · 19 April 2022]

This 1988 movie shows that Chow Yuen Fat isn't just an action hero but could also act in comedy films. The actor does an outstanding job essaying the role of a stock broker who happens to have two wives. From this premise, zany and hilarious situations arise from which the film's protagonist tries to extricate himself (to keep his wives from knowing about his double marriage).

It also helps that in addition to Chow Yuen's skillful command of the silver screen, his costars are equally endearing and pleasant. The actresses playing Chow Yuen's wives in the film are adorable and classy, easily complementing the actor's over the top performance. Chow Yuen is almost always hyper energetic in every scene. Indeed, the guy seems to be literally fueled by adrenaline.

This is easily one of the actor's best comedy leading roles along with God Of Gamblers.

Your Eyes Tell (2020)

Just a bit better than the Turkish remake

[4/10 · 6 April 2022]

Here we have a Japanese adaptation of a remarkable Korean romantic melodrama from 2011 called "Always, Only You". The same movie also spawned an earlier remake from Turkey which people could check out on youtube. The Turkish version is somewhat serviceable and decent, though it looked like a cheap soap opera and didn't have the same gravitas and emotional wallop of the original. The Japanese remake at first seemed to be promising but also suffers from several factors and filmmaking choices.

The lead actor chosen to play the role masterfully acted in the original by underrated thespian So Ji Sub is unfortunately not up to the job. The guy looks delicate and fragile, like someone from a k-pop group and is unconvincing as someone who dabbles in mixed martial arts. At least in the original, So Ji Sub manages a fine balancing act between that of pugilist and broken man embodied in the character of Chul Min/Jang Marcelino. No such acting frisson can be gleaned from the Japanese actor who turned out a very lackluster performance. The other person playing the lead actress, while pretty though a bit chubby, also gave a very average job.

Maybe it has to do with Japanese culture in which showing intense emotion in public is frowned upon in society but this cultural strength is a weakness in the film considering that the original movie was entirely memorable because of the unrestrained and uninhibited emotions conveyed by its two leads. In the original, Jun Hwa played by the gorgeous and stunning Han Hyo Jo gave one of the most riveting expressions of undiluted emotion onscreen while the Japanese actress merely came up with a croak and a whimper. Even the momentous ending of the original is blunted and restrained in this remake, making for an unexciting denouement. Where the film is ultimately good at is in reviving nostalgia for the original film.

Tongs: A Chinatown Story (1986)

Underrated gangster movie

[6/10 · 22 March 2022]

Back in 1990, I had the great fortune to watch on the big screen, this cult mafioso classic, starring the very charismatic Simon Yam. In those days, I've read a bunch of books about the shady world of hoodlums where I was introduced to concepts such as "cutting keys" and "clipping". Tongs is another true to life criminal saga based on the exploits of immigrant Chinese youth street gangs.

The film perfectly captures the vibe and feel of iconic mobster films such as The Godfather, Blood In Blood Out and even Anak Ni Baby Ama (from the Philippines). This one is definitely recommended.

Operation Red Sea (2018)

Dumb and hypocritical propaganda movie

[1/10 · 22 March 2022]

I usually enjoy good war films such as Saving Private Ryan and Black Hawk Dawn but this big budget rubbish is pure cringe and made me regurgitate my breakfast. Admittedly, many war movies are basically just recruitment and promotional mediums for the military but "operation red sea" is too blatant in how it conveys this message.

The hypocrisy of the film is simply disgraceful and lacks shame. It tries to portray the chinese navy as a bunch of heroic goody two shoes but in reality are actually bullying, cowardly scum hiding behind their big armaments and weapons (The chinese navy is currently squatting on Philippine seas and have built illegal structures).

Before the end credits rolled, a slogan of the imperialist a-holes is shown on the black screen "Conquer Fear, Conquer All". Now you can't get more blatant than that. Honestly, I really wish these governments and their respective armies should all be exiled into a distant rock in space where they could kill each other off. But it's alright, I myself am itching to shoot a few chinese military scumbags.

Boy Golden: Shoot to Kill (2013)

Great production but let down by absurd script

[5/10 · 14 February 2022]

The tagalog action film genre died a long time ago from a combination of mediocrity, self censorship and excessive taxation (euphemistically called "amusement taxes"). But every once in a while, a few well meaning filmmakers attempted to revive this extinct style.

Chito Rono's Boy Golden is such an attempt. Starring the son of local porn legend George Estregan, Jorge E. R. Ejercito aka George Estregan Jr., the movie tries to combine old school action with a modern sensibility. Though the end product is quite a mixed bag and honestly isn't really to my liking but it does have a few qualities which I find to be commendable and deserves a well earned kudos for the filmmakers.

The one obvious admirable trait of the film is the production which didn't cheap out on the scenery or even on the titular character's fake beard. The various sets in the film convey a sort of dreamy ambiance and kaleidescope effect such as the nightclub and evening street scenes. The world presented in the movie is like a bastardized fusion of Marty Mcfly's parents' hometown and something out of Jim Carrey's The Mask. Evidently, Estregan Jr., infused a lot of cash into the film which gave the director enough leeway to reimagine 1950s Manila as this romanticized hub straight from Who Framed Roger Rabbit? (that's exactly the feel I get out of the film and Frank Miller's Sin City it is not).

First off, the restoration of blood effects during gunfights is a step in the right direction though a few of the bit players in the movie still ended up with no squibs, specifically in the scene when Putla (Baron Geisler) mowed down the bahala na goons, which didn't really achieve the desired effect of creating a modicum of film realism. Still, the effects team should be commended for pulling off a great job especially in the final sequence when the lead character is torn apart by bullets.

On the other hand, there are some stylistic choices in the script which aren't really any good. The decision to treat the story as this wacky, buffoonish tale of a middle aged looking goon who listens to Elvis isn't conducive to a compelling narrative. Even the supposed bahala na gang members don't look like hoodlums but variety show dancers.

Finally, the lead actor, Estregan Jr., is the wrong choice to play the role. The scene in the ice plant had a very unflattering shot of the dude with his beer belly jutting out. No amount of digital editing in the studio could erase this embarrassing sight. It's like Steven Seagal in one of his direct to video films, only much worse. The one saving grace of the movie apart from the production is Estregan Jr.'s leading lady, KC Concepcion who's main function as eye candy serves to divert the viewer's attention from the stilted dialogue, corny monologue and absurd sequences.

To conclude, the film is silly entertainment and dumb in all the right places. But the Clive Owen starrer, Shoot 'Em Up is a much better choice if one wants some brainless waste of time.

Sa ngalan ng ama, ina at mga anak (2014)

Acted by a clueless Padilla and directed by an amateur

[1/10 · 10 February 2022]

I recently watched Mariel Rodriguez's youtube vlog by accident (my girlfriend is a devoted viewer of her channel) in which she says "do not make decisions when you're angry or happy but when you are calm and composed" or something along these lines. Which gets one thinking, was Robin Padilla angry, happy or high on his wife's p-ssy when he made the decision to make this particular film?

The film itself had the potential to bring back Padilla to the field of hard action after his string of romcom movies and soap operas. But as it turns out, the movie is an unintended comedy of sorts due to the lead star's lack of self awareness or he simply believed that acting like a schmuck is good enough. Like Tommy Wiseau, Padilla has a huge ego the size of Jupiter and like Wiseau's film The Room, Padilla's movie is a certified disaster.

There are long stretches in the film where one virtually can't see anything, as in nothing, non, none. Maybe the reason for this is that the cinematographer is Stevie Wonder. In addition, Padilla cannot summon enough gravitas in his portrayal. To evoke an atmosphere of seriousness, Padilla resorts to staring into empty space as if trying to conjure something out of thin air or maybe he's just bored out of his mind for making such a sh-tty movie. He's probably thinking "When will this filming end? I can't wait to get Mariel back into bed and f-ck our brains out again". In his early films, he used to have a very expressive face, conveying various emotions. Now though in this movie, he is limited to only two, an angry and tough, constipated look and a normal "serious" mug.

What eventually makes the film into an unintentional parody is the director's amateurish skill level. The director doesn't know how to approach a shot from a certain angle; for example, the scene in which Padilla's and Rodriguez's characters make meaningful eye contact is incorrectly shot from a wide angle when close ups should have sufficed to better capture the sentiments expressed. The gun battle in the woods is another sequence which the director bungles; this set piece resembles a scene straight out of a no budget direct to video monster movie (you know the ones with titles like Shark Attack or Tarantulas on the Beach). Padilla's one action sequence here looked like it came from Hotshots Part Deux. What should've been a badass moment for Padilla, what would've made audiences utter the word "cool" transpires into a silly farce. Padilla's aping of Chow Yuen Fat becomes a spoof instead of a homage. But the sequence which becomes the film's piece de resistance of blunders is the scene in which Padilla's character lay bloodied on the floor of a cockpit after he is riddled with bullets; the camera lingers far too long on Padilla's crotch area, which makes one question the cameraman's sexual orientation.

The fundamental problem with the movie is its basic lack of focus. It jumps from one subplot to the next or from one timeline to another time period that there isn't much to build on in terms of momentum or character development. The story could've been more effective if the filmmakers made up their minds on the correct tone for the film; instead of trying to weave several stories together, the plot should've focused on one main story such as for example, the clan members' career as bank robbers.

To conclude, the movie doesn't hold up because of the scatterbrained plot. From a storytelling and filmmaking perspective, the film is a straight up debacle.

The Last Pinoy Action King (2015)

Surface level account of Daboy's life story

[4/10 · 5 February 2022]

This is a documentary on the life and career of late action star Rudy Fernandez which attempts to understand the man behind the image through interviews with fellow actors, relatives, acquaintances and a few critics/media observers. It is admittedly an interesting concept, though how it is executed is a different matter.

Apparently, I don't see why this type of biopic isn't more popular or widespread, considering there is currently a market for nostalgia (people miss the old days when movies had soul and heart, not just because the actors and actresses look like they've just come out of a cosmetic surgeon's clinic). The guy behind the documentary is a caucasian Andrew Leavold, who once owned a shop specializing in rare cult z movies. I usually dig well made documentaries (mostly about heavy metal musicians) like Rat Skates' Born In The Basement or the unauthorized biography of Dimebag Darrell, Black Tooth Grin by Zac Crain (which is basically a docu in print form). Leavold's film though is somewhat alright and serviceable but ultimately is a hollow work.

The great thing about Leavold's docu are the various tidbits/observations by the interviewees. For example, veteran fight choreographer Baldo Marro makes the quip that the late king of contrabidas, Paquito Diaz is overexposed because he's always in the movies of both Daboy and Da King and that people are getting sick of his mug, (which of course he says in affectionate jest). Or Efren Reyes Jr.'s lively commentary on the formulaic aspects of classic tagalog action films, character actor Robert Miller's recollections about the early days. A constant fixture in Daboy's movies, Alvin Anson also shares his insight on why local action films could not compete with foreign movies, because in said productions, he says, they blow up BMWs while in local action sets, they could only afford to blow up a Toyota; these are quite entertaining and remind one of why these forgotten denizens of tinsel town have a lot of wisdom to offer to the new generation of film artists.

Where Leavold's docu falls flat is in the actual meat or substance of the film. There really isn't much depth or profundity to be found here but more often just the casual musings of bystanders. The impression made in the film that Fernandez's movies are about the underdog fighting for the rights of the oppressed maybe partly true but not entirely accurate; Fernandez's films are more of a reaction to the white knight portrayals and roles of Da King, Fernando Poe Jr. Daboy mostly played deeply flawed personalities such as notorious prisoner Marcial Ama, crazed copkiller "Nards" Waway and all other variations of the thug/hoodlum. The characters he essayed on the big screen are not exactly doing it for the benefit of his community but men driven to do unnatural acts for the sake of personal survival or a loved one. This is different from the motherhood statement that "people watched action movies because they feel oppressed in real life and want to be heroic". Maybe it is more apt to say that people who watch Fernandez's films are somehow attracted to the taboo lifestyle of criminals instead of the heroic exploits of the characters played by FPJ. In this way, Fernandez is like a Marvel superhero while FPJ is a DC metahuman ala Superman.

Leavold could have much improved his film by removing unnecessary sections such as the pointless discussion on 1960s tagalog film companies which doesn't really add to the docu's main thesis. The purpose behind the said unrelated topic is Leavold's unfounded belief that most tagalog movies had less quality or were less gritty before the onset of Fernandez's films which is highly preposterous. Other subtopics like Fernandez's gig as actors guild president should've been shortened or minimized. Anyways, Leavold's film is very one sided and doesn't go beyond "Rudy did this, Rudy did that, etc." There's no critical analysis of his movies, no questions such as "did he make mediocre films?", "was he a sellout?", "was there a time when he was an a-hole on the set?". The most interesting docu or biopic are those that don't shun the subject's flaws and imperfections. Without this aspect, the biopic/docu is nothing more than a publicity piece.

To conclude, Leavold's docu leave much to be desired. It is very lite on actual substance and spends a lot of its time more on the facade than on the center of the temple. It resembles a hyperbolic wikipedia entry than a comprehensive and exhaustive chronicle of a much missed and beloved Filipino action icon.