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Spider-Man 3 (2007)
A Case of Cinematic Inconsistencies
Sections of the movie are listed by their approximate time/scene in question, followed by the inconsistency. Watched: DVD 22597; two-disc special edition; widescreen.
Cast Includes: Tobey MaGuire (Spider-Man/Peter Parker) Kirsten Dunst (Mary Jane Watson) James Franco (New Goblin/Harry Osborn) Thomas Haden Church (Sandman/Flint Marko) Topher Grace (Venom/Eddie Brock Jr.) Bryce Dallas Howard (Gwen Stacy) Rosemary Harris (May Parker) James Cromwell (Captain Stacy) Cliff Robertson (Ben Parker)
5:12: With Mary Jane Watson as our story's heroine, why is she given third marquee billing in the play "Manhattan Memories"? With third billing, why does Mary Jane open the play (and with a song)?
6:57: After the play, Peter spots Harry coming out of the theater. Surrounded by crowds of Broadway's elite, Peter runs after Harry, shouting loudly "Harry! I need to talk to you! Explain things!"
10:18: An alien life form (that went unnoticed earlier when it crash-landed and exploded not far from Peter's motorcycle), climbs onto the back of the motorcycle as Peter and Mary Jane leave the park (where Peter's huge spider web is left, unattended).
14:04: Peter arrives, alone, at Aunt May's apartment building, after apparently dropping Mary Jane off. Where's the alien life form?
17:04: Peter drives away on his motorcycle after visiting Aunt May. When he's swept off the motorcycle by the New Goblin, what happened to the motorcycle? Did it crash and burn into the oncoming bus? Where's the alien life form?
19:49: As the New Goblin chases Spider-Man through a narrow alley building between two buildings, the New Goblin looks too evil; the special effects are so over-the-top that they begin to overstay their welcome; the scenes are too colorful, too cartoon-like, too loud.
21:11: How could anyone survive the tumble and fall that the New Goblin just had? Why is Peter sticking around, concerned that Harry might be dead? (Peter is lucky to be alive and should be running the other way.)
23:23: Interior Scientific Laboratory in New York's Marshlands. The room is filled with scientists; one notes "a little fluctuation" with a change in "the silicon mass" after Flint Marko (who has just jumped a fence marked "Danger Keep Out Particle Physics Test Facility") falls into a pit where an experiment (which is never explained) is about to take place. The fluctuation and change is written-off as nothing more than a bird ("It'll fly away").
23:38 As the experiment continues, ("Demolecularization initialized"), we see Flint Marko become Sandman, using a special effects technique perfected (and often poorly imitated) in the sci-fi action film "Terminator 2."
24:49: Interior Hospital. Peter, in a change of clothes, awaits word on Harry's condition. Did he go home to change? If so, how did he get home? Where's his motorcycle? Where's the alien life form?
30:33: Interior Peter's Apartment. Enough already with Peter's stuck door; fix it. Mary Jane arrives after getting her first (bad) theatrical review; Peter tries to cheer her up; Mary Jane just whines: "This isn't about you. This is about me. It's about my career." Later, she whines even more: "Try and understand how I feel."
31:41: Mary Jane really needs Peter's undivided attention, but off he goes to assist an out-of-control crane at 54th and 6th Avenue.
32:20: As Mary Jane leaves Peter's apartment, the alien life form appears, crawling onto a nightstand. How did it get there? Did it arrive with Mary Jane? Where's Peter's motorcycle? Did the alien life form get injured earlier when the New Goblin swept Peter off the cycle?
35:24: Exterior Sidewalk Near 54th & 6th Avenue. Spider-Man saves Gwen's life after she nearly falls 62 stories, but with the crane apparently still out-of-control, Spider-Man stops for a lengthy discussion and photo shoot with Edward Brock Jr. When Spider-Man leaves, the next scene occurs at the Daily Bugle. What happened to the crane?
45:10: During a police pursuit, the Sandman disappears into a conveniently-positioned truck marked: "Manhattan Sand & Stone Co." He emerges from the bed of truck looking, remarkably, like the Sta-Puff Marshmallow Man in the movie "Ghostbusters."
46:36: The Sandman escapes; since when did he learn how to fly?
57:00: Just as Peter's about to propose marriage to his girl, the whining Mary Jane reappears, dashing his plans.
60:00: Peter begins one of the movie's seemingly never-ending river of tears, this time when he finds out that Flint Marko is responsible for Uncle Ben's death.
63:55: The alien life form finally makes its intentions known (an hour after the movie starts); when it bonds to its host (Spider-Man) in order to survive, Peter becomes "Bad Peter."
66:06: Spider-Man pursues the Sandman who has just robbed a bank. They end up in a water cavern in New York City's underground, where Spider-Man unleashes a wall of water which turns the Sandman into mud, washing him away. Spider-Man thinks he's killed the Sandman, but isn't our hero smart enough to know that mud, once dried, turns back into sand?
1:14:14: After she's badly replaced in the play and then has to take a job as a singing waitress at the Jazz Room, a tearful, lonely Mary Jane loses herself in a crowded New York sidewalk. But she's not entirely alone, because many in that crowd, most of whom are wearing baseball caps, aren't moving. They're taking pictures and one guy even has a small camcorder aimed at our heroine. That crowd is filled with Kirsten Dundst's and Spider-Man's fans and paparazzi!
Those are just some of the inconsistencies in the first hour of a very long movie.
Levity (2003)
"An Interesting Cinematic Experience."
In the featurette for "Levity," writer/director Ed Solomon said he hoped that the audience would find his motion picture "an interesting cinematic experience." I found myself involved with the story from the very beginning.
The tale took me in especially at the thirty-five minute mark: Manuel Jordan (Billy Bob Thornton) is just plodding along, almost painfully scrubbing dirty windows at the community center run by Miles Evans (Morgan Freeman). Jordan, released from prison for murder after 23 years, is a lost, humorless soul. He's taken in by Evans, a storefront preacher, who spends his days feeding the down-and-out; Jordan assists in various janitorial duties as well as parking cars for the services that Evans conducts for the neighborhood's wayward youth. When Evans notices how intense the window scrubbing is going on those filthy panes, the preacher tells the lost soul, "Well, bring your rebar-reinforced, concrete-filled head inside." Filmed entirely in Canada's colorful Quebec, "Levity" is a thoughtful drama; an interesting investigation into the instabilities of life. Holly Hunter and Kirsten Dunst star as well; the entire cast is just wonderful; a delightfully thoughtful movie, highly recommended.
My Super Ex-Girlfriend (2006)
Look! Up in the Sky! It's a Bird! It's a Plane! IT'S A BORE!
At what point exactly does a good movie go bad? When does a movie go from "watchable" to "where's that &^@_+#!* OFF switch"? Thank goodness for DVDs, like this one, that can be borrowed from the library - for free! Likewise, thank goodness for the "fast forward" switch on the DVD player. I feel sorry for those people who were duped at the box office.
At one point (I've forgotten exactly when because now it's all just a blur), our "hero," Luke Wilson starts running through traffic; I think he was looking for a cab. It was at that point when I gave up, realizing I couldn't care whether he found his ride or got run over by a garbage truck.
The last time the movie was interesting was when Luke Wilson climbs out of the dumpster, hair dryer in hand, and first meets the "heroine," Uma Thurman. That scene ended with the purse-snatching criminal dangling helplessly from the fire escape far, far above the departing Luke and Uma. That was the last time the movie was funny, and when was that scene? Ten minutes into the flick?
Every time the movie tried to become "funny," it couldn't. Every time the movie approached "excitement," it fizzled out, heading in the opposite direction. When a musical score might have helped squeeze life out of this dullard, the sound track stayed empty and silent.
The sex scenes were not needed and were beyond lame; the damage to sets and props unnecessary and childish. When Uma turns into the crazy ex-girlfriend, I felt like I was watching "The 40 Year Old Virgin Meets Pulp Fiction"; that's when I realized that there was no turning back because I thoroughly disliked "The 40 Year Old Virgin" and "Pulp Fiction."
Luke Wilson's sidekick, Rainn Wilson (also seen in the dreary "The Last Mimzy") adds nothing but insult to injury in this awful movie. Rainn Wilson, the King of Television Boredom, should stay with that equally awful medium. Hey, Rainn Wilson! Leave full-length motion pictures alone! Every time Uma's rival, Anna Faris, came on screen, I expected Jason or Freddy or some fright flick monster to jump out from behind the scenery; once you see Anna Faris in "Scary Movie," that's all you ever see, no matter the movie, no matter the medium. The character played by Wanda Sykes was just plain awful and was so out of place in this flick.
The Big Hit (1998)
The Big HUH?
Why hit men Mark Wahlberg (Melvin Smiley), Lou Diamond Phillips (Cisco), Bokeem Woodbine (Crunch), and Antonio Sabato Jr. (Vince) are nearly naked in an early locker room scene in this dreadful movie is beyond me. Bokeem Woodbine has one up on his muscle-bound buddies: he's simply fascinated with the subject of masturbation; he's even the Customer of the Month at his local video store. "The Big Hit" never knows if it's a comedy, a parody, an action film, or a love story. The four genres, so mixed up, simply meld into one big mess. Christina Applegate (Pam Shulman) plays well as Mark Wahlberg's girlfriend; the only funny segment of this hopeless flick happens when her parents, the Shulmans (played by Lainie Kazan and Elliott Gould) come to visit. Melvin and Pam want the Shulmans' marriage blessing, but Melvin isn't Jewish, and that doesn't necessarily sit right for the Shulmans, especially Mr. Shulman, who has a rather interesting way of looking at things. Lainie Kazan and Elliott Gould breathed life into this dead zone (Elliott Gould looks pretty darned good); their appearance in this dull film upgraded the IMDb rating from a 1 to a 2.
Live Free or Die Hard (2007)
Cirque du Die Hard
I don't own a television and rarely go to the movies, nor do I have Broadband Internet Connection. I don't own a cell phone, read the newspaper or listen to the news on the radio. So how did I see "Live Free or Die Hard" on opening weekend and without having seen its theatrical trailer? My friend and I chose it "cold" out of a dozen other movies, and we've been talking about this terrific motion picture ever since.
"Live Free or Die Hard" brings to mind "Cirque du Soleil" or "Mystère"; it has an uncomplicated, entertaining story line with amazing stunts and performances. What a bizarre, fascinating journey; those gymnastics scenes; what great physical strength and endurance! "Live Free or Die Hard" grabbed my attention, and refused to let go. I'd highly recommend it.
Hollywoodland (2006)
Hollywood Minus the "Land"
The City of Los Angeles, California, dropped the "land" from the "Hollywood" sign in 1949, ten years before actor George Reeves died. That's how I felt at the end of watching this movie - that something was missing.
Almost right from the beginning, I knew something wasn't right with Hollywoodland. It took the story quite a long time to utter the name "George Reeves." For a while, the story only referred to Reeves through newspaper headlines that were quickly flashed across the screen. After a while of this, I began to wonder about the back-off from mentioning the late actor's name: did the people who made Hollywoodland fear legal retribution? For a while, he was referred to, briefly, as "that guy who played 'Superman' on television." Finally, someone mentioned "George Reeves," and the story started to take off... sort of.
Adrien Brody seemed miscast; his son, ex-wife and her new boyfriend just didn't figure into Hollywoodland. The exploits of Brody's character, a private investigator, just didn't figure into Hollywoodland. Sure, Brody's character investigated the George Reeves "suicide" at the request of Reeves' mother, but to what extent? I was left feeling flat by the end of the movie.
Hollywoodland zigzagged from scenes that occurred before George Reeves died and after his death; after a while I wasn't sure where the story was (is Reeves dead or is he still alive in this scene?).
Hollywoodland proves that the television and motion picture industries are two different beasts. Hollywoodland is either a product for television or the movies; not both. This lackluster television program disguised as a motion picture proves that the two don't mix. Allen Coulter and anyone else in this project who were connected to television production should stay with that medium; leave motion pictures alone.