empty-bin Reviews

Journey to the West: Conquering the Demons (2013)

As Close To Perfect as is Possible

[9/10 · 22 June 2016]

This is a Buddhist story. Let's get that out of the way. It illustrates the path to spiritual enlightenment.

The thing that struck me about Stephen Chow's iteration of the classical illustration was its universality. This story is only confusing to people who've never read any spiritual thing and asked, "What's the point of this?"

The Demon Hunters are a metaphorical community of humanists, basically. People who regard themselves to be in control of their destinies - leveraging technologies and magic in their fight for mastery over the evil that lives in all of us. The meek kid with the book of 300 Nursery Rhymes states early in the film, "I don't want to kill (demons), I want to bring out their goodness." This is the person leveraging love which, by the end of the film, we figure out is the power of God (Buddha).

It's a beautiful story, beautifully illustrated and enriched by the performances of some seriously talented actors and actresses. I've seen many of these actors in other Stephen Chow productions but everyone really appeared to have brought their A-Game. All the performances were inspired. My favorites being the main character, his sifu and the actor who portrayed the Monkey King (WuKong).

I rate NOTHING 10/10 - that's perfection and nothing is that. So I give this movie 9/10 for what it was, what it set out to do and how well it did it as well as the experience it afforded me.

Look Who's Back (2015)

This isn't about Hitler...

[8/10 · 31 May 2016]

...And that's why it was so scary.

This is a thriller. The premise is Hitler has some how come through time and believes fate has brought him here to clean house (again). However, the film was actually using this metaphor to describe the coming of the next Führer if we're not careful. If we let down our guard we absolutely WILL see the rise of the next Adolf Hitler.

The character of Hitler spoke the truth, mostly. His rhetoric cut to the heart of today's problems. It was a German production so, obviously, he spoke directly to German issues but again, Germany was just the stage and Hitler the puppet. The puppeteers were revealing a global truth wrapped in a local narrative.

Recall the time Angela Merkel, today's German Chancellor, called G.W. Bush on 9/11 and the subsequent "War on Terror" saying something to the effect of, "We've seen this before...!" THIS is what the movie is getting at.

This film is filled with amazing though often chilling street interviews featuring Hitler interrogating work-a-day people. Many of the younger of these people so open to the apparent humor or irony were embracing him, taking "Hitler selfies" - other older spectators and interviewees apparently LONGED for someone to take the reins and whip (Germany) into shape, getting rid of "suspicious-looking, bearded Salafists", etc. And these were not actors. The film was illustrating for you how Hitler rose to power the first time and how easily and quickly it could happen again.

This was a beautifully done movie. I have the book as well and I prefer the movie.

Ballad of Orin (1977)

FFFFFFF This Movie!!1!

[8/10 · 31 October 2015]

The story was well told and the cinematography was well done. Still, the story was basically one of molestation from beginning to end. It literally went from bad to worse to FML!!!

This is that movie you only see once. I don't even know why anyone would tell this story. It's so bloody sad but in such a subtle way as to make it unbearable. You keep hoping something good will happen and stick.

Anyway... see it once but make sure before you start the film you pack all the sharp objects in your house and give them to your neighbor for the night because you WILL want to use one.

Kung Fury (2015)

This move is GARBAGE! I LOVE it!

[10/10 · 29 October 2015]

It's super short and mind numbingly stupid. I laughed out loud! Even my wife laughed out loud and she thinks "video games are a waste of time".

Kung Fury was PERFECT and I was glad they didn't drag it out too long. It was a perfectly told joke. Literally every new scene made me laugh loudly. I don't even understand how they managed to do it. Despite the level of retardation this had to be difficult to write.

I didn't get the sense that it was a "serious" (for lack of a better word) parody of "80s movies". I loved the VHS effect and I understood it but the randomness wasn't 80s; it was definitely modern in terms of execution. The film was the cinematic equivalent of one of those unicorn memes - cat seated on the back with a minigun, wearing a cowboy hat, etc, and that's distinctly generation WWW.

Even the production company logo was a unicorn.

In the end it was perfect. I think a sequel would be flogging a dead horse but whatever. This first one was beautiful.

Salò, or the 120 Days of Sodom (1975)

Intellectualized Sadomasochistic Porn

[1/10 · 31 July 2015]

It's tiresome reading academic justifications for this film.

This film was not an academic work and even when presented as such it is unimportant. The filmmakers were not trying to make any important political statements or draw any political analogies. The filmmakers were faithfully committing the Marquis de Sade's crooked morality to celluloid and enjoying every minute of it.

"This film is crucial because it... challenges the viewer to think honestly about how gross eating sh-excremen-t is. See? It's important."

No, it's not. This film imparts nothing of any cultural import. It plays out as a string of obscenities in dream time and showcases the actors' own hedonism as well as that of the filmmakers.

This film is literally repulsive sadomasochistic porn.

Don't be confused by the fact that there's actually dialogue in it. This was made in the mid-seventies, a time during which porn had dialogue in it because people back then - even nasty people- read books!

Behind the Green Door was cinematic and featured an opening scene that might have inspired that of The Shining. Was that movie academically important? No. It's a classic porn flick.

This movie ate sh-excremen-t. Literally! Among other things. I would say, "I came away from this movie with a foul taste in my mouth," but I wasn't that into it.

Interstellar (2014)

Creepy ethical and racial undertones

[2/10 · 16 April 2015]

Nevermind the story is up its own butt what with quantum gravitational arithmetic being communicated through time via 5D man-made singularity in MORSE CODE. No, we won't stop to talk about that; it's been thoroughly discussed here.

We're going to talk about how incredibly white and American the plan to save "the species" was from the beginning.

Plan B - Population Bomb.

Both doctors Brand walk us into a gene bank wherein Dr. Brand(F) lets us know the facility contains "5,000 fertilized eggs". Mud asks her how these babies are supposed to be raised. Dr. Brand goes on to describe the process: with the related equipment the first 10 eggs would be selected, processed and incubated and those children raised (by the founding settlers?). Then surrogacy such that within 30 years: "a colony of hundreds". She goes on to say that the real "difficulty" with colonization is "genetic diversity" at which point she pulls ONE CYLINDER filled with eggs out of a wall full of cylinders, opens it and gestures and goes, "this takes care of that." Okay.

The mission begins with 4 scientists and 1 ingenious Oki pilot. Natch, only one of them is black and he dies (albeit second) rather mysteriously. So from the start, the colonial settler(s) were going to be white. Having said that, the people responsible for selecting and processing the first 10 eggs, raising the first 10 children and successive children until surrogacy took over were going to be white.

Means nothing! ...Until you take into consideration that the space colony built by future 5D humans is populated... entirely... by white people. How did that happen?? Not a single Asian, African, Mid-Eastern or otherwise olive-skinned person appears in ANY of the scenes following that of the black scientist's death.

In fact, from the very beginning this movie was light on non-white people. While NASA's conference room thugs re-introduced themselves and gave Mud a rundown of the bravest people ever to live we see photos of the mission leaders - all of them white with the exception of a single Asian male.

Additionally, at the start of the film we watch Mud chase down an "Indian drone", hijack it and repurpose it despite the fact that he knew the Indian drone was "looking for something". NASA, perhaps?? Why didn't India know where they were? Weren't they in communication? Who else didn't know where NASA was, where the ship was or what NASA was planning with regard to saving "the species"?? Why wasn't this an international effort? It could still have been secret (and probably better funded!)

So now I'm left with questions. Where are all the non-white people in our 5D colonial future? I understand that the colony was likely built by earth humans who survived having applied the quantum data transmitted by Mud across time. This means these weren't the products of the population bomb. That's fine, but what... they just packed bags from the American mid-west and decided to name the colony Screaming Eagle 1 and the new planet when it's founded, New America?? What have I watched? A bid to save humanity driven by a handful of white scientists in the American Midwest excluding every other country on earth? This film thoroughly creeped me out in ways I still have difficulty articulating.

Johnny Sokko and His Flying Robot (1967–1968)

Unmitigated genius

[8/10 · 21 August 2014]

This show is 130% imagination. More imaginative than anything that's been on American TV in at least a generation.

It's Japan of the 60's so that's already a plus. Relatively empty city streets, bullet shaped cars, drab Japanese home interiors...

...and that Jazz! Every episode is PACKED to the gills with an absolutely surreal jazz score that can't be explained. You NEED to experience it. I don't even

A villainous army of Japanese Che Guevara clones (shades, berets, goatees and all), ridiculously over-sized machine gun props, jet packs, toy tanks which shoot sparks. Giant Robot's head bears a mechanical approximation of Gulliver's face adorned with an abbreviated ancient Egyptian headdress.

It sounds like something that would get you fired, then assassinated by your former studio exec employers. But it's all fascinating! The entire production is just fascinating and some of the imagery has been etched permanently into my mind since childhood.

This show was massive when I was a child and it's still amazing when I look back on it as a mature adult.

This could never be made again.

Sharknado (2013 TV Movie)

Glorious!

[10/10 · 17 November 2013]

I laughed until I cried. The funniest thing about this movie is the fact that everyone in it, including the director, was dead serious. People trying to spin this as ironic or "tongue-in-cheek" need to shoot themselves in the face.

Let me stop here and say, I did go god mode and watched it to the very end. I want credit for that.

When I opened IMDb and saw the "Goofs" section I started laughing all over again. When I opened the Goofs section and saw that there were only 16 goofs I was over 9000 and about to explode.

This movie was garbage. It'll change your life.

Noel Fielding's Luxury Comedy (2012–2014)

Psychedelia without the spinal damage

[8/10 · 2 September 2013]

Essentially a children's show for creative adults, Noel Fielding's Luxury Comedy is 15% guffaw, 70% wtf and 153% fascinating and unfolds like an engrossing dream.

If Snuff Box and Monty Python's Flying Circus had a baby and paid Richard Ayoade to drop it off daily at Noel Fielding's house where it were regularly pacified with a goat's milk/LSD concoction, in it's 2nd year it would look like Luxury Comedy.

That said, no - it is not hilarious. But the imagery, characterization, story telling and situational comedy are thoroughly entertaining. I'm never bored with this.

Examples of bits that made me laugh outright: Fantasy Man appears in a park after sewing up a crack in the internet that appeared between Youtube and Youporn, Fielding's wrist watch ring tone, Secret Peter - "They're puttin' a tube line in/ does he know I've got brain damage?" Fantasy Man catches a beatdown in an alley after trapping the Dream Tiger.

The Audience (character) is an incredible character - looks as though it were pulled out of Yellow Submarine, processes mashed potatoes and laughs at pretty much everything while being moderated by Doo Rag. My metaphor detector goes crazy when this skit comes on.

Fantasy Man's segments and the French mime segment were surreal and beautiful for it.

This show is/was outstanding.

Malcolm X (1992)

Amazing!

[8/10 · 19 June 2013]

I'm pretty sure space aliens monitoring our media on Oscar night were throwing Illudium Pu-36 space modulators at their view screens (and each other's heads). Obscenity! I almost bottled the ManTears™ I shed when a thoroughly humbled Malcolm X first entered the office of Mr. Muhammad but I digress.

Denzel's performance makes an objectively holistic review of the film that much more challenging because while you want to believe everyone's acting was up to the bar he set you can't help feeling as though he carried most of the film himself.

The story was told well enough and Malcolm X's character arc was, in a word, beautiful.

If you're used to hearing the usual defensive and emotionalist tripe: "He was a black hate monger and terrorist - the polar opposite of Martin Luther King," this film renders a compelling illustration of Malcolm X's personal motivations which shed a different light on the man and ring a lot more credible.

Thoroughly enjoyed it!

Lady Vengeance (2005)

Stylishly tedious

[4/10 · 7 June 2013]

I spent about 1/8 of the film watching allusions to the protagonist's victimization and the remaining 7/8 watching her be a pathological, cold and manipulative b-word. By the end I felt nothing for her. If anything my heart went out to her former cell mates.

There were a lot of unnecessary scenes that did nothing to advance the plot. They felt as though the director were just being self-indulgent.

The fact that the protagonist and her daughter appeared crazy caused both characters to fall backward into the pool full of sickos that filled the diorama.

I think the film got lost in its own style and the protagonist just didn't strike me as believable.

Overrated but stylistically enjoyable.

Deadgirl (2008)

This Is Someone's Veiled Fantasy...

[3/10 · 21 June 2012]

None of the characters in this film were likable OR believable.

The main character's crush was something of an enigma. The protagonist's very limited interaction with the crush beyond stalker grade staring kind of gave the lie to the whole "crush" to begin with. The crush was a functional necessity - a prop in a model house filled with fake televisions and plastic fruit.

The teachers, the parents, the students - the whole world was filled with unlikeable people - WHEN you were given a chance to meet them.

The main character's friend was an evil, twisted freak from the start of the film and made you wonder how the two of them could ever have become friends. They had nothing in common.

The undead sex object was confusing and left me with questions. She was left in the basement of an abandoned psychiatric hospital. A hospital run by administrators who obviously thought it best they abandon an undead patient in its basement rather than call CDC or anyone else for assistance. They simply chained her to the wall of the basement like a violent case.... then covered her with plastic like a cadaver.

Then moved out. ...But only after SEALING THE ROOM LIKE A TOMB. Okay.

So anyway, she's discovered by two high school students, one of which sees in this chained, long unwashed zombie an opportunity to have mind-numbingly unappealing sex of every sort. Odor-free, apparently. So, J.T. proceeds to rape (complete with beating, strangling, shooting and, eventually stabbing!) this dead girl to death... repeatedly. All the while the main character does nothing but brood and moan.

At one point the zombie appears to appreciate the protagonist's fruitless sensitivity to her predicament, to which he responds inappropriately, of course. However, previously the zombie expressed pleasure at being handled sexually. Whatever.

People reading philosophy into this film are way off. There is nothing philosophical about this film's treatment of rape, undeath or puberty.

It was all pretty much gratuitous horror porn.

About 25 min into the film I was already annoyed.

Plan 9 from Outer Space (1957)

You Speak of God...!?

[1/10 · 11 April 2012]

If this were a silent satire it would still be stupid. There is no rationale for this film. The time period, the budget... this film made me want to activate Skynet and have it destroy the 50's.

All of them.

Plane. Cockpit. Two pilots in a small, featureless white room sitting behind two solid, u-shaped pieces of board (steering wheels). The absence of aeronautical equipment bearing switches and lights still leave you feeling as though this weren't quite a legitimate cockpit? No problem. Radial protractor on the back wall.

Advanced alien beings ("by eons of your earth years") stand chatting in a "flying saucer". Turn on the "Televisor"? Sure - it's the switch to the right of the flashing STREET CONSTRUCTION SIGN BEACON.

Had this been any other production I might've thrown my monitor. However, this was much less a movie and more evidence of a crime in progress. I was literally mesmerized by how insanely awful this movie was.

The ONLY reason for seeing this film would be to be able to join in a discussion on how flipping bad this film was. That is literally it. This film bears not a single redemptive quality. I wouldn't even use this film to show a student how NOT to make a movie. Seriously.

A previous reviewer said the dialogue must be heard to be believed. I've heard the dialogue and I still don't believe it. You know why? Because it's unbelievable, that's why.

I was going to quote the film here but when I realized how much time it was taking me to isolate a single shining example of how viciously the dialogue sucked I got annoyed and just dropped it.

See this film. Do it. You should see this film JUST so you know I'm not being dramatic. It won't hurt, either, because it's so mind-numbingly bad you won't even notice the time. Just do yourself a favor and don't buy it - whatever you do.

Attack the Block (2011)

Loved it...!

[6/10 · 10 April 2012]

Very funny, the dialect was entertaining and the characters were likable.

The ending was PROFOUNDLY cheesy and felt almost intentionally so, but something I loved was the depiction of the kids as members of the same socioeconomic group with no regard paid to race. An American film would seriously have beaten that horse to death and beyond (as is kind of evident in the reviews I've read so far.) Yes, the story is about a gang who runs into alien interlopers and responds in gang fashion, which is the premise of the whole movie. People are butthurt because the main character is an alpha male who happens to be black and leads a group of people through this violent alien conflagration which he more-or-less predicated by killing one of the aliens on first encounter. Ooops.

The main character is 15 years old. The alien he killed attacked him when he tried robbing the car the alien crash landed in.

It's very funny, it held me all story long and there was a character arc that was quite satisfying. I loved all the kids ("No, man...!" "*nod* Dennis...") and the aliens were quite scary.

Outrage (2010)

Flat

[5/10 · 10 April 2012]

It played out like a floating showcase of stereotypical organized criminal violence. There was no depth to either the characters or the story.

The only characters I halfway cared about were Kitano's and Shiina's characters but even then, Shiina's character wasn't very likable and Kitano's character didn't make any sense. There's no honor among thieves: an adage well illustrated by his elder leadership and all his associates - yet Kitano's the lone, old school honorable thief? How'd he get to be the only honorable underboss in an organization full of dishonorable back-stabbers? Also, I think the story's twists bore a few too many cultural dependencies and so they didn't quite hit with the intended force.

I like Kitano - but this movie was too shallow.

Delhi Belly (2011)

Funny

[14 November 2011]

I'll preface this with the following: Bollywood has NEVER been defined by a vast catalog of high brow cinematic masterworks. Having said that, I enjoyed this movie.

First, to people complaining about "swearing" and "abuses" - unless you've been watching children's programming all your life, none of the cursing in this movie should strike you as unreasonably offensive. It's standard American cinematic fare - maybe a little more tame. Still, there are times when it's awkward because it's not really called for and it's application is, for that reason, more stylish than it is functional.

Second, I'm confused by people claiming this movie had no plot. The plot follows: Roommates unwittingly derail the delivery of highly valuable smuggled diamonds to the leader of a ruthless gang. Shenanigans, etc. In order to have missed that you could not have been paying attention.

And not a lot of attention is really called for. This IS a pretty simplistic story. However, it was funny and the characters likable. It took a few detours but it was all in an attempt at fleshing out the characters you would come to enjoy.

I see no basis for a comparison to Pulp Fiction, however. I don't know WHERE that came from! But this was a "modern" Bollywood film in that it did implement cursing and nodded at feminism and modern, western attitudes toward sex and sexuality.

Green Lantern (2011)

Entertaining but there were plot malfunctions

[14 November 2011]

One of my favorite scenes is the one in which Sinestro responds to the nervousness of the Guardians at the mention of Parallax's name with deep confusion.

"So what're you saying? You BELIEVE...this enemy can defeat us!?"

The theme of this movie is "Fear corrupts" and that, through strength of will we can overcome the most frightening challenges in our lives. Beautiful.

The acting was awesome, frankly. That said, the story, at times, didn't make a lot of sense. Some of the characters' decision-making was weird. Characters learned things or, at times, even ILLUSTRATED lessons they'd learned - then committed actions which were contradictory to their own understanding.

spoiler follows

Sinestro learns from the (immortal) Guardians - eternal beings who "must consider (the impact) of our actions over billions of years" - that even they have failed to harness the yellow power of Fear.

Sinestro's response? "We must forge a yellow ring...!" Really? So you, with a comparatively pitiful frame of reference can follow a superior, IMMORTAL being in failing to harness the power of fear? Good thinking.

Then, following an illustrated re-affirmation of the continuing supremacy of Will power over Fear, Sinestro does the dumbest thing imaginable for no apparent reason. ...WHY? What was the impetus?

I agree that the writers need a beating. But apart from that, the movie had everything it needed to be so much more. I still enjoyed it.

Space Battleship Yamato (2010)

Can we leave Star Trek and Star Wars out of this...?

[6/10 · 3 July 2011]

While I'll grant you similarity in the setting of a space cruiser named after a famed WWII ship in space (USS Enterprise was a famous WWII air craft carrier, senkan Yamato was a famous WWII battleship), beyond that, nothing about Yamato has anything to do with Star Trek other than Matsumoto Reiji may have been inspired by it.

That said, no further invocation of American media landmarks is necessary in discussing this title.

The film was entertaining. I didn't look at the clock until the end. At times, the film was a bit melodramatic but all-in-all the movie was good.

The special effects were very good. I've heard it said this was a low budget film. I can accept that assessment. But the story telling was decent and conveyed the starry-eyed intensity of the comic nicely!

There were some downs but the only one I'd bother with was the romance between the main character and the ace pilot. It hit me like a pizza delivery scooter from outside my peripheral vision. Never saw it coming and didn't quite understand it.

In the end, I enjoyed it and I'd recommend people familiar with the comic/anime series check it out.

13 Assassins (2010)

Simple but entertaining

[6/10 · 28 June 2011]

"A group of assassins come together for a suicide mission to kill an evil lord."

And that's it. The most succinct yet accurate and appropriately detailed plot summary I've read lately on IMDb.

The fight choreography was fantastic.

Review done. There was nothing more to it. No character development, no plot twists, no turns or surprises - nothing.

The cruelty of the evil lord was most memorable and sometimes, I felt, given the film's almost total lack of depth, gratuitous. In fact, the problem with the evil lord was he was SO evil death was too good for him! So that left you holding the bag when it came time to resolve all that you'd seen from him.

The (very) ending was great. It SORT OF made up for the evil lord but not quite.

All-in-all the film was entertaining.