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krazyjym
Reviews
Friday the 13th (2009)
A Travesty!!!
Jasons runs? What a bunch of bunk. He's a slow, plodding stalker. He's supposed to take his time while you run from him. Yet, somehow he beats you there. That used to be a common theme, a sort of impending doom. No matter what you do you will not be able to escape. In this piece of junk, he runs.
Jason thinks? That's right. He has traps set. And warning systems in place.
Jason takes prisoners? That's right. He's smart enough to think clearly enough to set traps and warning systems, but he's not smart enough to understand that a teenage girl ISN'T his mother.
Did I mention that Jason runs? Seriously. I'm still angry about this.
None of the characters are even remotely likable. They are overly done stereotypes, but not the stereotypes we all know and love. They are just dumb versions of stereotypes.
None of the deaths are even remotely memorable. They are just your average run of the mill "someone gets stabbed with something" kinds of deaths.
Seriously, Jason runs almost the entire movie!!!! For me, though, the topper of it all is that Jason didn't once get confused and tilt his head. Not once. And he had quite a few opportunities to do so. Like when he was running he should have looked at himself and thought "This makes no sense." Or when he was setting traps and warning systems. Or when he was holding a girl hostage because she kinda looked like his mom.
This movie almost makes Jason X look like a decent movie.
Naked Betrayal (2002)
Worst Movie Ever?
I bought this movie on DVD without ever having seen it before. You could get 3 dvds for $10. I found two that I wanted and was just looking for anything to be the third movie. I found this and thought "Hey. It's gonna have boobies in it. How can I go wrong?" Well, I went wrong. Very, very wrong. The movie is 70 minutes long, but the first 10 minutes has absolutely no plot or even dialogue in it. It's just a soft-core sex scene (badly edited) and then a mind numbingly long credit sequence which shows clips from the movie you're about to watch.
I understand that this is a low-budget movie so I don't expect much. I've seen some wonderfully bad low-budget movies that were surprisingly good in spite of their low budget. This movie is so bad that I know for a fact that I could pick up a digital video camera and I could improvise a better movie.
I'd guess that there's less than a hundred lines of dialogue in this "movie" and most of those lines are replayed over and over again. I could tolerate that, but cutting to a guy shuffling cards over and over again just boggled my mind. And why strobe light effect? If MST3K was still around and they made fun of newer movies, this would be the first one they pick. Seriously, who writes this script and thinks "Yeah. This'll knock 'em dead." I give it two stars because I did laugh a lot at how painful it is to watch.
SLC Punk! (1998)
True to life punks...
There are two kind of people that don't like this movie. They are either people that aren't punk and don't understand what punk is about or they are punk and still don't get what punk is about. Being a punk myself, I would have to rate this movie as excellent. It's funny. It's candid. And it also has a great cast. The actors interact well with each other and the movie draws you into truly believing these characters are real and that they are long time friends. Granted, some of the gags in this film are juvenile, but that's what the movie is about. It's about being juvenile until you realize you have to grow up. Some people just don't understand this movie. And like the punks in the movie and in real life, we are glad you don't get it. We don't want you to.
The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001)
Star Wars, Schmar Wars
I love Star Wars. I love every second of celluloid dedicated to the "Holy Trilogy," but the time has come for a new franchise to reign supreme. Lord of the Rings is that franchise. Fellowship is that good of a movie and knowing what happens in the next two books, I can only imagine how good the next two movies will be. Even if you have never read the books, you can still understand the movie because they cut out everything that isn't important and they condensed a few things together to save time, but the important stuff is all there. In fact, it might be best to see the movie and then try reading the books. The movie will probably help you understand the book a little more and with more ease. Basically, you have to see this movie, if for anything, Orlando Bloom as Legolas. Sure Gandalf and Aragorn are bad ass characters and Elijah Wood plays Frodo with perfection, it's Legolas who steals the show and he steals it in the last 10 minutes of the film with one quick move. When you see it, you will know what I mean.