LordJiggy Reviews

Falcon Lake (2022)

One of the best films I've seen this year

[8/10 · 6 January 2024]

An uneasy emotional journey, with amazing performances by the young actors. First film from the director, who brings a spooky sense of unease to the entire story, taking a "coming-of-age" tale and infusing it with the ever-threatening darkness hinted at by a classical fairy tale.

It's aided with deeply evocative cinematography and a musical score that effectively reflects the confused emotions of the two leads, echoing the uncertainty of two characters approaching the unfamiliar and uncharted waters of adulthood. It's a big scary world out there, almost as scary as the world of your own churning emotions inside, as the score keeps reminding you.

While its the slowest of slow-burns, it is incredibly affecting, and well worth any thoughtful viewer's time.

Monarch: Legacy of Monsters (2023– )

Tedious Domestic Drama Padding Throughout

[5/10 · 6 January 2024]

I came to see some monsters go all wrecking crew on various locales, and unfortunately I got a LOT of tedious, domestic drama (TOKYO 90210, basically) with family secrets I didn't care about, with younger characters I cared even less about. Then when that wasn't annoying enough, we got some bonus lesbian domestic drama (gotta pander to the demographic clicks).

Wyatt Russell was a bit of a revelation (at least his character was interesting), and he held his own with his father. However the writing is stupid, and the decisions of the "Monarch" organization are stupid ("hey, let's send the Failure To Launch Tokyo Teens into a dangerous area instead of the pros").

And you'd think something that's calls itself "Legacy Of Monsters" would have a few more monsters in it. Nope, those VFX cost money, so let's throw in more contrived, convoluted family drama to pad the running time.

It's really junky, overall.

The Leftovers (2014–2017)

They ended it as well as they could

[6/10 · 16 December 2023]

But they lost their way with the characters. A lot of interesting conflict and and recognizable human emotion in the first season. You felt for these people in a world that no longer made sense.

But in season two and season three...it was like they didn't know how to sustain the world nor solve the riddle they had created. So they added in some strange and not psychologically sound or convincing experiences for some of the characters to undergo, along with huge swings of personality that seemed to come out of the need for dramatic convenience more than organically from good writing or authentic character development.

Biggest problem was they made some of the characters stupid...which was a cheat to the audience.

The Haunting of Hill House (2018)

Tried hard to be profound and important-- but failed.

[4/10 · 16 December 2023]

Flanagan does a lot well in this show: he uses quiet to build tension, and he avoided cheap jump scares, although they did exist in the series.

But the dysfunctional family drama kind of killed it. At times, it felt like "Eugene O'Neil in a haunted house, as long-simmering secrets are revealed!"

Child actors were good, and affecting (especially young Luke," but by the time we go to the last two episodes...there was a whole lot of "who cares about these people" going on, and the big speeches/voice overs about what fear was, what family was, how to forgive and love hard...it became a tedious mishmash of stuff that felt like it was thrown into the script to kill time.

(Edit: the more I thought about this show, the more disappointing it became. For one thing, it never set up "rules" nor explained them. For instance, did the Hauntings of Hill House have the power to follow them through their lives? Or was that merely their wounds from the experience? And why did the ghost of the mother. (who was killed by the House) appear to more than one of them far from the haunted house itself?

Then there are the ghost powers of those who were killed by the house, like the youngest of the twins. How was she magically able to free her siblings, in the the heart of the House and in it's power, from the hallucinations that killed so many others? Didn't any of the other prior victims of the house have people who loved them, too, and who would have found spiritually to save them?

By refusing to deal with this inconsistency, the show gave itself a wonderfully convenient "out" to make sure the audience got to see "boogah-boogah" moments without having to explain them, or, more importantly, to earn them.

However, the end was the worst. Father offers to sacrifice himself to say with Ghost Mom while the kids escape. But he promised to not burn the house so another bereaved mother can visit the ghost of her dead child---yeah, really, they did that---and makes his son promise to honor that promise.

Son says yeah, and instead of burning the cursed House to the ground, he leaves it be. Yep, just leaves the Haunted, malign Hill House in perfect shape to trap some other poor schmucks later and ruin their lives with ghosts and madness and murder. WTAF?)

Harlan Coben's Shelter (2023)

Straight outta the Panderverse!

[2/10 · 15 October 2023]

Start with the requisite multi-racial couple. Okay, sure, and the lead actor kid was actually good.

But then we get not one, no, but two soulful tortured "love that dare not speak it's name but won't stop reminding us how emotionally perfect it is" romances. (Cue the hysterics telling us it was the "most beautiful love story ever told").

Cue incredibly stereotypical high-school jocks (closeted, no doubt).

Cue the dramatically useless (but highly on-message) "gender-challenging" high-school production of "The Phantom of the Opera" (oh, the edge-lords rule, I tell you!)

Then there are the other gratuitous gender swaps from the novel, which serve no purpose other than to allow the "message" to be hammered home, again, like slapping the viewer with inflated pig's bladders...

Which is a shame, really. The story was getting interesting, with some decent performances and a mystery that I was looking forward to seeing solved, but all the other grating slop killed any desire to finish it.

No Hard Feelings (2023)

More Heart Than You'd Expect

[7/10 · 20 August 2023]

While the trailers led up to believe this would be a "Oh, how the mighty have fallen" raunchy teen comedy featuring Oscar-winner Jennifer Lawrence, it turned out to be a lot more.

It's funnier than expected, with both verbal humor and well-done physical slapstick. Lawrence, bless her heart, is game for the pratfalls and very funny.

Very nice supporting turn by Matthew Broderick as an overly doting father.

Lots of layers to the film, which showed some skill. Background characters that seemed like mere throwaways were revealed to have depths beyond merely being comic foils.

And speaking of depths, the film is really about about two people (of different ages) who are given the opportunity to grow up, and it convincingly and humorously charts that journey.

A lot better than the trailer would lead you to believe, and skillfully made. A very enjoyable "movie" experience, without the icky factor so many of these "coming of age" comedies contain.

Blue Beetle (2023)

Agit-prop for 8 year olds, briefly funny, then a tedious slog

[5/10 · 20 August 2023]

A real disappointment. The creators had a "message" they wanted to hammer home, and there was this mildly interesting story they decided to hide the propaganda in.

The execution had promise, especially with the excellent reactions of the lead actor to being the unwitting/unwilling recipient of a forced integration with the alien life form (think...a nicer version of "Venom").

Lots of laughs there, but they kept hammering the propaganda into any gap in the CGI action. You know, all the evul white peoples keeping the saintly People of Color down. Because all the people of color were either unappreciated (and unexplained) geniuses, Saints-in-Training, or the Oppressed with Hearts of Gold. Meanwhile the forces of Darkness were part of the white power structure that owned the courts and the police, and were even (SURPRISE SPOILER!) responsible for creating the villain's henchmen.

Who could have seen that coming?

Man, it was stupid. To say nothing of how the dipshit uncle character (a fitfully funny George Lopez, when the script allowed it) could control an aging superhero's all purposed vehicle just because he was another one of the story's "Magical Latinos" and the writers/director were too stupid or lazy to come up with even a minimally logical reason to explain why.

Also, the Hero/villian CGI designs owed a LOT to Transformers...they should really cut Michael Bay a check for his stolen creative input.

Joe Pickett (2021–2023)

Season Two started strong

[4/10 · 24 June 2023]

But the writing became weak as it went on.

It's been disappointing in Episode 2 and Episode 3 was even worse.

JP is going through some tough times, and he doesn't appear to have it in him to fight back. In one scene, he's getting the crap kicked out of him by some tree-hugging hippie types, and he doesn't even take a swing at someone, nor does he even try to use any implied authority as a government agent to get them to back off.

What really annoys me as a viewer is I like these main characters and enjoy the actors, but the secondary characters (JP's mother-in-law, played by Emmy-winner Sharon Lawrence from NYPD Blue, the local sheriff, and his deputy) are mostly written and played as caricatures, not as characters.

And the writing gets worse with each episode, with way too much Dramatically Convenient Stupidity, to say nothing of magical powers of endurance when required by wounded characters.

Lot of potential with the stories and main characters, but its been squandered. I won't waste my time with Season Three.

Suggest you check out "Dark Winds" instead. An immensely better, smarter series.

Edit, added when I finished the whole season:

Season Two was a disappointing mess. Perhaps the problem was that they cobbled the story together from three novels, but the writing and execution was inept, bordering on amateurish.

And the characters became stupid. Small example (possible spoiler): Bad guys are seen approaching a house that contains helpless young girls and occasionally drunken spunky grandma. All the females sneak out the back, flee through the woods until rescued by local decent dude. The problems with this scene?

1) Bad guys going straight toward the house, but conveniently not put someone to check around back lest the prey escape. And, FWIW, we never see the bad guys discover the missing would be victims, nor have any kind of plan to complete their evil mission (like "hey, let's follow them through the woods").

2) After suspenseful (but unpursued) flight through the woods, Spunky GM and team come to a road, where GM is able to make phone call for help. But they stand on the road, out in the open, waiting for help, as if the known bad guys aren't pursuing them.

3) When the decent dude shows up to rescue, there is an interminable Hallmark reveal scene where Spunky GM and Decent Dude work out their romantic misunderstandings and it's reveal he's secretly the Crown Prince of BF Egypt (or just a really rich guy, can't recall which). I mean, they were running for their lives, and not a one of the frightened girls is kicking Spunky GM in the ass and saying "hey, get a room later, let's get out of here BEFORE THE BAD GUYS KILL US LIKE THEY WERE PLANNING."

This only one of at least a hundred examples in that flaming dumpster of bad writing/directing in Season Two.

If you want to see a competent, engaging, and internally coherent off-beat detective series, check out "Dark Winds," instead. Just finished Season Two, and it was solid and believable.

Citadel (2023– )

"Jason Bourne Meets Kingsmen..."

[4/10 · 14 May 2023]

"...with bonus hot Indian chick!"

Man. This product of conceptual plagiarism by checklist is completely unworthy of the talents of both Stanley Tucci and Leslie Manville. I know a brother's gotta pay a mortgage, but, man...what a waste.

Let's count the ways: Super spies who lose their memories ("Jason Bourne" check).

Private super high-tech spy agency formed to dispense justice around the world in dependent of government interference ("Kingsmen") Super high-tech spy agency betrayed from within and almost all agents killed except the hot one(s) and their tech wizard ("Kingsmen: The Golden Circle")

Way too much dramatically convenient stupidity required to drive the plot forward (most television shows in existence). Such as the heroes fighting off one assassin with a frying pan, then leaving him unconscious and not taking assassin's gun with them, which allows them to walk unarmed into the really Heinous Bad Guy. Who they manage defeat, and even though they know he's a murderer, etc., they leave him alive so he can report back to the Boss and share helpful information about the two heroes.

The level of creative bungling is annoying, and the contempt for the intelligence of the audience is maddening.

But, it is worth watching if you want to consider it as a sizzle reel for actor Richard Madden's audition for James Bond. He's ripped and does a good fight scene until the producers need him to do something conveniently stupid for the drama.

Skip.

Cocaine Bear (2023)

Disappointed, Elizabeth Banks is better than this

[5/10 · 26 March 2023]

Not sure if the issue was the script, but I suspect it was the direction.

Elizabeth Banks is a crazy funny actress, but this film couldn't find a tone. It did have some very funny parts but then they would be ruined by excessively graphic and not at all funny violence.

By funny violence, I mean more slapstick: think "Tucker and Dale Versus Evil" or "Zombieland." In those the violence was more of a payoff to gags. They may have been gross, but they also weren't ugly, if that makes any sense. The cameras didn't linger on the aftermath, but used it more as a visual punchline and then moved on.

Banks spent too much time dwelling on the awfulness of the injuries, and not enough time with the characters.

Don't waste your time.

Lamb (2021)

More of a mood than a movie

[5/10 · 28 November 2021]

Beautifully shot, nice imagery, good acting, able to make sheep look creepy, and did a great job of making the lamb have wonderfully emotive moments.

All that being said, this film didn't end, it just stopped. That's a cheat for those of us who were looking forward to an actual story.

For that, it was over all more horrible than horror.

Gunpowder Milkshake (2021)

Unwatchable

[3/10 · 17 July 2021]

First, full disclosure. I managed about 10 minute of this before giving up in frustration.

Here's the elevator pitch for this waste of everyone's time and ability:

"It's a Female Best Moments we can rip off from John Wick, with added Mommy-issues and a faaabulous fashion sense."

Jupiter's Legacy (2021)

Nothing special

[5/10 · 5 June 2021]

Unfortunate resemblances to other properties (cough, "Lost," cough).

Special effects were pretty average (unexpected for the money they spent), performances were okay. Directorial choices were strange and didn't make a lot of logical use of superpowers (why would superhero walk through a building looking for bad guys when she could silently float?).

Sorry to say, given its averageness, it is no surprise it wasn't renewed.

Army of the Dead (2021)

Unfortunately...

[5/10 · 23 May 2021]

Predictable (gosh, will they get double-crossed? Gosh, who's going to die and in what way that is ham-fistedly foreshadowed).

And so full of dramatically convenient stupidity. Wait, let's get so comfy in this ZOMBIE OVERRUN CITY that we turn our back to make it easy for one of us to get taken out.

And very full of magical rule changes...like when the first characters are bitten by the Alpha (yeah, they use that term) and they turn into zombies in seconds. But, when needed for allegedly touching dialogue scenes, there is a dramatically convenient delay of infection built in, and people linger for long minutes as they emote.

A shame, really. I've enjoyed most of Zack Synder's adaptation works (and yes, the Synder Cut of Justice League is the Schizz). His original stuff, like this and Power Gurrlz or whatever that was called, not so much.

A lot of money and technology went into this, and there are some thrilling sequences, but, man, there was a lot of really sloppy story-telling, too.

A Discovery of Witches (2018–2022)

Desperately unmagical

[5/10 · 15 March 2021]

I've not read the source novels, but the adaptation in Season Two is wretched.

The powers of the creatures come and go, appearing most often when dramatically convenient. For a story about magic, there is precious little of it, and the audience ends up spending long periods of time waiting for something to happen.

For example, a great deal of (padding of the running time) is taken up with Diana "learning" about being a weaver, and there's lots of CGI threads of the universe and Spielbergian faces of extras looking "amazed," but...not a damn thing ever happens with those spells. At one point, the criminally under-utilized Teresa says "You should see what I can do with my spells," and the audience can only say "Man, I wish we had, but you ain't shown us nothing yet."

The Stand (2020–2021)

Creatively lazy and staggeringly stupid

[2/10 · 15 February 2021]

Considering they had, what, a 1000 or so pages to choose from, at almost every juncture the "typists" (one can't call them "creators") choose the laziest, most obvious way to go. Sure, it's on a cable-lite channel, so they had to tone down the twisted sex and violence, but how could you screw up simple basics like Randall Flagg's supernatural powers, his terrifying presence? How could you make Stu Redman a supporting character? And for the character of Harold Lauter, they might as well have hung a sign around his neck saying "Psycho Weirdo, Do Not Trust." And Trashcan Man...well, you get the idea. What about Nick Andros and his supernatural connections to other characters.

In fact, the only elements of the supernatural were Flagg, and even those were botched badly. The direction and attention to detail was ghastly. Like Boulder...everything looked clean, the people's clothes looked very new. Even when they came to houses that had been abandoned for months, there were no leaves on the porches. Or the grass in a major league ball park looked just perfect, like the ground crew had been at it just an hour before.

And the "big ending" was absent any presence of God, just cheap special effects, and they made Flagg just a moron.

And then, the second "big ending" was just padding, like, again, they didn't have enough story they had to make up an extra crisis?

Man, this thing is a mess, and I'm not even that big of a King fan, but, for goodness sake, there was plenty enough in the story to have made a decent series.

Bright (I) (2017)

Alien Orc Nation

[5/10 · 23 December 2017]

Disappointingly unoriginal.

Given the talent involved, given the twist, it could have been really, really good.

Instead, it was "Orcs in the Hood, Elves Gone Wild, with Bad Cops all around." It was a Cuisinart confection which took a little from the aforementioned "AlienNation," tossed in a wee splash of "16 Blocks," simmered it with a nod to "48 hours" and then tossed in a healthy chunk of Tolkien.

The resulting mess was not very palatable, mostly because you watched it thinking "this should have been so much better." But instead we got David Ayers' trademark homies in the hood, a lot of badly staged gunfights, not very believable character motivation and some dramatically convenient stupidity.

On the plus side, Joel Egerton did a great job as the rather naive Orc/rookie cop, and there were some fine action sequences with some angry elves.

Overall...barely worth your time.

Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice (2016)

Cardinal Sin was making characters stupid

[6/10 · 11 December 2017]

I just re-watched this leaden, disappointing movie, but decided to give the Ultimate Edition a chance.

The overall experience was better, and this time around I realized the real problem with the film was that to get the "big battle," they needed to make Bruce Wayne/Batman stupid and easily manipulated...and they needed to make Superman kind of thick, too. I liked Affleck's Batman, but hated that he was a moron, subject to a lot of Dramatically Convenient Stupidity(tm) which dragged the story toward the inevitable Superhero Showdown!

As such, the peripheral characters were a lot more interesting than the putative leads. Alfred (Jeremy Irons) sarcastic asides about Bruce Wayne's mental health and social life made him feel like a real character. Holly Hunter as a crusading Senator was equally compelling. And yeah, Gal Godot's Wonder Woman made the entire film, that's no lie.

Is it as awful as you heard? Probably not, but it's painful to see the missed opportunity for a good film. They were also handicapped by trying to "make the entryway film to the DCU!" by shoehorning in unnecessary cameos of heroes yet to come. The far more entertaining (critically and commercially successful) Wonder Woman seemed to have learned from B v. S's failures, and made a single movie that still managed to be open to other adventures and possibilities.

And, that being said "Justice League" was a huge improvement, and worth watching, as well.

The Night Watchmen (2017)

Decent idea ruined by lazy script

[5/10 · 3 December 2017]

Had some good bits, and a lot of promise.

Didn't have much of a script. Some scenes are terrible padding to fill out the sketch.

Some funny characters, but again the lazy script went for cheap cheap laughs instead of stretching the tiniest bit to be original (see "joke, fart") that is done over and over.

Disappointing because it could have been something consistently enjoyable and reasonably original. As it is, it wasted a lot of the actors' time...and mine.

Mayhem (2017)

A lot more fun than I expected

[7/10 · 18 November 2017]

And far better than it had any right to be. Helped a lot by Stephen Yuen, who damn well ought to be in a lot more movies. Samara Weaving (very good in Netflix' "The Baby-Sitter") adds a lot to the film as well.

Think of it as a grind-house Office Space, and you won't go wrong. Lots of blood, profanity, and (oddly enough) the slightest touches of profundity.

Don't expect anything more than over-the-top violence, weird laughs, and blistering payback and you'll have a good, if low-brow time.

Kevin (Probably) Saves the World (2017–2018)

Sweet, moving...even daring.

[8/10 · 14 October 2017]

Why would I call a television series about a guy who might be nuts "daring?"

Well, for one thing, they talk about God as if He's real. They talk about Him respectfully. And they talk about living a life of service.

When's the last time you've seen that on a major network?

The pilot episode was all about love...with nary a bit of boinking to be seen.

Great stuff, funny without being smutty, nice physical humor, too.

Bravo to the folks who decided to make this story.

Give it a chance. It's really fine.

Revolt (2017)

Better than it had a right to be

[6/10 · 1 October 2017]

It's a decent enough Alien invasion movie. Made great use of an unusual location, and Lee Pace shows promise as heroic leading man material.

Clearly a small budget, and once more proves that not having unlimited power or bankbook isn't necessarily a bad thing creatively. Film-makers had to come up with imaginative sets and emotionally involving characters, not just throw CGI as the story.

Only a few really flawed moments and the writing could have been a little better. But, overall, worth the time.

Baby Driver (2017)

Bored to tears

[4/10 · 15 September 2017]

Gotta be honest, I'm 40 minutes in so far, and I keep thinking "What the hell was any of the fuss about?"

The pretentiousness of the "soundtrack of my driving" is forced, lame, and drags us out of the story (oh, and it was done, albeit poorly, in a terrible Bruce Willis movie called "Hudson Hawk.")

Driver who doesn't talk much, falls in love with fairly nice young woman? Hey, didn't Ryan Gosling do that? (spoiler: masks were used, too)

And if I'm continuing to be honest, I'm not feeling the geek-love for Edgar Wright. Yeah, "Shaun of the Dead" was fun, and "Hot Fuzz" had moments, but the rest has been just...meh. I'm glad Peyton Reed directed "AntMan." He's a far more interesting and less mannered director.

Time to be brutally honest. I'm so un-engaged with how hard Edgar Wright is trying, I'm ready to switch over to the newest "Transformers." Sure, Micheal Bay directs like a hyperactive Chautauqua that just snarfed your meth stash, but he knows what he's doing. He's making a flipping "Transformers Movie." The man has no delusions he's gifting us with "Return to the French New Wave, 2017." Sadly Edgar Wright does seem to in the grip of that particular delusion.

Some Freaks (2016)

Good Actors/Characters: Clichéd Circumstances

[5/10 · 27 August 2017]

It gets five stars for the lead actors (Mann, the young lady and her "nephew.")

But begs the question: can someone make an indie film without relying on the dependable clichés?

Clichés such as:

High school students are cruel jerks to those who are different. No one treats the different like human beings because...well...that would take too much time to write.

Those who are different are complete outcasts (as in: only the other freaks are nice to them, there isn't a single reasonably decent non- freak human being to be found).

Frat Boys are The Evilz. Always.

Heterosexual people will always turn violent toward homosexuals.

Jeez. There was a good idea here, but the writer/director's lack of imagination hamstrung his own efforts, and left his actors with not a hell of a lot to do.

Midnight, Texas (2017–2018)

Interesting concept, very pedestrian execution

[4/10 · 6 August 2017]

The idea seems to have a lot of promise, but the show is not living up to that. The first episode felt rushed, with some handy exposition to give us background on the characters. Apparently, the producers aren't familiar with the old screenwriter's adage "Show, don't tell."

The casting of some of the "normals" is pretty lame, bordering on clichéd. The Deputy with the ill-fitting hat is one of my whince- inducers...as is all too typical with Hollywood, they are giving us the "What a California person thinks Texans are like" vision of people from even a supernatural fly-over location.

A lot of the acting is amateurish (dead grandma, I'm looking at you), and a number of the lines are equally painful. One character utters the never-before heard words "We have to be smart about this." I only wish the producers had chosen to take that advice, as well.

One good thing about the series: It made me interested in reading the books...they have to be better than this swill.