teresaband Reviews

The Unborn (2009)

Drivel

[2/10 · 22 February 2009]

Saw this as part of the Frightfest, where it was in the company of some great independent horror movies, and it threw into sharp relief just how much these slick Hollywood horrors miss the point entirely.

The dialogue is atrocious, the plot is the worst example of A to B storytelling I've seen in years, every character is absolutely hateful and the attempts at nightmarish and unsettling imagery show a complete lack of imagination. The only thing going for it is that it's not a hatchet job of an Asian movie or a teen slasher flick, and I guess it's positive that Hollywood producers are at least trying, but this is an example of overreaching what their talent and imagination can achieve.

On this evidence Hollywood needs to leave proper horror to people who understand what they're doing with it, and stick to churning out slasher movies and remakes for their quick bucks. Utter tripe.

Forgetting Sarah Marshall (2008)

Very funny, but predictable

[7/10 · 24 April 2008]

It's a little tough for me to get a handle on how effective the first 20 minutes of this movie are, because the projectionist was showing it in the wrong ratio, meaning the boom mic was swinging around the screen like a bee that had been let in the room and was intent on following the conversation. A bee on a big metal arm like.

Still, once that got sorted and the distraction was out of the way (idiotically jabbering cinema patrons not-withstanding) I had a pretty good time with this movie. It's completely predictable, and in most respects like just about every other romcom you've ever seen but still manages to hit a consistent laugh rate. A lot of those laughs arise from the japes of Russell Brand though, who is a marmite personality if there ever was one, so if you have an irrational hatred of the man then you may want to steer clear. He does very well though, his character effectively being Russell Brand and appearing to ad lib all over the place, thus avoiding any awkwardness that his transition to the big screen might have resulted in (I haven't seen "St. Trinians" though, so can't vouch for him in that, he might be a roasted turd in it for all I know).

Also deserving mention is Paul Rudd, who is brilliant as always and comes close to stealing the show. And an entertaining show it is, ignore that it's horribly clichéd, forget that it follows the cookie cutter structure of every rom-com on the planet, relax and have a few laughs with it.

In Bruges (2008)

Hilarious and dark

[9/10 · 24 April 2008]

Crikey there's a lot of swearing this movie. Not that it's a bad thing, but you do wonder how it'll go down in the states where people are a little less familiar with the word "c**t" being used like punctuation.

If you're not a sensitive soul who abhors such sweary behavior you'll love this though, because it's fantastic. The trailers would have you believe it's a madcap jape, when in reality it's dark as hell but shot through with a brilliantly judged jet-black humor that makes it a pretty unique watch. It's not often a film this sombre will have you rolling in the aisles, and it's a tricky thing to do right, but "In Bruges" nails it seemingly effortlessly.

It also looks beautiful, what with the location being pretty damn gorgeous and Colin Farrell (despite popular opinion) is a great actor when he's given a decent script to flex his muscles with. If there's any justice people will cotton on to this and forget "SWAT" ever existed.

It only starts to dip ever so slightly with the appearance of Ralph Fiennes, but that's just because you're having such a good time watching Colin Farrell drink, snort and insult his way around Bruges that you almost forget there's a plot, so when it appears it feels almost intrusive.

That feeling doesn't last long though, such is the film's deft balancing of tone, meaning that even once the laughs give way to the more serious stuff, you're invested sufficiently in the characters that the finale packs a hell of a punch, rounding off a brilliant experience and one of the best films you're likely to see this year.

Pathology (2008)

A lot of potential but a bit of a yawn really

[4/10 · 17 April 2008]

Now this looks great on paper. The core idea revolves around a group of pathology interns playing murderous games after dark. Commit the smartest murder you can, submit it to the group who then have to work out how you did it. There's a quality idea in there and plenty of opportunity for a gritty and intelligent thriller exploring the darker side of our naturally murderous psyches. It's pretty obvious that's not what the writers of "Crank" are going to give you though.

In practise it all feels a tad eighties, like a cross between "Flatliners" and "The Lost Boys", and when the edgy bad boy pathologists are roaming the halls it's like the brat pack never went away. However, where Keifer Sutherland's pack of vampires were an understandably seductive prospect, it's impossible to believe that all it would take was some gentle bullying and a hint of potential lesbian action to turn Milo Ventimiglia's posh grade A super student into a murderous crack addict.

Still, suspend your disbelief and that's forgive-able. There is some good fun here, particularly in the performances which are all pretty decent, and things (ahem) perk up whenever Alyssa Milano is on screen. The main problem is how hard the movie tries to be adult, and the constant swearing, rutting and drug use has a whiff of "Hollyoaks In The City" desperation about it. It's such a constant barrage that it becomes, well, a bit dull unfortunately. Shame, there's a good movie in there somewhere and with a defter touch and a bit more maturity this could have been pretty special.

The Orphanage (2007)

A great ghost story

[8/10 · 2 April 2008]

Ooooh, a good old fashioned ghost story! With Del Toro producing you say? Sold! This is the kind of movie that Hollywood very rarely gets right, which might explain why they're so intent on remaking other people's films. This isn't about hand on the shoulder/cat in the cupboard jump scares or masked men with knives spraying blood all over the set, this is quality honest to goodness suspense and creaking dread, with an atmosphere that'll linger with you longer than any of that decapitato-porn people keep insisting is scary. It's never terrifying, but the constant sense of unease is masterful, making this a treat of sustained suspense.

It's not perfect, there's some moments which could have been a lot creepier if handled slightly differently, but for the most part the restraint on show is admirable, and it's shot in a way that imbues the orphanage itself with a sinister character of it's own. Well worth a watch for fans of the supernatural or just fans of good cinema in general.

Phantasm IV: Oblivion (1998)

Uneven, but hugely entertaining

[7/10 · 2 April 2008]

It's rare that the same creative team are still around 4 films into a series, and even rarer that a 4th film has anything new to add, so this makes a refreshing change.

The tone is a little uneven, with Coscarelli seeming torn between delivering the slapstick gore and laughs of the previous 2 sequels and going for the darker more surreal approach of the first movie, so a lot of Reggie's scenes seem like they could have been pasted in from a different movie. Speaking of which large chunks are made up of deleted scenes from "Phantasm", which, while suggesting money problems during development, actually works very well in bookending the events so far.

It also goes some way to filling in the gaps, giving the Tall Man a proper origin story and answering a few questions while still leaving enough up in the air to justify the 5th film which is apparently in production currently.

That said, even if a 5th film never materialises, this makes a nicely apocalyptic ending to a series that has actually come to life in it's sequels. There's still plenty of laughs, but there's a very downbeat tone and some nicely creepy touches, making this a very enjoyable, if slightly schizophrenic addition to a fun series.

Phantasm III: Lord of the Dead (1994)

Another cheesy but thrilling adventure!

[7/10 · 31 March 2008]

Like most horror series, the more you use your trump card the less effective it is. In this case it's the Silver Sentinel Balls of Hunting Death (or whatever they're called), which by this instalment have lost a fair bit of their menace.

The film does serve it's purpose as a sequel though by fleshing out the Tall Man's motivations and revealing a bit more of what's going on whilst still confusing you with it's surreal logic (or lack there-of).

There's also plenty of laughs, as it's mining the same vein of slapstick horror as the 2nd movie, and while the new sidekicks couldn't be more ludicrous if they tried, we have to assume that they are trying and that Coscarelli is every bit as aware of the ridiculousness of a nunchuk wielding ex-military hottie as the audience is. It's also hilarious to watch Reggie continue to develop into a Bruce Campbell style horror hero, especially he's the least likely loverman you're likely to see in a movie.

Like the 2nd film, you're not going to be scared but if the humour is on your wavelength then you should find it a very enjoyable fantasy adventure.

Vantage Point (2008)

Plenty of bang for your buck

[7/10 · 29 March 2008]

The core idea of showing you one sequence of events repeatedly from different viewpoints, all of which must be seen to decipher exactly what went down, is a very interesting one, and suggests there's going to be all sorts of twists, turns and jaw-dropping reveals on the go. In that respect "Vantage Point" is fairly disappointing, as the plot isn't nearly as complicated as the idea suggests and none of the revelations are particularly mind blowing.

That disappointment aside, what you do get is a decent, tight action thriller which gives you a fair bit of bang for your buck (especially considering you get to see the explosions several times, nice), even if it does feel a bit like an episode of 24 which has been elongated by forcing you to watch each little box out individually. The cast is great, with Matthew Fox making the transition to the big screen convincingly, although Forest Whitaker's turn is strangely duff.

Despite the great concept being slightly wasted, there's just enough intrigue and excitement to make this well worth a watch, particularly for members of the Jack Bauer Fanclub.

Drillbit Taylor (2008)

Fairly average but still enjoyable

[6/10 · 29 March 2008]

There's not much new you can really do with a high school comedy, but at least the notion of Owen Wilson playing a jakey posing as a bodyguard promises a few laughs and a half.

It's a decent enough family comedy, and there are a few laugh out loud moments, but they're spread too thin to make this a classic jape. The 3 bullied teens are hugely likable though, and Wilson has such an easygoing charm that it's difficult not to enjoy it, even if he does work better when he's got a proper sparring partner to riff off.

The end result is likable without being lovable, funny without being hilarious and enjoyable without being particularly memorable.

Infernal Affairs II (2003)

A proper gangster epic

[8/10 · 29 March 2008]

Taking a completely different approach to the original, this is a prequel that serves to flesh out the character backgrounds, mainly focusing on Sam's rise to power, and it does a very satisfying job.

The cat and mouse tension of the original is missing, mainly because we all know what the status quo is going to be by the end, but it's still great to see the journey that took the characters there, and it lends a lot more weight to the relationships in the first film.

The performances are again brilliant throughout, especially considering the intricacies of showing these characters develop into the people we recognise from the original, and it's a joy to see recognisable mannerisms coming to the surface as the film goes on.

A proper gangster epic, and a great example of something genuinely worthwhile being done with a sequel.

Phantasm II (1988)

A big improvement

[7/10 · 27 March 2008]

There's a point in Phantasm 2 where a mortuary assistant handles a bag of ashes labelled "Sam Raimi". It's a moment of confirmation for the viewer, as in the time between Phantasm movies Raimi had (in Evil Dead 2) reached the perfect balance of humor and horror, and it's obvious Don Coscarelli was watching closely.

The influence is everywhere here, from its love of chainsaws and shotguns to the slapstick gore and the deliberately hilarious machismo. It's not pitched to the perfection that Raimi achieved, but it does make for a very fun movie, and as such is much more enjoyable than the first Phantasm.

The story is still barmy and the acting still dreadful, but this isn't ever trying to be anything more than an entertaining way to spend 90 minutes and it succeeds in that respect, as once it settles into it's rhythm there's a lot of laughs to be had, and them silver balls are still horribly threatening. The slicker visuals mean it's aged a lot better than the first film, and it's one of those rare things; a sequel that's an improvement on the original in every way.

A Scanner Darkly (2006)

A modern classic

[10/10 · 25 March 2008]

A strange movie to pin down this one. From one angle it's a brilliant piece of speculative sci-fi, disturbing and thought-provoking, but there's enough humour running throughout that you could class it as a comedy. As a movie about drugs it nails that intangible trip-logic perfectly to often hilarious effect, while not shying away from the paranoia and psychosis that can also play a part. And then there's the graphic novel-esquire visual style, which gives the movie a dreamy surreal quality and also ensures it doesn't look quite like anything else out there.

The performances are all great (Downey Junior and Rory Cochrane are hysterical), with even Keanu "Action Plank" Reeves acquitting himself nicely, while of all the K.Dick adaptations this rings truest to his writing style.

A modern classic that can only improve on subsequent viewings.

Chinatown (1974)

A classic that lives up to its status

[8/10 · 23 March 2008]

The problem with these classic movies is that seeing them for the first time 30 years after the fact, once their classic status has had plenty of time to ferment can often be a slightly deflating experience. After all, there's very few movies that can live up to that kind of expectation.

That in mind "Chinatown" still holds up brilliantly, by virtue of being an obvious inspiration for so much that has come since. Watching it now its easy to see its echoes rippling through hundreds of subsequent movies, from "Blade Runner" to "Brick". An old fashioned detective story and a cutting edge dramatic thriller all at once, this lives up to its reputation admirably.

The Cottage (2008)

Well worth a visit!

[8/10 · 24 February 2008]

British horror movies have always had a unique sense of humour, with "Severance" being a good recent example of savvy brit film-makers throwing laughs and gore together to great effect. This carries on that tradition, and in Reece Shearsmith they're blessed with an actor whose comic chops are well up to scratch. Andy Serkis is no slouch either, playing the straight man brilliantly as a mobster who's hard as nails but a little fuzzy on the inside.

The laughs are pretty reliable, and as the situation goes from bad to worse a lot of those laughs come from the (severe) misfortune of the poor souls on screen, and the blend of splatter and slapstick is well tuned. Jennifer Ellison does grate after a while, her constant use of swearing amusing at times but often a little irritating. Still, she has a fantastic body on her and that ball shrivellingly tough accent to fall back on, so her presence isn't entirely unwelcome. As a comedy it works extremely well, and as a gore movie there's some inventively wince-inducing moments, and with the balance just right "The Cottage" is well worth a visit.

REC (2007)

I was a wreck after watching this (ho ho)

[9/10 · 24 February 2008]

There's a lot of these shaky-cam movies around at the moment, and among your "Cloverfield"s and "Diary Of The Dead"s this low budget Spanish movie may seem like the underdog, but it's punching way above its weight.

Filmed by a TV crew stumbling upon something very nasty happening in an apartment block, the movie is shot and acted brilliantly, the sense of unease gradually giving way to all out terror. While it's obviously derivative of movies like "The Last Broadcast" and "The Blair Witch Project" it manages to deliver in a way that those movies couldn't thanks to some brilliant set-pieces. It's not even out in the UK yet and Hollywood have already remade it (the inevitably inferior "Quarantine") but do yourself a favor and spend an evening in the dark with the original. You'll regret it, but in the best possible way. Terrific.

Eden Log (2007)

Some good ideas, but just not gripping enough.

[4/10 · 24 February 2008]

It all starts off in atmospheric style, pitch blackness pierced by the occasional flash of light, only giving you brief glimpses of the strange subterranean world the amnesiac protagonist awakes in. It fills you with the same sense of intrigue and unease that "Cube" did so brilliantly, but whilst that movie managed to sustain it, the constant darkness and drawn-out pace of "Eden Log" soon starts to grate.

There's some nice looking shots in here, and a genuinely interesting premise, but the movie literally keeps its audience in the dark for far too long about the details, meaning that it outstays its welcome and by the time the admittedly impressive finale comes around you're unlikely to care anymore.

Grindhouse (2007)

Grindhouse A-Go-Go!

[10/10 · 24 February 2008]

As standalone movies, Planet Terror and Death Proof are great entertainment, the former a hilarious pastiche of zombie gore movies and the latter an ice cool swagger of hot chicks, fast cars and great dialogue. Watch the two movies together in the Grindhouse format as they were intended, and they're elevated to something very very special. Extremely different movies in terms of pace and style, they still complement each other brilliantly, Tarantino's slow burner the perfect comedown after Terror's giddy overkill.

The pacing in the Grindhouse edits is much snappier too (although Death Proof has a couple of great scenes missing), and the custom trailers and pops and crackles make this a truly unique experience. Seek it out in a rowdy cinema for that authentic Grindhouse experience, and enjoy.

The Bucket List (2007)

Put this on your "Must See" list

[8/10 · 16 February 2008]

Headed by the dream pairing of Nicholson and Freeman, "The Bucket List" takes a pretty morbid subject (how would you spend the last months you have left of life?) and turns it into something hilarious, moving and life-affirming.

The two leads are fantastic(you wouldn't expect any less), and the movie as a whole is full of so much heart and vim that you can't help but get carried along with it. The special effects required for some of the scenes are glaringly obvious, but that never detracts from the essence of the film, and while the more emotional core of the story can occasionally be pretty calculated in it's methods for attacking the heart strings, when it's playing those beats so well you'd need a stone heart to not let it affect you. Put this on your "must see" list.

Cloverfield (2008)

Monster Monster!

[9/10 · 3 February 2008]

So it doesn't quite live up to the hype, but nothing that's had this amount of fan-boy speculation wanked in its general direction could live up to it. The fact that it very nearly does is incredible in itself. Genius marketing campaign aside and taken on its own merits this is thrilling event cinema at its best. Having the entire attack seen from the point of view of a camcorder-wielding everyman is a masterstroke. For the duration of the film you're there at street level among the panic and smoke, only catching glimpses of the threat and thus not being able to quite grasp its anatomy or scale. It causes a palpable sense of terror and it's sustained impressively for most of the run-time, only slipping on the odd occasion when you're shown too much (which is why I'm praying all this talk of a sequel comes to nought).

Of course these shaky-cam deals aren't to everyone's taste, and the character-driven realism might not satisfy people who want some fast cuts of fighter jets and slow-mo explosions in their blockbusters, but these people would be missing out on the most visceral thrill-ride to come out of Hollywood in donkey's yonks. A genuinely frightening and unsettling triumph of a movie, so for once you can (almost) believe the hype.

Juno (2007)

Hilarious and heartwarming

[10/10 · 30 January 2008]

It's not often that a "teen" comedy comes along that treats teens like proper intelligent beings, as opposed to dance-obsessed nookie chasers. "Juno" is one of those rare movies about teenagers which is scripted with an incredible amount of wit and sass, shot with style and acted with warmth and charisma by a great cast who don't look like examples of identikit high school perfection. It tells the story of an unplanned teenage pregnancy and the effect it has on the girl in question, but it's far from your conventional approach to the subject. It's moving and heartwarming without ever resorting to sentimental mush, and hilariously funny without peeing on anyone or shagging any pies.

Ellen Page is a revelation, giving a hilarious and love-able performance, full of swagger and cynically barbed lines which should have you laughing into your popcorn so the drama can sneak up on you unawares. It's a brilliantly crafted and rounded performance in a film full of great turns and without a single weak link. It really is that good, and I can't recommend this absolute joy of a movie highly enough.

Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street (2007)

Good work,Mr Todd!

[8/10 · 30 January 2008]

Musicals are stupid. Or at least I think they are, they're terribly popular so they must be doing something right. It's just that there's nothing more jarring than when you're starting to get absorbed in a story and suddenly the leads burst into a cringe-inducing song and dance routine. Turns out I might just be watching the wrong musicals though, because "Sweeney Todd" is brilliant. Everything's shot through with Burton's flair for the Gothic, with London looking like a charcoal pop-up book full of jagged buildings and sneering bitter characters, the perfect setting for Depp's twisted barber to exact his revenge.

It looks stunning, and rather than pulling you out of the story the songs actually service it brilliantly, adding a real emotional immediacy to proceedings. Depp throws himself into these numbers with gusto, while Helena Bonham Carter manages herself pretty well too and looks gorgeous to boot. There are a couple of less effective songs that could have been trimmed, but there's not much to gripe about here really. I'm not a full convert to the musical cause(I shan't be roaring along to Hairspray anytime soon) but this has shown not all musicals are stupid after all.

I Am Legend (2007)

I Am Almost A Great Movie But Due To Some Bad Decisions Am Ultimately Disappointing

[7/10 · 27 January 2008]

Will Smith has come a hell of a long way since "Fresh Prince", and after some great turns over the last few years he's become a pretty well respected actor, but as the last man on earth can he carry a movie solely on the shoulders of him and his dog? Luckily, for the most part he can. He's certainly got the charisma to fill a big screen on his own, and considering the majority of the movie is him wandering around empty streets, it's surprisingly absorbing. Where the movie falls down though is with it's effects. It's not that the CG here looks terrible, it's just completely unnecessary. The empty New York streets aside there's nothing being done here digitally that wasn't being done ten years ago with make-up and stuntmen, and there's plenty of movies which have done this kind of thing far cheaper and more effectively.

In comparison to the terrifying infected in "28 Days Later" the rabid nasties in "…Legend" just don't cut the mustard. They also stick out like a big sore CG thumb, ruining the impressive shaky-cam realism that the movie has worked pretty hard to achieve. It's a shame, because the jarring effects aside there's a lot of atmosphere on show, and if the effects geezers had gone down a more sensible route this could have been something special.

Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (2007)

Viewer Vs Utter Tripe : Review

[2/10 · 25 January 2008]

How in the hell do you get this wrong? It's such a killer concept, but if you've got an 8 foot laser-assisted predator duking it out with a gang of slavering xenomorphs and it's boring as hell, then something's gone awry. The acting is uniformly terrible, not helped by the clunky script(there's some fantastically bad lines here) and it's baffling that such an event movie has been farmed out to a pair of unproven directors who on this evidence can't make a coherent movie.

They at least seem to know the franchises, and show this by endlessly riffing on memorable moments from other Alien/Predator movies, but all that succeeds in doing is highlighting just how vastly superior those movies were. And yes, that includes the first AvP. There's even a maternity ward sequence obviously inspired by the Judge Dredd Vs Aliens comics, which again is a potent reminder that this crossover thing can actually work when crafted by people who know what they're doing. These Strause fellows obviously don't, and there's no excuse for this utter tripe.