Change Your Image
cbenmedia
Reviews
The Watcher (2022)
The Watcher SUCKS
Really just a dumb, contrived mess from start to finish.
Based on a true story -- hardly. There was a crime story and a house. Nothing like this nonsense.
So the typical problems arise immediately. Why does anyone want to overspend on this ridiculous ugly house? No research, no meeting the neighbors or any effort whatsoever.
Let's just plunk down 3.5 mil, go into massive debt and ignore all the lessons learned from a previous bankruptcy and 35+ years of responsible adulting to go completely all-in on a gross mcmansion sieged by super freaks.
So you've got home invaders that like to turn the lights on and off and kill the odd house pet. The local police don't care. So let's just spend the next month getting cameras installed. A MONTH. Maybe longer? Who knows.
OK and the security kid. Where does this nonsense even come from. A 19 year old black kid is a security expert. Weird how he has the time to stay up all night watching the family sleep at a motel. Isn't he supposed to be installing cameras? I feel like that would have been a better use of that time. How does any 19 year old learn about security? Feels like a big red flag right there. At least he got to poke the daughter. About the only good time anyone has in that town.
The neighbors. The letters. The police. The cult sub-plot. Random murders going off next door. The private investigator who only exists to distribute red herrings. Everything about this was some barbaric frankenstein of misleading and pointless clues and characters.
Almost as if it was designed to waste 6 hours of your life.
Two stars because of all the cool actors. Otherwise this is a total toilet stain.
The Gateway (2021)
Passable entertainment for the truly desperate
Was it a good movie? No.
Was it a bad movie? Yes.
Did I run out of everything else to watch? Yup.
Did I already see it once and totally forgot? Seems likely.
I just watched it for the name brand actors hoping it wasn't terrible. I would normally can a movie like this right after the first fishbowl shot but I dragged my ass through it and was entertained by all the trashyness.
Not going to win any friends with this butt-salad.