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Reviews
My Grown-Up Christmas List (2022)
Hot mess!
If you're going to make a movie about the military at least consult some people with military experience. Just being handsome won't change the fact that Captain Malone's uniform looked worse than Captain Kirk's. A simple google search of a U. S. Army infantry officer uniform will show: blue shoulder boards (blue like the sky because God loves the infantry), a blue cord on right shoulder, cross rifles on each lapel and blue Expert Infantryman Badge (if earned) or a blue Combat Infantryman Badge (if he's been in combat). Captain Malone has none of this blue infantry bling and instead wears a noncommissioned officer uniform with captain bars, an expert rifle marksmanship badge (which only enlisted soldiers wear) and a strange white cord which makes no sense. He also doesn't have a Ranger tab (60 day elite leadership course), which nearly all Infantry officers must have to advance in their careers. His award ribbons look like they were put on by a hungover college student, just awful! Also the hairdo I could buy if he was special forces, but as an infantry officer a clean cropped cut around the sides is expected to convey professionalism. This is stuff a young Army private would know and you would think someone would figure this out before making a movie. Bad taste and insulting!
A Maple Valley Christmas (2022)
Just plain bad!
As it's been said Hallmark movies follow a very predictable pattern: good looking boy/girl conveniently both single run into one another in picturesque towns, chemistry is established, slight drama ensues and it's quickly resolved and they live happily ever after. This formula works because despite the B movie vibes there's usually cheer and humor that keep the audience engaged.
This trash heap of a movie, however, abandons all of that and relegates the main characters to the most cold, unlikable people imaginable. Notable exceptions are the very reasonable Italian boyfriend Leo, the stepbrother and Aaron played by Andrew Walker. Yet even AW's typical charm isn't enough to resurrect this movie to watchable status. The main lead, Erica, despite her piercing blue eyes and reddish/brown hair, is dull and irrational, but we soon realize her sister and mother are no better, maybe even worse! These plots with the goofy business drama are so predictable and usually somewhat believable, but this one falls so flat. No person in their right mind believes these three morons could run a lemonade stand, much less a maple syrup farm, which they execute with the same level of enthusiasm as college students after a night of partying. These people are self-absorbed grinches, however even the Grinch is more likable. In defense of the daughters, their mothers behavior was completely bizarre. What lady well into her 60s would move to a foreign country for some man she barely knows, while acting so cold and unconcerned about the disaster she's leaving behind? Poor Leo, step brother and AW are left trying to inject some levity and humanity into these cold-hearted female leads only to be rebuffed at every turn. Erica sends mixed signals with her random kiss and then becomes about as friendly as pit bull at a dog park. Overall, this is just a weird film that lacks any real Christmas joy. Don't waste your time!
Oh and finally when the sister and her boo were playing guitar, singing Silent Night, I was waiting for Bluto from Animal House to emerge and destroy both guitars to spare us all.