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ignatzdavis
Reviews
Still Laugh-In: The Stars Celebrate (2019)
What were they thinking?
I see why Netflix removed the comment section from their web site, this program was just unwatchable! The hosts, who had nothing to do with the original show, where stupid and inept. I'd much rather just watch the original show.
Tooth and Nail (2007)
B movie actor in a D minus film
Michael Madsen is a B movie actor and is appearing here in a D minus movie. Another B actor is Robert Carradine who along with Madsen appear less than five minute in this so called movie. They are both quickly killed off and leave the film to be carried by a group of true amateurs. Speaking of amateurs the entire cast and crew combined have less talent than a shoe. The film fails on all levels. Even areas where horror film normally excel, special effects, are diminished here due to poor choice of camera angles and sloppy editing.
Special note must me given to the director who aspires to be the next Orson Welles but this film shows that he is a failed Ed Wood. The budget for the film is listed at 4.2 million dollars. They should have spent some of this money on sending the director to a screen writing class. There is no story here: a group of survivors are living in a hospital and a group of marauders who look like a bunch of rejects from a Mad Max casting call kill and eat them one by one. There is no dramatic tension, no character development. There are shots of the bad guys walking across the parking lot and then they appear in the hospital hallway. Don't they have the doors to this placed locked? They must have had access to just this one hallway to shoot this film.
The only other named actor in the film is Rachel Miner who has turned in some good performances in other films but here turns in a very wooden performance. I hope that Ms. Miner will be more selective of her projects in the future.
The director must fancy himself a creative fellow by naming all of the characters after cars. I was waiting for an Asian character to show up named Toyota! The lead actress, who must be the girlfriend of the director since she also stars in the directors only other film Southern Nights which never even received a DVD release, has all the screen presence of a pile of wet cement, she sleeps walks her way through the film. The only other survivor is a mute girl who failed to showcase her talent through pantomime but instead just roller skates in each scene. Obliviously the director must be a fan of Boogie Nights.
The director, who is also credited as the editor fails once again by failing to pace the film. One scene in particular when the lead actress is captured and thrown into a holding cell. We see an exterior shot of her pushed into the cell, a switch to the cells interior shows an empty cell and a good two seconds elapses before the girl hits the floor.
In addition to the dismal screenplay, the director can't even properly frame a shot, plus the DP armed with a low end camcorder screws up the color balance in each shot so that every scene has a sickly green tint to it. They obliviously skipped color correction during post since they wanted to cut their losses on this dog.
I could go on for hours dissecting this train wreck, but let me finish up by saying that the audience is not the biggest loser in this film it is the investors who were hoodwinked into putting their hard earned money into a project run by producers who have no idea what they are doing.
The Speed of Life (2007)
The Speed of Lameness
I'm glad I didn't pay to see this stinker. I'm not sure what was worst the script (hello, intercity kids don't talk that way), the direction (the actors seem to be reading their lines from cards) or the actors (all amateur hour at best). I didn't care at all about the characters and couldn't wait for it to be over. How many of these films are they going to make that recycle the same themes we have seen hundreds of times: good hearted criminal youth trying to escape the ghetto, law enforcement who hate everyone they deal with, stereotypical tourists and elderly people with mental delusions. Hollywood better wise up because we the audience have had enough of this same-old same-old cookie cutter ideas.
Avoid at all costs.