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Reviews
Firestarter (2022)
Really?
The movie is slow, and most of it is
unbelievable, so i wanted to give it
4 stars, but when I saw she killed a
cat, it was 1 star for me.
Sick, really sick.
Cryo (2022)
It was not good, it was not bad, it was the ugly
The pace of this movie is slow, very slow.
Some decisions in this movie were complete
insane, and would have never be done when
they were a real survivor group.
Sometimes they are really stupid.
For instance, you have a door with a
digital lock, where you can enter 3 digits,
so ranging from 000 to 999, and one
of the guys say, oh no, there are
1000's of combinations.
So several thousand... Really?
The film is not good obviously,
but certainly not bad either,
I have seen worse, much worse.
It is just too slow, like the brain
of the producer was in cryo state as well...
The Thing That Couldn't Die (1958)
Horror from the past
An old movie, but still watchable.
The best part is when the bad guy
gets control of some people and use them.
Although the move states that when you
look directly inro the bad men his eyes,
you will be in his cointrol, this is certainly
not the fact at the end of the movie.
The woman actors were at their best in this one.
Well played.
Moonfall (2022)
Disaster for your brain
Please turn off your brain, BEFORE watching this movie,
or else it will eat your brain for sure.
The only good part about this piece of cow dung,
is the guy who plays the nerd, and
a red cat, which is cute.
I wasted my time on this unbelievable "movie",
do not make the same mistake, please.
Avoid it at any cost.
The Island (2005)
Almost a complete waste of time
To make it short.
The first part of the movie is not that bad.
It is watchable and entertaining.
The second part is way beyond believing
and a complete waste of time.
In that second part you see a futuristic cadillac,
which was nice to see. At a certain stage they
were driving with the door open, in a curve the
door was closed and the next scene it was open again.
So there are continuation errors in the movie as well.
Anyway, watch the movie for. A hour, and then skip
the rest. If you love wasting time and can turn off your
brain, go ahead, be my guest.
Gurotesuku (2009)
Horror as it is meant to be
This horror movie is not a movie for the faint hearted ones. You probably do not want to watch this one if you have eaten something. If you like hard core horror, definitely watch this one. The best one I've seen in a long time. It tries to reach the border on how far one will go to save a life, and then crosses it. It is about torture, mentally and physically. All to satisfy a deranged men to get his kick. The film is made in such a way that you feel sorry for the people involved, and it feels like you are the one who is suffering it all. Nearing the end of the movie you get an idea why this is all happening, though the reason does not satisfy me. Next to this one, SAW is child splay. The movie lives up to its name. Don't wake up screaming the next morning...
Death Machine (1994)
Kill them already, and end this monstrosity
In a nutshell, skip this movie, it's that bad. In short, this movie is about a weapons factory where secret weapons are being developed. Because they make bad things, they aren't popular so to speak. A new female CEO comes in to clear things up, and make sure the reputation of the company will be improved. She does this by leaking company confidential information to the press... Do you believe this? Furthermore she starts to fire people she has never seen. Incredible uh? A pacifistic group tries to destroy the company's mainframe, because there are the blueprint located of those secret weapons. This mainframe is located in the bottom of the building hidden in a kind of vault. Of course the movie would not be complete without the mad scientist and a robot which is the ultimate killer machine, which resembles like an 'Alien' from the Alien movies. The mad scientist likes the female CEO.
The mad scientist instructs the robot to kill everyone, and so protects his job, rise in chain of command, and make the movie interesting. The pacifists team up with the CEO and another person of the board of directors to escape from the robot. Further down the line they agree to blow up this evil computer mainframe, whilst avoiding the robot. They also discover that the factory was developing a part man, part machine soldier. They can erase a persons memory and replace it by a veteran soldier's one. One of the pacifists is transformed in such a soldier and will hunt the killer robot. I guess the mad scientist also wrote the script of this movie. This super soldier looks and acts much the same as Robocop, though not as funny.
It boils down to this. People are running, being chased by a killer robot, are hurt by it, but they do not seem to troubled by that, besides limping a bit, and of course the female CEO is the leading character of this movie, and cannot be killed, i.e. survives every attack, explosion, you name it. I won't bother you by the chase, let's skip to the end. They have lots of weapons, yes the pacifist too and they know how to use them. When they're at the roof of the building they empty all there weapons upon the killer robot. They step into an elevator which is used to clean outside windows. And then the female CEO knows some magic as well, at the roof she was complaining about being out of bullets, and like magic the gun is reloaded. This way she can shoot the cables and let the elevator plummet 70 stories or so, and let it stop right above ground surface by pulling the brake. And to top it all off, the police is waiting there for them. The robot jumps after them, and kills the cops. Hilarious no? The robot chases them down the vault where the mainframe is, and when finally the robot is so close to her, that he can touch/kill her, it stops. Because the mad scientist did not want her to be killed. A better name for this guy would be the idiot scientist. Although he is the one who made this movie watchable. At this moment I was already pulling for the killer robot to finish them all of, so the movie would end.
I cannot believe that this movie rates this high, and this is why I wrote this comment. Avoid this movie like the plague. It's a monster, and I'm not talking about the Death Machine.
The Lodge (2008)
It's a horror to watch
A good horror movie should contain at least the following ingredients, suspense, shock, nudity, gore, an insane character, and if you're lucky a good plot. None of it in this movie. The beginning of the movie is worth an 8, from then on it's all down the hill. First of all, the begin credits makes one insane, text, 5 seconds movie, text, movie, text, and then movie finally begins. Almost made me stop watching this movie. Then 20 minutes of boredom, no suspense, no sex (to be seen anyway), no killings, nothing. Would you hire a lodge for the weekend with your girlfriend, while the one who rents it to you stays in it during that weekend as well? Not me. Finally the horror starts, the guy gets tied up, and the girl gets raped. Well, you have to assume that, because you can only hear her scream, sort of, but it is not shown. Not that we need to see such a thing, but it would be nice, if at least we saw the madman shred her t-shirt to bits. None of it. Even worse, her t-shirt gets never stained with blood or dirt, it keeps clean until the very end of the movie. Needless to say that the only one who gets killed is the madman, who claims to be killing people for 16 years already, by the wounded girl. Even the last scene didn't save this movie. No plot, no nudity, no suspense, a bit gore, and just a little bit insanity. That's the real horror of this movie, a complete waste of time. Don't bother to watch it, even it is a rental. Don't say you weren't warned. Shudder...
Una giornata particolare (1977)
Watching grass grow beats this movie hands down...
I watched this movie recently together with my sister who likes the performances of Sophia Loren. I'm a person who they call a Cultural Barbarian. I hate art in any kind of shape or form. Rambo is more my kind of movie, action, kills, blood, horror. If you recognize yourself in this avoid this movie like the plague. No one dies, no action, no nudity, nothing of the kind. Let me give you a résumé in a few sentences. It starts out with 5 minutes in black and white Nazi propaganda. Every Italian in a housing block attends a parade in honor of Hitler, except for a housewife, an anti fascist and a caretaker. The housewife who is cheated by her husband, meets the anti fascist. She falls in love with him, wants to make love to him, but the anti fascist is gay. Despite of this they make love with each other. At the end of the day, the housewife reads a book from her gay lover, and the guy himself is deported by agents. The end. You want an even shorter résumé? BORING... That short enough? The guy should have used his gun in the beginning of this movie and shoot himself, to save the audience from this atrocity. On a side note my sister loved this movie. Like I said, I'm a Cultural Barbarian...
Tears of the Sun (2003)
A whole army cannot defeat a handful of soldiers!
Although a film with Bruce Willis is always worth watching, you better skip this one. I watched this one on television, so I didn't have to plunk down cash for it. Lucky me.
The plot develops slowly, very slowly. Although the first 30 minutes or so are quite believable, it gets more and more unbelievable towards the end. It is highly questionable, if a seasoned soldier like Lt. Waters would disobey direct orders. And even if he would, if the rest of his platoon would. They know he puts them in direct danger, and they know they will certainly die if they follow him, but what the heck, he is our Lt. so let's do what he says (despite the direct orders, remember).
Still, there are some nice scenes in this movie. They somewhat save a village, where the total population is being massacred by the rebels. Well, they save a dozen villagers or so, the rest was already killed. The strange part of it, that they did take the trucks which the rebels left behind. They rather go on foot. Maybe because the roads are unsafe, but there was no explanation for it. Anyway. I think this was what earned the movie the one point I gave it.
What made this movie an insult to the brain and hence completely unbelievable is that a group of 7 soldiers can kill of so many rebels without being hurt or killed themselves. Only near the end they loose a few comrades. And that is only because they have to fight of an army of nearly 500 or more. Can you believe that?
They fight of an army of so many, kill hundreds of them, and only loose a few of themselves. And they have rounds and round of ammo. Never run out of it. Grenades and claymore mines, an M60 machine gun and even an RPG. Where do they get this stuff. Carrying it around or what? They even got a laptop which shows them the activity of enemy rebels. And this laptop has a battery which goes on for days. Really? Who think up this crap.
I guess if you turn off your brain completely and accept that the rebels are a bunch of idiots, you give this movie a high rating. If not, skip this one. It saves you time.
The Kingdom (2007)
One of those movies which make you stop watching
I've seen the trailer of this movie, and that made me watch it. It seems that nowadays the trailer of a movie shows the best part of the movie, and when you really watch the entire movie it is crap. This surely is true for this one. Although it starts out pretty good. In Saudi Arabia, terrorist bomb American employees. Many are killed. This was the best part of the movie, because it made you feel sorry for the victims, and you hope that the terrorists will have to pay for this. What comes after this is complete crap. The plot is what kills this movie. It is completely unbelievable. The FBI wants to investigate the bombing. Why is not clear. Although the US government does not want to send Americans to Saudi Arabia, this is made perfectly clear, 4 FBI agents still manage to do it, it seems there is no law for them. As soon as they arrive in S.A. they treat the Arabs like idiots. The insult them, they do not obey their instructions, they run the show. To insult them even more, on of the FBI agents is a woman. In the Arab world that is not normal. If you know that, why do such a thing. Probably to dislike those Arab fools a little bit more. And then the thing that made me quit watching this 'movie'. The FBI agents are completely indestructible. You can hit them with fists several times, and you see no bruises at all. You watch them survives bomb attacks and shattering glass, without a blood stain. The Arabs are worse than Imperial Storm Troopers, because the can't even hit them with a single bullet, grenades or RPG's! While The FBI people just have to look at them, and they drop like flies... After watching *that* part of the movie, I gave up, and didn't wait until the end of it. Afterwards I learned from a friend that where trained Arab veterans failed, a 17 year old kid managed to shoot an agent..! It made me feel good about not waiting until the end. To bad one can not give a movie null stars. This movie deserved it. Terrorism, Americans, Arabs, Royalty, Oil, Guns, this movie had so much potential but somehow they managed to finish it off. Do yourself a favor and skip this one.
Alien Apocalypse (2005)
We are degraded aliens and that is the whole apocalypse
Normally when a sci-fi gets a bad rating, I normally think, it can't be that bad. Well, in this case, I was wrong. Although the idea is good, it is worked out quite stupid. You know hen you start watching these kind of movies made for TV, that the humans will win in the end, and the aliens will loose. I can accept that, but not the way they did it. First the good part, the aliens themselves are nicely done, that was the good part. Now the points I noticed and made me hate this movie.
1.The aliens used Neutron bombs to wipe out all live on earth, because they are only interested in wood. Well obviously not all, because there are still some humans living. They have no radiation burns or whatsoever. None of them are deformed when they were born. All look quite healthy to say the least.
2. 4 Astonauts come back from a NASA mission in space, in the middle of Oregon, the way their spacecraft landed would surely have killed them.
3. But no all live and none of them and all are surprised that almost all forest is gone. I guess, they couldn't see that from outer space. They didn't make any contact with earth, and should have been alerted by this all, but no, they are strolling down this desert without any care, and hence are being captured, while one of the astronauts is killed.
4. When they are thrown in a hole in the ground, they try to communicate with the humans, which make sense. One of them tells the astronauts that he even learned a youngster to read an write. Why? There are no books and for survival that skill is utterly useless at that moment.
5. The 2 astronauts try to dig a tunnel to escape from the camp, they do it for days, and never use it, because they escape by killing an alien. But where are the guards with their rifles? Are they asleep? I guess the script writers dumped the whole idea of the tunnel.
6. Humans who escape from a camp have one of their fingers chopped of as a punishment. However, when the 2 astronauts escape, and the woman gets returned to the camp, they forget to chop of a finger. That doesn't make sense, does it.
7. The male astronaut left, tries to assemble a group of humans to attack the camp where he came from, to free his female astronaut who he loves. They must have deleted some scenes there, because at one point they were with a party of 5 and the next scene they are already with a party of 8 or so. I was thinking, did I miss something or what?
8. When they reach the President, there are several Senators alive as well. Because they are in a bunker they are all alive. But where are the communication devices? Where are the computers? Why are there no soldiers defending them. And where is the food and water? One man with a rifle takes care of the food it seems. One man! In a world which is infested with radiation and where all (animal) live was killed.
9. Finally a large group of humans attack the camp with handmade bows. And even mobile attack systems carrying arrows. Without testing and training everything works fine and all humans are top marksmen. The aliens are able to take over a planet, but lack the skills of defeating a group of human rebels who only carry a few rifles and lots of bows. Even worse, instead of hiding for an attack, they let themselves be butchered very easily, without firing a single shot themselves.
10 Humans or so with bows, kill 20 aliens with futuristic weapons. In the end the 2 astronauts have a kind of gore fest where they chop up the aliens with sables. And 2 human rebels finish of an alien tank with molotovcocktails... Huh? Where did they get the bottles and where did they get the fuel, and the fire. And they throw it directly in the hole from where the rockets are coming. And it blows up the tank. How dumb do they think the audience is?
Conclusion, there were several moments I realized that this movie is a waste of time, but I kept watching. It couldn't get any worse could it. Well it did. The only reason I gave this one a 2, is because maybe the aliens will finish of the lead characters finally. Go get them!
Death at a Funeral (2007)
Typical British Comedy
Normally a funeral isn't funny at all, and this one ain't either, but it makes you smile and occasionally laugh. A funeral is a serious subject, and in this movie they are really trying to deal with it in a serious matter, which makes it that more funny. The circumstances and the characters makes it all worthwhile to watch. One can sympathize with most of the characters and the situations could actually happen. And there are not always simple solutions to difficult matters. And now and then you wonder how you would react in these situations. I don't know why this movie is Rated R, I think PG would be more appropriate. If you like British humor, this movie is a must see.
Blood Car (2007)
Blood as a natural fuel source
After watching this movie, I think you have to watch it more like a comedy than a horror movie. Although the scenes are not always logical and here and there the plot is a bit strange, it keeps you watching until the end. The question is intriguing, how far would you go, to keep your car running? How much would you pay? Even pay in blood? Although it is ridiculous and would never work, in this movie the car actually runs on blood. And although one can buy gas in this movie, albeit at astronomical prices, you see nobody drive a car. They are still there, but nobody drives them. Not even the very wealthy probably. There is only one car running here, and it has an appetite. To appreciate this movie, turn off your brain, and enjoy it. I did. Don't try to use logic, because there isn't any. Although the end is quite harsh, the message is clear, we go to extremes to keep our beloved economy running at top speed, and the same is true for our cars of course...
I Am Legend (2007)
I am a waste of time
I was really looking forward to this one, the review in the newspaper was good, and the trailer was promising. Did the hype do it justice? I don't think it did. I must say that the movie started out quite nice. What would you do if you were alone on this planet? Probably drive every car you liked, fast, driving 100 in the city, whoa. So this part of the movie was OK. Then the next scene. He was hunting deer in New York, from his car doing 100. But why? Well, he was hunting for food! Excuse me? Hunting for food? Never heard of canned food? Maybe he wanted some fresh meat? Then not why pick them off from a window, much much easier... Anyway, so far so good. The reason why he would be the only one left in the world was understandable too. A mutation in a virus who supposed to help human kind by curing cancer, killed everybody. Nice touch. If they would have used flashbacks on how things evolved from the start of the cure to the discovering of the mutation and see the effect of it on humans, would have made this a great movie. Instead we see Dr. Neville fight Zombies and trying to find a cure for the virus. Besides that, there were some strange things what confused me... 1. Dr. Neville opens the door of a movie rental shop with keys and brings back a rented movie, and looks for another... Why is the store locked, and why does he brings back rentals? 2. He is only alone for 3 years, and is already getting mad. 3. Most of the rooms he enters have no dust at all, or spiderwebs, most of them are tidy. How come? 4. There are no bodies at all, are they all eaten by the zombies? 5. At a certain point they are no longer stupid zombies, and they even have a leader who hates Dr. Neville. They are even no longer afraid of the light. It is never explained how that is possible. 6. When he is trying to kill off the zombies, why is he not using a tank? 7. He is hoping to find out if he is not the only one left on this planet by broadcasting messages every day. And when a lady with her kid shows up, he is not happy or in ecstasy, no he criticizes her for using his bacon. 8. How did that lady get in the city? How did she get out? And if she managed to do it, why didn't Dr. Neville did earlier? 9. Why is this movie so hyped? 10. Why did I watch this movie 'till the end? Do yourself a favor, and wait until you can rent the DVD. Then watch the first 20 minutes, and skip the rest. The only reason I gave this movie 4 points was because Will Smith was in it.
Hatchet (2006)
Not Good, Not Bad, Not too Ugly
Although the story is a bit lame, it isn't disturbing. Sometimes it is more humorous than horror. They could have put more suspense in it, because there is none of it now. The horror part in this movie is below average, and sometimes the props were too. Most of the time, you know what is going to happen. A good horror movie keeps you guessing who will die and who will survive. And when people die, the others are shocked and even paralyzed by what happens. None of it here. Although they are afraid to die, within minutes everyone is reacting quite normal again, and sustain no psychological damage whatsoever. I still gave it a 6, because the acting wasn't that bad, and I liked the humor in it. If you have 90 minutes or so to waste, this movie is a nice way to do it.
7eventy 5ive (2007)
Axes 4 All
I am a horror fan, and a horror movie with Rutger Hauer in it, is a must see. Although he plays the good guy in this movie mind you. If you like gore and blood, this movie delivers. There is even a kind of story line in it, a bit shallow, but not bad at all. It lacks a bit sexual explicit content though, which is normally the case in horror films. Although the movie starts out violently, it takes a while before the movie takes up pace again, but keep watching, you won't be disappointed. When the chopping starts, you wonder who is next to die and who will live... And then the end, I really, really liked it. Anyway, 2 thumbs up, and looking forward to the sequel...
The Second Arrival (1998)
Better wait for the 3rd Arrival and let this one pass
Watched the first movie and had to see the sequel, although most reviewers here warned against it. Let me say I was as stupid as the Aliens in this sequel. Although I don't think it was the worst movie I've seen, and I didn't consider it a complete waste of time, most of you probably will, so be warned. Although the actors in this movie weren't that bad, their script was. Jack, the programmer, was no programmer, believe me, I am. If I would act like this guy in my office, I would be sacked for sure. And then the characters... this guy is upset about the death of his step brother, he hasn't seen in 7 years, and who he kind of hated. To top it off, he goes to bed with the very first woman he meets in a bar who feels sorry for him. Though the nudity involved in this scene was nice, it made the whole character unbelievable. At a certain point Jack gets drugged by the Aliens. And guess what, this drug isn't strong enough to keep him sedated, so he manages to escape, because they didn't tie him up. How stupid can these Aliens be? Who write these scripts? One more point, at the end of the movie, Jack is able to program a device, which acts like a giant vacuum cleaner. How is he able to do that? No security there? My notebook is equipped with fingerprint checking to keep out strangers, and this computer who programs these dangerous gizmo's isn't? Who write these scripts? If you got time to waste, watch this movie on TV, but do yourself a favor and don't waste money on it.
The Black Hole (2006)
The only thing that went into the Black Hole was wasted time
The idea of a black hole being created due to a failed experiment in a experimental lab on our own planet was the thing which made me watch this film. And of course being it a science fiction movie. The first 10 to 15 minutes were not bad, after that it is a complete waste of time. They come with with the idea of alien creature which uses the black hole as a kind of portal to consume electricity on our planet, and which is annoyed by sound. It also uses electric power-lines to move around. The scientists do not explain how it is possible for a being consisting of energy, to emerge from a black hole, which supposedly consumes everything, even light (which is a kind of energy as well), hence the name black hole. It looks like a black hole because the gravity pull of it consumes everything. Not in this movie. The black hole in this movie looks more like a tornado. The best part of the movie is the way they make the Gateway Arch of St. Louis crumble down. Watch this part, and skip the rest, because the rest is a complete waste of time.